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Rejected and Disappointed

Not wanting to feel it. Apathy towards the whole thing.

Why bother?

Isn’t it curious how we can love something. Someone. So much.

And feel so completely rejected and disappointed by them.

Two sides of a coin.

Love and pain.

How can I care so much, and yet desire to care so little?

Apathy. An easy option filled with complications.

Eventually, the truth will catch up with me.

Apathy. A dangerous act to perform.

It’s hard to keep up. It takes its toll.

Especially when masking the pain of rejection and disappointment.

How long can I pretend before I forget, and the mask falls from my face?

Can I trust myself? Am I that good of an actor?

What if I wore my rejection, my disappointment, without shame?

How might that change things? If you and I were to know the truth?

No reason to hide.

The love and pain, revealed.

Vulnerable. Exposed.

It is what it is. Equanimity. Towards my disappointment and my rejection.

I can learn to love them, as I do you. You’re intertwined, one. Ever present.

All of what I feel deserves to be felt.

Equally acceptable is my love and my pain.

photo credit: Karla Cantu

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

Pay What It’s Worth: The Book

The World Is Flat – A Truly Inspiring Read for the Innerpreneur

All the People We Leave Behind

By Tara Joyce of RiseofTheInnerpreneur.com

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Skimming the Surface

To see only yourself in every reflection, and only the parts you want to see, a life is lived in the shallow end. Where there is deepness and darkness, you do not probe, unwilling to go deeper. Uncomfortable with its truth, you reject and dismiss that which you care not to understand.

To be shallow is to only see—and believe in—the surface facade of others, and of yourself. This shiny surface is so alluring when the darker, less “perfect” aspects of yourself are unacceptable. You live on the surface, so that life’s deeper truths and anyone who expresses them, can easily be rejected.

To dip below the surface is supremely threatening. To acknowledge the depth possible is to accept the imperfect life we each bear. Dipping below your own facade, your own shiny surface, to acknowledge and accept your own imperfections is more than your shallow heart can currently bear.

Instead, it is easier to see that “other” people have issues, that there is something supremely “wrong” with them. It is easier to point fingers and to place blame. It is easier to not understand and to judge. Resolved of responsibility, comfortable in the shallow end, you do not see the deeper, darker truth of yourself hidden in plain sight. Everyone in your life is a mirror reflecting back the parts you love and dislike about yourself. That which provokes you and numbs you, that which drives you to turn away and to hide from your darkness, are the very reflections you can learn the most from.

photo credit: stttjin

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

Pay What It’s Worth: The Book

The World Is Flat – A Truly Inspiring Read for the Innerpreneur

All the People We Leave Behind

By Tara Joyce of RiseofTheInnerpreneur.com

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The Gradual Process of Gaining Confidence

Being hard on ourselves and others, we often assert that we either have confidence—or we don’t. Yet gaining confidence is a gradual process. It is only with practice that we learn to handle our affairs with proficiency and ease. Through practice, we learn to trust ourselves and our decisions, developing our self-assurance. Inherent within us, our self-assurance is not a momentary—nor set—thing. Rather it grows as our confidence expands, as we skillfully handle life’s challenges. Only through practice do we develop true faith in ourselves, assured as we bear witness to our ability to positively impact the quality of our life.

Looking back on when we felt self-doubt and lacking in confidence, and aligning ourselves to that person, we can see that true self-assurance is a process that takes time. We must learn to trust ourselves. We must learn to have confidence in our decisions. Being open to uncovering our past fears and doubts and seeing where we’ve lacked confidence, we allow ourselves to heal our old wounds and to notice how much we’ve grown since creating them. Invariably, our awareness creates greater strength and confidence within us about our future and our ability to skillfully handle it. Little by little, we find our confidence grows.

photo credit: Karen & Chris Highland

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

Pay What It’s Worth: The Book

The World Is Flat – A Truly Inspiring Read for the Innerpreneur

All the People We Leave Behind

By Tara Joyce of RiseofTheInnerpreneur.com

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The Moments of Regret

Regret is a painful thing. We see it through the lens of things undone, unsaid, unbeen. We feel it for those moments where our head overran our heart. We embrace it when we act from fear rather than love. All these moments we regret. It is never the moments from love, but the ones acted on—or not—out of fear; these are the moments we miss(understand).

Our mind wants to protect us, but from what? What is it our mind first causes us to fear—then ask us to protect against? Sadly, it is love. Always balancing our head and our heart, we are not perfect people. Trying to protect our self from the truth of our feelings, we make mistakes we later regret. Busy thinking about how we want to feel, we miss another moment to connect.

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

Attached to Who We Are

Don’t Take My Advice

Emotional Self-Abandonment

By Tara Joyce of RiseofTheInnerpreneur.com

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The Cost of Being Agreeable

We learn to articulate our personal power by saying no. Feeling my desire to be agreeable, and my fear of rejection, I say no anyway. I learn to be more me. There is wonder in the myriad of consequences created by responding negatively to requests. There is magic in how life moves forward, without interruption. “No” proves to … Read More By Tara Joyce of RiseofTheInnerpreneur.com

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“Better” Than You

It’s an endless quest to be good enough in another person’s eyes. Not facing our own thoughts and feelings, we measure our self using the eyes of another. Unable to acknowledge it’s really our own perception of self that we use as the measure—not theirs.

It takes practice to feel good and whole as we are. Sometimes, rather than doing this, we buy clothes and things, chase and stockpile money, and do what we can to be “better” than others. In comparison, we find our worth.

Rather than question and/or remove ourselves from the mindsets and situations that exert and encourage this dance of superiority/inferiority, we can find ourselves feeding into it and trying to puff ourselves up in order to match it—and even beat it. In our armour of clothes, hair, beautiful things, and pomp we are elevated and protected.

A culture of buying into the need to feel superior (and invariably, inferior) to others. A collective experience encouraging us and teaching us all to feel so very insecure.

Repeatedly pushed and pulled to feel inferior and superior, internally and externally, this wild see-saw of emotion is crazy-making. In our totality, we are no better nor worse, yet we each have qualities that make us “better” than another. It’s focusing on these qualities that gets us caught on the see-saw. Feeling superior ultimately leads to feeling inferior. And vice versa. The pendulum keeps swinging, the see-saw rises and falls.

How do we know what is impressive to another? Thinking what impresses us is what impresses everyone leaves us in fantasy, believing everyone is like us. And they are not. Acknowledging our fantastical expectations, we are pulled by them less by them—and we’re less likely to push them on others, keeping ourselves on the see-saw.

We are neither as perfect nor as terrible as we imagine ourselves (and others) to be. Accepting this frees us from the push and pull to be “the best.” Equanimity actively dissolve the illusion surrounding us.

For our own happiness, we need to own the places where we compete and compare, where we feel inferior and superior to others. It’s so very okay that we ride the see-saw. It’s so very okay we measure our self against others. Owning it, we make the see-saw an easier ride for all of us. The pendulum has less space to swing, the ride becomes less wild. For the moment, in our truth, we are each good enough.

photo credit: Mike Leary

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Addicted to the Pain

Because My Gut Says So

By Tara Joyce of RiseofTheInnerpreneur.com

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Performing

So good at the act that you forget what’s true.

So good at pretending that the unreal becomes real.

What you feel is under your control.

You can simply act it away.

A mask of neutrality.

Leads you to believe you might actually feel it.

You can ignore your feelings.

You can act forever.

Yet at some point, the inevitable curtain comes down, and the performance ends.

You are left with you; and the feelings you’re pretending aren’t there.

If only for a moment.

The act is over.

What then?

Who are you when your truth has space to be?

The question, terrifying.

Its answer even more so.

It lies in love and the shape of it.

What does your love and care look like when there is no performance to mask it?

photo credit: Ania

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

Emotional Self-Abandonment

If Our Stories Were Our Truth, We Might Call Them That

Emotional Littering

from Rise of the Innerpreneur riseoftheinnerpreneur.com

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Emotional Littering

Emotional littering is when I attempt to alleviate my own overwhelming emotions by disposing of them elsewhere, when I inherently know they’re mine to be responsible to.

In those moments, I don’t want to own what I’m feeling and how I’m reacting to it. Instead, I’m trying to drop my responsibility into another’s backyard. To put it on them.

I’m not making space for my stuff, and I’m attempting to alleviate this by leaving it for someone else to take care of. I’m pretending to not be attached to what I’m feeling.

I am emotionally littering. And in doing so—in not being responsible to how I feel—I’m giving away my power to feel differently. What a waste.

photo credit: Steven Pisano

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

Getting to Know Your Garbage

Building Blocks on My PWIW Path

The Motion of Emotion

from Rise of the Innerpreneur riseoftheinnerpreneur.com

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Defining Boundaries

A plant needs space, and a seed, as its container to grow. The seed is a boundary from which the plant grows, as is the space that it takes root and grows in.

To ensure our plants—the ones we choose to nurture and grow—have the space they need to grow free from invasive intruders, we weed our landscape.

Our relationships are no different. They are a landscape that needs our attention.

Weeding is necessary, as is protecting our space from the things we do not need, nor want, within it.

Defining our boundaries in this way is not as a fear-based act of protection, but rather a necessary and abundance-ensuring act that supports the growth of what we care about nurturing.

Everything living needs boundaries to build strong foundations from. What grows from us is no different.

Our boundaries nurture what we care to come to fruition.

photo credit: Enid Martindale

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

Discovering a Sense of Boundaries

Does Your Value Have a Limit?

What’s the Point of This Communication?

from Rise of the Innerpreneur riseoftheinnerpreneur.com

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Getting to Know Your Garbage

Here’s a bit of my garbage… I have a tendency to attach to other people’s garbage.

I magnetize to the parts of people that they have decided have no value and have thrown away.

I can’t stand how their not responsible to these parts, and I determine someone needs to be.

And now their garbage has become mine. I’ve attached to it.

Except, I have my own garbage to manage. So, why do I think I have room to take on theirs? Being responsible to theirs, I can’t fully be responsible to mine.

I need the emotional space.

Other times with garbage, I like to think other people are responsible for the garbage in my life. I like to think I’m a victim of their littering and ignorance, their garbage creations.

When I’m not being responsible to the garbage in my life, when I’m blaming it on others, this action holds me back from being the complete person I am.

Taking responsibility for both the things I’ve made and the things I’ve wasted—my creations and my garbage—I change myself, and the world around me.

In owning my complete experience, I am free to be whole in my tragedy and in my joy. I can now acknowledge both my waste and my creations without shame.

In creating space for own my handiwork, both its darkness and light, I create space for others to own theirs. Magically, my garbage problem disappears.

photo credit: habeebee

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

More Complex Than A Story Can Tell

Co-Creating Communication

Systems Thinking My Way to Freedom

from Rise of the Innerpreneur riseoftheinnerpreneur.com

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William Charlton: Innerpreneur Spotlight

WILLIAM CHARLTON

Founder of Premier Crew

I am:

Concerned about the direction the world is going. We are relying on models of behaviour that are no longer fit for our actual situation. The paternalistic, top-down, command and control, growth centric, use and throw away, win or lose, ways of behaving are creating more problems that they are solving. Inequalities of all sorts are growing and big changes are needed or our future does not look pretty. My aim is to help organisations adapt to the changing eco(nomic)system and to survive and prosper.

My passion is for:

Finding different ways of operating that harness the better (compassionate, empathetic, fairer and more long-sighted) side of our natures and which result in healthier, sustainable (in the wider sense) outcomes.

Which can be summed up as “Helping organisations build honest, fruitful relationships.”

My business helps you:

See the, often questionable, logic behind the dominant methodologies and find ways to do things that better fit the way we humans actually are and the realities of today’s world. By first identifying an organisation’s true purpose and then finding the most efficient ways of achieving that purpose – in a way that sustains both the organisation and the “stakeholder’s” interests. This all sounds very New-Age but without a clear purpose an organisation is truly not coherent.

Stakeholders include anyone affected by the organisation and its work, but the most important are those most impacted by what the organisation does and the way it does it – this is very often the employees – and then working on out, to the other groups that are affected or involved, including the less obvious ones.

My biggest challenge is:

Getting people to see beyond the “Conventional Wisdom” and to believe that change is possible, it can be very positive and can also be great fun.

I make a difference by:

Providing examples of different ways to think, organise and move forward.

I do a lot, and I mean a lot, of research, which is a hugely important aspect of understanding the wider picture. Sometimes I have to dig quite deeply to find reasons and causes, but they are there.

I have lots of ideas about:

Why we do things the way we do. The historical and cultural norms which we might think are immutable are, in the main, quite recent inventions.

Most people can see the problems, but they expect someone else – or technology – to solve them, and then we can carry on as before. I don’t believe we can afford to remain ignorant any longer, we must educate ourselves and adapt.

I have a model, which I call the Three Pillars of Wisdom. These are (to me) the three main aspects where we need to change. The first is the way we operate, especially but not exclusively, at work and our preparation for work (education): We have to change the methods and relationship models to meet peoples’ real needs. There are some excellent methodologies out there (Teal, Holacracy, Beyond Engagement and so on). Second is the economy: The cyclical boom and bust, growth-based model has failed and we urgently need to replace it with something like a Steady-State Model. And lastly: The way we produce and consume has a limited useful life expectancy, which, as we deplete our resources, is nearing its end. The only viable answer is some form of Circular Economy or Cradle-to-Cradle model.

There are of course many other issues in the world but these are the most tractable. Many of the other points of failure will, I believe, start to work or at least improve if we can sort these three areas out. I’m also a big believer in collaboration, even if it sometimes seems like herding cats – the clue there is to not even consider herding as a methodology.

I’ve learned:

Nothing is quite what it seems and I too can be fooled into thinking that the old ways are best. However, I can also be fooled into thinking that all the old ways are wrong too. Stay alert, question everything – including oneself – seek the underlying, logical explanations and know that just because a problem is big, doesn’t mean it cannot be addressed.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead

I have also learnt a simple truth; that many problems are much clearer when examined under that spotlight called honesty and the most profound insights come at the oddest times.

A favourite quote of mine:

Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist” – The economist, Kenneth Boulding

But also, I love;

Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member” – Groucho Mark

If you would you like to be considered for an upcoming “Innerpreneur Spotlight”, please feel free to contact me.

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

Shabnam Karimi: August 2013 Innerpreneur Spotlight

Innerpreneur Spotlight: Michael Chadd

Jennifer Chan: October 2011 Innerpreneur Spotlight

from Rise of the Innerpreneur riseoftheinnerpreneur.com

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All the People We Leave Behind

I need to talk more about all the people I’ve left behind. We need to talk about them more.

We talk of the relationships we have, and the ones we desire—but we don’t talk often enough about the many more people we’ve met and have not moved forward with. We don’t talk enough about all the people we leave behind.

I want us to talk about them more. I want us to talk about what we leave in the past, and how it changes over time. I want us to talk about what remains for us. And what (and who) does not. I want us to understand the relics of our past, and their value to us today.

I believe there is much to learn from the people I have not taken with me, the relationships I have not sustained. Whatever happened between us, I understand to move forward fully, making space for my future and the relationships it holds, it is necessary to more fully honour you—and all whom I’ve left behind.

photo credit: Spiderdama

P.S., I love this recent interview I did with The Entrepreneur’s Radio Show, about how we can best serve each others unique challenges (and more). You can listen here. Enjoy!

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

Beyond Right and Wrong

Our Relationships of Integrity

Hello 2014!

from Rise of the Innerpreneur riseoftheinnerpreneur.com

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The beautiful things produced by an injured life.

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See How You’ve Grown

It needs to be good. No. It needs to be great. If it isn’t, it’s not worth anything.

My sentiment is, of course, not true. Despite how I may feel, the worth of it, of anything, lies not in the goodness of it (or lack thereof) but in what is being expressed and shared through it.

After all, “goodness” and “greatness” aren’t real measures of anything. You may feel it’s good, while I may feel it’s not. Who’s right? We both are.

So who really cares what’s good? Why let your fear of not being IT stop you from expressing? If you are doing your best, that is what matters. As creators, what we truly desire is to do our best with the resources we have. Good or not, your expression has value.

As you expand your resources, you’ll find you reach a place where you can do better than you did before. You may find yourself feeling your work from before is not as good as you feel it could be today. This is not a sign of your ineptitude. This is a sign that you have improved and grown. You now have more information, more practice, and more support than you’ve ever had before.

You are better, you have improved, and now you’re seeing how you’ve grown. Resist the temptation to feel upset by your previous expressions, that they are not good enough. They are beautiful artifacts of your growth between now and then. Before, you simply weren’t able to see how you would and could express yourself better—and now you are. That’s valuable stuff.

photo credit: Ana C.

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

A Waste of Words

The Heart of Self-Worth

Systems Thinking My Way to Freedom

from Rise of the Innerpreneur riseoftheinnerpreneur.com

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I've been quietly working on something since October that I want to share with you. I'm making custom gemstone bracelets! The bracelet's stones are chosen based upon your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs--and what you find beautiful. You can see some bracelet examples here: http://etsy.com/shop/elasticmind. I hope you love the bracelets. As I love making them. It's so much fun!!

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What You’re Capable Of

You are well equipped to face whatever challenges are placed in your path. In all ways.

Whether you see them or not, you have been provided with an abundance of resources to draw upon.

Whatever your objective, if you can trust that you have the resources to handle it, you’ll find yourself responding capably when challenges present themselves. Trusting your resilience, you’ll find yourself naturally employing your resources effectively and efficiently.

Your challenges, whatever their nature, are here to support you in proving to yourself that you are as capable and skilled as you desire to be. In immersing yourself in these taxing situations, you empower yourself to test your grit—and you expose your true resilience.

The challenging situations causing you pain compel you to utilize all of your strengths and resources, just to stay afloat. What’s beautiful is in bravely and competently facing these challenges, your confidence increases and you discover within you the will and the ability to accomplish almost anything. Now, you truly understand what you’re capable of.

photo credit: Jeremy Thomas

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

A Waste of Words

Shabnam Karimi: August 2013 Innerpreneur Spotlight

Save money. Save gas. Forget Esso.

from Rise of the Innerpreneur riseoftheinnerpreneur.com

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Money, You, and the Work to Be Done

Psychology is to money what an engine is to a car. Your motives — what drives you — determines your experience with it.

Increasing the quality of your thoughts, your wealth increases. In valuing yourself more, you naturally exchange this greater sense of worth with the world around you.

In building credit with yourself, you build credit in the world.

But in order to increase the quality of your thoughts around money, in order to build your credit, you first need to do the work. Your work with money, and with worth. To fully recognize and grow your credit, you need to identify the outer work and the inner work you need.

Your Outer Work with Money Includes…

Marketing Yourself – Identifying & communicating the value you offer

Creating Opportunities for Higher Pay – Growing your wealth

Managing Your Money – Caring for your wealth

Your Inner Work with Money Includes…

Transforming Your Thoughts, Feelings, Beliefs, Attitudes and Decisions About Yourself and Money – Connecting with the value you offer and the abundance of wealth you possess

In exploring both aspects of your experience with money and yourself, you’re doing the work you need to build the credit you inherently hold, and you’re supporting yourself in realizing the abundant life you deserve. Working on the quality of your thoughts, you improve the quality of your experience.

photo credit: Simon Cunningham

Other articles that might tickle your fancy:

The Work and Reward of Building Credit

An Economy of Scarcity?

Trapped In Luxury

from Rise of the Innerpreneur riseoftheinnerpreneur.com