i-am-harmless

[i-am-harmless]

Hello!!

I love your writing <3

I was wondering what your take is on the reverse portal au. If Stan had gone through the portal, do you think Ford would bring him back?

Thank you! <3

I'm a firm believer in "Ford is a hypocrite". The moment Stan is on the other side of that portal Ford is rushing to save him. The ONLY acceptable reason in my mind for this not happening is if outside factors prevent Ford from doing this. I've seen a few good au's with that, Ford getting mind wiped, Ford going into a mental institute, Ford getting arrested, etc. To Ford, regardless of how angry he is, Stan is the most important thing. Bill could wreck his life, destroy his reputation, torture him, but the thing that Ford considered crossing the line was trying to rope Stan into it. Ford thought Stan betrayed him and Stan was still the only person Ford trusted at the height of his paranoia. Stan is Ford's weakness every time, just like Ford is Stan's strength.

So Ford being in the portal motivated Stan into doing the impossible (learning how to repair and work an inter dimensional portal), and Stan being in the portal would break Ford into doing the 'wrong' thing (opening the portal and risking the fate of their dimension). Stan knew only some of the risks, Ford knew all of them, Stan saw turning it on a triumph, Ford a defeat.

But he'd do it. For Stan Ford would sacrifice himself and give up (give into Bill's demands). Ford is so angry and upset with Stan and the choices he made in life, but he loves his brother more than he lets himself think about. He'd have that portal up and running asap, drag Stan out of it, make sure he was OK, maybe cry a little, then yell at him. Their relationship would improve the few minutes it took Ford to do a physical check up and then plummet as Ford put his foot in his mouth by calling Stan an idiot and a selfish person for not just taking the journal the first time.

Comedy demands they then get into another fight and Stan accidentally gets pushed in again.

[i-am-harmless]

Hunger Games/ Gravity Falls AU

The Games Begin

(Hey so uh. Fair warning this one contains violence! Not a ton, surprisingly, but there is some and this IS the hunger games after all so please be aware. I wrote this in. Uh. In an hour as action scene practice, so it’s a little choppy on purpose. I promise, for now, this is not sad! I mean it’s sad in the case that this is the hunger games but this is not angst. Happy reading!)

Sixty seconds.

That's how long everyone has to wait, standing on a tiny platform of death, before the starting horn sounds and every tribute gets to run in whatever direction they please. Sixty seconds.

It's agony.

Stan reserves the right to call it agony. He'd call it torture, but the word agony seems like something Ford would say, and he's holding on to what he can.

The fish hook earring in his ear weighs down his earlobe just slightly. It's a pressure, a presence, and Stan is thankful it's there.

Fifty seconds.

The tributes, Stan included, are all standing in their little pedestals, stood up in a circle.

In the dead center of the field they are standing in, is a totem pole.

Its an eagle at the very top. With a huge grin and spread wings, and what might be a bunny underneath that.

At its base, piled high enough that Stan can't make out the bottom animal, are the supplies.

Boxes, crates full of things that Stan wants. Food, probably. Containers of water and weapons, every type of weapon imaginable, swords and spears and what looks to be a trident, and who knows what else.

Forty seconds.

Going for the supplies at the base of the totem pole is the stupidest choice Stan could possibly make.

Especially when there is a nice, easy to grab backpack laying innocently on the grass about half the distance to the totem pole.

Stan readjusts his feet on the pedestal, aiming.

The backpack has a sign pinned to it. On the sign is simply the number four.

Stan glances to the side. Every backpack around the totem pole has a sign, each designating it to a district.

That backpack is his. There's something in it that's worth grabbing. For him.

Please be rope. Please be rope. He wants to make a net.

The backpack is his. For his district.

Well, maybe also for Darlene.

For the first time, Stan looks up to the faces around him.

The girl next to him on his left is not Darlene. The boy next to her isn't either, but the girl on that boy's other side is short enough.

Stan can barely make out Darlene's ponytail.

The backpack is closest to him. She promised not to kill him first, so maybe if he grabs it, she won't stick a stick in his eye for it.

Stan's eyes drag around the circle, analyzing each face.

Thirty seconds.

There is a boy directly across from him. He's tall, that's all Stan can really make out. His distance vision isn't great. The boy is tall and he's pointing, right at Stan.

Stan squints, trying to make out his face. It's either the boy from eight, or it's one of the Careers, one or two, but Stan can't tell.

Then the boy slowly lifts his hand up, and mimes slicing across his throat.

Oh, Stan knows what that sign means.

Great. Thirty seconds in and someone's already decided to kill him first, absolutely wonderful.

Twenty seconds.

That backpack looks really tempting. Stan is absolutely sure that Darlene's seen it by now, and he glances over to be sure.

Instead of looking at bags, she's staring right at the totem pole up ahead.

No. No no no, bad idea.

Stan's not exactly sure if whistling to get her attention is a good idea or not, so he doesn't try it. Maybe if he thinks really hard at her, she'll magically be psychic for a second and understand.

Run. He tries to beam at her. Run away. To the trees. Away. Do not go for the death stick in the middle.

Ten seconds.

Stan's eyes snap back to the backpack with the four written on it.

It's a bad idea. He should run the exact opposite direction.

Five seconds.

This is going to be a bloodbath.

Three.

Stan takes a deep breath.

Two.

He hopes his parents and Shermie aren't watching.

One.

He misses Ford.

The horn sounds.

Stan is off.

He's down and off the platform faster than his direct neighbors and sprinting as fast as he can.

The bag. The bag the bag the bag.

Footsteps pound into the grass around him. Already, there is yelling.

No canons, but Stan hears the sound of someone die.

There is someone directly in front of him. Stan can only see their feet, his eyes still glued to the place in his vision where the bright four sign was a moment ago.

There is someone in front of him, and then there is not.

A tiny ball of speed and yelling crashes into the person reaching for his front.

Stan does not stop.

The bag. The bag the bag the bag.

He reaches it.

The bag is much bigger than it looked when he was on the pedestal. This bag is heavy, there's something weighty in it.

Now is not the time to check.

He got it he got the bag.

Stan turns, and there is screeching.

He knows this screeching.

It's Darlene.

She is sitting on someone's face down body, and she is slamming a knife repeatedly into the back of their neck and head.

Blood is gushing out of the gore she's making, spraying over herself and in fat, red droplets arcing into the sky.

She is yelling, and she continues to stab.

Stan runs.

On a backwards swing, he grabs her wrist to stop her. The body she's sitting on is dead, without a doubt, and she is a sitting duck, screaming away like an alarm.

Her head snaps on a swivel towards him.

Her eyes are huge and wide in her face. They are wild like a feral animal, and there is blood freckling all over her.

Her wrist is thin. The bone is fragile. Darlene looks like a monster.

She's just a little girl.

Her eyes are frightened.

There is a singular moment where Stan does not see Darlene in this battlefield arena of the Hunger Games.

He sees Ford's face, wide and scared, after an ocean swept thunderstorm, or a bad nightmare. Stan sees a child.

He shoves the backpack into Darlene's arms.

“Go!” He yells. His voice is heavy and loud and panicked and breaking.

Darlene goes.

She's fast. Faster than anyone else because she's so small. Stan does not have time to see where she runs.

Someone else dies to his left. A scream cut short.

He doesn't have a bag. He doesn't have a bag.

Stan's eyes dart, searching.

There is one more backpack, dead across from where he is.

Stan runs for it.

He almost trips over a body on the way there. He's exposed, empty handed, but there's not a damn thought in his head other than the renewed screaming of get the bag get the bag.

He reaches it. There is already a hand on it.

Stan snaps his head up.

It's a girl. Dark hair, bangs, and Stan cannot see her eyes.

The girl from District Ten. Emma something. She is gripping the bag in one hand, and she has something that glints like metal in the other.

He lets go of the bag.

He may be big, but he's fast enough to dodge when the girl shoots her arm out in a sideways, crazed swing. It misses, barely.

It's a hook. She's swinging a hook.

Stan jumps away. He spins, and Stan runs.

He's out of time. He's out of time and he doesn't have a bag, he's running.

There are trees right ahead of him. Huge sprawling trunks that go up taller than Stan can see, and he's not willing to waste the time to look up.

He needs to get out, he needs to get away.

He doesn't have a bag.

Something slams into his side.

It's a body, a clawing, yelling live one, and Stan's pinned on his side in the grass, fifteen feet from the tree-lined safety.

It's a girl that's clawing at him. Stan turns just in time to see that it's not one he recognizes, and its not one who's friendly.

She has a knife in one hand.

Stan does not feel bad for punching her as hard as he can in the face.

Something crunches under his middle knuckle, and the girl slumps off him immediately.

She happens to have a bag.

Stan wrenches it off of her so quickly that it knocks the dagger out of her fingers, and he grabs that too.

This bag is labeled as twelve. It's lighter than the four bag.

But a bag is a bag, and Stan takes it.

He runs into the woods.

He can still hear screaming behind him. He does not stop.

He runs until he slopes downward, until dirt and sticks under his boots become rocks, and the rocks turn slippery and there's a lake. There's water and it's a lake.

Stan doesn't even stop to think. He dives in, straight off the shore.

The water is cold, but not freezing, not as much as District four.

Stan has been swimming all his life. This is a stroke of perfect luck.

He swims, and he swims, and he doesn't stop until there are wet rocks under his hands again, and Stan drags himself up and out of the water on the opposite bank, a full lake in between him at the starting point.

It's a very big lake.

Stan has made it across.

At last, the rabbit-quick beating of his heart starts to slow.

He made it across.

He made it out of the launch zone.

He made it.

Welcome to the Hunger Games.

Lake water drips from Stan's face, and plops against the stones at his feet.

“May the odds be ever in your favor.” He whispers to himself.

[i-am-harmless]

fandom is a lot more fun when your goal isn’t to be “that big, popular account” within the fandom but just to have fun and talk about what brings you comfort and happiness by the way

[i-am-harmless]

@dark-lord-of-awesomeness LOOK AT THIS!

"Even now... you're still not HIM."

[i-am-harmless]

Prev HATES the Stans twins

New REBLOG Game

Just fucking lie about the previous poster

[i-am-harmless]

Prev AUs is ALWAYS a miss

@maridrawss @walkingwindbreakr215

New REBLOG Game

Just fucking lie about the previous poster

[i-am-harmless]

This is what would happen if Jerk Ford went missing (somebody save us pls/j)

Au by @tinfoil-jones, @nowimjustastranger, @maridrawss

Art by @maridrawss & @tearosepedall

[i-am-harmless]

Sorry I'm late, now choose which one is the lie

@dark-lord-of-awesomeness @walkingwindbreakr215 @triptychcryptid

It's time for.. TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE

(Normal version)

@neverniko101 @soul100 @aurora-starlight-silly

You've been chosen to continue the game, onward my frens

Y'all can check out the unhinged version on my blog

[i-am-harmless]

Sharing is caring?

AU where Ford attempts to get in contact with Stan a couple years into living in gravity falls. He’d rather not, but his mother has been bugging him recently about Stan, lamenting about how she lost contact with him months ago and is worried. She asks Ford multiple times to try and find his brother for her, and eventually he gives in.

But Ford isn’t about to give up the life he’s carved out for himself to go searching the whole country for his troublemaker of a brother, oh no. Ford decides to find Stan through magical means. Of course, the spell he finds for it sounds a little iffy, with sections that are worn away, but Ford is sure he has enough knowledge to fill the gaps himself and make it work. The spell should give him Stan’s exact location, and even project a snapshot of Stan’s current view into his mind like a picture.

Ford sets everything up for the spell and. It doesn’t work. He tries again, but still nothing. After pouring over the spell for a few hours, frustratedly trying to figure out where he went wrong, Ford decides to give up for the night and go to bed. He falls asleep.

And wakes up somewhere that’s very much not his home.

“Where am I?” he wonders.

“Woah! Hey! What was—?” someone says back.

Except. Ford didn’t really hear the person audibly speak, so much as he felt as though the words had been projected right into his mind, loud and clear.

“Hello?” he asks tentatively.

“Oh, man, I’ve finally cracked,” the other voice says with worry. “I’m finally hearing voices in my head! I knew I shouldn’t have done so many drugs!”

Ford blinks, except he doesn’t, because his body doesn’t seem to be obeying him. “What?”

His body jumps up, and Ford feels a jolt of panic. He didn’t tell it to move! He didn’t do that! It was just moving on its own!

“What’s going on?” he asks himself.

“You’re asking me?! You’re the random voice that just showed up in my head!” the voice cries back agitatedly.

And Ford… knows that voice. Of course he does.

The voice is mumbling to himself, “Can’t believe the crazy voice has to sound just like my brother too. Of course my brain would do that to me. Why not? Why not an internal Ford to berate me all day?”

“Stanley?” Ford gasps.

“Shut up, fake Ford,” Stan grouses.

Hands come up to grab at the sides of Ford’s head. And they only have five fingers. Normal hands.

…This isn’t Ford’s body.

“The spell,” Ford groans in realization. “It must have done this.”

Stan ignores him, in the middle of his own panic spiral. He pulls on his (their?) hair and it hurts. Ford doesn’t like that. He feels disconnected from the body (of course he does, it’s not his) but he wonders if he can…?

Ford mentally lunges forward. There’s a strange sensation, like he’s grappling with another force, one that’s too surprised to fight back, before Ford metaphorically sits himself in the driver’s seat. He untangles his (Stanley’s. Their) hands from his hair, and looks around the crummy motel room he’s (they’re) in.

“What the hell?!” Stan screams in their new shared mind space. “What did you do?! Voices shouldn’t be able to do that! Give me my body back!”

“You’re not hallucinating,” Ford tries to explain. “I’m not just a voice. Or, well, I am right now.” And he wondered what had happened to his physical body, if it was still back home laying in his bed. “It’s me. Your brother. I seem to have accidentally projected my consciousness into your body.”

“WHAT.”

And then the brothers have to road trip up to gravity falls to check on Ford’s body and hopefully find a way to fix their situation, all while sharing Stan’s body. Arguments are had, and both learn new things about each other. Ford realizes that maybe Stan isn’t doing so great. And what do you mean the mob is after you, Stan? Why does your body ache so much? Why are all your clothes so ratty?

Stan is not so enthused about his unexpected new head-mate, and needs a lot of convincing to even believe that it’s really Ford and not just a hallucination and that he’s finally gone crazy. What do you mean you cast a spell, Ford? Magic isn’t real. What do you mean you aren’t sure how to fix it? You better figure it out; this is a violation of privacy!

TLDR:

In an attempt to find Stan, Ford messes up a spell that transfers his consciousness into Stan’s body. Now they have to share that body until Ford figures out a way to undo it. Discoveries are made, arguments are had, and eventually reconciliation happens.

[i-am-harmless]

sigh.

I need this out of my brain, I'm trying to focus on the fics I'm already writing, so I'm flinging this into the void

Au where Stan's born Stan Filbrick Pines, only child to Filbrick and Caryn Pines. He's not a super smart genius, but without Ford to compare to his life...

Still sucks.

He's not bullied for being the dumb twin, but he's still a jerk, still barely socializes positively with his peers, is desperate for connection but doesn't know how to change himself to be more likable to everyone around him. He's still bullied as a kid for being shrimpy and weak until he picks up boxing, still finds the Stan O' War, but it becomes a hang out spot for him to be by himself and draw instead of a focal point for his dreams of escapism.

But now that he's not getting pressured to be more like Ford he can focus on his own hobbies without too much shame.

Specifically drawing.

Starts writing his lil'Stan comic, grows a little older and dang :/ kinda embarrassing to have the character be just him, he'll give him a different name!

Like Stanley. No one will ever guess its an OC thats just him like this!

Grows a little older and his loneliness manifests as him giving his comic character (who's not him!) a friend, named..... Stanford. Stanford's everything Stanley isn't, smart (doesn't struggle in school like Stan), cool (people think his actions are amazing and not something to laugh at or dismiss), a hero everyone likes but is too focused on being a nerd to realize (Stan's the town's trouble child, and is very aware no one likes him). Its not Stan's ideal! Its not Stan twice! See, Stanford different, because, uh, he's got six fingers!

So Stan's got his Lil'Stans comic, starring the twins Stanley and Stanford, one who's just him and one who's everything Stan's not (and sort of wishes he was) and are the best of friends. Life goes on, Stan hits high school, draws and doesn't get the comparison that kills his creativeness but also still isn't a super genius like his cool OC Sixer. Hits seventeen and gets scouted for some prestigious art school.

Turns out Stan's got talent! He's pretty good! Just one thing!

They don't really like his comic style, they like his more realistic, detailed style more. Stan can get in, but he has to 'grow up' and leave his comics behind (or at least, that's what it feels like everyone else is telling him).

And Stan does it. He wants to go somewhere no one knows him, where he can hopefully find someone who doesn't scowl and grimace at all of his ideas, actually make friends. Writes a final farewell comic to his characters, where Stanley and Stanford have a (typical Teen) angsty falling out and Stanley rides off into the sunset to start his own adventure, and maybe find somewhere he belongs.

This does not happen, and while Stan graduates he's just as lonely as he was when he started, parents distant, brother someone he barely knows. Through a series of events Stan's more 'mature' work gets popular and he moves out to Gravity Falls for either inspiration or just to get away from it all. Doesn't matter.

What matters is he's been living his life, drawing stories based on all the weird things around him, when a man who looks eerily similar to him bursts into his living room, claims to be his twin, and is here to take Stan on an adventure to Save Everyone.

aka

Stan's childhood comics come to life, except specifically the twin brother he dreamed up, the evil villain he based off a chip when he was out of ideas, and a few minor characters (Fiddleford, various others, idk). The world of Lil'Stans' , now fully real, is seeping into the real world and Ford's come rescue his 'long lost' brother who ditched him ten years ago and who he's still angry with over it (Stan's a little peeved about it. He was seventeen! How was he supposed to know all his day dreams were real? or something? Actually whats happening?)

(Aka, I've seen a few fics about Ford being an only child and creating Stan in one way or another, what if it was the other way around? This idea slammed into my brain the other night out of nowhere. I've got nothing but the premise and i need it Out of my Mind)

[i-am-harmless]

[i-am-harmless]

Jamoca almond fudge, very sweet coffee flavour 😋

@dark-lord-of-awesomeness @maridrawss

new tag game!!

i’ve just always wanted to try and start a tag game so uh yeah :D

…what flavor of ice cream is the person who tagged you?

@notthesodaa @ribbitingconversation @lowercaserowan @yosefinthetrenches @janenotbirkin @residentoddity (and any of my other moots) (no pressure!)

[i-am-harmless]

And he was never seen again, RIP Rayyan 😔

AU by @tinfoil-jones & @maridrawss

Art by @maridrawss

Ft: @rayyanishere1 & @sharkiewyu

[i-am-harmless]

You're being escorted but due to your nature as a jerk Ford sympathizer you're elbowed and then escorted out by the feet, the extra noogies are an accident I can assure you/j

Due to an unforeseen issue SOMEONE *cough* rayyan *cough* has managed to infiltrate the club, please note that if you are caught without a members card you will be escorted out/jk

AU by @rayyanishere1, @maridrawss, @tinfoil-jones

Art by @rayyanishere1 & @maridrawss

Ft : @rayyanishere1

[i-am-harmless]

Due to an unforeseen issue SOMEONE *cough* rayyan *cough* has managed to infiltrate the club, please note that if you are caught without a members card you will be escorted out/jk

AU by @rayyanishere1, @maridrawss, @tinfoil-jones

Art by @rayyanishere1 & @maridrawss

Ft : @rayyanishere1

[i-am-harmless]

"I'm gonna be SUCH a bitch to the next AI 'artist' that crawls into my community! I'm gonna be THAT bitch! YOU'LL ALL SEE!"

[AI 'Artist' posting their "au" with absolute lack of transparency that they're using AI]

_(:Ⅰ」∠)_

I gentle parented them and blocked them as if I made a point of some kind. Fuck I'm weak.

[i-am-harmless]

Jerk Ford AU: The (J)FHC Members

Response to: This.

It's been revealed before that there are IRL and AU members of The (J)FHC (The (Jerk) Ford Hate Club), the AU character members are listed in Jerk Ford's profile list of enemies with an ˣ.

Criteria for joining The Ford Hate Club? Jerk Ford either lives in your head rent free, and/or he's wronged you in some way (this is for AU characters)

But here's a list; there are currently two V.I.P's, and six regulars.

V.I.P's

@blinday / @stwinsgstdrop

Why: Made a very astute insight early on that no one else knows about yet. First member, not just first VIP.

@i-am-harmless

Why: Broke 'lurker' status just to reblog all of the posts from the JFAU

REGULAR MEMBER

@triptychcryptid

Why: Made a considerable amount of JFAU Fanart and Posts.

Note, triptychcryptid has a Gravity Falls AU, "Demons Disciple AU", but no one from the AU is an actual member of The Ford Hate Club.

Stan-H512'12, who was the one portaled in this AU, does know Jerk Ford. And hates him, because he sucks. But he hates Fords as a concept more, and would never officially join any club or organization run by them.

He does sneak in for the free catering on Thursdays in his laundry day outfit, however.

The Bounty Hunter Twins of the In a World So Cold AU: Stan-83;9F & Ford-83;9F by @nowimjustastranger

Why: They attempted to take Jerk Ford's bounty once, only for him to trap them in a cage dangling over a vat of what appeared to be acid. The only reason Jerk Ford did not drop them in is because they're under Watchdog Ford's protection.

Despite being the only one of the two who applied for a membership, and being the mouth of the duo, BH Stan is still treated as an extension of his Ford (so they added whiteout and put Stans designation on it last-minute like an after thought) because the Ford Hate Club is run by Fords who always view Ford as the 'main' and Stan as the 'sidekick'.

This pair is an interesting, rare example where the Stan hates Jerk Ford more than the Ford does.

Lee-\'64 "The Drifter" and Ford-46’/ "Dr. Pines of the Institute of Oddology" of the Everything Everywhere All At Once AU by @maridrawss

Why:

The Drifter: He was rushing to catch a space elevator once; Jerk Ford was already inside and pushed the 'close' button when he saw him rushing. Then looked him straight in the eye - because it was a glass elevator - and flipped him off when the door closed on Lee before he could enter, and it went up without him.

He's mostly there for the gossip and free catering on Thursdays.

Dr. Pines: Cyberbullying.

Ford-121713 aka "Loser Ford" of the Loser Ford AU by @rayyanishere1

Why: Loser Ford was lost in a cave system, Jerk Ford picked up his distress beacon, and instead of leading him out the normal way, he decided to be a menace, and scare him out.

Jerk Ford pretended to be Slenderman by dressing up in a suit and leaving a bunch of vaguely threatening, ominous notes around the cave telling Loser Ford to drink water.