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hstspositivity · 3 years ago

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Hello! I’ve seen you give advice to other people on this, and I was hoping you could give me some. I think advice from an older LGBT person would aid me in my predicament :)

I’m fairly certain of myself being a lesbian, and I have been for as long as I can remember (even if I didn’t know the word for it), but relatively recently I’ve thought of myself as being a trans man- I’m attracted to women as a female, but I view my gender as wholly male. It feels wrong to claim myself as one and not the other, but I’ve been told by others that you cannot be both.

Basically… are lesbian trans men a thing? Can I be both?

I am frankly not sure how to really give you a good answer. Only you can know your heart and reasoning for why both lesbian and trans man resonate with you. Loving or being attacted to women as a female sounds pretty lesbian to me. ;)

But it sounds like perhaps it is presentation in public (the idea of gender as a social construct) as a trans man feels comfortable you.

I have had many lesbians friends through the years, particularly women's festival friends who, when in the presence of women/lesbians used lesbian and woman but when in the greater world presented and described themselves as trans men. It didn't really seem incongruent to me. I could understand why being seen as a man, even feeling more attached to being a trans man would be a way to be more safe, less hassled by mixed company in social situations, jobs, etc

When someone sees me as a man, depending on the circumstances I used to definitely let them think what they think becase it was easier for me. Now that I am older and more confident in my voice I correct them gently.

I don’t think your experience is every trans masc/trans man/lesbian experience but certainly you are not alone. The strong push to divide lesbians, particularly butches, and trans men just wasn’t a thing I came out to or was around and I mostly see it on line and not in any real life friend groups.

I do think you will get more push back on line or in echo chambers of thought than you will with real life friends or with in intergenerational lesbians groups. Most lesbians with some life under their belts will not be so hung up on making you define yourself by strict definitions that only serve to ignore what is your reality of being a female attracted to other females but also having your reasons to connect to being a trans man.

Not everyone will be comfortable with that dichotomy but some will and those are the friend groups you want to put energy into.

I don’t want to go into a bunch of “actually... it is like this” or “are you sure you aren’t just this” because I am not a therpist nor do I know anything about your life. Feel free to come into my DM’s if you want to talk things over with someone who will not judge you for needing to talk things through.

If you decide to attend a women’s festival, and I would HIGHLY recommend you do because I think you might meet others who feel exactly as you do, I will but links at the end. Having other people to relate to can be very helpful. You only would have to suck it up for a week and be okay being seen as a lesbian only for a few days. But the connections you would make could travel into your real life and help you to form an understanding friend group.

I suggest the Ohio Lesbian Festival Or perhaps Fern Fest

https://ohiolesbianfestival.org/

https://www.michiganfernfest.com/

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hstspositivity · 3 years ago

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Friendly reminder that there’s lesbian transmascs/transmen out there and they’re 100% valid and anyone who claims otherwise is simply wrong and silly and that’s that.

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hstspositivity · 3 years ago

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“trans men will no longer look like women”

well, that’s why only a minority of lesbians are willing to date trans men. some are though, I’m guessing because they are attracted to sex, not gender. and don’t forget about trans men who don’t pass/barley pass. I bring up straight women because it compares how we are actually more likely to live a normal life among the lesbian community.