honestlymateyoulooksterling
Brass Monkey
Cheshire.
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Love
Crazy to think that falling for that one person can tear your life apart. Even after 2 years. Andy was a beacon of hope. I’d not felt this way for anyone since my first love. I tried to avoid it but the peace and safety he made me feel was hard not to notice. I let my guard down and instead of love and happiness, it led to loneliness, sadness and feeling unworthy. He made me feel worthless. I gave him my heart and he couldn’t even give me a goodbye.
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the view speaks for itself | itseriksen
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Makes you think...
You try and hate somebody because they broke your heart but it isn’t until somebody else has completely crushed it without a care in the world, you realise that person you hated, never purposely wanted to hurt you but they had to because it wasn’t right.
I wish I could tell Jack that I don’t hate him, that I understand why he had to break my heart and that we can’t really be friends. But I wish we could be. I want somebody in my life still, who with not speaking in two years will answer a small random favour! But I wish it was more than that. I wish we could be proper friends who would talk about cricket and drink beer. However I know its impossible! Which breaks my heart even more.
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It’s not heartbreak. It’s humiliation
So basically, was hooking up with this guy and unfortunately caught the feels. At first I thought they were still rebound feels from my ex. But they weren’t. I fell bad and I know I didn’t handle it well.
After my ex and I broke up, I became a different person, I became a bit of a party girl going out all the time not giving a shit what I was doing! So these new feels really messed with my head. We saw each other very casually and things just kinda ended on our way out skiing in Andorra, this is where I decided to fuck it and hook up with some random guy. That just caused shit and we argued until the last night where he kissed me and I stopped it. We had what looked like a ‘lover tiff’ and yeah a lot of things were said but we kinda resolved things. We hooked up again before summer then again after graduation. But then we began to chat a lot after that and there was a point where he invited me out to France where he was on a season (maybe it was a joke, or he knew I couldn’t take the time off). Also I got drunk a few times and told him how I felt over text and when I say a few times, it was a lot. He either ignored it or brushed it off.
Fast forward a few months and we see each other again at a ski event, perfectly fine until we drunkenly kissed before I passed out. We didn’t speak of it and acted like it never happened. Then we went our separate ways but still occasionally chatted until I once again got drunk told him how I felt and how it upsets me when I wake up to find that I messaged him that and no reply- even though I feel like an idiot so sending it!
I finally decided to delete him off social media so I couldn’t message again. It worked and then we both went to a friend party. He was nice to me at first but then was a cunt. And he then went off with a girl (who apparently idolises me and always wants my approval) right in front of me. I shouted and cried, but I knew we were never gonna be friends again.
The only way I see his life now is when he snaps our Snowrider group, normally its just something stupid or uninteresting, but today was different. Today he decided to send a picture of him and a new girl. I can’t help but be a little bit bothered that he’s found someone new but that’s not what is wrong. It’s the fact he sent that to a group he knew I was in. A group that is the only contact we ever have nowadays. He did it on purpose, so I would see. However everyone in that group knows our history and I feel like a fool. Humiliated. Hurt.
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My most healthiest relationship in 3 years and it fucks me so back
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It’s ok.
I have a wonderful life, I have an amazing family, the best of friends, and a job which in all honesty not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life, but I know if I stick at it, it WILL lead me onto my dream job one day.
However, there is a small part of me that gets sad. I’ve tried to stop myself from having these feeling for a while as I denied myself this feeling when it would have been suitable and people would understand. Now I can’t run away from it because if I don’t face it I know it will haunt me, like it has been for a while. So I’m allowing myself to feel it. Because it’s ok. As crappy as I feel at times, I know it’s all going to be ok, and I will be ok.
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All has to go to shit.
You know that feeling when you’re so excited to see someone that you haven’t seen in months? Well I’ve got that feeling and its strange because I haven’t felt like this since I was in a long distance relationship, its not like two friends seeing each other it feels more than that! But the one person who could fuck all this up and burst the nice bubble has decided to attend the same event we’re going to together and now instead of that excited warm fuzzy feeling, I’m now filled with dread.
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