i-was-once-a--tortoise - Tumblr blog

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

feeling covid booster effects... osmosis jones you haved to save me!!!!!! fuck!!!

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

travelling back to the paleolithic era to explain to a neanderthal that in the future there will be food that is simultaneously disgusting and also the best tasting food you've ever eaten. the neanderthal nods and says "oh yeah we have that" and leads me to a clearing in the woods where a perfectly normal mcdonalds sits.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

it's always incredibly fucked up when an animal evolves to be a different size/weight than it was originally. like it's easy to forget how many changes go into that. bat ancestors started small and lightweight already, but had to get even lighter to be able to live that flying life, without the advantage that early bird ancestors had (DON'T GET ME STARTED ON BIRDS. THAT'S A WHOLE ASS LIZARD. FEATHERS IS JUST SKIN. WE DON'T TALK ABOUT HOW GROSS FEATHERS ARE, JUST CONCEPTUALLY), so bats started dumping whatever they didn't need in their bodies to get as light as possible, eventually down to the molecular level. bats just shed bits of their whole dna for the express purpose of being lighter. because i guess those little chromosomes were really dragging them down.

on the opposite end are whales. cetaceans. an animal we have for some reason decided is majestic and beautiful, because it swims and is loud i guess. i can also swim and be loud but okay. anyway pray to god that evolution does not do to your genus's body what it has done to cetaceans. is the blue whale the biggest animal to have ever evolved on land or sea? yeah it is, of course. can it leave the sea without being horribly killed by the weight of its own body? it sure can't!

the point of this is that mammals shoulda just stayed little non-flying guys. we had too much ambition.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

its possible to personally dislike or fear a creature w out demonizing it. u can be afraid of and annoyed by animals like snakes and mosquitos and roaches and rats etc w out treating them like theyre inherently evil or out to get u. theyre just animals. we're just animals. whether u like it or not they live here with us and its honestly really weird that theres such a pervasive deep rooted habit of anthropomorphizing these animals just to say theyre malicious and actively trying to cause harm

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

do you like food

it's alright

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

for those wondering at my quiet.... i have been Suffering..... acid refux :(

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

can you imagine the discourse that would go on on dog tumblr

3 notes

🌿 bassetdyke Follow

okay how do you pronounce the name of this item -> 👟

a-WOOF (correct) 🟦⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ 2.1%

A-woof (wrong) ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ 0.2 %

other? (tags) 🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦⬜️ 97.7%

12,301 notes

🐾 chihuawalter Follow

okay we need to talk about the term “small dog syndrome” and its roots in ableism and other forms of systematic puppression. rant under cut.

Read more

252 notes

🎾 aussiedoodled Follow

okay I’m gonna be real I can’t stand antimailmanblr lately. i know we all hate mailmen and there’s nothing wrong with that but I think dogxxing might be a little too fucking far.

🔁 catahoulaz Follow

op please try to stick to nongendered language like mailpeople! using “mailman” exclusively may undermine the point you’re trying to make!

🔁 aussiedoodled Follow

my stance on dogxxing has changed

25 notes

💕 postsfrommycrate Follow

for the love of dog PLEASE stop using the term “tr*pod dogs”!!! this is a derogatory term!!! you should be treating all disabled dogs with love and kindness, not demeaning them!!!!

🔁 tpunk-pup Follow

op I appreciate you trying to support us but there’s actually a very widespread movement to reclaim the term “tripod”. your pinned post says you’re an “able pawed ally”, so I’d recommend you checkout the tripodpunk/tpunk tags on the site to see some more varied stances within the community. a lot of three legged dogs actually prefer to be referred to this way!

🔀 postsfrommycrate Follow

kill yourself

186 notes

🎉 pawpadpride Follow

honestly if you’re still supporting doug the pug after what he said on monday unfollow me idgaf.

1,034 notes

Pawnonymous said:

go get hit by a car

🌕 wolftastic Follow

IS THIS BECAUSE I SAID I’M NOT ATTRACTED TO LASSIE

🔁 milkbonemilf Follow

pawnon’s right find the nearest street now

🔁 wolftastic Follow

I’M GAY

6 notes

💁🏽‍♀️ emilythehuman Follow

hi dogblr! i’m hoping you all can give me some advice. my shih tzu recently had to go on a temporary wet food diet to recover from a surgery, and now she’s refusing to eat any dry food. what can I do to convince her to start eating dry food again? i can’t feed her wet food forever, and i was wondering if you can tell me any tips that make dry food more enticing! thank you!

🔁 bassetdyke Follow

wet food forever

🔁 huskyrights Follow

wet food forever

🔁 tpunk-pup Follow

wet food forever

🔁 buddysblog Follow

wet food forever

🔁 postsfrommycrate Follow

wet food forever

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

my friends it is that wondrous time of the year where the weather is getting warmer and the bugs and animals are awakening and i am once again obsessed with watching them. my favorite time of year where i can sit and get horribly sunburnt as i happily and mindlessly watch an ant walk around

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

What is your Hogwarts house?

idk who that is, sorry :)

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

i would have suuuch a bad time if i lived in adventure time i would eat a hot dog and it would turn out to be a princess or whatever and i’d plead diplomatic immunity but the cop is a banana who has only ever been taught capital punishment by his war crime lesbian overlord and then i would get publicly guillotined in the candy kingdom and the last thing i ever heard before my head fell off would be a teen boy going “oh my björk that was hella wooble shambalooby!”

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

what if I opened the new album with an ai voice clip of Joe Biden saying "my fellow Americans, I want to kill myself"

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

they release animal for the 3ds

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

Tabletop RPG about a band of epic heroes with full sentences for names on a quest to murder God and shatter His throne, as one does, except the epic heroes in question are a mob of foot-tall gremlinny critters who are not 100% sure what "God" actually is, and they're not about to let that stop them. The game features an elaborately statted-out bestiary of "divine beasts" to fight which the human reader will recognise as things that are neither divine nor beasts; the climactic battle of the example scenario involves the player characters going Shadow of the Colossus on what is clearly a windmill.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

we are at levels of Back heretofore unseen

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]