homer-is-hella-gay - Tumblr blog

[homer-is-hella-gay]

Book fourteen ✨thinks✨

My husband, diomedes is back I haven't heard from him in ages

Achilles is angry? Shocking

Yes diomedes spit facts man

Yes achiless has no brain cells pat has em

Juno sounds hot ngl shes a milf

Junior knows how to distract Jove ;)

Sure sweetie, you don't need achilles do win this war...

Homer was gay pass it on

[homer-is-hella-gay]

Book Thirteen ✨brain thinks✨

Dam this poem sure as hell long

"Well-rode" men? in what way? ;)

"Milk-nourish'd" weird flex but okay

The Ajaces just need to use their combined strength and kill hector b4 he kills someone idk... important

Dam Ajax you ain't got a chance against hector on your own. Boi don't even think about it... omg

Neptune of course they don't wanna fight its been flippity flappity fuckin years they wanna go home to their wives and kids or their lovers or whatever, that or they just wanna farm on this new land man. They got no fight left

Achilles won't fight bc yk pride reasons

Oileades charges into the fight for his "much-belov'd Amphimachus": kinda gay.. unless they are brothers then not kinda gay... cos I've kinda lost track of who's related to who in this

And great a whole page listing some man's trophies of war. Istg men

All this death bc of achilles inability to actually chill

So what I'm gathering is Cassandra hot af?

"Wide-throated" damn these descriptions wild man. Is that a compliment or not?

"Shut-up"? In an ancient text?

Which god had blue hair cos whoever it is is an icon?

Pisander what a nice name you got there shame is I bullied you for it

Mmm yes more fighting very nice

Well now I'm scared... pats death creeps closer and closer with each page I read damn this scary

[homer-is-hella-gay]

Book Twelve ✨Thoughts✨TM

Pat is an excellent healer

Istg Achilles help them they are drowning in failure

Who calls their child Thoon? Like ma'am just don't he'll get bullied in school or by a random person in the far future(me)

The Greeks are dying and achilles just like sure let these people perish for my pride. Istg the audacity

[homer-is-hella-gay]

Book Eleven ✨thoughts✨

Dam pats death is close

Damn it zeus why can't you keep your damn promise and make the Greeks lose and lose they seem to be winning lots here man

Which man does the 'ravish'd queen' prefer? Ya ever think to ask?

Kinda gory ngl

Fanfic writers need to read this- 'lengthful dart'? What's that referring to?

Decapitation? Noice

Aging lemon needs to die

'Marital thrust'? *eyebrow raise* seriously?

All this over a hella hot woman? Fair enough

Yes diomedes kill Hector.

Damn plot armour

Damn he 'undaunted' after being shot in the foot damn this man gets hotter and hotter

'A cowards steel hath never any edge' dam Paris you got ruined by my man

Yes odysseus scare the losers

'Matchless ajax'? bitch couldn't beat hector

Where's diomedes did he abandon his husband, Odysseus? Rude

Achilles watches the slaughter like the cold-hearted bitch he is (love him but seriously my man)

He still cares tho

'Sweet patroclus'

All love pat

They talk to pat bc he's the only one achilles listens to

This bitch istg proposed the 'swap idea' Peleus no

Yes pat heal that man all love him

[homer-is-hella-gay]

Book ten ✨ thoughts✨

Achilles won't help unless he wants to just get that into your thick skulls

Pretty sure diomedes and odysseus dating

I want an odysseus friend he seems kinda fun also bi tbh

Someone wants to steal achilles horse the dumbass. Get your own dam horse

Diomedes be smart strong and kind but is he single? (I could take odysseus in a fight over him easy...)

I'd let 'unconquer'd diomed' conquer me

[homer-is-hella-gay]

Book nine thoughts:

I'd date Diomedes that man fine and eloquent af

Pretty sure diomedes and odysseus in love and fucking but yk who wasn't they're Greeks. Love the Greeks man

A load of people 'admir'd the spirit of Diomed' - I would admire more than his spirit ;) if ya catch ma drift (jk...)

They call Briseis 'Achilles' love'- me*doing the will Smith meme towards patroclus* did you mean this ray of sunshine?

They called Achilles bitter and I ain't one to argue with that but they think they gonna sweeten that sour snake they gotta think again.

They gonna give briseis back? Honey you can keep her she sinking my ship with her dam straight shit.

They think they can bribe Achilles back to war, they obviously do not know Achilles at all...

Patty boi is a girlboss housewife.

There are Lesbians?! Hell yeah! Yeee give Achilles lesbians they sound cool!

The Lesbians are women from lesbos... I've never been so let down in my life...

Pat is a 'good friend' my ass

Domestic living husbands

Odysseus you can't just flatter him and hope to get him to join the war again

Achilles doesn't want women, Odysseus. He's gay, Odysseus. You of all people should understand you are supposed to be bi are you not?

Mans dumb. Odysseus Achilles is the embodiment of pride not greed he don't want yo money

What did Hector ever do to him?

Dammnnn Achilles eloquent af too...

Sure Achilles really racking up those pity points with that bs abt you and Briseis getting married, we all know you left her with the angry lemon so he could defile her and by extension defile Achilles making everyone hate him even more

Did you hear that he would leave Troy and abandon Briseis?

Phoenix be like 'you're like a son to me, achilles.'

Pat is the Cleopatra to Achilles Meleager

Did Achilles just give pat a 'come hither' look?

Mens all surprised killmonger didn't want women, he's gay angry lemon that's why

Domestic husbands pt.2

'Good friends' indeed

Diomedes fine af pt.2 and also is aware of kill heels pride

I hate angry lemons

[homer-is-hella-gay]

The gods know the depths of Achilles love for Patroclus. 'His Patroclus,' it runs that deep.

He's half of my soul as the poets say- Song of Achilles

[homer-is-hella-gay]

Kinda Gay of you Apollo to notice your enemy's gorgeous mane of hair

Apollo:*muttering to himself* slow burn enemies to lovers 96K words a little angst smut

[homer-is-hella-gay]

*spongebob Narrator voice thingy* 4 books later

So yeah I didn't experience any ✨thoughts✨TM until like book 5 :)

[homer-is-hella-gay]

Hector: #just killed Patroclus #nothing can go wrong now

Odysseus: *selfie of himself and in the background is hector being chased by achilles in a fury* #winningthiswar #seeing my wife again #nothing can go wrong

Poseidon: honey you got a big storm coming

Iliad au where everything is the same except they all have Twitter now

[homer-is-hella-gay]

*can't be bothered cropping images so technically I'm pirating the whole illiad on the Internet but not really cos I don't have thoughts on every page or... like ever*

Shocker :00 Achilles is angry. Could it be bc his pride has been wounded by an angry lemon taking away his war prize? Surely not.

These people dumb as hell like what did ya think would happen when you did that... he's literally a teenager hes gonna huff and throw a fit obviously.

'Honoured friend' ;) sure sweetie, they 100% were not lovers

[homer-is-hella-gay]

What did I say?

The man's pride is ruined like a wittle baby (jk I love you man but still pull yourself together you're acting like a petulant child)

[homer-is-hella-gay]

Does Achilles love Briseis?

No.

Does he even like Briseis?

No.

They why does he want her back?

Hella pride in that tiny man. (Yes I know he's actually tall but srsly the man tiny)