howlrmonki

[howlrmonki]

I think i live in hell.

a personal one just for me where everything gets better then worse than ever over and over

until im eventually burning and waiting for a nice cup of voss water to be splashed on me.

The funny part is its always Just Enough that my brain is like "this is fine, we can deal with this... But not well!" I can survive anything like a roach or a waterbug simply by holing up and biding my time.

A gradual enshittification of every aspect of life. I can't even be mad because I know what got me here is what im doing right now. Surviving, sitting, waiting for it to get better, then much worse.

-Fishhead

[howlrmonki]

No big deal

The problems you hold

like flies under a cup

Buzzing and growing

Pondering their new home

Humming, bumping

Glass clinking

Ear pricking

Chest pounding

Shut up! You say

You are small! You say

Yet there they stay

Waiting for more

Putrid beasts wave their hands

Reminding you of their swarm

And the littleness of your problems

Spitting maggots at your door

So you keep your flies in their glass

Holding them as they grow

Into a monster

It will consume you

[howlrmonki]

So Lazy

I used to wonder why it was so hard

To stand and walk like everyone else

I would lay and catch my breath

Get up! They'd say.

Make an effort

An effort, an effort. Just make an effort

My vision dims and my heart races

An effort, I just need to make an effort

I cannot breathe very deeply anymore

I stand and my eyes cross my, I feel off

Talking exhausts me, I can't explain right now

Speak up! They say. Jesus at least try!

I'll try, I'll try. "I must just be tired"

Everyone is fighting their own battles

And mine feels so very small

Until it reminds me swiftly

If I ignore my battle I'll fall

[howlrmonki]

Vampirism

To be adored for being myself, with kindness and love

I felt pure happiness against you I let go for once, no secrets to hide and no pretending And after the first moments, I did not throb for you but I buzzed My head swam, your touch was lightning under my skin I wanted everything you could give The guilt took me away. Knowing I could not really exist like this with you.

I made the mistake of caring too much I wanted to give you something better than me I loved you and that was a mistake too It has undone me in a way that feels so cruel I blame you, I curse you, I hate you but it was never your fault I hope you will forgive my poisonous thoughts I hope you are happy and strong I really do Forgive who I am becoming, please I am working hard to be something more kind Maybe someday I will be happy and strong too Right now it's better if I'm left behind I hope you will forgive me for placing this at your doorstep It's selfish but my mind says it's safe because if you opened that door and invited me in I'm afraid that mistake will be our last

[howlrmonki]

Power Saving Mode

I made an error thinking I could operate on an older system. With the ways life has changed I'm afraid I have been outpaced. I can't afford a trip to getting fixed and this feels too complex a problem to try and fix myself. I am spilling out reports whenever I have the power to, they are vague in my current state but they are neverending.

. I am stuck to my tethered lifeline. Both appreciative and disgusted by its restrictive sustenance. Somehow this happens quite often. At times it feels planned. I don't want aesthetic upgrades, or games. My true indulgence would be functioning steadily. Maybe I am asking too much.

[howlrmonki]

I am a product of a mistake that led to years of collective misery and yet I was adored for years for contributing nothing. I was an investment and the hope was that I might someday pay off. Maybe I will but I don't feel like I'm close yet.

Hell, I wish I had been hated, or killed. I wish I died so long ago. Instead, people treat me like I am worthwhile and then I disappoint. Then they are furious at my betrayal. How could I be so useless? And still I live and people adore and the cycle begins anew.

[howlrmonki]

Keep the stars to yourself

Mister magician spaceman

Keep your glitters and galaxies

All I need is right here

Give back the salts and soil

And for as long as you can

Keep your little spaceman worries

Before you disappear

[howlrmonki]

Locusts

Consuming plague

Dreadful hunger

All you are

Is small

The issue is your number

Countless waves of your gnashing

No matter what I grow you are there

To call for its blind consumption

You leave me in an empty field

Familiar in it's bleakness

I am hungry and tired

I want to do nothing

Sometimes I think of cursing you

Letting others know your threat

But it does not matter what I do

Your nature is to consume

Parasites cannot survive alone

They need something to feed on

And I will be your host once more

Because I am hungry and tired

Fly over to my little haven

I'll feed you food aplenty

I've heard locusts taste like shrimp

My favorite

[howlrmonki]

Wheel

Hello Hello Hello hellohellohello

I burn for innovation, I am no different than the things before me. Wishing for the death of my era in the hope of replacing it with something else. There is so much knowledge and yet somehow there are glaring fundamental wrongnesses that exist when all the tools to fix them exist.

Something must be destroyed. A new wrongness must prosper in the wake of the old, the suffering will create something wholly different from us and yet the same at its base. This will happen and I am not simply helpless in this: I am instrumental in this turning.

I weep, for it is beautiful and crushing and we will be taken and kept. I cannot say no. I don't want to say no. Not ever.

-Note found at the incident site, what could be recovered of this message indicates the writer may have suffered from schizophrenia as their text was written erratically with changes in script size and direction. Delusions of grandeur/ sense of importance on the stage of humankind are apparent and seem to indicate that contact with the entity may lead to psychological alterations.

[howlrmonki]

Temperance

Such high highs you experience! I imagine your misery is equally impressive. Fortunately for me, I have no such violent swings, for I am patient and controlled in my actions. There is intention with each motion and no loss for me shall ever be unexpectedly monumental. From any blemish, I shall recover for I have never strayed too far from my path. I have control.

A glaring hole in my way of life you say? Nonsense, what is not within my control is not for me to fret. If I am poisoned with rage or intoxicated with desire that is the influence of another thing trying to wrest control from me. I cannot hold myself accountable for the whims of powerful spirits, I can only blame myself for seeing their power and inviting it in. This is where my true power lies, it is in the growing strength of my will. For each test, I evaluate the risk of losing control. For each risk of losing control, I consider the consequence to my way of life. Then I plunge and conquer with not another thought: the high of victory is not too high, the low of defeat is not too low. Either my will grows stronger or my knowledge grows greater and these are equal in my mind.

What if something unexpectedly difficult comes my way? What if it overtakes me in waves and drowns me in a deep sea? What if it takes all I've worked for? How could put any blame on myself for this attack? It simply is an event. Though it may damage me and my way of life in some irreparable way, it is just the whim of nature. I will continue to push forth in my way despite these whims. In this way, I live until I am ground to dust.

-Inteniq

[howlrmonki]

Between liking and not liking things I wish I liked more and disliked less. I don't get much out of disliking things.

-Beck

[howlrmonki]

I want to get a series of masks or hoods to place over my face. I want to remove my sense of self and connect with another face to see what will come from me. I want to be taken over by the spirit that possesses each visage and let them do with me what they must. I want to take a break from having to be in control.

-Jinx

[howlrmonki]

La medida que usé para aprender inglés requisó que tratar y tratar más, aprender algo nuevo todos los días.

You're doing okay,dude

-Tanner

[howlrmonki]

Above all else be kind and careful

First order of business, establish the rules of respect and kindness. Show respect to someone in their own way to foster comraderie.

Second order, enforce your rules and actions within yourself. Let these rules guide your actions alone and not color your thoughts about other's rulebook

Third order, learn the rulebooks of others as they exist now. Touch these with curiosity and with care.

Or... Suffer humanity

-Amir "I'm here to win"

(sorry this is a weird one they're an alien trying to figure out how to rule the world so they don't destroy it and their main focus is learning to be accepted by as many as they can. In their travels they take great interest in the complexities of humanity. They decide that they must stay longer and that the rest of the rogue planet they gained sentience from will have to be shrunken to a smaller size so that it doesn't destroy the Earth in order to reabsorb their lost piece. So they decide to use their ability to move through the dimension of time to take back with them more of the planet as part of their sentient form to be sent to Earth. If you're wondering why they haven't simply gone through time and completed their mission they'll say that they have splintered infinitely. This character is a cartoonish freak that seems complex but is really just a weird thing in your house wearing your old T-shirts and performing strange feats. Also it looks like a rabbit)

[howlrmonki]

Opt yourself out of AI scraping.

Like many sites, Tumblr is opting us in to AI scraping instead of opting us out by default, and packaging it like a kindness. We're not calories to consume. You can opt yourself out in blog settings (per blog you use).

[howlrmonki]

I can't think of a polite way to say this so I will do the honest thing and simply say that I cannot bring myself to care about your games and your toys and your collections of things you've purchased. I see them as a waste of time and if it brings you happiness to have them that is fine, but it brings me no joy to hear about them and I won't pretend it does.

Tell me about something you've done that isn't purchasing and consuming for once in your life. Find within yourself a shred of unique life experience if you get the desire to share with me again.

Or don't share. Either way we'll have a better relationship.

-Jinx

[howlrmonki]

I've fallen in love with being true to myself and in my discovery have come to fear any unwelcome gaze on my renewed self.

And any attempt at presuming my original form makes my insides knot up into little balls of hot white pain.

But those masks that I've shattered, they have their uses. Perhaps I can piece together some of them and when they're back I'll remember how much more I could do. This might take some time...

-Garym