hypergamiss

[hypergamiss]

You’ve been killing it with the responses lately. So many quotable gems that deserve to be shared on pinterest or instagram.

I would gate keep this blog if I were you but definitely feel free to repost!! Everyone has been killing it with the questions too🤍

[hypergamiss]

[hypergamiss]

People think screaming and arguing is how you over power someone but do you know the mental psyop you can cause by just giving someone grace or even silence? Real power move

[hypergamiss]

Hii I’m 27! I was wondering how I could focus on generosity rather than wealth? I have rich men in my life, but some of them don’t spend. I’m not attracted to those. But sometimes I find myself into someone or pursuing someone that shows wealth and I tie it to generosity…which is wrong.

At 27, it’s empowering to shift your focus from flashy displays of wealth to genuine generosity. It’s easy to confuse designer brands, luxury cars, and extravagant dinners with generosity—but most of the time, that’s just noise. The real signal is in how a man shows up for you.

Pay less attention to loud, materialistic items and more to how he treats you. Is he generous with his time, attention, and thoughtfulness? Those are far better indicators. Often, when a man is generous in those ways, financial generosity follows naturally. He might not be flaunting a $300K car, but you’ll eventually discover his million-dollar art collection, a rare set of collectibles, or a real estate portfolio built out of pure passion for architecture. These men don’t spend for show, they have nothing to prove. They spend with intention, often nerding out on things they genuinely love. And watching that is so attractive.

Also, remember this: net worth doesn’t define generosity. One man might have triple the assets, but another with a more modest net worth will spend twice as much on you, simply because he wants to. Generosity is a mindset, not a number.

The most generous men invest in what matters to them—and when you pay attention to how they give, not just what they have, everything changes.

[hypergamiss]

Hello 👋

I hope that this question finds you well! Lately I've been feeling like I don't center myself enough and that I'm lost in the sea of everyone. I wanted to know, how does one center themselves?

Thank you in advance for answering my question.

Hi! Can you include your age?

[hypergamiss]

Not trying to sound rude or anything, but how do you put yourself in the perspective of women who have a hard time dating or just finding one single man who is interested? It seems like you have never had an issue with that. Some women are just meant to do really well and others aren’t.

That’s a fair question, and I get where you’re coming from. But here’s my honest take: you can choose to stay in a mindset of victimhood, or you can take ownership of your life and actively shape it into what you want. The truth is, you don’t know my full story—and that’s okay. I’m not here to argue or prove anything. If anything, I take the assumption as a compliment.

I wasn’t always seen as attractive. I’ve talked before about having a glow-up, and it didn’t happen overnight. It took commitment—consistent diet, exercise, emotional healing, and even one plastic surgery procedure. None of that was easy. I made the choice to invest in myself, inside and out.

So when people say some women are just “meant to do well,” it overlooks the effort, pain, and growth behind the scenes (physical AND mental). Most women you think have it easy have fought their own battles. Maybe 1% of people are effortlessly beautiful. The rest are disciplined, intentional, and constantly working at it. Even top models have strict routines to maintain their appearance.

And let’s be real—dating isn’t about attracting everyone. If you’re monogamous, you only need one man who’s aligned with your values and ready for something real. Constant validation doesn’t equal worth.

Also, attention isn’t always a win. With it comes objectification, emotional harm, and unwanted advances. Being seen more often means being targeted more, too. The dating world challenges everyone, just in different ways.

If you feel overlooked, your pain is valid. But you are not powerless. There are countless ways to grow—mentally, emotionally, and physically. Everyone has their own path. The key is to respond, not resign. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and don’t waste your time.

[hypergamiss]

Been talking to this man for about a week now and he says that he likes me. We’ve been going on dates, and etc. I asked him “are you talking to other women” he says he communicates with them but doesn’t take them on dates and talk to them how he does with me. He also states “they was here before you and they don’t get nearly the attention that you do “ now after that “argument “ he claims he doesn’t know how to move forward, but he doesn’t any us to end. We’re currently on a break (I told him we should).

He was fast when it came down to physical, mental but not emotional. My past is the reason why I like men to give me attention. Why involve other women if they couldn’t get you to that level anyway but I may be wrong.

I dont know what to do.

Words mean very little when they aren’t backed by consistent action. If a man truly values you, he wouldn’t be giving attention to other women—his focus would be clear. When someone hurries into the physical but avoids emotional depth, it’s a strong sign they’re either not ready or not genuinely seeking a real connection. Deep down, you already sense the truth: it’s time to walk away and protect your peace. And ask yourself—if the roles were reversed, would he offer you the same grace you’re considering giving him?

[hypergamiss]

Is telling someone you’re not looking for new friends at the moment, rude? I get so many people who just think that we’re friends when I really i was being polite and friendly. How do you navigate social settings while maintaining boundaries but still being friendly and social? Whenever I meet someone new, I’m highly observant and constantly looking for cues or indicators about how close we are. I don’t assume the relationship that we have without them giving me a confirmation first. People don’t do this for me though.

It’s not necessarily rude to tell someone you’re not looking for new friends, but how you say it makes all the difference. Personally, I don’t usually say it outright unless someone clearly crosses a boundary. If someone I’ve just met starts calling me their best friend or something similar, I tend to laugh it off and respond with a light, witty comment. I don’t take it too seriously, and I rarely feel the need to correct them directly, I let my availability (or lack of it) speak for itself.

I’m friendly and open enough to spend time with people here and there, but I’m intentional about who gets access to the deeper parts of me. That kind of closeness is something I believe should be earned, not assumed. Just because someone feels like we’re friends doesn’t mean they’re entitled to my time, energy, or emotional availability.

I move through social spaces with the awareness that most people I meet won’t become part of my inner circle, and that’s completely okay. That understanding helps me navigate relationships more peacefully.

Over time, I’ve found that soft but steady boundaries work best. You can still be kind, engaging, and approachable without making yourself emotionally available to everyone. That balance has helped me protect my peace while still showing up with warmth and presence. And honestly, there will always be people who think they know you when they really don’t—I’ve come to accept that as part of life.

[hypergamiss]

Do you think a man being into motorcycles is a red flag? Every man I’ve dated that had a motorcycle in their 20’s and 30’s was always very immature. It was always the men who were unestablished and didn’t have much influence in society. Do you think there’s something to that? The serious men I’ve been with were indifferent to motorcycles.

I think there is truth to what you're saying. You noticed a pattern and highlighted it. It is not that motorcycles themselves are a red flag, but rather the kind of man who is often drawn to them at a certain age and stage in life. If you've consistently noticed that the men with motorcycles in their 20s or 30s were immature, unestablished, or lacked direction, then your experience is valid and worth listening to.

Sometimes people use things like motorcycles to project an image of freedom, rebellion, or excitement—especially when they feel they lack purpose or achievement elsewhere. That doesn't mean all men who ride are like that, but it might explain why your experience has repeated in this way.

I also think that men who are more serious might not want to take on the level of risk that comes with riding alongside reckless drivers. They have a lot to lose, and with maturity often comes a greater sense of caution and responsibility.

[hypergamiss]

How do I avoid resenting all men after being treated the same way by most men I’ve been with? If every man ghosts me after a while am i the problem? Are they the problem? It’s one thing to lose interest in me but for most men to think so little of my feelings, that they don’t even bother to break up with me properly tells me that I might be doing something wrong. 🥲 It’s like they don’t care about me at all. I don’t do that to men when I don’t like them back.

I’m trying hard not to become bitter but sometimes I want to do the same thing to a man just to get back at all the men who did it to me. Nonsense, I know. Why should i feel bad about being rude to men when they’d do it to me in a heartbeat?

Your feelings are completely valid and deeply relatable. When you've been ghosted, dismissed, or emotionally disregarded over and over, it’s natural to start questioning yourself, to wonder what you’re doing wrong, or even to feel bitterness creeping in. You’re human, and you're reacting to pain in the most human way possible by trying to protect yourself from it happening again.

Here is the hard truth: it is not you versus all men. It is you versus a pattern, and patterns can come from a mix of things like the people you’re attracting, the boundaries you’re setting or not setting, and the emotional availability of the people you give chances to. That doesn’t mean you are the problem, but it does mean there’s value in reflecting on what you can adjust, not to take blame, but to take your power back.

Most men ghost not because you aren’t worth the effort, but because they don’t have the emotional maturity, communication skills, or courage to handle discomfort. That is not a reflection of your worth. That is a reflection of their limitations.

You do not have to become cold or vengeful to protect yourself. In fact, that will likely leave you feeling worse. Instead, you can honor your hurt and also choose not to abandon your values just because others have. Being kind or respectful is not a weakness. It is a strength. But being kind and boundaried is power.

So no, you are not the problem. But maybe it is time to stop giving people chances to access your heart before they have proven they know how to hold it.

[hypergamiss]

Update on the guy who conveniently got sick before our first date:

It’s been 5 days since our last real conversation. I know I shouldn’t have (my friends have already dragged me for doing this) but I tried calling him from my number and then unknown caller, and I’m not blocked but his phone keeps ringing like it’s on DND, no matter what number I call from. Idk what this means. At least I’m not blocked right? 🥴 maybe he actually is sick. I do think that him canceling at an appropriate time and not just standing me up might be saying a lot. A truly disrespectful man wouldn’t have said anything. He has always made sure to cancel phone calls or FaceTime’s and not just leave me hanging, so I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

I’m choosing to let it go now though since I let the intrusive thoughts win and called him. I have other men putting in effort and communicating properly, so forget him. If he does come back around he will have to work 3x harder to keep my attention. How does that sound to you?

Pt.2

I’ll keep this brief. I think you're making excuses for him—ones I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t make if you weren’t attracted to him. Sure, he was considerate enough to cancel before you got ready, but then he ghosted you entirely. That speaks volumes.

Men are generally simple when it comes to behavior. Either someone else has his attention, or—like many—they don’t have the courage to be upfront. Instead, they fade out, giving you just enough to keep you wondering until they disappear completely.

If he does resurface, be clear-eyed about it. Take what’s useful (if anything) and move on. Men don’t leave and come back because they’ve had a heartfelt realization. They usually return to test your boundaries, not to respect them.

If his interest was genuine, you wouldn't be left analyzing his every move or wondering where you stand. You’d feel secure in his presence, because real interest brings clarity, not confusion.

[hypergamiss]

Been talking to this guy for almost a month everyday. He seems really interested in me. Telling me he misses me when I’m away on trips. We have been talking over the phone and video chatting. We were supposed to meet for our first date on Sunday. This is what he sends me at 8am, we were supposed to meet at 3pm so I don’t think the timing is disrespectful. He gave me enough advance:

“Good morning.

I woke up not feeling well this morning, so I think I'm going to stay in today & perhaps during my day off tomorrow.”

I don’t know. I just feel weird about it. Mind you we didn’t talk at all on Saturday and that was the only text he sent me on Sunday. I responded with this and it’s now 24 hours since I sent this message:

“Good morning. I hope you feel better soon” -8am

“How are you feeling?” -3pm

I’m thinking of just blocking him because I have another man who is on his shit and making time in his busy schedule for me. I just like this guy so much better thoughhh😩 I think you’ve said something like ‘men take their phones with them to the bathroom.’ So I keep that in mind. He’s not responding because he doesn’t want to. I doubt he’s been hunched over the toilet or in a hospital or something. He’s never gone this long without talking to me so it’s a sign.

Pt.1

[hypergamiss]

Is it true that it’s a red flag if a man who is more attractive than you wants to date you?

An older middle aged friend of mine told me about the warning her mother gave her during her first marriage, “that won’t work out because he’s more attractive than you”. She said that she should have listened.

I don’t know, it seems shallow to me. But maybe there is some truth because I’ve never had a man more attractive than me approach me.

You're absolutely right to question that advice. It does sound shallow on the surface, and ultimately, it's not about who's more attractive; it's about how you're treated. Saying it’s a red flag just because a man is more attractive than you oversimplifies human relationships and makes attraction transactional. The real red flag is if he treats you like you’re beneath him, whether he’s conventionally attractive or not.

Some attractive men—especially the ones who were late bloomers or had a “glow up” tend to be more grounded and respectful, often because they remember what it felt like to be overlooked. Others, unfortunately, might lean into their looks as a form of entitlement, acting like they’re doing you a favor by being with you. That’s where the trouble starts, not in their appearance, but in their attitude.

So the deeper truth here is: It’s not about the balance of attractiveness, it’s about the balance of respect. A man who makes you feel valued, secure, and seen is never a red flag, regardless of his looks. But if someone uses their attractiveness to control, belittle, or manipulate, that’s when you need to watch out.

[hypergamiss]

[hypergamiss]

[hypergamiss]

Hi love x

I have a question- how do you move past attraction/lust and master detachment? I get bored of people rather quickly, but I fear it’s also the same with the opposite manner: I meet someone, we get along fairly well, I’m attracted to them (physically, but not romantically), *think* I’m attracted romantically (when in reality it’s rather just a physical thing), and then fulfill what I want which is the physical sense of the situation or just move on.

I also gauge reactions to see how special I am or see where I am on their “priority” list; are they treating me the same as others? If I request for them to come to an event, would they come and if they do, it must mean that they like me enough to come? If they respond in a certain manner or continue communication, they want to continue our connection/(conversation, more like.)

I, like others, am a complete paradox wherein even if I like someone and they do me wrong once it’s never the same and even if I ache to return, I will not and will continue on as if they never existed from that day on, regardless of how I feel. But the superficial feelings I tend to dwell on or entertain seem like they could spin me to a wrong point, I’m not a man. There’s no benefit for me to get physical with a man whom I don’t see a future with, no provision or fulfillment of “security”.

Do you have any tips, or advice? I’m 22! Thank you xx

Hi there💓

It sounds like you already know how to detach—and you do it well, especially when someone crosses a line. You protect your peace like clockwork, even if there’s emotional ache underneath. That isn’t your issue.

What you seem to be wrestling with is distinguishing real connection from fleeting attraction. You catch yourself mistaking physical desire for emotional depth, only to realize it was never romantic in the first place. And in the aftermath, you’re left with a kind of emptiness that detachment alone can’t fix.

You’re also testing for meaning—trying to read people’s behavior to see if you matter to them, where you land on their priority list, and whether you’re being treated as special or just “one of many.” That tells me you do want to be chosen deeply—but maybe you don’t fully trust that anyone will.

The paradox isn’t detachment—it’s that you crave intimacy, but keep using lust or tests as a proxy for love. And as you already know, those proxies don’t provide the kind of safety or fulfillment you’re really looking for.

You don’t need to detach harder; you need to connect smarter.

Slow down attraction Give physical chemistry time to cool before acting on it. If you’re unsure whether it’s lust or something deeper, wait. Real romantic connection strengthens over time—lust tends to fade or become repetitive.

Define your standards for emotional connection Make a list of what emotional intimacy looks like for you—consistency, presence, curiosity, protection, shared values, etc. Use that list as your compass when engaging with someone new.

Stop using tests to measure love Instead of seeing how people respond to subtle invitations or tests, directly communicate what you value and need. When you’re clear, it makes it easier to spot those who naturally rise to the occasion.

Practice embodied self-worth You already know physical connection without emotional safety doesn’t benefit you. Start leading with your self-worth instead of curiosity or chemistry. You don’t owe anyone access to you just because there’s attraction.

Reconnect with your deeper desire What are you actually seeking—attention or connection? Validation or partnership? When you notice the impulse to pursue or entertain someone, ask: What is this really feeding? That pause is everything.

[hypergamiss]

Whenever the guy I’m seeing calls me he asks me if something is wrong. And I’m literally just neutral. Or maybe I’m tired or feeling a little under the weather so I’m not super bubbly but I’m fine and not upset. It’s starting to stress me out. How should I address this? Is he insecure?

It’s possible someone in his past, maybe a partner or even a family member, expected him to read their mind and got upset when he couldn’t. Or maybe he just tends to overthink things. Either way, it sounds like he just needs a little extra reassurance. You could gently remind him that if something were ever off, you’d tell him directly—no guessing games needed. You’re not here to make him decode anything.