honestlovetruth-blog

[honestlovetruth-blog]

Here is my story:

I’ve been told that I was a very emotional person. I am overdramatic, over analytic, or too critical. The words enter my soul and pierce my heart like a knife. I guess I should give you some background about myself before I go any further. I don’t want to disclose my name just yet. I wanted to keep the blog insightful yet fun.

I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I am in a long-termed relationship and have been since last year. I am a college education, black American or African American woman. I am heterosexual if it is a big deal and I am a Christian. Yes, I love my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that many of you won’t agree with most of what I am saying and that is okay. I wanted to come up with a blog to where I could write how I feel and discuss different topics surrounding love and self-love.

I have always been told that I should be a counselor. Well, I guess I am similar. I have a degree in Social Work. I loved to help people and just be there for others. I am not always a people person and I feel that is okay. You can’t save everyone, and you can’t help everyone. Now I understand what the saying means, but at least I can I did try.

I started my journey to self-loving myself about a year ago. For a while, I was so unhappy with myself and my life. I even contemplated suicide, but I remember a few things about my life. I have a daughter whom I love with all my heart. As I Christian, I know that suicide is frown upon. However, I knew that contemplating that is not healthy and that it is not my only option. I thought about all the people I would leave behind and things I wouldn’t be able to share.

In the African American or Black Community, mental health does not exist and seeing a therapist is not something that we do. I am here to tell you that stigma is unhealthy. So, I prayed and ask God for help. I have incredible faith and know that God can do all things exceedingly and abundantly. However, I was suffering from all the emotions that I held inside without an effective way of expressing them.

Of course, I did something that may not be acceptable to those in the Christian community or the black community. I went to a therapist regularly. I went once a month for maybe four months straight. Now he was a male therapist, so a lot of my insecurities and issues were men related issues. Yes, I have insecurities from past failed relationships. During that time as well, I started to seek GOD more and more; in addition, I prayed and read the Bible every day.

I started to work out more which was not easy. Yes, I am on the chunky, thick, fluffy side or however, you want to describe plus-size women. I struggle with my weight most of my life, but that’s another story for another day. I started feeling like myself again. I had confidence within myself. The light that I possessed so many years ago, started to shine again.

I came up with writing this blog because I wanted a way to express myself. I wanted to be able to express the overly dramatic, overly emotional, and supercritical side of myself. I hope that you would be interested in and continue to read my blog. I hope that these blogs help you get through a rough day or help you brighten up your day. I don’t know. I know that finding love and loving one’s self can be difficult. I am not perfect. I have insecurities. I feel that expressing those frustrating moments or bad days will help us to grow stronger.