hopehauntedmywords

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claudia cardinale listening to ella fitzgerald records, 1959

[hopehauntedmywords]

I loathe myself for loving you—

ash coats my tongue, acid sears my throat.

Your name is shattered glass I can’t swallow;

I spit it out in pieces—each shard slicing on the way out.

I swore I’d never kneel to this feeling,

never rot in this weakness.

Yet here I am—cracked open, gutted by longing.

A volcano in my chest erupts with rage even as it collapses into ash.

Each heartbeat hammers nails of shame into my ribs.

I claw at my chest to rip out this cancerous love,

but I only tear at my own skin.

I curse myself—coward, traitor, fool.

I’m drowning in venom I brewed for you,

poisoning only myself.

There are no tears—only dry heaves of hate.

I cannot look in the mirror; my eyes, brimming with you, make me sick.

I try to strangle this love, only to choke on my own breath.

I want to hate you, but all I do is hate myself for wanting you.

I cannot cut you out.

I am already hollow from trying.

— A.W

[hopehauntedmywords]

You.

You whose eyes are so tired of searching.

You whose hands are shaky and worn from holding on too long.

You whose body carries the weight of your fears just to keep you standing tall;

but you can’t look at it in the mirror.

Can’t say thank you for its strength

or marvel at its perseverance.

You who write silly little poems like you’re casting a spell.

Longing, hoping, waiting.

You who are the same as me.

You who are me.

You need rest, my love.

Let your soul rest.

Take a breath.

- AW

[hopehauntedmywords]

You have to know this:

I’ve lived in the spaces between,

where hope’s always just out of reach,

and everything that feels close

never stays long enough.

I’ve held onto shadows,

but they slip through me like light fading at dusk.

There’s a shift,

a flicker I can’t quite catch.

It might be you,

but I can’t tell if it’s this

or just a memory coming back to me.

It feels familiar,

but I can’t decide if it’s real,

or just the echo of what I wanted.

I feel it pulling,

but not the way I expected.

I want to stay,

but I know the weight of staying

bends me until I lose myself.

So I walk away—

not because I want to,

but because I need to find myself first.

I’m not asking for promises,

or answers that won’t come.

I just need space to remember

who I am without it all.

If it’s real,

it will return—

like stars still waiting to be seen,

even if you forget to look.

And if not,

I’ll keep walking,

trusting that one day,

I won’t need to search anymore.

- A.L.W

[hopehauntedmywords]

Ernest Hemingway once said: In our darkest moments, we don’t need solutions or advice. What we yearn for is simply human connection—a quiet presence, a gentle touch. These small gestures are the anchors that hold us steady when life feels like too much.

Please don’t try to fix me. Don’t take on my pain or push away my shadows. Just sit beside me as I work through my own inner storms. Be the steady hand I can reach for as I find my way.

My pain is mine to carry, my battles mine to face. But your presence reminds me I’m not alone in this vast, sometimes frightening world. It’s a quiet reminder that I am worthy of love, even when I feel broken.

So, in those dark hours when I lose my way, will you just be here? Not as a rescuer, but as a companion. Hold my hand until the dawn arrives, helping me remember my strength.

Your silent support is the most precious gift you can give. It’s a love that helps me remember who I am, even when I forget.

[hopehauntedmywords]

"We think we want sex. But it's not always just about sex.

We want intimacy.

To be touched. Looked at. Admired. Smiled at. Laughed with someone.

Feel safe. Feel like someone really got you.

That's what we crave."

—Unknown

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A couple bathing in a waterfall at Woodstock (1969), Bill Eppridge

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I wish I could tell people I have bpd so be very careful how you speak to me but that would make others feel like they're walking on eggshells so instead I have to be very careful what I say to other people, to the point I say nearly nothing at all ....so now I'm the one walking on eggshells.