I come home and I see a message from my friend who went to their concert today and all I read is “today was their first concert as officially the four of them” and all I can think is “no oh god no you’re lying” and I get on here and all I see is “goodbye Zayn” and on Facebook it’s the same thing and MY HEART FUCKING DROPS AND I CSNT STOP CRYING I CAN’T FEEL ANYTHING , ZAYN YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG SOURCE OF MY HAPPINESS AND IM SORRY WE COULDN’T BE A PART OF YOURS
actually, growing up is feeling like i turned sixteen two days ago. i’ve been eighteen for years. fifteen year olds seem so young. wasn’t i fifteen just a few weeks ago? all my friends and i are still twelve. i’m closer to thirty then to being a baby. i never got to be a kid. i never grew past eight. i can’t talk to my mom. i want to sit in her lap forever. the week is going by so slow. an entire year has passed. i want to decide everything for myself. i need someone to tell me exactly what to do.