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We looked inside some of the posts by honestlyshamelessmacaroni-blog and here's what we found interesting.
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Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Women make up for the other 50% of Tumblr’s audience.
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I like not having any followers on tumblr because I know I can post whatever I want and no one will see it consistently
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I guess I’m an INFP and that makes a lot of sense
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Having a cold sucks because like if I tell people that I’m sick then I’m complaining but if I don’t then I’m just infecting more people
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The Story of the Grand Canyon
I was walking the two blocks home from the train station when I took my phone out of my pocket and saw a text message from my sister telling me that my dog had died. As I process this, the ground beneath my feet trembles lightly and a crack appears in the sidewalk.
This is the dog that would lay on me for hours when I had period cramps because she knew I wasn’t feeling good. This is the dog that woke me up every morning with licks on my cheeks just because she was happy I was there. This is my Bella, the dog that brought me her favourite Yoda toy whenever I was sad. She is- was my baby. My beautiful floof of a doggo that I absolutely adored. She went crazy when she heard my voice over face time and once knocked the phone completely out of my sisters hand. After I moved, I cried when I couldn’t cuddle her. I say cuddle like I was the ‘big spoon’ she was 75 lbs. She was the goodest of girls and the best friend I was lucky to have. She was pure and beautiful and she died of cancer.
I couldn’t be there because I had a final exam. The university didn’t consider the death of a pet significant enough to miss an exam.
What the university didn’t know though was that this was the dog my family got because my brother always wanted a golden retriever. A year after he died we got Bella. Bella helped us get through his loss.
Adam was 18 when he killed himself. He had just been accepted into Princeton and told us he was planning to become a trauma surgeon. We were all so proud. My big brother was the smartest guy I knew. He was amazing. Every morning he would make me a cup of tea while he was pouring himself a cup of coffee. He used to leave little notes in Elyse and my lunch kits when mom and dad had to leave early for work. Whenever he was babysat us he built a fort in our back yard and when the sun went down we would spend hours stargazing. A tradition we kept every time mom and dad went out. He was happy. Or at least we thought. No one saw it coming.
He had broken his left arm a few weeks before and they gave him morphine for the pain. He was left handed and writing for too long made his arm hurt even more. On a heavy note-taking day he had to take some morphine even though he hated it. The next morning mom found him on his bed with the empty bottle and a note on his nightstand. At first she thought he was sleeping.
The ground began to rumble. Softly and then all at once when we all screeched to a halt just inside the door of his bedroom. It shook and shook until I didn’t think my feet were still underneath me. It never really stopped shaking. It only ever weakened.
The neighbours called the police because they heard screaming. They couldn't feel the ground pulsating. They didn’t know that I thought it was going to burst.
I remember being so confused at first and when I saw the paramedics carry him out of his room I was just numb.
This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening. Adam would never do this. Adam is going to be a trauma surgeon. He has lives to save. He wouldn’t do this. Princeton is waiting for him.
I just kept thinking of everything that was supposed to be his future.
I didn’t eat for three days. Mom stared at the living room wall for hours at a time. We had to have my aunt stay with us for a while after my dad collapsed from exhaustion because he wasn’t sleeping.
The day it finally hit my sister was the day my aunt made Alfredo for supper and Elyse started to say that Adam would be excited because he loves Alfredo. As soon as the words escaped her lips she stopped, pushed her chair away from the table and left the room. The rest of us sat there in silence staring down at the table through blurry eyes crying silently. It felt like... It felt incomplete. Like his empty chair was more than just that. It felt like there was no way he could ever just be a memory because he’s still here somewhere. Except that he’s not.
We had him cremated so that, as weird as it sounds, we could all take a little bit of him and he could always be with us.
About 2 weeks after Adam died we took his ashes to the Grand Canyon. It was the spot that cracks when you lose someone too early. We all felt the tremble of Adam’s loss. Even as we sprinkled some of Adams ashes into the canyon the ground pulsated. We left tears behind with his ashes.
We got Bella a year after he died. It really felt nice to have something to talk to. I knew she didn’t know what I was saying but she listened... Or at least pretended like she did. She was a good girl. Adam would have loved her. She was blonde like him and goofy like him. I always kind of thought that maybe she was him, as silly as it sounds. It just felt nice to think that he was still around even if he was a dog.
Elyse and I would still stargaze when mom and dad were out and Bella always joined us. It felt like she knew where Adam used to be. She never took his spots but she liked his room. I found her napping on the floor next to his bed a few times. She never liked her dog bed until we put it in there. Wherever they are now, I hope Adam and Bella are best friends.
When I got home again after finals, Bella was already cremated. We went to the Grand Canyon for what I hoped would be the last time for a long time and gave Bella the funeral she deserved. The ground quaked and rocks broke loose from the walls of the canyon and clattered all the way down. The ground moved for Bella and it moved for Adam. It had been 7 years since Adam died and 6 since we got Bella. His loss was one that we would never get over.
I always wonder how many people have been lost to make a canyon that big. So many futures that no one got to live. So many loved ones that will never be the same. So many things that will never be the same.
I just wish he knew how much we missed him. I wish he knew that my tea doesn’t taste the same. Or that every time I go home I stick a little note inside the pill bottle that I stole off his bedside table and hide in his sock drawer. The stars don’t look the same anymore.
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OHMYGOD it just took me an hour to log back into tumblr because I couldn’t remember which email I used and I hate my life
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why are red-headed people called gingers? They don’t even taste like ginger
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Mental health is so important.
Like honestly it took me 3 months of telling myself that I should vomit after I eat and that it was normal for me to have a suicide plan before I realized I needed help.
If something doesn’t feel right it’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make you weak
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LIFE UPDATE: There is a website called Expresso where you can copy-paste your essay and it will give you stats and percentages that will help you edit! It also gives you synonyms for words and makes you sound super smart
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I decided that I don’t want to have kids at least a few years ago. Every time my dad brings up wanting grandkids I remind him that I don’t want to have kids and that my sister is unsure (which means she probably won’t) about having kids. Then he looks at me like I don’t know what I’m talking about. My Stepmom will always chime in that “People always say ‘I didn’t know I wanted kids until I met the person who made me want to have kids’”. I think this is the most disgusting thing to say to someone who doesn’t want to have children. They think that because I’m young I must not know what I’m talking about. But if I were to tell them that I was homosexual they wouldn’t bat an eye. Why is it that they wouldn’t question me for knowing my sexuality but they would question me on my decision to not have kids. They’re too focused on wanting grandchildren to care about whether I want to be a parent. I think they can completely fuck off. They are not allowed to question my decisions if I’m not hurting myself or other people. They are not allowed to tell me that I’m not ready to make those decisions because they were barely 20 when they started having kids. And they are sure as hell not allowed to make my decisions for me. I am willing to admit that at some point I might decide to have children but as for now I don’t want to. When I make that decision they can talk to me about it but currently I’m not willing to put up with their bullshit
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Imagine being a pepper though. Like you spend generations and generations developing a spicy taste so that nothing eats you and then humans come out of nowhere and eat you on purpose just because you’re spicy. What the fuck humans!!!
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Sometimes I think I’m way too naive but then I remember that that’s the closest thing to thinking like a dog does and that makes me feel better about everything
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Trump is actual human garbage.
I don’t think I have ever hated a real person this deeply before.
He is poisoning the world with his hate propaganda and his intolerance and ignorance. He is actual human garbage and he’s running one of the most powerful countries in the world. If that’s not absolutely terrifying to you then you need to reevaluate your priorities and morals.
I’m not even American but I really thought they were better than that.
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