i-am-become-a-name

[i-am-become-a-name]

Thinking about doctor who and contorting myself into shapes unknown to science

[i-am-become-a-name]

Do we think Narvin has Cop Shoes. Like if he was undercover could you rdcognize him by his copass shoes

[i-am-become-a-name]

my collection of screenshots of Fitz being normal.

[i-am-become-a-name]

sometimes the short trips are just a chance to write the most tragic tiny pieces and qualia is a mix of fascinating and heartbreaking for the late five team.

[i-am-become-a-name]

the entirety of gallifrey.... it's beautiful......

[i-am-become-a-name]

i love. tardis <3

[i-am-become-a-name]

anyway if they ever do ask me my faults at a job interview/what my current coworkers would call faults (which they did when I got this job) I would not be able to contain the fact I talk their ears off about the fifth Doctor. like yes I am cautious to a fault and love clearly stated rules and instructions but mainly as soon as I am comfortable with someone I cannot help talking about the fifth Doctor for an hour at a time. even the people not in my department know far far too much about the fifth Doctor.

[i-am-become-a-name]

the list of stories for the ‘party like its 1998’ eda charity anthology

[i-am-become-a-name]

weeping because you don't even have to go to the EU for the tragedy, in frontios Tegan states "the doctor's my responsibility" then in the very next episode she asks him if he's going to commit murder. then she almost commits it herself, trying to open the canister to poison the daleks. is she trying to take just a little of that guilt off his hands? does she find that's the final thing that breaks her, that in the company of the Doctor she has found herself capable of such terrible things in the attempt for good?

And he didn't intend to return to them. He set the setting on the TARDIS to send them back to earth. Five and Tegan so desperately trying to take responsibility for each other, to try and keep the blood off each other's hands and both falling apart under their facades. He leaves her behind again, and she leaves him behind too. god, they're so awful and tragic and all this in a silly wee sci-fi show from the eighties.

[i-am-become-a-name]

I feel like I should be apologising to Matthew Waterhouse because I did promise him that I'd listen to Hooklight, but am just vibing along so much in my own head thinking my own wee thoughts about five.

it's been like two and a half months, I'm sorry dude.

[i-am-become-a-name]

The 'Bad Wolf' Revealed... 20 years ago today! (18th June 2005)

[i-am-become-a-name]

how not to talk to short ppl but i think it's cute when he does this.

[i-am-become-a-name]

having discomforting 'weirdly sexy braxiatel drawing isn't real and can't hurt you' feelings about the picture i'm working on and all these recent gallifrey reads are clearly getting into my head

[i-am-become-a-name]

Once again holding two opposing thoughts on the fifth doctor in my head, related to Tegan leaving.

In one, he's seen it wearing on her - the deaths, the losses, victories so pyrrhic that they're drowning in blood, the horrific flesh machine on Frontios. The final horror of the Daleks is just the straw that breaks the camel's back, and he knows she's leaving, he just still isn't prepared - isn't prepared for how much grief there is in it for the both of them, of losing that last link to the youthful and hopeful figure he was born as, how sudden the tipping point was. But he's aware that it was going to happen at some point, sooner rather than later, because for all his faults and attempted aloofness, five does care dearly for his companions.

On the second 2-am-brain point, possibly more accurate to his reaction in the episode, is that he doesn't realise. He has intentionally cut himself so far off emotionally that he can't see the people that consider himself his friends (if they do - not sure what to classify Tegan saying the Doctor is her responsibility to mean as to what kind of relationship is going on,) are falling apart at the seams. If he doesn't care about them, his enemies can't use them against him like the Cybermen did with Adric. So he's forcing himself not to see that Tegan is just being ground down by the deaths. That any spark she had with him has been so extinguished that she can't see the wonders for the weight of all those horrors. Her leaving in this case is without any warning to him. Don't go, not like this. But even with that cutting himself off emotionally, it still has enough impact, enough hurt, for him to reach out, to try and chase her, to say please don't. Another person he's failed. Another wall of aloofness that hasn't worked, that hasn't managed to stop it hurting after all.

Anywho, don't know where this was leading, just have more tragic five thoughts chasing themselves around in my brain (they take up a solid 30% of my mind at any one time, lurking amongst the suitcases of penguins.)

[i-am-become-a-name]

annihilation the episode that you are

[i-am-become-a-name]

seventh doctor in glasses... save me.. seventh doctor in glasses. save me seventh doctor in glasses.

[i-am-become-a-name]

he’s so charming i want him so bad