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Kale Vandelay (Hi-Fi RUSH) and Handsome Jack (Borderlands)

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(by Harman Singh Heer)

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inventing some new EVIL tone tags

/pr = pressuring you

/m = mad at you

/f = forcing you to do this at gunpoint

/nj = not joking i want to kill you for real

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"the 5th celebrity you have saved on your phone -" you and i live in vastly different worlds

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saw undeniable proof today that a straight couple getting matching nightmare before christmas tattoos places the woman in the relationship under some kind of unbreakable mind control spell. like any time she even vaguely considers divorce her sally tattoo starts glowing and compels her to do her husband's laundry and combine her bank account with his. but in a quirky goth way of course.

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you dumb asshole, you just won $0,000

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two pieces of kind of obscure baltoy merch i own. the mega bloks baltoy and the mighty beanz baltoy. i call them bloktoy and beantoy

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HEARTBREAKING: band you just discovered doesn't have any other songs that sound like that

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Hi! I'm Molly Percocet!

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the concept of "getting the ick" is so innately seinfeldian that it's crazy that it was coined in the 2020s and not on a season 6 episode of seinfeld where elaine gets the ick from a guy she's dating who makes too big a deal out of celebrating his birthday

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A young rural farmer in the year 4014 romanticizing the clean and physically undemanding lifestyle of a pre-industrial collapse barista.

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(slams gavel) 30 YEARS SOLITARY, NO BAIL. AND REVOKE ALL HIS 'TRUE'S.

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some of you aren’t even perverts you just have normal sexual desires that you are ashamed of

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Tasteful bulge? Yeah I would like a taste f- [I am interrupted by the sound of a dry twig snapping. This is impossible, as I am in the infinite linoleum bathroom dimension for this joke.]