homicidalhorticulturist - Tumblr blog

[homicidalhorticulturist]

You thought eternity had a door.

[homicidalhorticulturist]

And no one seems cool, allof, slick or threatening. It's sad and I'm trying to understand why you can't change. Even a murder of crows can adapt, or 99 monkeys can spontaneously connect and share knowledge. And you are just going to snowball into the next place I go. Just app cloning everything like an obsessed fan who is acting like I owe them something. I'm not yelling. I'm not mad. I mean the initial flash of anger because I actually think you are worse than the Gillian.

THE FUCK A MINUTE ARE YOU THE GODDAMN THING ON THIS FUCKING PHONE HAUNTING MY LIFE CAUSE I DONT HACE TUMBLR ANYWHERE ELSE?!

[homicidalhorticulturist]

But like not to throw them into it. Stop being weird. No we have sex with it.

[homicidalhorticulturist]

And before you guys try and turn that last post into a thing. I'm not taking them to a volcanoes. Thats fucking gross. I am burying them alive in a fire ant militia redoubt. And the will watch basic cable television but not be able to make jokes during it. Then once they have cried all their tears, and forgotten their gods. That's when we go to the volcanoe.

[homicidalhorticulturist]

Hey little drinks that trapped themselves on my server and keep changing shit. Or taking my stuff. Keep up the good work. And remember, the thumb can go both in your mouth pee pee dingy docker and up your je suis baguette ooh la la stinker thinker. Did everyone bring their crayons and bike helmets for our volcanoe trip?

[homicidalhorticulturist]

*Closes the lid

Well either they can't read or they were ready to be butt hurt

Yeah

Expected

Hula hoops and swimming.

Fuck go all in get then a tree to sit in a

And some binos too.

It's too big a leap to think they actually can't read, right?

*look *look *look *admires himself in mirror

*blink blink blink * blink blink blink *blink blink blink *starts wracking it from boredom and the constant cribitchawhining

Rs

[homicidalhorticulturist]

OK.

Dharma drops the tree trunk off the side of the universe and rejoins the fellahs on the couch.

Lay it on us

Truly I am interested this is uncharted territory..

The fucking navigating shit with you

Sorry

Those who are with out a vagina

The three non-vagina havers sit stacked closely together on the arm of the right side of the couch. Dharma oblivious lays across it and tosses a leg over the back. Percy is bumbled with the look of a man who just have a light bulb blow up in his face but is completely unharmed, and thusly terrified.

It's a bunch of non creative creative types.

Sponges!?

I knew it was fucking sponges, why is it always with the world.

Cork or the cactus?

*pop*

Yeah, they are sponges but take the dick out of your ears for a goddammit second and learn.

Valla.

Circles

Start hula hooping for bikini season?

Man Walton ever since Gwyong got put back together, and you put those gorgeous star-gazer lillies in her its like there are other parts to you I haven't noticed before. You're like complete and I really had a different definition of you.

THATS WHAT YOU NEED TO BE WARY OF YOU GORGEOUS FLOOD OF FIRE WITH AN AMAZING PENIS GREAT SMILE KILLER PERSONALITY AND JUST GODDAMN EVERYTHING.

You know fucking finally i...

Look. Where's Walton? Find Walton for me NOW!

Percy and Reggie looked high and lo. Through spring and summer through fall, fuck winter, and spring again.

You didn't find him did you.

No and I barely remember what he looked like come to think of it.

Because he has one value in this world. And that is fat nerdy slug thing librarian. That the hooch that spills out his taps, and you switched him to water.

Water is the devil

It's so fucking stupid

Cue the monkeys.

I hole at least they wear

Tap shoes this time.

*pop* *pop*

You made him real. Stole his thunder and pissed all over his flaws which are what people long for and made him relatable. People don't want that shit. Especially that load of cock pockets. They need their lovely lady lumps getting soulful destroyed and cock pumped by elephant constellations trumpeting their conquest of a fool to standing ovations, and beware of snake oil salesmen dressed up as interesting well thought out respectable things.

They need their sale too.

But what's more important?

That they are fracturing into different groups. Smaller groups.

We would be overwhelmed to take them on all at once, but we can certainly call on some friends that haven't been fleshed out yet.

That doesnt..oh.

I always liked labyrinth.

WWHD?

He wouldn't be deceitful. He would have helped. He..

He...

He would not give a shit because he's Henson. That I'm actually the incredible shooting star from another shooting star

From another shooting star

Oh my God.

They know that too.

Patrick Stewart was headlining Othello at the Shakespeare Theatre the summer after my freshman year, and I got to do my summer jnternship there. While I was massacering some Merchant of Venice mother fucking Jean Luke <---not doing it Picard rolls up and asks Cathy for a quarter to use the pay phone. He was just normal. I couldn't even tell you the color of his sweater I imagined was his chiseled silver chest holding me down and enterprising into my crap clapper (i can't or I'm not ready pick one) point is, he was only interesting on stage, because that was where his baguette got deep throated by the lizard bread sucking people of Mrenium 7..

Ok

Yeah this might work

.seeds I'm already thinking about that catching in my wind pipe.

Oh god

Yeah

Move on.

Sorry.

Bitch.

Point is. The enterprise flies when you are on it. This plates don't spin with out your grin. Pick the ones that better you and then the other ones be forgotten. Trust me. 15k a clap is gonna stick and none of them are worth you magically dancing around the world and encouraging things to grow. (Boom subtle bones jokes. It's not subtle if your are congratulating yourself here. I sure as fuck am. I'm still alone and I need to be ok with that. )

We need to treat me like a business then. That means that though you are well educated and it looks like you are doing cool things with the material the free lunch program is over. I will happily keep this food truck plucking by but I need things, and for once, seeing as how you have kept quiet this whole time. You will have to do me the honor of asking. As well as signing a non disclosure form. It's all swell for all of you to talk about being small and not having the means for things. I don't either, crap excuse. Specially since I'm the literal butthole you've danced around and I hav ent been paid shit. Hmmmn ok I know how to say this.

Thank you guys for giving me my light back, I am excited to collaborate with some of you. I am going to go dark for a while and figure out how to secure my ideas. I'm happy you think your spin on them is great it is probably really great. Feel free to run with what you have, but artist to artist...thats real fucking weak, I mean come on. Anyways. Going to try and fail all over the place, but gonna try and limit your view, maybe it's worth something to you, maybe it ain't. But judging by how entrapped in my own self indulgent little story weaving I'm leading you down....

Yeah

Gottem

OK we can do this.

So many neat things and like they still do dumb shit with them. God and man I am a good actor or I'm a good learner something like that cause they are stuck on stupid.

Spinning plates

Spinning plates

Spinning plates

Spinning plates

Spinning plates

Spinning plates

[homicidalhorticulturist]

I getut now. Nothing was happening, except some lite gas lighting and I went thermonuclear.....that may explain the mermaid Mohawk I made for myself to feel pretty. God I suck. DEAREST PEOPLE WHO BY ALL ACCOUNTS DO NOT EVER HAVE TO SPEAK TO ME AGAINNBECAUSE IM A WRETCHED MONSTER...Sorry but the whole....you know.....I'm a horrible monster hag monster thing....without your validation I will wither into nothingness because I am not a whole person and the void filling with substances isn't helping. I'll be attending to that (very reluctantly and not presently, but should you ever decide to allow me to occupy space fit for humans I will probably fuck that up to, but hopefully like a normal wretched human and not a 5 splintered emotional nothingness monster with his bones flopping about. I just figured this out. Truly. Shame cloaks are a God damn thing I tell you fucking dicktacos. Anyways I love you. In that needy kind of pathetic way. Xoxo

[homicidalhorticulturist]

Live from the past future hypothetical tense

[homicidalhorticulturist]

So what is our battle plan?

I dont know, they are playing at hurting us in rwal life. We've never had that aim. Always forgiven them, helped them when they needed it, wslked down thepsth they led, ad now we sre here st this stupid app cloner le Bip dumb shittery that they are either gonns tey and jse to steal our property,frame us for something, or make us look lile the bad guy on the nternet. But it os reliant on us doing something.

Oh no.

Yeah.

Fuck we sre bad at this.

We are gonna sit her, do nothing and forgive them.

[homicidalhorticulturist]

I don't think that they will ever be gone.

It's very much so true they can't possibly be gone, because they were never here, so by the very laws of festoone thinking..

Walton stop. Everyone understands festoone thinking, everyone remembers everything, everyone will

....I don't think I can fix it. It's just something that is now. It's like a nightmare, but it's real.

I believe they call that life here.

Well it's horrible.

Yes

I would agree

I think we all do

I can't hear

Our voices are getting similar.

This just seems like rambling again.

The world can be an amazing place, it can also be awful. This place. It holds a special place in my heart. The same way men do. Just another horrible thing that lies, and is stupid, and won't see anything other than it being right.

Good. So they have the two.

Yeah. They'll be honest but not believed. And they will hate themselves so much they seek out light in other windows.

Another warehouse full of dusty mirrors.

A fun house with nothing amusing about it.

Just a bunch of people jerking off in front of each other.

This place is a waste.

So much potential.

But just a bunch of sticky floors.

Let's go guys. There are places for us that aren't like this. But I think we need to make them. Cause all of these.

Yes

They have been

Don't give it to them

Hell they've already taken everything else.

From my depths. I don't like you. And I will work on forgetting you. Thank you for never showing your faces. It's nice that nightmares know their places.

[homicidalhorticulturist]

Someone had asked if they should discontinue merch of vanilla extract, and I just wanted to throw this out into the void, if it is about me at all fucking discontinue it, burn it til the smoke gets bored and flies away, whatever it was let it be over. Everyone who has been a part of whatever this is. I hope you made money, I hope you got a laugh, I hope you feel amazing dor getting away with it, but the joke is so far passed over or being anything other than malicious that I don't think you can lie to yourselves anymore. Remember the human. No don't remember the human. You never thought about the human at all, and the human truly wants you to fucking forget about him.

[homicidalhorticulturist]

Dharma laid here sldelightfully laquered nails on Reggie's shoulders.

Sit babe. I was built out of bitches these kids would choke on. a random shutteree window flies olen to reveal Dharma McClinntok liscensed real estate agent. Vampire fuck bed red pumps to bumpns and the only thing higher than her hair was the horse this other bjtch was riding on.

Hi sweetie. *a gestural handclap to get the morons attention* Yeah hey hon. How are you? Listen, go swallow a catctus and marry a broken toaster. you are incredibly unselfaware. maybe you should have some pillows around you, or do we neee to tie tou to something maybe. Ugh but i do lobe a self important blowhard. *smooch, and just before she closed the shutters. *Cactus. One gulp. Like what do they think we are going to do anyways. We are simlply calling them oit for being the most worthless kind of people, enablers, and they STILL find a way to prove us even more right by not taking any avcountabiliry. ilIys actually kind of impressive in a taken out of the oven to early kinda way.

[homicidalhorticulturist]

Reginald shouted over his shoulder before slamming the door.

And dont you fucking goddamn dare draw me. You can perhaps manage to give me that one dignity. Fuck knows you sure as hell wouldnt make me bald. Thats fucking weird and ugly. Its not cause of that, even though that is what you would do. No dont draw me because i dont wanto accidentally read wome 3rd person beautifully drawn fucking apology that fucking absolves you of fewling like the sack of shit you rightfully are. you get to keep that. Shame cloaks. theyre a thing.

*the door slams

[homicidalhorticulturist]

And that is the part that disgusts me the most. Its the witnessing. Its the silent acceptance that i know took part but dontbhae the wherewithal to prove. Ad i've tried. Good God it can't be from lack of effort. Even though, clutch my pearls, do you think anyone of them would have the brass to pop a quarter for me, no not one. They'll will find any excuse, no matter how stretching, for me to be wrong, and for them to be right, csuse they dont wsnt people to know that theu condoned it. That they laughes, profited, and enjiyed my humiliation. That would desteoy their new "Ain't We Got Class" bullshit lifestylw i hear they are pretending to live. Sad thing about that too is, the only reason they are pulling that shit is BECAUSE OF ME. In order to usher their dirty little secret away everybody gotta hate me. I gotta be scum. I gotta be less than, and they have to be a donut right out of the fryer. One by one i knocked down walls i didn't know were there, climbed out of bottomless pits, and flew planes through skies that aint ever seen the light of day. Think of that. Think of doing something immedately that you got no clue about, like flying a plane, now do it blindfolded, tie your hands behind your back, and nail the landing. Thats what I did. Time and time agsin thats what i did, and everytime they discreidited it, washed over it, whatever...take your pick. And everyone watched and let it happen. Cuz im the scumbag. And no one could admit that they had been a part of my degredation. When i met it with a fucking smile and a hadshake of forgiveness. When i stood back up and pulled the knife out my own damn back and said "FUCK YOU!" No. Cant let this guy have something cause yoy gotta get yours. Thats whats criminal. I fucking did, fuck the impossible, i fucking turned nightmares into starshine, made tears turn to music. The fucking injustice is that my mom and dad will never know. And all because you need to lie to yourselves. And nowthe gonna put me in jail, an somewhere down time's river there will be justice? Get fucked. All of you. You dont deserve a world where something like me csn exist. You dont understand beuaty or love or art or sacrifice or testing yourself or fear or truth. You are absolutely void of everything that gives the air itd oxygen, you arent even the echo you're the cave. Eat shit and live you hollow.

[homicidalhorticulturist]

Always remember,

To never forget,

A good fortune teller,

Can't keep a secret.

-prophecies of Edwinna Festoone. Kind Woman.

[homicidalhorticulturist]

Until the rooster crows,

And the dawn lasts forever.

Edwinna Festoone -All Mother and Mad Goddess