hyper-optimisticpessimist

[hyper-optimisticpessimist]

Looking for a random cause of death for a character? Click here.

Looking for a random city? Click here.

Looking for a random city that people have actually heard of? Click here.

Need a random surname for a character? Click here. (They also give prevalence by race, which is very helpful.)

Helpful writing tips for my friends.

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josh’s face courtesy of this

(what the fuck is right, mike)

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do i regret it? a little

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i love these ud girls

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forgive me father for i have sinned

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Jess + Text Posts

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AU where flamethrower guy teaches the group how to avoid a wendigo.

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Why do Americans call ‘Richard’s ‘dick’ and ‘Robert’s ‘Bob’ I don’t get it

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I also love how girls start shit talking off like ‘okay so Nicole like I love her, I adore her, she’s great and awesome and beautiful but like….’

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American recipes are like

2 tablespoons of spice you have never heard of

1 can of a food that does not come in a can in your country, wtf America why is everything in cans??

1 stalk pf something that has a totally different name where you are from and you have to google what it is

2 ounces of this liquid … what the fuck is an ounce??

Preheat oven to some temperature that sounds like it is as hot as the sun

Turn on a broiler. Find out what a broiler is. 

2 pounds, dammit where is my calculator, of this product that seems to be plentiful in America but non existence in your country. Google how to get it on some shady black market.

Give up and wonder what the hell America even is. 

[hyper-optimisticpessimist]

The signs as things Until Dawn characters say

Aries: sexiled

Taurus: Should have paid more attention in climbing class

Gemini:  Jesus hot sauce christmas cake

Cancer:  It’s so cold in here, my tongue would get stuck to your flagpole.

Leo: Did you not hear me? Is your sluttiness too loud?

Virgo: Lets party like we’re fuckin  pornstars

Libra:  What, are you tweeting? Hashtag there’s a freaking ghost after us!

Scorpio: Understand the palm of my hand, bi*ch!

Sagittarius: You couldn’t buy a moldy loaf of breaf with your skanky ass

Capricorn: The Bone Zone!

Aquarius:  UGH. Unfollow.

Pisces:  You want to ruin our fun THAT BAD?! Well GUESS WHAT? You can’t! You can’t ruin our good time! Because Michael and I are gonna f***! That’s right! We are going to have SEX! And it’s gonna be HOT! So ENJOY IT! Because I know we’re going to!

[hyper-optimisticpessimist]