householdcryptid

[householdcryptid]

for everyone watching salems lot for lew rn i BEG you read/listen to the book 🙏🙏 i did before the movie came out, and oh my GOD we could've had so much yall 💔💔

[householdcryptid]

sorry for the radio silence el oh el ive been crazyyyyyyy busy 💔💔

[householdcryptid]

the pregnant! best friends! is so good 😭😭😭 thank you for indulging me! i know pregnancy trope isn’t everyone’s fave but i just thought it’d be a funny lol ‘oops guess we have to tell ppl we fucked even though we say we’re just besties!’ i love how real you made it! i love a complicated and messy situation!! bob would pass tf out when he hears reader say she’s pregnant then spiral for reals!!!! you’re the best💗

aweeee im so glad you liked it!! thank you 🤭🩷🩷 i had a lot of fun writing it!

it is ENDLESSLY funny to me to imagine bob and reader having to go up to the rest of the team and reader being like

"☺️ surprise!! we're having a baby!! 🎉🥰"

while bob is like, half hiding behind her looking close to throwing up he's so anxious (and a little embarassed because he's been denying yelena's theories/questions for MONTHS)

and the team is just.

"😐��🙂. what?"

the chaos of baby proofing the tower, yelena grossed out because 'my brother has been having sex and i did not want to think about that ever', alexie trying to offer advice that makes both bob and reader hit the gen z stare, walker being the only one who kind of knows how handle kids. PEAK 2012 Avengers Tower Fanfic material ngl.

[householdcryptid]

guys how do we feel about estranged best friends rhett and tillerson!(?)reader?

like they used to be attached at the hip in early highschool. like the kind of friends that his mama's church friends gossip about in their quilting circles or whatever. and then the Incident(to be determined, maybe reader moves to aspen with patricia?) happened and they havent talked in years. then something happens and they're like..forced to interact and they go 'oh wow i missed you bad' and then theres drama.

i NEED to put him in Situations, please lmk if yall would be interested. this concept will not leave me alone.

[householdcryptid]

yes!! soooo happy you agree 😩✊️🩷. it would be a REALLY big emotional trigger for him and i think after the intial freakout he'd be okay but like...brother is Going to have a Moment of Panic about it at first 😔🩷. its okay because we love him regardless 🙂‍↕️

you can ignore this if you want! but best friend! bob accidentally getting you pregnant 👀👀👀 the team would be INSUFFERABLE! and you guys would still be like ‘we’re raising this baby as FRIENDS’ lmao

anon your brain is crazy insane this is so fucking funny /pos this is probably sadder than you wanted it to be im so sorry 💔 uhhh tw for mental illness, pregnancy, addiction/sobriety mention, parental abuse mention, it's a bob fic yall 😔💔

i think this would have to be the moment where they're like. "okay maybe this isn't a friends thing anymore."

because like yeah they messed around and they definitely have fucked like..obviously, but this is a Baby. they MADE a kid. this is a whole new ball game now.

i think rob freaks the fuck out at first, tbh? he's thousand yard staring at reader, like you're speaking in a different language.

he never thought he'd be a dad, never was clean long enough to really even consider the possibility. he honestly didn't think he'd live this long, certainly not long enough to make a fucking kid.

he isolates himself by accident, it's instinctive. he knows it's a dick move, and he feels awful for it afterwards, but in the moment its all he knows to do? there's just too much going in his brain at the moment and he needs a few days to process it.

reader is obviously upset by this, but thankfully, you and bob have a mutual understanding of one another. if one of you needs space, the other gives it. to be honest YOU probably need a few days to process too.

i think reader knows she's in love with bob wayyyyy before bob realizes he's in love with her, so Bob is going through the fucking ringer about it.

he spirals. sits alone in the dark of his room and feels Awful because he feels like he's taken advantage of you (boy is horifically oblivious and does Not realize that you feel the same. yes, it's irrational, yes, he realizes that after you guys have a talk)

i think this is like..a week long conversation. he has to lay everything out in the open, which makes him actually sick, but he loves you and the fact that you Want to keep the baby and that you want HIM is enough to make it worth the discomfort.

he's terrified he'll be just like his mom, which surprises you, because you'd thought maybe he'd be worried about being like his dad, but no.

he knows he would never in a million years lay a hand on ANY child, especially not his own. he would literally rather die. no, bob is worried that he'll be like his mother. that he'll fuck his kid up emotionally, pass down this mental illness like his mom to him, that his mood swings and general instability will hurt yalls kid.

(# this is the moment bob decides he absolutely 100% needs to go to therapy)

you also have the 'i'm in love with you' talk, which goes about like you think it would. he'a red cheeked and fumbling over his words and he can't quite meet your eyes, but he holds your hand Tight like the thought of letting go terrifies him.

that night, after the tears have dried and the lights have dimmed, he lays with his head on your belly, ear pressed to your skin, hand on your hip, thumb caressing just beneath your belly button. he's mumbling, muttering barely coherent words, but he isn't talking to himself this time, not the Void either. he's talking to the baby, mumbling promises of love, that he'll try so hard, that he'll never hurt them the way his parents hurt him. He falls asleep like that.

its not perfect, or traditional, and you're both terrified, but its worth it. he loves you, and you love him return, and you're both going to love this baby with every bit of yourselves. everything else can be figured out in time.

the team loses their fucking minds btw they've had a betting pool going for MONTHS and somehow walker wins the whole thing (his guess was scarily accurate. nobody knows how he did that)

[householdcryptid]

you can ignore this if you want! but best friend! bob accidentally getting you pregnant 👀👀👀 the team would be INSUFFERABLE! and you guys would still be like ‘we’re raising this baby as FRIENDS’ lmao

anon your brain is crazy insane this is so fucking funny /pos this is probably sadder than you wanted it to be im so sorry 💔 uhhh tw for mental illness, pregnancy, addiction/sobriety mention, parental abuse mention, it's a bob fic yall 😔💔

i think this would have to be the moment where they're like. "okay maybe this isn't a friends thing anymore."

because like yeah they messed around and they definitely have fucked like..obviously, but this is a Baby. they MADE a kid. this is a whole new ball game now.

i think rob freaks the fuck out at first, tbh? he's thousand yard staring at reader, like you're speaking in a different language.

he never thought he'd be a dad, never was clean long enough to really even consider the possibility. he honestly didn't think he'd live this long, certainly not long enough to make a fucking kid.

he isolates himself by accident, it's instinctive. he knows it's a dick move, and he feels awful for it afterwards, but in the moment its all he knows to do? there's just too much going in his brain at the moment and he needs a few days to process it.

reader is obviously upset by this, but thankfully, you and bob have a mutual understanding of one another. if one of you needs space, the other gives it. to be honest YOU probably need a few days to process too.

i think reader knows she's in love with bob wayyyyy before bob realizes he's in love with her, so Bob is going through the fucking ringer about it.

he spirals. sits alone in the dark of his room and feels Awful because he feels like he's taken advantage of you (boy is horifically oblivious and does Not realize that you feel the same. yes, it's irrational, yes, he realizes that after you guys have a talk)

i think this is like..a week long conversation. he has to lay everything out in the open, which makes him actually sick, but he loves you and the fact that you Want to keep the baby and that you want HIM is enough to make it worth the discomfort.

he's terrified he'll be just like his mom, which surprises you, because you'd thought maybe he'd be worried about being like his dad, but no.

he knows he would never in a million years lay a hand on ANY child, especially not his own. he would literally rather die. no, bob is worried that he'll be like his mother. that he'll fuck his kid up emotionally, pass down this mental illness like his mom to him, that his mood swings and general instability will hurt yalls kid.

(# this is the moment bob decides he absolutely 100% needs to go to therapy)

you also have the 'i'm in love with you' talk, which goes about like you think it would. he'a red cheeked and fumbling over his words and he can't quite meet your eyes, but he holds your hand Tight like the thought of letting go terrifies him.

that night, after the tears have dried and the lights have dimmed, he lays with his head on your belly, ear pressed to your skin, hand on your hip, thumb caressing just beneath your belly button. he's mumbling, muttering barely coherent words, but he isn't talking to himself this time, not the Void either. he's talking to the baby, mumbling promises of love, that he'll try so hard, that he'll never hurt them the way his parents hurt him. He falls asleep like that.

its not perfect, or traditional, and you're both terrified, but its worth it. he loves you, and you love him return, and you're both going to love this baby with every bit of yourselves. everything else can be figured out in time.

the team loses their fucking minds btw they've had a betting pool going for MONTHS and somehow walker wins the whole thing (his guess was scarily accurate. nobody knows how he did that)

[householdcryptid]

i believe in you! if someone doesn’t like it, they can scroll! love all your works😍

thank you angel 😩✊️🩷 im happy you approve, and you're SO right they can just not read it! i'll probably post it later tonight :))

[householdcryptid]

someone sent in a pregnancy with best friend bob ask and i wrote it but im a little worried some people aren't going to like the mental health aspects of it 💔 (also the ask was so cute ty so much for sending it anon sorry it took me so long)

[householdcryptid]

[householdcryptid]

best friend bob core 🩷

[householdcryptid]

Thunderbolts* 2025 | dir. Jake Schreier

[householdcryptid]

🚨 TINY SPOILERS SORT OF SKIP IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE SPOILED 🚨

i've rewatched thunderbolts* like..four times since i bought it and i've seen it two times in theaters and i think we aren't making bob sassy enough.

everybody knows about the him and walker scene where he's OBVIOUSLY rage baiting john just a little bit but what about him with yelena in the control/lights room at the vault

"no no you gotta turn the lights back on"

"i know bob"

"this was YOUR plan 🤨😔🫵"

theres definitely more but like. i just think hes so silly and his humor is so Dry and im obsessed with him sorry

[householdcryptid]

alpha rhett scruffing omega reader who's getting way too riled up at someone. you agree. reblog

[householdcryptid]

ummm yea we’re interested in a multi parter!!!!!! the cockwarming! best friends is the bestttt

im definitely considering it! idk if i have the writing skills/mental capability to actually commit to a multipart series that will actually hold up and be consistent, but i'm going to talk to my bestie/editor about it soon :)) i love love love bestfriend!reader and rob and i feel like i could do soooo much with them and im so so happy you guys like them too :))

[householdcryptid]

Oh my goodness your cockwarming fic has me FOAMING at the mouth - I am now CW anon #2 lol

I actually screamed at the “Can we do the thing? Like last time?” - I am beside myself !!!

I love your fics and they give me life <3

oh my god thank you so much im so glad you enjoyed it 😩🩷 i was a tiny itsy bit scared to post bob/lew stuff in general (i absolutely ADORE the other lew writers on here that i've followed forever and the imposter syndrome got me a little bit) but im so so so happy yall like the rob stuff :))) /gen got me giggling and kicking my feet every time i get a new note fr

i have some other stuff in the works for him and for rhett abbott so be on the lookout! and feel free to send in requests they are Always open !!

[householdcryptid]

i’m very normal about the way his sweatshirt rides up to show his stomach in this scene

[householdcryptid]

candy you CANNOT keep leaving this shit in the tags!!!! this is gold!! /gen

in my mind he like..doesn't even realize he's doing it at first? his hips keep twitching forward, and he's getting squirmy above you. always so restless. can't sit still for too long, has to keep fidgeting :(

when he realizes though, he's getting heart palpitations for a second because 'oh god i am NOT supposed to be doing this, what the fuck is wrong with me it feels so good i cant stop does she think i'm a freak-'

but then you squeeze around his cock and his eyes go a little crossed and his hips buck and you fucking Moan. breathy and quiet into his hair, like the sound surprises even yourself.

one second of eye contact and he's GONE. he isn't Fucking you really he's just kind of pulling out half a centimeter and then grinding back forward. can't bring himself to pull out and thrust properly because you're just so warm and wet and comforting :(

In the same vein of “best friends with Bob” can you imagine cockwarming him ““““for comfort purposes”””” ofc, because that’s just what friends do to help each other out, right? He wants to be so close to his best friend that being close isn’t nearly close enough, he has to be inside you.

oh my good anon you are in my brain babe. yeah..yeahh...this is good shit. it ended up a lot more angsty than i had planned? but she's cute and sweet!

cw: cockwarming duh, little bit of angst, bob is depressed (this is not news), denny projecting their own depression habits onto bob, reader calls him bubba because like..he's bubba to me, less nsfw than i planned on it being (i got carried away with the comfort part) 1500 words :)

The day starts off as normally as it can for him. Wake up near noon, lay in bed for thirty minutes and stare up at the ceiling like it might give him the motivation to stand up. Trudge into the kitchen, stand at the fridge, doors open, like something he could stand to eat might materialize from thin air if he stares long enough. It never does. He ends up eating half a bag of plain tortilla chips for breakfast.

Not every day is like this. Not anymore, at least. Not since the team had found him. Not since you.

Something aches inside him today, though. The Watchtower is silent, save for the quiet creaking of steel beams and the buzz of electricity. The quiet, barely there sounds make his skin itch, irritable for no good reason and dead tired despite sleeping twelve straight hours.

He knows the reason, deep down that is. You’re gone. On a mission with the rest of the team. Usually one of you will stay behind to keep him company, but everyone was needed for this one.

He’s done good so far, made attempts to eat properly, even managed a shower yesterday morning, but today it’s weighing on him. Loneliness clawing into his bones like an old friend. He ignores it as best he can. Curls up in his little recliner and stares blankly at the pages of a book without actually taking in any of the words.

The ding of the elevator is just loud enough to make his shoulders flinch upwards, but even the startle can’t dampen his relief at the sound of voices. Your voice.

“That guy was totally unprofessional,” You’re complaining, and it makes Bob’s lips curl into a weak, tired, smile. “I mean, there was absolutely no reason for us all to have gone on that mission. Val needs to quit jerking us around, we aren’t dogs- Robby!”

It’s like finally being able to catch his breath when you say his name, the twisted up ache in his chest lessening a fraction at your bright smile.

“Hey,” He greets, cursing himself for how lame it comes out. His voice is hoarse like he hasn’t spoken aloud in days. He doesn’t have much time to overthink his greeting, though, because you’re sliding into the recliner beside him. Thighs overlapping, half sprawled in his lap, warm, solid and real.

He leans into you instinctively, a quiet breath shuddering from his lungs, the tiniest bit of relief to his strung-too-tight muscles.

The rest of the team groans exaggeratedly from across the room. Grumbling soft ‘We lost ‘ems.’ and ‘Best friends my ass-’ and one, admittedly very sweet, but confusing ‘Ahh, young love.’ from Alexie, before filtering out of the living room to their own floors.

“Miss me?” You tease, and Bob can’t bring himself to joke back, as much as he’d like to. Bantering with you is easy. Everything with you is easy in a way he’d never experienced before. But in this moment, humor evades him, and he just nods heavy and slow against your shoulder.

He knows he’s being needy. Knows that it’s probably annoying, his ever present ability to cling like a leech to your side after missions. He doesn’t have time to wallow in that line of thinking for long, though. Your fingers are in his hair a second later, and you’re murmuring something in his ear about laying down, and all he can manage in response is a weak- “Your room?”

The short walk is a blur, his body pressed up behind your own like your personal shadow, fingers gripping at yours like they’re the only thing tethering him to consciousness currently.

His skin buzzes with the thought of being able to have you all wrapped up around him for the night, impatient and fidgeting where he sits at the edge of the bed. His knee bounces, jerking little movements, watching you peel off the layers of tac gear that are strapped to your body.

He’s already grabbing at your hips before you’ve even managed to tug a shirt on, pulling you down onto the bed with him with a huff of breath.

“Bad day?” You ask, soft and low, murmured against his collarbone, wiggling closer to him. This is probably his favorite part of you coming home. The way you curl into him, arms wrapped around his middle, thigh tucked between his own, head wedged under his chin. It never ceases to ease the tension in his body, leave him loose and pliant pressed up against you.

“Not bad,” He mumbles, face buried in your hair, inhaling deeply. “Just…rough, I guess. Lonely.”

He hates that he can’t explain himself properly sometimes. The feeling isn’t one he can put into words. You never judge him for it though. You never judge him for anything, honestly.

“Sorry we were gone so long.” You reply quietly, your hand drifting up and down his spine, sneaking up under his shirt to feel warm skin. He makes a muffled sound against your hair in response, shaking his head lazily.

“Not your fault.”

Silence settles then, both of you soaking up the comfort the other provides.

Bob is restless though. His fingers twitching and fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, his foot tapping against the mattress idly. These aren’t new habits, by any means, but usually curled up like this, he goes limp.

He doesn’t know why he can’t settle. He keeps squirming, hips shifting, pulling you in by the hip as if he can’t get close enough. Like he wants to eliminate any and all space between you.

You, though. Beautiful, kind, supportive, silly you. His best friend and confidant. You know what’s wrong.

“Can’t get comfortable?” You murmur, tipping your head back some to meet his eyes. He just grumbles softly in return, lips pulled down in a pout that would be cute if it weren’t a genuine show of discontentment.

He’s quiet, for a long few breaths, and then he seems to deflate, exhaling shakily.

“Can we..” He starts, pausing only to swallow hard, pretty blue eyes creaking open to peer down at you, sheepish. “Can we..do that thing? Like last time?”

There’s a brief silence, and he opens his mouth to take it back. Play it off as a joke, maybe, but then your eyes go warm, and his stomach does that weird flipping thing it always does when you look at him like that. Like he’s important, special.

“Yeah, bubs, we can do that.” You agree with a nonchalant shrug, smile soft and lopsided.

He nods once, swallowing thickly. He hadn’t honestly thought you’d agree. It was unconventional, burdensome, he’s sure.

But you’re shifting around, hooking your thigh over his hip and untying his sleep pants with practiced ease, and suddenly his breathing goes a little funny.

The first time you two had done this he’d been spiraling hard. He needed to be close. Needed to be held, cradled, loved, and you had always been able to do that for him. Make him feel safe, and treasured. Like he was something more than a burden.

He rolls you onto your back, panting ever so slightly against your collarbone. He’s hard already, cock smushed between your tummies where he lays flat against your front.

“Hang on, angel.” You murmur against his ear when he whines quietly, reaching down between the two of you to slide your panties to the side.

“Thank you- thank you-” He whispers breathlessly, pressing forward slow and steady. The tip catches at your entrance, and he gasps sharply, before he’s sliding in— to the hilt— in one fell swoop.

It knocks the breath from your lungs, just like the last time, a pleasant ache spreading through your lower belly. His hips give these half hearted little rolls, like he can’t get deep enough, but spreading your knees a touch more seems to do the trick because he sobs in relief against your neck.

“Just breathe, bubba.” You whisper, peppering kisses against his cheek, arms looping around his shoulders to keep him held close.

He’s nodding heavily, rubbing his cheek against your own like an oversized cat.

He doesn’t know why this feels so good. He doesn’t move, just settles there, pressed to the hilt, hands tucked up beneath your back.

Something about being close like this leaves his brain blissfully empty. Buried as deep as he can get, caging you in. Nothing has ever felt this good. It’s a comfort like no other, and he melts with it. Laying on top of you like a weighted blanket, keeping you pinned to the mattress beneath you.

“Feel better?” You ask in a whisper, scratching your nails affectionately up and down his back.

He hums faintly, head heavy as he nuzzles closer. “Uh huh.” He confirms, finally giving you a real smile, small as it is, lifts his head only to kiss your cheek with a heart wrenching tenderness. “Lot better. Missed you.” He mumbles, dropping his head again to rest it against your shoulder.

“Missed you too, angel.” You answer, and his heart feels full to bursting with it. The knowledge that you missed him, thought about him while you were gone, came back and let him do this. That you needed it too.

There’s nowhere in the world that he’d rather be.