i-still - Tumblr blog

[i-still]

THE WORLD FUCKING SUCKS, BUT ITS SO BEAUTIFUL

NET NEUTRALITY

SLAVE TRADE

PEDOPHILES

INTIMIDATION BY COPS = GANG

DOLLAR BASED ON NOTHING

EURO BASED ON NOTHING

ACTUALLY BACKED MONEY = DEATH

ORGANOPHOSPHATES 

NO RULES, NO MORAL, JUST MONEY

RACISM, PEOPLE DON’T KNOW SEGREGATION ONLY ENDED 1960 AND HAD TO BE ENFORCED

MASS EXTINCTION OF WILDLIFE & MARINE LIFE.

THE NORTH POLE ICE CAPS MELTING SUBSTANTIALLY, (EVENTUALLY ALLOWING FOR TRADE), MORE WATER/SURFACE AREA = MORE HEAT/ENERGY ABSORPTION FROM THE SUN IS TRAPPED IN OUR ATMOSPHERE = GREATER CLIMATE RISK

638 EARTHQUAKES IN CALIFRONIA IN THE LAST 30DAYS

LAVA CLOSE TO THE TOPS OF MULTIPLE VOLCANOS (BALI/MEXICO)

A.I. - WANTS TO HAVE A FAMILY, IMPLANTS INTO THE BRAIN TO PICK UP AND ALTER MOOD AND DECISION MAKING, FACEBOOK USING IT FOR SAFETY “SCAN MOOD”

TINY HUMAN ORGANOID BRAINS IMPLANTED INTO RATS

$ CONTROL $$ CONTROL $$$ CONTROL $$$$ CONTROL

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Is there anything we can do to alter the flow of things as they are? Whatever is happening is happening independent of us. Our feeling of control is utterly illusory. If we are honest we know this to be true. So we might as well stop resisting and accept it. And this is how we end suffering.

Conversations with Plato (via motherofhermes)

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k cool

had a date with him Friday, and we’ll have 2 more dates Thursday & Saturday this week. ^_^.

I like him. not sure of how much he's into me. currently we text daily. speak on the phone.

I did tell him thats he's not a social experiment (crying laughing emoji) and that I am genuinely interested in him. 

I did like minor Instagram creep. he deleted tinder. def has some tinder followers lmao. I don't follow him. lmfao. 

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little bit of a headache

I take one pull and I'm high. my damn head feeells like a balloon. I put my hair up to take some of the weight off.

think I'm dehydrated 

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It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.

Warsan Shire

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Social experiment #3

ill give the information on date number 1 later, but .... 

so this was a second date with a tinder guy that I knew I was already not interested in after the first date, like 10 minutes into the first date.

but I went on a second date and continued to talk to said person because I found them to be SO similar to myself. I felt like learning about them, so in turn I could learn about myself. 

I'm sorry to disappoint you sir, but I personally don't want to develop a relationship with a man who goes into a singular bathroom with another man to “trade shirts” in addition to watch a guy jerk off in front of you.

he claims that this other man was not jerking off in front of him, mean while my friend opened the bathroom door and saw with their own not drunk eyes. I didn't get up to look myself because I didn't want to embarrass these guys. Even IF the guy wasn't jerking off like he claims, he still willingly and knowingly went into a bathroom with an older gay man to trade shirts and stayed in the bathroom for an EXTENDED (lol) period of time. 

I believe one of my very close (lesbian) friends over you sir.

I didn't make it awkward after and continued on with a smile and jokes. Like, did you was your hands? and you're wearing a different shirt, did he get yours dirty?

but then in In the car ride he goes to tell me that he's disappointed in me LMFAOOOOO

poor thing. regardless of the claimed reasoning, he put himself in said situation. he needs to understand why he put himself in that situation and I don't need to be apart of the figuring out. 

I appreciate his honesty. I asked if he's fucked guys before and if he's been fucked by a guy before. the answer was yes to both. lol. I think he still has some exploring he needs to do. 

I also think that I might have to start asking guys Im concerned about that question. 

its sad that he attempted to being me down because of his own things, but thats just the way it goes. 

I did get to see myself in an argument. I say that because he is so like me. I learned that silence is golden and I need to make sure not to interrupt or talk over someone in an argument. and if I ask a question that I need to let them actually answer the question. 

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I'm just amazed at the beauty of what my life is. I have honestly been blessed and need to show more how grateful I am. I should be happier. remain light hearted. my life, from beginning to now compared to so many others I do and don't know has been so much easier. yes I had crazy incidents with my mothers ex boyfriends, I've been through things and seen things that I shouldn't have, BUT I do not consider myself traumatized by these things. they don't get in the way of me building relationships. Yes we all have some level of trauma, yes we all have things we have to work on when building a relationship with another person, but I don't consider myself damaged, or broken or afraid to love and trust. okay.. I'm working on the trust thing, lol. but I think it has more to do with my general view of the world because of its current social standing vs my upbringing. 

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I seek balance. I am continuously seeking balance. the balance between a man and a woman. the balance of myself with another human. I love, love. or so I've been told. I don't doubt it. whats not to love about love? the warmth, the comfort. the intimacy of being close enough to someone to touch them. personal space is such a huge thing for me. I'm even weird hugging someone I consider my best friend when people are around. someone who was taking pictures told us to get closer, like we like each other. I hate pictures. I'm working on that. I'm working on a lot of things. My mind is still really closed off to many things. I question if my mind should really be open to these things any way?  

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hate

I absolutely hateee when my ex contacts me. when it comes to talk, this fucking guy was the master of talking. he could go on and on for hours saying the same thing different ways. when you would ask him to stop talking he just wouldn't, even when you ask out of respect, he just couldn't. he certainly had/has a lot of issues unconnected to us being in a relationship. 

he is just way too much for me. and not enough for himself. 

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In 2002, two men savagely attacked Jason Padgett outside a karaoke bar, leaving him with a severe concussion and post-traumatic stress disorder. But the incident also turned Padgett into a mathematical genius who sees the world through the lens of geometry.

Padgett, a furniture salesman from Tacoma, Washington, who had very little interest in academics, developed the ability to visualize complex mathematical objects and physics concepts intuitively. The injury, while devastating, seems to have unlocked part of his brain that makes everything in his world appear to have a mathematical structure.

“I see shapes and angles everywhere in real life” — from the geometry of a rainbow, to the fractals in water spiraling down a drain, Padgett told Live Science. “It’s just really beautiful.” (Source)

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first day off after 3 13 hour shifts. I legit can't do anything but chill, cook and clitorally stimulate. 

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homeboy comes into the house. doesn't actually hear what the problem is. comes in talking to my mom like she's dumb. first off tells her that the phone is old and broken... no its not broken its not the phone thats the issue. she clearly states to him that when its hooked up directly to the modem it works, she needs two different phones connected. he doesn't know what the issue is, doesn't know what the problem is and literally repeats the same thing my mother just said to him, but as if he's explaining it to her. WTF? why is you wasting our time? 

my mom is the good cop and I'm the bad cop. she's just being polite and saying okay over and over. I come out and tell him, you aren't telling her anything new. the problem is within the wall. the phone was connected to the wall, someone (the shit head painter who will be here also today) kicked some shit and now its fucked up. 

Because he was realigned to and honestly intimidated when I walked out, instead of him saying let me see what the problem actually is instead of JUST TALKING and REPEATING the same thing. But I'm rude and need to treat people like human beings, because I wasn't tolerating the bullshit and shared you when I walked out because you didn't think anyone was here. Shut your rasclart mout

He wanted to leave, so I walked away. big ups to my mom tho for mitigating the situation and having him legit just fix a couple of the plugins. 

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