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my kids and making candles make me happy. 

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Admit YOU Lied

If this ever comes across anyone and wondering “ why is she writing about this”. let me tell you. I’ve been so strong during the happening of the molestation and after. I acted like I forgot about it because everyone made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. maybe I wasn’t important enough for it to be a big deal. this is like an open diary for me to finally pour my heart out and cry. let me tell you, it feels so good. like taking some weight off me, finally telling my story. I just wish I had the guts to tell it with a face. somehow I still feel trapped, like if I was to put him on blast and confront him now and show my face. my fake family would just clap back and say I'm doing it for attention. which I shouldn't care because I have isolated myself from them. why is it so hard for me to say it. it bothers the hell out of me that he walks around living with what he did and not give a shit. I just want him to admit it admit that he did do all those things admit that even after I told cps that still didn't stop you! admit you were wrong and sick in the head. JUST ADMIT IT. at least give me some peace and let me live. at 29 years old I have nightmares of him coming to my home and raping me. I wake up screaming stop joe stop. yes, that’s his name. it feels so dirty saying his name. I hate it. I hate saying that name. just admit it and let me have a little bit of peace. I hate these nightmares. 

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Thinking

It’s 2:34 a.m. I’m up looking through Facebook, and I came across this heartwarming video. She’s dancing with her sick dad before her big day (wedding) and I just have this smile on my face and tears. then I start to think. what’s wrong with me? why couldn't I get the same love as most kids do from their parents or guardian? yes, I know it’s never the kid's fault because it’s not. it's just a feeling. I just wish I was birth by loving parents. maybe I would've had a better childhood. or maybe worse? idk. Good Night.

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Random 1

Another day I live to breathe.

Take a breath, exhale with ease

Kids so innocent as can be

Play and laugh no hate they see.

They show that we can all live at peace.

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Family SUCKS (2)

Ok well, I'm just gonna get straight to the point. My egg donor of my so-called mother gave us up (a different story that will be told). us as in me and my 3 sisters. I really didn't care till I found out why but I will get to that in a when I'm telling that story. anyways my grandma took care of us. lovely right. lol yea, no fuck her too!. her son I don't like to call him uncle cuz he's a POS. Well, I was only about 4 I wanna say. Yes, people, you can remember stuff that happened at that age. all I know is I wasn't in school yet. That nasty fuck started touching me. He would always want to play a game called ‘’horsey’’. when you ride a horse you ride on the back of a horse right? well, he was the horse and I was the rider. I was fully clothed and so was he, he would lay on his back and put me on top of him and I could feel his erection on my behind. I was young I knew it was wrong but I didn't think much of it, till I got older. He was molesting me all those years. When I was 11 I was in the 6th grade. We had an assembly in the cafeteria and some ladies were there talking to us. I forgot what it was about, but then they said for us to write something anonymously on a piece of paper fold it up and put it in a bucket. they mixed it up and grabbed mine, the look on their face I knew it was mine before they read it out loud. they talked about how serious it was and to not be scared to say anything. that I can tell them after the assembly was done. so I did. CPS was involved, came to our grandma's house, with whom we were living. we were in her room and when the cps was there I thought she (my grandma) cared because she was yelling at him telling him not to lie and crying and all that bs. CPS took me and asked questions. checked my vagina making sure my cherry wasn't popped. The only thing he did was touch me around that time. I told CPS I did not want to go back home but they said I had to til it was over. well, we went home to my grandmas to pick up some clothes to go stay with my dad, he’s a POS also, I heard her tell my dad that he better have our (me and my sisters, but this is my side, I have not asked my sisters if I can write about what happened to them so I'm only writing about me) backs because she’s sticking with his side and that I was a liar. we left and he stuck me and my sister in the room and told us to talk about what we were gonna say to the cps because we had to go back and talk to more of the workers, I think from what I remember. He said ‘’ Just say it wasn't true and the reason why yall lied was that yall were tired of him picking on yall calling yall names because grandma will become very ill to where she will go to the hospital. yall don't want that do yall’’ of course we didn't. so I went back and LIED saying he didn't do anything to me! Man did that give him every way taunting me and STILL had the nerve to touch me!! yes after I went back and lied about him not touching me, I stayed with my grandma for a bit and he was STILL DOING IT!!!!!!! One day I was getting out the restroom and he pulled his penis out and told me to suck it like if it was a pickle. I did not want to I wanted to scream. I shouted loud enough for anyone to hear me but they were in the backyard with the radio on, we were having a little get together that day, no one heard. So I stuck it in my mouth for a quick second and it was sour. I didn't like it, he kept trying to put it back in my mouth thank GOD we heard someone come in the house. He left and went about our day. Another time he had me in the garage, this time was the scariest time for me. he had me in the garage he grabbed both my wrist and kinda slammed me down a desk I don't really remember exact words he told me but I told him to get off or I will scream my lungs out. he said go ahead he’ll scream also. I did scream ‘help no one came out I’m not sure if they didn’t hear me or they just ignored. but I screamed. thankfully he didn't do anything to me that time, he laughed and let me go. I went into the house crying no one paid any mind... I was 15 years old living with my POS dad, (he’s another story I will soon talk about)He invited that POS molester, which is his brother. and he came into my room whom I shared with my sister and stepsister, he came in I was by myself asleep, he played with my nipples, I was so scared to move and I knew my dad didn't give a shit, he played with it and walked out. I locked the door so he won’t come in. But that was the very last time he ever touched me. He still alive and has 5 or 6 kids, ALL GIRLS! Crazy huh well I don't know much about him except what he showed me..... I will be back with how I found out everyone knew the truth and did nothing about it. I have to take a break from this story. I still get emotional, never really talked about it and it feels so good to write about it honestly. I know I don’t have any followers yet, but if I do get any and if anyone would like to chat or talk about what they’re going through. feel free to message me.

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Family SUCKS

This is my first blog ever! I’m not a writer, so just bear with me lol... So I decided to start blogging about my life. I’m 29 years old, Female. I come from an unloving family. I just recently found out about how much my family SUCKS! I have isolated myself from them for reasons you’ll find out. Of course, I was feeling like I should just say fuck it and get over it. Well, I’m glad I didn't. I was known as a liar and trouble maker along with my sisters. but that's just how they made it seem.