hopecrushed

[hopecrushed]

𝑫𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑳𝒀 𝑵𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻𝑺𝑯𝑨𝑫𝑬 .    (   angst - oriented  sentence  starters .   dark  &  potentially triggering  themes  are  present .   )  

❛  no …   no ,   why  would  you  do  that ?  ❜ ❛  fight  back .   fight  back !  ❜ ❛  when  were  you  going  to  tell  me ?  ❜ ❛  don’t  fucking  touch  me .  ❜ ❛  you  promised .   you  fucking  promised .  ❜ ❛  i  never  wanted  to  hurt  you .  ❜ ❛  run .   run  &  don’t  stop .  ❜ ❛  you’re  a  fucking  stereotype .  ❜ ❛  please  don’t  go …   please  don’t  go .  ❜ ❛  i’m  putting  you  out  of  your  misery .  ❜ ❛  what  makes  you  think  i’d  listen  to  a  word  you  say ?  ❜ ❛  this  is  what  you  think  love  is ??  ❜ ❛  i  never  should’ve  trusted  you .  ❜ ❛  i  love  you .   is  that  what  you  wanted  to  hear ?  ❜ ❛  you’re  so  fucking  pathetic .  ❜ ❛  nobody  can  help  me .  not  even  you .  ❜ ❛  don’t  act  like  you  know  me .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  got  my  own  shit  to  deal  with .  ❜ ❛  i’m  saying  my  goodbyes .  ❜ ❛  please  don’t  go .  ❜ ❛  i’d  rather  drop  dead .  ❜ ❛  i  loved  you ,  you  know ?  ❜ ❛  talk  to  me .  ❜ ❛  what ,   was  i  just  a  charity  case ??  ❜ ❛  i  feel  so  fucking  stupid .  ❜ ❛  i  want  to  be  alone .  ❜ ❛  that’s  low ,   even  for  you .  ❜ ❛  say  that  again ,   i  fucking  dare  you .  ❜ ❛  i  can’t …  i  can’t  feel  my  -  ❜ ❛  i’m  so  fucking  tired ,   i  just …   i  can’t .  ❜ ❛  we’ve  missed  so  much .  ❜ ❛  what ,   you’re  gonna  shoot  me ?  ❜ ❛  you’re  nothing .  ❜ ❛  stop  looking  at  me  like  that .   like  i’m  broken .  ❜ ❛  you’ve  lost  a  lot  of  blood .  ❜ ❛  don’t  shut  me  out .  ❜ ❛  it’s  not  real .   it’s  not  real .  ❜ ❛  you’re  just  saying  what  i  want  to  hear .  ❜ ❛  i  swear ,   i’ll  kill you .  ❜ ❛  stop …   just  stop  fucking  lying .   stop .  ❜ ❛  just  tell  me  what  you  did .  ❜ ❛  i  already  know  what  you  did ,   i  just  want  to  hear  it  from  you .  ❜ ❛  i  needed  you  to  be  different .  ❜ ❛  how  long  has  it  been  since  you’ve  eaten ?  ❜ ❛  put  the  [ gun / knife ]  down .  ❜ ❛  what  do  you  want  from  me ?  ❜ ❛  we’ve  lost  so  much  time .  ❜ ❛  i  really  fucking  hate  you ,   sometimes .  ❜ ❛  i  can’t  …   i  can’t ,   i  can’t  do  this  today .  ❜ ❛  you  know ,   i  never  wanted  to  hurt  you .  ❜ ❛  i  shouldn’t  have  to  beg  you  to  love  me .  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  owe  you  shit .  ❜ ❛  don’t  say  it ,   don’t  fucking  say  it .  ❜ ❛  it  sounds  like  you’ve  been  crying …  ❜

[hopecrushed]

i’m gonna be making some icons & stuff but please consider this a starter call!

[hopecrushed]

` HAWKEYE  /  purplequvr​

lips twitched slightly, especially given he was slightly crouched over for the moment. this one was amusing, but there was … something about her. wasn’t so sure what it was, but the moment she flinched away after he tried to assess her injury he recognized it immediately. the same pain in her eyes, he had felt for years now. tragedy recognized tragedy.   “   it’s a nasty bruise. and you’re bleeding slightly.   ”   he fully straightened now, attempting to not crowd her.   “   what’s your name?   ”

      “ i’ll be okay. ”  her other hand swallows the offending area with her palm, seemingly hiding it from existence. he’s concerned -- truly concerned. not just ‘oh i’m a hero and i kind of have to be worried about you’ sort of thing. it’s just a bruise like she said. she’s not dying so why should he care?  “ avery. ”  her voice cracks a bit as she speaks her name, a slight broken tone of worry as she gives up the information.  “ i know who you are. you don’t have to go through awkward introductions if that’s where this is going. kind of makes me barf-y. so. yeah. sorry. am i talking too much? i feel like i am. please tell me to shut up i’m begging you. ”

[hopecrushed]

I am a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Quiet to a few. Unknown to a lot. But who am I, to me?

dream-jackson (via claudemonet-art)

[hopecrushed]

` HAWKEYE  /  purplequvr​

“   but you do.   ”   the argument is made immediately, and given with a sort of eas that isn’t just pretty words. but backed by a firm belief that she deserved it more than she realized.   “   have you even realized you look at me more often when you’re speaking to me? you talk to me more than you talk to the floor, now. it’s a huge feat, and i’m proud of you for that progress.   ”

      she knows he’s right. there’s been a progress made here that she never really knew she’d be able to accomplish.   “  i haven’t heard that in a long time.  ”   she says it softly but there’s the lightest of smiles ghosting the corner of her lips.   “  i trust you and i haven’t trusted anyone in a while.  ”

[hopecrushed]

` HAWKEYE  /  purplequvr​

@hopecrushed​ rando starter 

“   i’m proud of you, avery.   ”

     a puckered bottom lip is forced between her teeth. not what she was expecting out of his mouth.   “  oh. i don’t deserve that.  ”

[hopecrushed]

I can’t carry this anymore  Heavy from the hurt inside my veins 

[hopecrushed]

` NATASHA  /  widcwsweb​

her head tilted slightly as she regarded the other woman. considering the lack of eye contact and immediate apology for speaking up, this had to be the person he had been telling her about. the one she  ‘  needed to play nice with. don’t scare off.  ’  looks like she understood the odd request now. a friendly smile curles the corners of her lips as she shakes her head, “no, please stay. my name is natasha. i’m just here to watch lucky for a bit. you’re more than welcome to join me but there’s no pressure.” 

       “  he won’t be mad?  ”   she doesn’t know what she asks that. it’s almost like second nature. she clutches at a small box in her hands and nearly leaves indents in the fragile cardboard while the thin plastic film atop the box that shows what’s inside screeches from the pressure. it forces her to relax. she glances down, the cupcakes are fine. phew.   “  did you say lucky? like lucky the pizza dog.  ”   yeah, she’s a bit of a fan.

[hopecrushed]

@sheheal​  /    ❛  is this the secret you planned to take to your grave ?  ❜

                                              HOW DARE SHE?

fingertips dig at bared skin along her arms as she crosses them so tightly she almost suffocates herself. her nails sharp enough -- just barely -- to leave pricked little marks against paled skin. for a moment, there is a wash of anger behind tired eyes.  IS SHE JUDGING ME?  she deserves it. she knows. she’s so aware. she feels like drowning, her lungs filled with water rather than air. the memories come floating back and she feels haunted by the choices she’s made and it’s beginning to eat her whole. she was safe with no one knowing. safe with the cruel memories being her own. what does she do when they become another’s?

“  you shouldn’t have pried.  ”   her softness is gone. stolen by the defenses she’s built and continues to build. she retreats into herself, arms holding tight to her own body still as she locks away.   “  and if it is?  ”   question answered with a question.   “  what does it matter if i choose to be buried with my mistakes? should i ask you to carry them for me? bear the weight of my ghosts?  -- no, brighid. i think you should go. please. leave.  ”

[hopecrushed]

𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 ( part one  )

❛    — you carry the heavens in your eyes     ❜ ❛     he wasn’t given a choice , you were    ❜ ❛     look beneath the fear    ❜ ❛     you almost forgot to watch ahead    ❜ ❛     is this the secret you planned to take to your grave ?    ❜ ❛     there’s blood in the fields    ❜ ❛      monsters aren’t just born   ❜ ❛     there are two types of monsters    ❜ ❛     you were born with hatred hidden in your veins    ❜ ❛     perhaps she will be the one you will follow into battle    ❜ ❛     you have always been weak    ❜ ❛     how could you grow to love him ?    ❜ ❛      we are all killers   ❜ ❛    we’ve all killed parts of ourselves to survive     ❜ ❛      something , somewhere had to die just so we could stay alive   ❜ ❛      have you considered that maybe i am not pleasant ?    ❜ ❛    i belong to no one     ❜ ❛     you are not safe here    ❜ ❛    not a threat , a promise     ❜ ❛    i’ve seen ghosts brighter than your soul     ❜      ❛      because i’m not human , okay ?   ❜ ❛     do not fall in love with her    ❜ ❛      you don’t think you deserve something so you ruin it   ❜ ❛    i don’t think i deserve something so i ruin it     ❜ ❛     am i the wolf or the savior ?    ❜          

[hopecrushed]

𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 ( part one  )

❛    — you carry the heavens in your eyes     ❜ ❛     he wasn’t given a choice , you were    ❜ ❛     look beneath the fear    ❜ ❛     you almost forgot to watch ahead    ❜ ❛     is this the secret you planned to take to your grave ?    ❜ ❛     there’s blood in the fields    ❜ ❛      monsters aren’t just born   ❜ ❛     there are two types of monsters    ❜ ❛     you were born with hatred hidden in your veins    ❜ ❛     perhaps she will be the one you will follow into battle    ❜ ❛     you have always been weak    ❜ ❛     how could you grow to love him ?    ❜ ❛      we are all killers   ❜ ❛    we’ve all killed parts of ourselves to survive     ❜ ❛      something , somewhere had to die just so we could stay alive   ❜ ❛      have you considered that maybe i am not pleasant ?    ❜ ❛    i belong to no one     ❜ ❛     you are not safe here    ❜ ❛    not a threat , a promise     ❜ ❛    i’ve seen ghosts brighter than your soul     ❜      ❛      because i’m not human , okay ?   ❜ ❛     do not fall in love with her    ❜ ❛      you don’t think you deserve something so you ruin it   ❜ ❛    i don’t think i deserve something so i ruin it     ❜ ❛     am i the wolf or the savior ?    ❜          

[hopecrushed]

                                       YEAH. HE’S A GOOD GUY.

but that’s what they all say, huh? CALEB GOODMAN the boy born to be a star. he stole all the vibrant colors from his sister and made them his own. she never had a choice. CALEB GOODMAN the man that his parents love and adore. he stole their proud gazes and comforting words when they realized avery would only crush them in the palms of her little hands. CALEB GOODMAN the brother who realizes his wrongdoings far too late. he wants to love the sister that he grew up with never realizing he had cast her out towards the darkened corners of their childhood. he only wanted to be adored. to be loved. to be the one with all eyes on him. 

yeah, he got it alright -- but at the cost of what?

CALEB GOODMAN, he’s made a name for himself and the world barely knows he has a sister. he takes most of his hard earned money and funnels it into making sure avery has the life she deserves. he loves her. she only sees it as pity. 

[hopecrushed]

i screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing

[hopecrushed]

sheheal​:

                                     @hopecrushed​ 💝’d the sc

 She  melts,  falls  apart  like  chocolate  when  left  on  heat,  bound  to  burn.  She  liked  Avery,  they  got  on  well  enough  but  there  was  a  twinge  of  envy.  She  had  the  choice  to  not  be  around  family  or  be  around  family.  It  hurt,  but  she  understood  the  weight  of  choices  and  actions.  Never  prying,  never  asking  but  for  a  moment,  for  today  she  falls  out  of  the  kindness ��that  is  hers  and  not  hers.  Out  of  the  kindness  she  has  because  of  the  things  taken  from  her  as  they  sit  together.  ❝    Your  brother,  he  seems  like  he  would  be  a  nice  person.  I  am  jealous  of  that.  A  brother.  ❞    Brighid  does  her  best  not  to  think  about  the  things  taken  from  her,  the  life  the  memories  the  things  she  does  not  know  but  ponders  on  frequently.  Sometimes  part  of  her  wonders  if  maybe  there  is  love,  familia  love  she  can  give  to  people  ones  she  picks  and  can  call  family.  But,  alas  that  comes  with  ties  and  when  immortality  is  a  gift  bestowed  to  her  it  is  not  an  option  she  wants  to  take,  it  would  hurt  all  of  the  parties  too  much.  She  suffers  with  enough  pain  in  a  day.  sometimes  to  live  the  life  of  ten  people  rather  than  one.    ❝  I  don’t  have  any  family  here,  or  home.  I  don’t  know  if  anyone  is  looking  for  me  either.  ❞

          THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.  the voice screams in her head but she is too gentle to let the bitterness arise within. it has always been like that, has it not? your brother. your brother. your brother. never avery. she is the sister who is meek. who hides in the shadows of it all. his hand guides her towards the best that she can be and she squanders it at every given moment. brighid does not understand the hurt brought by her words. she leaves it alone. she understands that -- if the choice were given -- she would simply run off to be with the vibrancy of her other half. the one who’s made something of himself. not the ruined little being that sits here before her. 

“  he’s a pretty decent guy.  ”   she fakes a smile. the more she does it the better she gets at it. it’s okay that she’s sort of made this about herself. avery doesn’t like talking about the way she lets all the good in her life wash away, anyways.   “  i’m sorry.  ”   what is worse? having no family at all or letting the family that loves you rot away in the back of your mind? questions -- so many questions.   “  family’s finicky. weird subject. you wanna talk about it?  ”

[hopecrushed]

i’m gonna be making some icons & stuff but please consider this a starter call!

[hopecrushed]

Funny out the two of us, you always were the gentle one Shy little rabbit, teething on a shot gun I guess we were collateral damage Kissing in the crossfire

[hopecrushed]

@widcwsweb​  /  call.

      there’s an attempt to make eye contact. she’s failing. instead she looks at natasha’s forehead and hopes that’s good enough. there’s an intimidating air about her that she’s just not quite used to.   “  hello.  ”   she feels like she shouldn’t be here. maybe she should turn around and go.   “  i was looking for, uhm, hawkeye?  ”   she’s sure they get a lot of people like her around here.   “  sorry. i can. leave.  ”