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...?

Well I actually went through with it this time..

Grad school. not the wedding. 

I applied hopefully will get in. I think Im doubting myself? No that's not a question I know I am. I just don't feel like I’m smart to be completely honest. I think in some ways I have childhood trauma and will always feel like that. Anyways I did it. No going back now I paid money for this shit already. Well 25 bucks for the application lol. (is lol a thing still?) oh well. 

I do want to share in on my fixations right now. I think it will be fun to see how they change monthly.. weekly.. nah daily. I really am into tv shows right now and getting back into folk music. My first year teaching was really weird and I just didn't listen to music while driving? Like I was always on the phone and now I have to be talking on the phone while Im in the car now. Like it started a really bad habit for me. Im on a Mexican food kick again, mostly because it is close to the house. I just am getting lazy at cooking again and really could care less about it. Which is totally a shame because I really like it but can't be bothered to do? oh well

I really feel like my brain has to many tabs open at one time and I have a hard time focusing now. I told that to one of the teachers I work with and she made a comment that hurt my feelings. Which I know its true I have been very scattered lately but I think it was the tone she had when she said it. She is worse off than I am on focusing so it more so hurt because if she noticed it then like damn it must be bad? or maybe I am thinking to much into it. 

I don't really now how I feel right now not good not bad just meh Like no real feeling really. So I don't see the motive in this update. I guess more just to have one really. 

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Back?

Is tumblr still a thing? 

Honestly I don't care at this point. I started back in college to be a “tumblr girl” and write long post about my life. Abviously I did not follow through with it. Everyone should be thankful I didn’t because that would just be mellow dramatic teenage spiraling. 

College kind of sucked but like it didnt at the same time. It was hard, i met new friends, and most importantly I graduated. I feel like I learned a lot about myself and pushed myself out of my comfort zone. Mostly realized I was uncomfortable with a lot of things and needed medicine. LMAO. Honestly it is what I really needed to have a long time ago. 

OH I FORGOT there was a whole ass pandemic?? also met my husband... well fiancé. 

Anyways not the point. 

Im 25. yep 25. I have having a hard time with it. Actually I am having a hard time wrapping my head around a lot of things. I think that is way I am wanting to start this shit again. I think I just want a place to put my thoughts out into the unknown and just let them live. I am having a hard time not feeling herd in my relationships with people and I think this would be a safe place to keep them. Maybe? 

Anyways, I am going to leave it here with an update on life and maybe my goals for this and where id like it to go? 

Update: 

Met a dude 

Went through a whole ass pandemic 

Graduated College with a video in my living room

Applied to one million jobs finally got an interview got a call three hours later offering me the job

Got engaged 

Became a teacher during a pandemic

Moved into my first home 

Bought like real adult things (paint/appliances/toilet??)

Grew a lot and loved my first group of kids

Got on the district curriculum team. 

My grandparents both got covid and died the same weekend of each other

Got our baby puppy Patty

Taught at a summer camp 

Had the worst year teaching ever 

Had group of kids/team to work with 

Had the best support teachers/made a life long friend 

Taught a summer camp again 

Became a mentor teacher 

Have the best group of kids this year

Going through a quarter life crisis..?

Got asked to be Maid of Honor 

Planning a wedding maybe? 

Applying to Grad School 

Teaching? 

-Honestly there has been so much that has happened in the last three years that are really big things and I don't think I have fully processed them. I don't really know how to. Im hoping that writing out my thoughts will help? 

Goals: 

Move schools 

Grad School 

Wedding 

Maid of Honor 

Build House 

Baby 

Not nessicarly the goals for the year but you know. 

Maybe I will keep up with this maybe not. Its Christmas Break I have time on my hands I hate not being busy so I'm just bored really. 

Until next time. 

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In Moana the chicken has to be told not to eat rocks. Also in Moana…. The Rock has to be told not to eat the chicken.

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cutie

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art

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The main difference between me and my cat is that when she sleeps all day and does nothing productive, she doesn’t feel crushing guilt and overwhelming societal pressure.

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24 is a really awkward age. Half my friends are either on their third child and in the middle of a divorce, or still getting an allowance from their parents while retaking a class for the third time.

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I remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. Everything made sense after learning that. That sudden stability of your emotions after crying. How crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. And it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally can’t hold on to all of it. So what I’ve learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely possible and that is living to the fullest extent. So keep feeling and cry often and as much as needed

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When older people say “Millennials don’t know what a floppy disk or VHS is”, they’re mistaking Millennials(~20-35 year olds) for Gen Z(~13-20).

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The 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s, all feel like discrete periods with their own personalities, but the last 17 years just feels like one blob of time to me.

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travelling with my best friend

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