humeperry

[humeperry]

Moved to a new city, started a new job. I'm now in a conundrum. I was never bored at my last job, the subject matter and the work excited me. My new job is extremely boring and the work doesn't seem very interesting. I am making a lot more money though. Like stupidly more. The conundrum I've now ran into is doing a job you love vs a job at which you get more money. I don't think I'm in a financial position to turn down the money right now, but I've made note of this feeling I have right now. We'll check back on this a year from now.

[humeperry]

I’ve manifested a lot of stuff. When I got this job I thought, I will use this job to learn and train and make a fool out of myself and then go back to the city in demon mode. That’s what I’m doing. A girl once told me I wouldn’t be successful, and now I’m making over 6 figures.

[humeperry]

About to go through with a big decision that I've been pondering over a year or so.

I have decided to move back to the city and get a new job. It will almost double my salary.

I am extremely grateful for my time in this little mountain town. It really was like the Dagobah system. I learned so much and grew so much as a person.

About a month ago, my mom went to a psychic and told me that the psychic told her there was a reason I moved to this little mountain town and it wasn't a coincidence. She said that I went there to fix wrongs I made in a past life, and I may have even died here in a past life. Now I have made those repairs and it's time to leave.

I don't know how much I believe of that, but I do feel like it is now time to leave. I could get caught here in this little bubble of a world and ride some kind of egotistical power trip to be the big fish in the small pond. I'd rather move closer to my family and be in the city where there's actual life and activity.

Putting the date and time so I know when I look back the exact time I made this decision so I can reflect on whether or not this day was the day I made the best decision of my life or the worst.

4/10/2025 -- 7:42pm

[humeperry]

Nightmare Blunt Rotation

I saw this post the other day. The caption was "'Nightmare Blunt Rotation' but its just me at 14yo, me at 17yo, and me now.'"

I originally tweeted that I would smack those other two retards, but I've been thinking the past couple days about what I would actually do if I were in that kind of scenario. Let's start with some caveats, I'll call 17yo me, "17" ,from here on out and 14 year old me, "14". 28 year old me will just be me referring to myself in the first person.

My theory is that all three of our lives would be the same up to each of our current points in life. So I would have the same experiences as 17 and 14 up to their current points in their respective lives/timelines, while 17 would have the same experiences as 14 up to 14's current point in his life/timeline/universe. How things go after the blunt session would affect each of their respective timelines or universes.

I'm trying to think what I was like at fourteen. I was in eighth grade, I had a girlfriend at one point, i played basketball and football. I played guitar, I had good grades. I was just starting to smoke weed. I read a bunch.

I don't think I would just tell them what happens in life up to my point exactly. I would just tell them shit to do that I wish I had known. Advice.

For 14, I'd tell him to take guitar seriously. I'd tell him to never stop playing, and to try and learn scales. I'd tell him to stop smoking weed entirely, only if people in his class offered it to him at a party of people his age. I'd tell him to talk to girls more seriously, in person and through text. I'd tell him to chill on the internet, and don't do drugs. I'd tell 14 and 17 to buy as much bitcoin as possible and hold until it hits $100k no matter what. Back to 14. I'd tell him to get into PC gaming and play counter-strike go. I'd tell him to talk to everyone he can, strangers, family, anybody and ask them questions. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. I'd tell him to take the PSAT in HS and play freshman football. I'd tell him to start lifting seriously once he turns 16. I'd tell him to skip basketball entirely, or play every single day for 8 hours, no other choice. I'd tell him to talk to certain girls in his class to try and date. I'd also tell him some private shit that we both know. I'd tell him to clean his room and keep it clean all the time.

For 17, I'm hoping I'd get him at like 17 and 10 months. And I'd start by telling him that he's doing great in life at this point and things will be 100% okay if he continues on this path but I'm going to tell him how to min-max life from here on out. I'd tell him to start finasteride ASAP or at least in a year or 2. I'd tell him to continue to work out no matter what, and to start eating healthy now. I'd tell 17 to dump his current girlfriend once he got to college if he was still planning on going to the same school. I'd also tell him to stop smoking weed entirely, only on weekends or with other people. I'd tell him to drop the preppy look, and show him some style. Obviously I'd tell him about bitcoin but also dogecoin. I'd tell 17 that if he bought and held bitcoin and dogecoin until they hit their max price, which I would tell him the dates, then he should not go to graduate school. I'd also tell him to sell some bitcoin off when he's about 20-21ish and then re-buy after it drops. I'd tell him to study harder in college because it's easy compared to law school and he could easily get straight As. I'd tell him to continue to read no matter what and try to read at least 10 books a year on his own.

I think I would privately tell 17 a little more info than 14. I'd tell 17 some of the bad shit as a warning, I'd selectively answer some of his questions. I would warn him especially of the next 2-3 years or so of his life in detail if he continued down the current path without changing anything, the path I chose.

In thinking of this while writing, I'm reminded of the scene in Dazed and Confused where everyone is smoking on the field after the party, and Don says that if he ever says that HS were the best days of his life than someone should shoot him. I used to think, as a kid while watching that film, you know--he's right. If the best days of my life are this than someone shoot me, and I don't know if I was correct in that thinking then. Now, I look back at some of the experiences I had in my youth, and they were just that, experiences in my YOUTH. A lot of that sneaking around and partying, chasing girls, drinking is a uniquely youth thing. I had a way more eloquent idea about this in my head, but I would bring this idea up to 17 and tell him that hey right now your best days are your right now, and if you stay down this path and don't heed my advice, this is what you have to look forward to. I'd hope that 17 would take my advice, especially the financial advice. I think if in my timeline when I was 17, my current self gave me advice I would take it and my life would be a lot better but that's just what life is. Obviously if we had foresight things would be different. But life would be somewhat boring. I stay alive for the mystery and the story.

I'm high

[humeperry]

Smoking purple in a purple Cadillac

[humeperry]

The other day my boss asked me what he should get his wife for Christmas. I took a while to come up with an answer because I'm so far removed from that world now. I've made zero effort to initiate any kind of contact with a woman for a while.

My boss did set me up with a woman who works in an adjacent field to ours about six or seven months ago. She was very pretty and seemed kind. We had coffee and talked music. We shared a similar taste in music which made her even more attractive. Unfortunately, she lived a few hours away and I'm definitely not interested in a long distance relationship. She did text me a few weeks after, and I responded, but things just naturally puttered out. So it goes, maybe in another life.

I would like to be in a relationship again, but I simply don't feel like putting in the effort to find and start a relationship at this point in my life. I need to continue working on myself and putting my own needs and wants first. This sounds selfish, but for the majority of my life and honestly still I've put others needs and wants first. Maybe in another year or two I will feel differently. It would take someone extraordinary to come in my life at this point and make me want to pursue a relationship with them.

On a side note, I've always kind of felt like I would not live long. So, I do feel some kind of biological urgency to start a family, but I struggle with the idea of leaving them fatherless if I died young. Maybe it's not biological but just social pressure.

I do feel good about where I'm at in life. After psychoanalyzing myself for the past few years, I've realized that I took the journey for granted a lot of the time. I wanted to rush right to the result, instant gratification. I still struggle with this, but I'm learning to slow down, enjoy the little bits of life, and take pride in the grindy nature of things. I'm setting myself up for the next five to ten years.

[humeperry]

I've been listening to Outkast way too much, but at the end of the day I'm just tryna smooth out and chill in an old school Cadi.

[humeperry]

Life is so strange these days. I guess it always has been and always will be, but it never ceases to amaze me.

I'm more content with my life than I ever have been, as far as the emotional/metaphysical aspects of my life go. I could always be in better shape and stop smoking, but I digress. I guess this wisdom and content is coming with age. I've resigned myself to the reality that is my life and I think I'm okay with it. As my grandma used to say, I'm free, white, and 21. I could up and move to a new state, fuck, even a whole new country if I wanted to.

There's things that I'd like to change and work on, but until I move somewhere with more people I can't address the main issues. The town I live in now is very isolating, but it's been a great training grounds for sharpening my craft.

My ex, who a lot of these posts on this account have been directed to or inspired by, tried reaching out to me about a week ago. I declined and blocked any and all contact they could have with me. At one point after we broke up, I was hoping and praying for a call or text from her, but when I finally did get one, I felt nothing. I just blocked her new stuff and moved on with my day. It feels kind of freeing, and I'm proud of myself.

Work is literally killing me, both mentally and physically. I am leaving this job in less than 6 months, for hopefully something with more money and less responsibilities.

I'm thankful for where I'm at now in my life. Things were dark for a long time, but I'm at peace now and it feels good.

[humeperry]

Yellow morning and green air immediately shift my mood. The tunes start and my third eye melts. I put the car in gear and go, euphoria dripping out my nose

[humeperry]

Secrets shared beneath the shade that silently fade away

Memories captured lost to the ether

A leaf that falls and crackles under a step makes more of a wave than you ever could

I self exiled and analyzed the introspections gathered

I came back a member of the House of Lords, to rain hellfire on my own demons.

I rode straight into the fire, to rescue Job and learn everything I could.

But he told me it wouldn't matter anyway.

[humeperry]

I always liked Beatles songs as a kid, you know -- Here Comes the Sun, Twist & Shout, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds etc.. It wasn't until I really dug through their discography that I really understood how great they were.

That being said, I think I have a different favorite Beatles song every day of the year.

[humeperry]

For a long time I really wanted a lot of money. I still do, but when I was younger that's all I could ever think about having in life. Now?

I want a loving wife with whom I can spend those sweet in-between moments. A job, or an existence that I don't dread doing every day. I'd like to finish paying off my debts and have enough to buy a house and raise a family. I want to teach my kids the value of trust and kindness and doing good even when you earn nothing from it. A summer home on a lake. Barbecues, bonfires, bratwursts, turkey sandwiches with chips smashed between the bread after a swim.

I want to live closer to my family, but not in my hometown. I feel like I'm being pulled in some direction but I can't tell where. It's like I'm being forced down a river, and my bodies about to split in half. Or Batman having to pick between saving Harvey or Rachel. I just want to roll a 20 and get something right for once.

At the end of prior chapters there was a definitive ending. This chapter is kind of droning on and I can feel myself getting bored or complacent. I feel like wherever I go after this place will be my final resting grounds (not literally), just where I settle for good. I have a few places in mind, but I've been contemplating it for almost a year now and I'm still unsure.

[humeperry]

Does anybody else just sit and think anymore? I can just sit and think for hours and not be bored.

[humeperry]

the head canon neutralizes the reality around us, walls of sound carry me aloft and let me down atop a supernova of bliss

[humeperry]

Was on Bupropion and Zoloft for a year or so. I noticed one day that I hadn't been depressed for a while, when I started feeling happy randomly. I had to go on a business trip and forgot my meds, that's been two months ago and I haven't taken them since.

I don't think I'm depressed anymore, I feel happy. I have a want for life.

If I died today, I wouldn't be upset, but I think that's more to do with experiencing ego death during a huge psilocybin trip at like 17-18.

[humeperry]

While you were sleeping I was blood red

[humeperry]

Why can't everyone just smoke like me? Just give me a quiet place and let me blow my trees