i-am-broken

[i-am-broken]

I am not good with happy blogs, just going to share my personal life with you. It all started when i chose to be engineer. It had been only year or two that i started having these really strange thoughts. Many people would call me mentally ill if i tell you that i started imagening how i will die or how i should fasten the process. Maybe because it's not all engineering fault maybe it is someone else's fault or maybe not, i just don't know who to blame, for what reason to blame. But god could have helped a little if he wanted to to cure this ill mind of mine who always look for someone to blame for all the bad properties of my body, but god could have helped me to release this fucking stress in my mind that's been eating me from inside, me who always prayed every night because i was scared of him because i was supposed to be scared of him according to bible, there is also a thing called yoy have balanced life in which yoy have half good and half bad times but for me good times were always sweeped by bad times in everything in my life, i just couldn't handle it anymore all this anger of 20 years of my life just popped and i started having these thoughts of suicide and it was so critical that i thought many ways to kill my self, i looked up to fan and started staring at it thinking height is good but my weight is 80 kg so i would need stronger cloth. But then i listened to song which is epiphany (jin) and i repeated times over times that i should love my self in this world not ths thing that I don't see in this world, so it hit me in this fucking stupid brain of mine and reseted my mind , drank a lot of water and came to my senses and thought that this is not my end this is my life and i will choose how i want fucking spend it not by under fear but living under sky like birds, not saying god don't exist, it just don't matter to me anymore. I will live my life fearless.

This is how i overcame thought of suicide , so you should find a reason too even if it's size of ant but just bet yoy money on that reason and keep on live this beautiful life that god gave you . Thank you !!