honestlykrispytyphoon

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

It's not personal, right?

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

I'm not going to take you at your word if your actions don't match.

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

I'm so glad that you thinking of me as fragile has stopped you from treating me like a grown adult. You decided what I could handle, got upset that I supposedly wouldn't be able to handle what you were going to say, and then stopped communicating completely, and went about it the worst way possible.

But yeah, I'm the dick for being hurt over everything.

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

be normal about people who wear diapers. be normal about people who need colostomy/catheter bags. be normal about people who need to wear pads or pad their mattress. be normal about incontinence. it’s not funny or weird or gross, it can happen to anyone of any age, and it’s frankly embarrassing that some of y’all can’t be normal about the aspects of disability that ick you out

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

As an autistic person, the implications of "if they really cared I wouldn't have to say it" culture are really scary. Because I want to know what hurts your feelings, what crosses your boundaries, where the line between teasing and being mean is at for you, what you need, and how to make you feel loved. And the implication that if my disability makes me unable to figure out these things through intuition alone, then I'm just not worth having around, is genuinely heartbreaking

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

For someone who’s always angry I really fucking hate being angry

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

I find comfort in knowing that someday i'm gonna be dead and none of this bullshit matters anymore.

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

I'm sorry,

You want me to try to understand why you hurt me?

You want me to consider what made you decide that instead of talking to me like a grown up, you would complain about me behind my back?

Instead of communicating boundaries or that things weren't okay, I was supposed to read your mind?

Was I not supposed to believe you when I said I didn't feel wanted or welcome, and you told me that wasn't true at all? When you told me I was part of this family and you wanted me around?

Soooo, some of the things you say I should just know when you're lying? And others I should trust wholeheartedly?

Do you want me to try to understand why you hurt me?

Yeah. I'm hurt. Yeah. It hurts. It hurts more knowing that instead of being honest with me in the first place, you let your feelings fester until they exploded and triggered a fight that damaged my friendships with you both. And it seems like the more I try to process everything and make my way out the door, the more exasterbated you get at me feeling my feelings.

Oh, Sorry. Was I supposed to hold that in and let it grow into unreasonable amounts of insecurity that I can blame my shitty behavior on in twenty years?

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

I wish I could believe it

When you say you want me around

But your words have covered so much up

That I don't know how to trust them anymore

I said I felt unwanted, burdensome, invasive

You assured me that it was all in my head

When in reality, problems were bubbling beneath the surface

Your resentment growing until it exploded

I'm feeling like I've been lied to

For weeks,

For months,

The year.

When I was poking at the truth

you were convincing me I was making it up.

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

Quit the "but I shouldn't have to say it-". In my opinion they shouldn't be expected to guess it

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

That being said, if you're allistic and find yourself being mad at an autistic person because of something you haven't actually communicated to them because you feel that you "shouldn't have to say it" and that "they'd figure it out if they really cared to", then YOU are in fact the one causing a problem and the one who needs to work on improving your communication skills

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

Let’s work on communicating our insecurities and feelings instead of accusing our loved ones. Making accusations can damage our relationships and isn’t fair to our loved ones.

Try saying “I’m scared I’m going to be alone” instead of “you’re going to leave me like everyone else”.

Try saying “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I feel bad about it. Is there anything I can do to help make this better?” instead of “I’m such a failure and a bad person. You shouldn’t be friends with me anymore.”

Try saying “I’m feeling really alone lately. Can we talk more?” instead of “you never talk to me. You must not care about me.”

Our loved ones can’t read our minds. No matter how obvious it might seem to us that we’re struggling, it isn’t necessarily obvious to them. And there are any number of reasons that they might not notice, or might notice and not react (such as trying to respect that they think you don’t want to talk about it and will come to them when you’re ready.)

Your feelings are valid. Your insecurities are valid. But it’s better to deal with these by seeking reassurance in healthy ways or coping mechanisms like self-soothing instead of accusing those you love of bad intentions.

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

[honestlykrispytyphoon]

Relationships should be based on actually listening and communicating, not on making the correct assumptions through intuition alone. You can literally just talk about it! And you really should!