humornthoughts

[humornthoughts]

I have emerged

From the time portal I emerge once more, 20 minutes after I fell in and stubbed my toe. Saw a samurai with a magic sword in there, too. Wonder what he was up to.

Anyway, my reign of terror continues! For too long have you all slept in your beds, fearless of the noises in the night. Too long have you all watched the shadows still and stagnate. Too long have you all walked upon soil not yours to tread on. Too long have you all put mean words on signs outside your property, discouraging my campaign for mayor. Too long have you told your children of me and my deeds, treating them as nothing more than a tool to scare them of the boogie-gnome and into compliance.

Long have I prepared for this day, and upon a foundation of ash and a temple of ruin, I shall forge a future that I deem worthy of my power. I will build a new world, one without the french or the people who listen to music in public spaces without headphones. Instead, it will have iron, fire, fury, and a large amount of goblins and a lifetime supply of blood type changing potions I got in a raffle. I have too much, and I don't even have blood.

Also, I think someone left their wrench in the fridge.

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So. Today in class we assigned Macbeth roles to students to read. When I asked the class who wants to be Lady Macbeth, a young man raised his hand. I kind of stared at him like “Lady Macbeth,” and he nodded like “I know what I’m about ma’am.” So then the student who ended up as Macbeth raised his hand and said “HE’S THE ONE, HE’S MY WIFE!” So I said “yeah sure why not,” and the entire class period they were blowing kisses to each other and winking at each other, and every now and then Macbeth would say “I’m the luckiest man on Earth” and Lady Macbeth would put a hand to his chest, and be like “BABE!”.

I just stared at them, knowing that they CLEARLY have never read ‘Macbeth’ before, so… all this lovey dovey… I don’t know if I have the heart to tell them the truth.

[humornthoughts]

So. Today in class we assigned Macbeth roles to students to read. When I asked the class who wants to be Lady Macbeth, a young man raised his hand. I kind of stared at him like “Lady Macbeth,” and he nodded like “I know what I’m about ma’am.” So then the student who ended up as Macbeth raised his hand and said “HE’S THE ONE, HE’S MY WIFE!” So I said “yeah sure why not,” and the entire class period they were blowing kisses to each other and winking at each other, and every now and then Macbeth would say “I’m the luckiest man on Earth” and Lady Macbeth would put a hand to his chest, and be like “BABE!”.

I just stared at them, knowing that they CLEARLY have never read ‘Macbeth’ before, so… all this lovey dovey… I don’t know if I have the heart to tell them the truth.

[humornthoughts]

So. Today in class we assigned Macbeth roles to students to read. When I asked the class who wants to be Lady Macbeth, a young man raised his hand. I kind of stared at him like “Lady Macbeth,” and he nodded like “I know what I’m about ma’am.” So then the student who ended up as Macbeth raised his hand and said “HE’S THE ONE, HE’S MY WIFE!” So I said “yeah sure why not,” and the entire class period they were blowing kisses to each other and winking at each other, and every now and then Macbeth would say “I’m the luckiest man on Earth” and Lady Macbeth would put a hand to his chest, and be like “BABE!”.

I just stared at them, knowing that they CLEARLY have never read ‘Macbeth’ before, so… all this lovey dovey… I don’t know if I have the heart to tell them the truth.

[humornthoughts]

Found my 53yo very-much-not-online father in the kitchen today meticulously arranging cutlery on the countertop and i was like 'what are you doing' and he looked up at me with the world's most shit-eating grin and said "Your mother told me this is how you rick-roll the Youth" and i looked over and it was fucking. Loss.jpg.

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:.|:;

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what is this? a loss.jpg for ants?

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trying not to infodump about my alterhumanity on my friends got me looking like:

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There’s always something on Reddit

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I went to a museum with this former carpenter, and as a way of flirting I kept pointing to victorian-era furniture and saying "oooh what wood is that ^_^?" to which he would reply, with increasing exasperation, "I don't know." this continued for like half an hour and he got very close to snapping.

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I have been a sheep caretaker for like two days and already I'm like. Wow. I get it.

I get why these were some of the earliest mammals to ever be domesticated. They look up to humans with this sort of dumb but all at once innocent and pure and trusting expression. They're happy to see you. They follow you around. They like to be rubbed under their chins. Maybe its just some latent Scottish highland shepherd DNA I still have in me but I look at my sheep charges and suddenly I see why the love of God for humanity is so often described as a shepherd and his sheep. I'd fight a wolf for these guys. I'd go way the Hell out of my way for them. I'd carry their young for miles on my own back.

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Kids these days who think that being a bard is just about swinging swords and playing lutes disgust me. Where’s the pizzazz? The showmanship? The seduction??

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hey so last night i was looking for charming teddy bears, and what should have been a just and noble quest devolved into a horrible discovery:

for around 200 big ones, you can purchase a teddy bear with the body of a man and the eyes of a creature that knows it should not exist

[humornthoughts]