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[hustle4damuscle]

How Happy Are You

On Chapter 4 of her book series, Paula asks us to do a “Happiness Inventory.” This made me anxious, TBH. As if I haven’t been happy in awhile. I know that’s a lie because I live with my children and I have experienced not being with them and it literally threw my sanity out of the window (I had to be brought to ER for Suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I’m not ashamed, but it’s not one of my proudest moments also.)

She asks if there’s person/people that is causing happiness and what about him/her/it makes me happy? Well my baby just reached over out of nowhere to bury her whole chubby arm into a the bag of Doritos I was working on to get another piece while still holding on to another. That makes me happy.

My 5 year old asked me the other day where farmers sleep, like what part of the farm. Almost stumped me. She eventually said that she thought maybe they slept on hay and I couldn’t verify nor disagree because Idk. It brings me joy when she asks/speaks with curiosity and cleverness. 

I was happy that I finished 15 miles in my stationary bike yesterday. I was happy that I finished most of my laundry yesterday. I am happy when I am productive.

“What is your definition of the word happiness?” Feeling satisfaction. Within myself. When I see my family satisfied and comfortable. When I sense their ease and content.

“What makes you happy” Achieving something. Feeling of accomplishment. Validation- in which I am working on not relying on other to receive this. I am pursuing to be content with my self-validation and end, at least minimize, people pleasing. 

[hustle4damuscle]

I’ll call this DAY 5

Just came from the doctor’s office. They weighed me but i had my boots and snow bib on. I weighed 156 lol 

Today has been going well. I’ve been busy with editing pictures and purging stuff and I feel that I am slowly getting the ball rolling. I need to trust myself. I need to learn to do that.

[hustle4damuscle]

Day 4 Night check

Better than yesterday. 

I ran into the challenge of paying myself first because my kids’s were up and about earlier and motivated to need me. I still got the workout done! 

Eating was better than yesterday for sure. My anxiety is a hover and I need to learn to detach that from my eating. I am definitely an emotional eater. I understand that now. Not as an excuse but as a revelation. This helps me understand and know my triggers, allowing me to fight them better. I a ready to continue to be better!

[hustle4damuscle]

4th Day Morning Check-in

Side Effects of cheating: 

- runny nose

- extra smelly farts

- regret that can ruin mental stability

My reason for being in this Program this time

- To get in the body I can feel comfortable in (NOT WEIGHT)

- To kick start my strength training

- To transition to veganism

- To strengthen my eating conscience

BOOM! Leggo! I am finishing my coffee to get on my bike downstairs. Before I paint, organize, etc. Paying ME FIRST!

[hustle4damuscle]

Day 3 is not the end.

I really suck at putting myself first. I got on my bike today and showered and actually patted myself on the back for showering. Sad? Disgustingly sad.

I am working on it. Hard. Hence this blog to keep me accountable. Today i didn’t put my morning post. I should’ve known the effect of that. It’s too late for the self-kicking. I am here to promise to be better.

- I will use my gallon jug tomorrow.

- I will pick up more vegetables tomorrow to get my plan in a solid movement!

- MINDSET. I need to lay them out. Strong. No embarassment. No doubts. All belief that the goal will be reached. 

I WILL REACH THIS GOAL BECAUSE I AM STRONG. BECAUSE I KNOW I AM WORTHY OF SUCCESS. My past doesn’t define my future.

[hustle4damuscle]

Day 2

- bloated? Not as much :)

- Pimples? What can I say, I am asian so my 33 is acting like 13. Whatevs!

- Choosing skills? We’re working on that. That’s takes practice and kindness. 

Wish me luck because I still need it. 

P.S. 

I really suck at technology. I get overwhelmed. My lack of experience and training shows out like a girl after a break up.

[hustle4damuscle]

Closing out DAY 1

- pimples are still here

- so is bloatedness

- I feel my insecurities alive and undaunted but they are not questioned. I don’t like them and I let them know they are not welcomed. 

- A little hunger but they are more of adjustment pangs and withdrawals.

- Mindset is strong. Doubt escapes but these words here are reminders of the goal. I will not weigh tomorrow because patience is a skill supporting of the mindset. 

Here’s to a new day, a day closer to reaching my goal. 

[hustle4damuscle]

Day 1... Again.

It’s not illegal to try and try until you succeed so here I am fighting my fight, usually against myself, but we can only get better every try.

I am not used to fighting a fight with anyone and this time, I am not only believing I can but I am starting to believe I have support. That’s not easy when you’re used to having no one but every try we learn, remember?

I woke up with Mr. Kiyosaki’s quote, “Pay yourself first.” That was a financial advice but I woke up realizing it applied to my health. If I keep putting every one before me in getting over the wall, who will help me up when it’s my turn and every one has had their turn? 

I am using this blog to get thoughts out from my chaotic and mosh pit of a mental state. I have to let them free or else they’ll keep coming back, or so I believe. This act is my payment to myself. 

How I feel when I woke up:

- bloated. Yup. 

- my breath. It made me question if I brushed my teeth last night. What we eat comes out in any form, definitely. And this one is definitely gross.

- Pimples. Ugh. I’m 33, way beyond adolescents but Jesus, this pimples won’t leave me alone and it’s because of my diet. I know that dairy is a culprit to my misery but I keep digesting it gggrrr... My this pimples be a constant reminder of this. Not that they were before. BUT I MANIFEST THE ELIMINATION OF THIS MISERY On Mary and her mfkin lamb!

- My image of myself has been detrimental to my mental state. Truly. I am to the point of not wanting to go outside. I can barely look at myself in the mirror. Etc. Etc. I am the cock block to my own goals and that’s not only harmful, that’s fuckin expensive!

So here’s my current list. And this is just the beginning. So with this time of hustle, I AM PAYING ME. I owe me. I deserve the coins. I deserve happiness.