TG: rose come quick
TG: you gotta see this
TG: i just got this sweet and completely legitimate offer
TG: of a free sport media player
TG: i dont believe i can watch every sports live
TT: *Every* sports?
TT: Even Eastern European women’s 500m freestyle parkour?
TG: yeah i guess
TG: i mean it says so right here
TT: Oh, thank God.
TT: Graceful urban dryads bounding carefree across a bleak post-Soviet wasteland are my only anodyne against late capitalist malaise and the death of hope.
TT: Particularly those thigh socks they wear.
TG: ok shut up about that
TG: you can watch suicide girls doing backflips in chernobyl any time you like
TT: Pronking in Pripyat?
TG: the point is
TG: i have like
TG: just a fuckin bonanza of available sports
TG: sports kind of rolling here and there along the carpet like i knocked over a big bowl of apples and the apples are sports
TG: i dont have to miss a second of the big plays
TG: horse golf
TG: grab grab yelling man
TG: flappy bird
TG: ball touch
TT: Dave, I won’t have you smearing that noble pastime with your puerile innuendos.
TT: The name of the sport is touchball and you damn well know it.
Amethyst starts an unhinged public-access late-night talk show with Garnet as her unfazed sidekick. After a season of constant set destructions, confused interviews with Beach City residents and street pranks that result in several restraining orders, the show is canceled and replaced with the equally-unsuccessful Gem Up! hosted by Peridot.