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[howiseeus]

30/12/2019 - Epilogue

As the world slowly but surely slides into a new era, I’m here buried in the comfortable, yet frustratingly slow-evolving realm of the life I’ve been so eager to perfect this past decade.

After years of soul searching I learnt how to pinpoint, then analyse and break the weak parts of my core personality to subatomic particles. Fun part is that I also learnt how to put the pieces back together. What I yet have failed to master though, is how not to punish myself for the incoherence between the narratives of my body, mind and soul. In order to fix this I went to a book store today, to buy the next couple of self-help books, I didn’t need. Although, I actually bought three of those, after reading exactly 48 pages about how not to be egoistic, I’ve decided to type down my own thoughts on what it’s like to learn being in the dream state of emotional freedom. That is the journey I’m determined to start first thing after the dogs of the world have ran behind the couches, shaking from the sound of 2020.

I believe the creativity of interpersonal activities manifest in how we interpret the thoughts of others. We all have our own narrative based on how the soul feels in the body, whether it’s satisfied hearing the words the mind speaks. I think, from time to time it’s useful to remind ourselves that maybe the ones we talk to are not guided through our innermost feelings and thoughts by Morgan Freeman’s articulate monologue, but rather the aggressive, passive or manipulative manifestation of our pure but unhappy soul. The anger we feel towards others when they fail to satisfy our silent expectations tells a story about us. Everything we say reflects only on us. How we react to our surroundings shows how well we’ve developed emotionally. The more effort we put into hiding our true emotions the more we reveal our nature. We seem and sound to deal with such diversity of tasks. And yet, we all strive towards the warmth of the same light and struggle from just as cold of a darkness. Even partially winning over these narcissistic traits is a feeling I’m happily holding onto for the rest of my life.  

Now I’ve shared parts of me with you. I told you that I’ve watched documentaries narrated by Morgan Freeman. By my style of writing, you probably have already guessed that I like to come across pedantic to hide my vulnerability. I told you that I like dogs, otherwise I didn’t know or didn’t bother to mention they’re scared on New Years Eve. I told you I buy self-help books but don’t actually read them. I’m not here to lecture you about how to live your lives. I don’t believe mine is the only truth. I, however believe in the power of finding balance between the beauty and ugly of our own human nature. I believe in a fate that I think is universal. At the moment of death, looking back on life should be filled with happiness and lessons learnt. It should be about moving forward, instead of coming back to fix the same mistakes we failed to do so in the previous existence. 

On a lighter note: this blog is about stories I experience on a daily basis. How I personally overcome my resentment, self- pity and worry, in order to be able to focus on cherishing my achievements. 

(I’m not a native English speaker so please don’t treat me as one.)

Thank you for reading,

D.