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hunypie-sugalump · 5 years

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Hero Sitter

(This is a WIP)

Chapter one

"Lady Justice, we meet again." Said the evil mastermind, Asinine Hope.

The girl in front of him, Lady Justice, grinned, taking a bow, "Here I am. Y’know, for someone named Asinine, you don't realize your stupidity."

"Funny! As usual. You see, Lady Justice, this time I have my victory assured! 20 years ago, after my home was destroyed by a knife wielding deer, I was taken in by my aunt and uncle. And when they too died by the hands of that snollygoster of a deer, my uncle, a Russian veteran from WWII, left me… This." Asinine pulled out a gun of silver and red, with a sinister smile on his face, "This gun, though looking as simple as a glock, is a gun with the power to shoot rounds at 70 miles per hour, and is loaded with bullets able to penetrate even SuperMan himself! Lady, give up while you have the chance."

"I know that you think you have to do this to redeem yourself and your family, but you don’t. Stop this madness, Asinine."

Asinine laughed, "I'm not gonna fall for that bull crap. You’re gonna get shot whether you like it or not!"

Before anyone could utter another word, the wall behind Asinine crumbled to pieces, revealing a woman in a suit of red and white. As soon as this woman saw that darling boy and his sweet butt, she grinned, “Asinine! There you are!”

Once Lady Justice focused real hard she noticed that this too was a villain, one that had only recently made the newspapers, "Gabby Power?" Lady muttered, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

Gabby glanced at Lady, but quickly looked back at Asinine, "Oh, look at you, facing your arch nemesis! You think you're gonna beat her, right? Huh? Well, too bad!"

"What?? Gabby, what are you even doing here?" Asinine asked in reply.

"Baby, I told you you'd regret breaking my heart! I told ya, lover boy, that you'd wish you'd never been born! I'll put you through the process I call H.E.L.L.E! Short for, 'Harley Evan's Long Life Ended'!” Gabby grinned and pulled a ray gun from behind her, lifting it onto her shoulder, “Say goodbye, babe!”

Meanwhile twenty miles to the east

A man walked down the street with a gun in his coat pocket, a grin on his face, and no worries on his mind. As he strut down the sidewalk, people gave him funny looks from all sides; mothers passed by in a rush, covering their children's eyes, and men avoided eye contact. It would be easy to say this man was a thug, or a widely known assassin, but the truth is much easier to state. The man had forgotten to put pants on.

Peter Harris was not a serious man whatsoever, and took his sweet time with simple things. Unless you count putting your pants on. Let’s just say, he really does not like those dastardly things. At this moment in time, Peter was on his way to meet with his boss, Asinine Hope, at the abandoned warehouse, of which he had forgotten the whereabouts. What a huge mess.

“Well I’d never! Young man, where are your pants?” Asked an old lady.

Peter looked at the lady down at his legs and back at the lady, “Well, where are yours?"

"I'm a lady! I don't wear pants!" She said patting down her dress.

"See? We all have our different reasons. Different strokes for different folks." Peter shrugged and went on his merry way. This man did not care for other people's opinions of him, as all of those opinions were, quote un quote, Ninnyhammer’s having a wack at being high and mighty.

With a whistle and a skip, Peter started to wonder why he was outside in the first place. There had to be some sort of reason, after all. If he had no reason to go out, he would still be sitting on his bed, eating cheese puffs and playing cs go with his friend Mark. Or maybe he’d be climbing through his boss’s window to steal some cheese puffs.

“Wait a minute!” Said Peter, his eyes widening with realization, “I’m out of cheese puffs!”

Of course! What a completely sensible reason to get out of the house, cheese puffs! He thought to himself. Pete started to march himself to his boss’s apartment to steal his supply of cheese puffs once again. But another realization kicked him in the rear; he had been walking for six miles, which explained why his legs were as sore as pillaging monkey during the civil war. Not that he cared or anything, but man was this inconvenient at that exact moment in time.

Peter sighed and stopped at the side of the sidewalk, giving his legs a stretch before walking into a shop called ‘The Comfy Cafe’ with pep in his step. Once the cafe’s door opened, a ring sounded, causing people to instinctively look over.

And how they wish they didn’t. Everything went silent as Peter walked through a group of women and picked up a book, flipping through it’s pages. After a while the silence was lifted by a few mutters, which were seemingly about Peter and his lack of pants. Though many others would be uncertain, he knew they spoke of him! But, not caring at all, he simply sat down on a couch and crossed his legs.

He read on from an intriguing line that was, ‘barrels of apples filled the cavern in miss liberty’. Reading at the speed of a mildly slow giraffe, he started to feel well rested and calm; despite the fact that there were three young women standing in front of him with their arms crossed.

“Ahem.” Said the tallest, standing in front.

Peter then slowly looked up and smiled, “Can I help you?”

She shifted her weight onto her left leg, “Yeah, do you mind?”

“Hm?” Peter looked around before shaking his head, “Oh! No, I don’t mind at all, no one’s sitting here.”

“Uh… What?” The lady tilted her head, as she was now puzzled. Probably malfunctioning, thought Peter, so he stood like a proper gentleman.

“In fact, I gotta go, I’ve been sitting here too long. See ya, robo bird babies!” Peter grinned and threw the book onto it’s shelf before strutting right out of the cafe. What an interesting encounter, Peter thought to himself. He shrugged and kept walking towards his boss’s apartment, he knew if he thought about it too long he would surely forget the whole deal. Now that his mind was off the ladies at the cafe, he realized that the streets were now near empty, though he hadn’t a clue as to why. Perhaps it was early dinner time? Once he looked at his watch, that seemed totally reasonable; 4 pm is usually when his boss ate early dinner.

This wasn’t the least bit concerning to him, but there was one thing. Peter’s boss usually calls him to ask him over for early dinner. Maybe his boss was busy? Maybe, just maybe, he was dealing with a certain hero?

“Hey, someone put up a poster of Lady Justice!” He said to himself with a grin, “Cool.”

Normally a villain's henchmen would despise their boss’s arch nemesis, but not Peter. He had what you would call a major crush on the hero, and he didn’t mind that his boss knew. Thinking of Lady Justice and Asinine hope made his mind feel weird, as if he were forgetting something. Something that was not cheese puffs. That knife wielding deer, maybe it was taking care of that knife wielding deer! Nope, didn’t sit right. Was it making that poisoned cake for Asinine’s adopted sister’s abusive boyfriend? Peter was especially excited for that, he made a killer poisoned cake. But that wasn’t it.

Maybe it had to do with both Asinine and Lady Justice! He thought to himself with a grin. And then it struck him. Peter stopped dead in his tracks and grinned, his life source emitting pure despair, as he realized,

“I FORGOT TO FEED MR. TWINKLES!” Cried Peter, instantly disappearing and reappearing in his home, aggressively opening a cupboard, grabbing cat food, slamming it shut, plopping the cat food on a plate and slamming it down on the ground. Once he had done this, a small black and orange kitten came running, and started to eat the food.

“I’m so sorry, Twinkey babey, it’ll nevah happen again!” Peter rubbed his face on the little babey, before standing up and putting his hands on his hips.

A long dip of silence then pursued the room, when suddenly Peter snapped his fingers, “I’m supposed to be helping boss fight Lady Justice! Eh, I’m only an hour late.”

#wip #hero sitter #need writing advice

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