i94so

[i94so]

. . . ✿﹐standing at just 165 centimeters tall, this starlet will remind you of chaos, beauty, and everything found in between followed by the smell of rosewater, fresh vanilla, and dark cherries, & the feeling of curling into bed after a long day.

✿　⸻   TAPE ONE : IN BLOOM ! 

BIRTH NAME.   lee so hee STAGE NAME / KNOWN ALIAS.  han so hee NICKNAME(S).  —

DATE OF BIRTH.   november 18, 1994 AGE.   twenty-nine ( 29 ) PLACE OF BIRTH.   ulsan, south korea  ZODAIC.   sun in scorpio, moon in taurus, rising in aquarius

GENDER  +  PRONOUNS.   cis woman + she/her

RELATIONSHIP STATUS.   single CRUSH / LOVE INTEREST.   lee taemin of shinee ROMANTIC ORIENTATION.   demiromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION. pansexual

PIERCINGS  +  TATTOOS. there have been moments where she had multiple face piercings, but after trying them, she removed them. instead, she just has standard ear lobe piercings. most of her tattoos were removed for her career, but so hee has two that fans can occasionally see ( on her right side and a floral one on her waist ) while others are still hidden from view.

MAIN OCCUPATION. actress, model

LANGUAGES. korean ( native ) + english ( basic )

PERSONALITY. traits quirks habits curious. indecisive. playful. kind. worrisome ( about those she cares about ). anxious ( at times ). cautious in trusting others. very expressive, even outside of work. passionate. determined. loyal. a bit secretive. calm, but bright. stubborn. meticulous. reserved around people she isn’t close with, but is still polite. creative. spontaneous. independent. open-minded. can come across as cold or aloof at times.

LIKES. blackpink ( her favorite member is jennie ). comfortable clothing. dresses ( because they're easy to put on ) or workout attire. loves to hear : "let's meet again!" / "let's meet again soon!" the color black. ramyeon ( it's her favorite food ). loves all animals ( she does not have a favorite ). rock / indie / alternative music. films, especially noir ones. art. spongebob. going on walks. journaling / art diary. reading. cozy nights in with friends. watching mukbangs, especially dessert ones. still water. mint chocolate. mike wazowski. learning / playing the piano. spring ( her favorite season because it's warm in the day and cold at night. she gets too hot quickly and gets too cold easily, it rules out summer and winter. the fall makes her feel lonely ).

FAMILY.   father ( estranged ), mother ( estranged ), grandmother ( extremely close )

✿　⸻   TAPE TWO : SHE BLOSSOMS ! 

when planning for a trip, she prefers to improvise — date, place, food; it all depends on the mood.

formerly an infp but is currently an enfp. though, she thinks that she is a combination of both.

so hee has two cats, a white one named hammer and a grey one named marsh-ie.

she is a sensitive sleeper and often has to spray an aroma that comforts her to sleep.

prefers to go out than stay in; she considers herself a busybody, even if it means doing things independently. the only time she likes to stay in is if she's been super busy. then, she prefers to stay home and watch things or read.

her art journey started with fashion design, later to details in art, before fine arts until she switched focus to becoming an actress.

she is not afraid to admit that she's a bad dancer, and would even prefer being a good dancer over being a good singer.

so hee isn’t one to approach people first, she would rather they come to her.

her habit when taking a photo is doing the 'toothache pose'.

✿　⸻   MIXTAPE : WE FLOURISHED ! 

below are all of so hee's connections within seouless. disclaimer : if you're unhappy with a description, please let me know. this will be kept up to date as time passes.

✶ seokjin of bts ⸻ ex

prior to him, so hee had been in a string of casual relationships, nothing that ever meant too much. she had been too focused on making ends meet to working her hardest for her dreams to come true for something so serious. things changed when meeting seokjin — her first true love and serious relationship. it was serious for her to the point where so hee felt that he really was the one. the two breaking up was out of love, for the sake of their happiness. it was a tragic, bittersweet ending to something that was once so beautiful. it inevitably changed how she guarded her heart and decisions she isn’t necessarily proud of.

they are on good terms and so hee no longer has a romantic attraction or interest in seokjin; just fondness and a constant wish for him to be happy.

✶ jungkook of bts ⸻ family / younger brother

with so much in common, it isn’t surprising to anyone around them on how well these two meshed and simply clicked together. jungkook is one of the very few people that so hee truly allows herself to be free around, more than usual. she barely keeps secrets from him, though, so hee would not be able to tell you if she has any secrets from him. jungkook is someone she feels safe with, that she can trust, and the feeling seems to be mutual. so hee would do anything to make sure he’s happy.

✶ taemin of shinee ⸻ love interest / crush

despite being deeply attracted to one another and the two of them knowing it, something always prevents it from happening. one thing is for sure : when things begin to get serious between the two, so hee, more often than not, tends to back away. perhaps so hee is too afraid to get into another relationship for fear of getting hurt again or maybe it's taemin's imprudent actions at times. reviving their friendship after losing contact, who's to say if so hee will finally let him in in the end?

✶ wooyoung of ateez ⸻ family / younger brother

everyone needs a support system, someone they can turn to when things are too much. and well, that’s who so hee is for wooyoung. no matter the time of day or night, all it takes is a simple message and she’s there. in trade, so hee has recognized him as a younger sibling — leaving him subject to her worrisome messages to make sure he’s doing okay and taking care of himself.

✶ johnny of nct ⸻ old flame / confidant

acquaintances that crossed over into friends with benefits at one time or another, with the condition of no strings attached. it was a time after johnny’s break up with joy — things never go to plan, especially not this. with him wanting to make things official, so hee ended things out of fear of just being nothing but a rebound. unbeknownst to her, this led to johnny having the reputation he’s given himself now. after losing contact, seeing each other once so much time has passed makes the past they once shared feel like ancient history. seems that the two of them have crossed paths at the right time.

✶ danielle of newjeans ⸻ new friends / younger sister

though their friendship is still fresh, so hee cares for danielle like she’s the younger sister she’s never had. so hee does her best to help navigate her through the new found journey of dizzying fame and the industry itself. in the end, so hee has a little habit of doting on danielle, too.

✶ casual friends ⸻ jinyoung of got7.

✿　⸻   pinterest. musing tag. visage tag. wanted connections.

[i94so]

ㅤ    the woman sits, allowing johnny to speak, listening to what he has to say. the things heartbreak can do to a person, so hee had her fair share, so much so that she has forced herself to seal off her heart to avoid the devastating anguish of it. or, well, the woman attempted to. everything tended to be so much easier said than done. her eyebrows quirked up in amusement at the thought of it being karma. though the actress isn’t too involved in the industry's idol side, it doesn’t matter. she’d still caught wind of the man’s reputation — a complete shock when she had heard about it, especially considering how he was when they first met. regardless, so hee still deems him a good person and doesn’t believe he deserves karma for something like this, even if she isn’t aware of everything.

call her senseless or even stupid, but she believes everyone deserves their happy ending eventually.

“the cycle of patterns can always be broken,” so hee tries to keep things uplifting but finds herself cringing at herself. “fuck, i’m terrible at this. i sound like some awful cliché wine aunt or something.” the woman remarks with a pitiful laugh following her words.

“nothing to thank me for, but i'm sorry that i’m not so good at this.” the woman’s apology came, empathetic in how she gave a small smile.

“who says that i don’t?” she prompts in a teasing manner before so hee shakes her head. “but truthfully? no one bothered to ask, and i. . .” her words trail off, tipping her head back to look up, eyes gazing up at the ceiling. “there was someone i wanted to ask, but i’ve grown to be too much of a coward these days.” that, being a coward, was putting it lightly. the fear of laying her heart out on the table frightened her far too much, and frankly, she didn’t think she was ready to do that. “that and deal with feelings? yeah, no, thanks.” the actress scrunches her face at the thought. “i think i’m just playing it safe.”

The offer of champagne brought a faint smile to Johnny's lips. "I'll take you up on that." he accepted the glass and finished the contents in one go. He'd grabbed a scotch from the bar after he'd found Minnie dancing with Changbin, but a glass of champagne wouldn't take him over the limit. One of the cons of partying frequently was a high alcohol tolerance, and right now, Johnny would really love to not be sober. "Thank you."

He chuckled bitterly at the bullshit advice, but the genuine advice wasn't much more appealing. He hated feeling like this, but was he supposed to accept it? "I don't want to feel it. It feels like shit. And what am I supposed to learn? I thought I did everything right with her. I didn't even get to tell her how I feel..." The reality of the situation only made him more upset. "Is this karma? Did I piss off Mercury or whatever planet makes people miserable?" The image of Minnie with her head on Changbin's shoulder stung in his memory. That was supposed to be him, and somehow, everything fell apart before he could save it.

He hesitated, contemplating how much to reveal. "She's... someone I thought could be different, you know? Someone I hoped could break the pattern, make me a better person... the kind of guy that deserved someone like her." Johnny confessed, his voice tinged with a hint of resignation. "But maybe the pattern's there for a reason." He let out a deep sigh and gave her a defeated smile. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up."

He considered his options for a moment. He could sit here and continue to wallow in self-pity. Seemed like a solid option, in his opinion. He could go get more alcohol. Again, very tempting, but could end in embarrassment. Or he could distract himself by putting his attention back on Sohee. "So, how'd you end up coming to this thing alone? I'm surprised you didn't have a line of guys trying to ask you."

[i94so]

✶ limbo, a playlist ⸻ on the verge of heaven, while always trapped in hell : a very small collection of feelings through her life.

can be played in order, but is meant to be played on shuffle.

[i94so]

✶ @xtaetaeminmin

ㅤ    so hee had only been here for about an hour, the dinner that was provided was phenomenal — one of the finer meals that she had ever tasted, if she were to be entirely honest. there's a part of her that knows her grandmother would enjoy it too. perhaps she would try when she had the time to attempt to cook at least one of the dishes for her . . . or pay someone else to do it.

nonetheless, the actress was having a great time mingling about, exchanging conversations with various people, a few she'd known prior. there was one face in particular that never failed to cause butterflies to flutter in her stomach, much to her dismay. no matter how much she has tried to will them away in the past or even in a situation like now, they never listen. so hee was unaware of how much she was staring at the man who was now approaching her. well, shit, he'd caught her practically ogling him from nearly halfway across the room.

great.

despite the heat that has decided to rise on her cheeks, so hee manages to keep her composure at bay, refusing to let her moment of embarrassment get to her. a glowing smile tugs at her lips as she does a once over of taemin's chosen outfit for the gala. with her pointer finger, she gives him a small twirling motion, insinuating for him to give her a full view of his outfit. "and to think one couldn’t imagine you becoming even more good-looking," so hee starts her greeting, tone a bit playful. "you look amazing, but i think you know that already."

[i94so]

ㅤ    all the two of them can do is hope. it would be tragic if the night wound up being a bust, especially after how much effort the hotel went through preparing the gala and everyone who had taken the time to get ready to attend. oftentimes, so hee forgot how different a group of people from the same industry could be without the pressures of the spotlight and cameras on them. no matter how many times she’s witnessed it, it’s always like she was stepping into a whole new dimension. it almost tends to give her whiplash sometimes.

though it isn’t to say so hee’s naïve to the reality of things, by any means, it is just that she forgets that most of the people attending need a persona, an image to carry and maintain at all times whereas she tends to act more herself unless she has a role or a photoshoot.

“i think once the shock of it all passes, it’ll be nothing but a distant memory for the rest of the night. for most people, anyway. all we can do is simply try to make the best of what’s remaining.”

“keep that up and you will have me squishing you in a hug,” so hee spoke lightheartedly, referring to wonyoung’s compliment, but also because the idol was just too endearing for her heart to handle. the woman gives a shake of her head at the question, hand subconsciously fiddling with the watch that sat clasped around her wrist. “i came alone, i didn’t have it in me to ask who i wanted to attend with me. but i’ve been mingling about and even seen some familiar faces, so it wasn’t so bad.”

so hee notices how wonyoung’s gaze shift to her empty flute which must of had champagne in it. she’d thought to offer up her own, but she had already sipped from her glass. “should i go see if there’s waitstaff around to get you another?” she found herself offering instead. “a spa day does wonders. i know of a really good spa, if you need a recommendation and don’t have a place in mind already.” so hee doesn’t frequent the spa often, but she has done so in between filming days or photoshoots if her schedules allow.

“i guess looks can be pretty deceiving,” she spoke knowingly with a smile. “don’t get me wrong, attending things like this always reminds me that i’ve made it, you know? to be able to attend something so luxurious that most can only dream about, but,” she pauses, crossing one of her legs over the other as she took a second to think. “i just prefer smaller gatherings with close friends and maybe some acquaintances. i think it’s the amount of people that attend events like this that get to me sometimes. i still always manage to have fun though.”

This situation was inevitable. It was the first time in a long time that idols and any other big names in the entertainment industry were gathered in one place without cameras, fans or medias. Any perfectly curated persona now vanished within the protected walls of the ballroom. They were free to act however they wanted with whoever they desired. What Wonyoung had predicted was simply to see unexpected pairings whether friendly or romantic. Surely not a violent physical altercation in such a high-class event. "Yeah, I agree. You can tell the atmosphere is heavy right now. But you do have a point, maybe we should give it an hour and things will drastically change...hopefully," she smiled. So Hee wasn't lying, she was good company —refraining Wonyoung from letting her mind drift to negative thoughts. "I mean it, you're stunning!" a faint blush rose to her cheeks at the actress' choice of words. "You came here with someone by the way?"

Brown orbs dropped to her empty flute of champagne, cursing herself for forgetting to grab another one on her way here. No passing waiters seemed to offer their services in the area the two were now comfortably sat. "It's like you read my mind! I've been wanting to have a spa day, maybe I'll do that," she nodded, though she knew it would only help her in the moment, her irritation towards her date would soon surge back on her way out of the spa resort, even if days after the event. "I'm surprised. I thought you were used to this type of events. You look like you fit right in, each time. What kind of events are you more into then?"

[i94so]

ㅤ    she wondered what truly could have happened for johnny to struggle with his existence at such an event. of course, so hee saw a bit of what went down, wincing herself when she saw the fist that connected to his face. but it was clear there was way more to the story. boy was she struggling to keep up with tonight’s fiascos — it had her feeling like she was on a drama set as an extra, except not knowing a thing that would be going down.

something about this felt all too familiar, tiptoeing the line of nostalgia and an emotion she could not quite place. odd, perhaps? either way, it was also . . . bittersweet, considering how things ended between them in the past. nonetheless, so hee was comforted in the sense of knowing that johnny could seem to relate a bit to how she was feeling tonight.

“that’s actually pretty solid advice. i might just have to try that out, thank you.” the actress knew that she would need a flute or three of champagne to rid herself of any sort of awkwardness when it came to dancing with anyone out on the floor at the gala, considering most of the people attending have to dance as part of their careers. too bad it wasn’t as easy as a club or a home party, she never feels out of place in either setting.

and oh, seems that some of her curiosity has been settled; things clicking into place the moment he takes his turn to ask his question.

“i think you need that more than i do,” so hee tips her head toward the sparkling glass of alcohol she brought with her that sat on the coffee table between them. “haven’t sipped from it yet. so, it’s yours, if you want it.” but she knew firsthand that champagne wasn’t strong enough to temporarily mask the pain of heartbreak.

“the bullshit answer? to forget about her, move on. there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” so hee tried to keep the sarcasm from slipping into her tone, at the cliché answers that never got anyone anywhere, but the actress knows that she didn’t exactly succeed. mostly because she doesn’t feel the need to sugarcoat anything around johnny — it’s always been like that for her when it came to him. “my honest answer? let yourself feel it — you don’t have to tonight, no one would fault you if you drank yourself to an end of a bottle and passed out.” she shrugs with a sympathetic smile. “after that? learn from it. grow. reflect on yourself, ask yourself what you really want and if you’re happy with yourself — outside of the heartbreak, as hard as that will be.” so hee stops to giving him a knowing look, but also as a heart’s beat length of a pause to gather up the rest of her advice.

“pick up a hobby that helps you release how you’re feeling and perhaps don’t turn to sleeping in other people’s beds as a way of doing that. you may wind up going through this again.” judging by how defeated johnny looks, she knows that what happened was a big blow to the man and something gives her the notion that he might want change. “most importantly, have a support system because it isn’t easy to try and go through it alone. trust me.” her manicured fingers move to brush back her hair from her face before asking her next question.

“who was she this time?”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore,” he replied with a sad smile, “but thank you.” He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at her comment. “Don’t worry, I get that. Existing doesn’t seem to be my forte tonight.” From the moment that Minnie stepped away when they were dancing, it felt as though Johnny kept being in the wrong place at the wrong time tonight.

He nodded in understanding at her answer. “Some things feel like we never get good at them, no matter how many times we try.” Johnny couldn’t relate to her feeling out of place at the gala, but he understood the feeling behind it very well. It was how he felt about dating or whatever he’d been doing in his love life up to this point. “It’s a shitty feeling,” he sat up and smiled a little more earnestly, “but I know a thing or two about surviving these events. Pick your level of dancing, and find someone who matches it or is worse than you. Makes you feel like less of a dork on the dance floor. And champagne will give you enough buzz that the awkwardness fades without getting smashed like mixed drinks.”

It was weird to reconnect with an old flame after not seeing each other for so long. So Hee was a comfort to him after his breakup with Joy, and she knew the damage it did to Johnny’s self-esteem. Seeing her now, after losing hope of being with Minnie, it felt like history was repeating itself. He wanted to break that cycle but didn’t know where to start. “My turn. Any advice for a guy who just lost the girl?”

[i94so]

HAN SO HEE as LEE EUN SOO Soundtrack #1 2022, dir. Kim Hee Won

[i94so]

ㅤ    so hee gets it. it's easy for drama to unfold unprecedentedly. emotions get the best of them. add alcohol to the mix? well, you're practically asking for a disaster. in the end, rationality gets thrown out the window and can turn into what she assumes is going on right now at the gala. "it ruins the whole atmosphere, in my opinion. it's kind of hard for an event to bounce back from something like that. or well, unless they get enough alcohol in their system, then who knows what people will get up to?" her mouth quirks into a smile at the last part, humored at her own words.

“you're too kind, really! that means so much, especially from a shining star like yourself, thank you.” she spoke, unable to stop herself from beaming.

“ah.” the woman gives as a sound of instant understanding, things clicking into place. “that really is a mood killer.” her features soften, tone sympathetic. “you should treat yourself to something nice after this then, have a nice self-care day perhaps? it works wonders after having a bad time, especially an event.”

“i always feel so out of place at events like this so i thought i would take a breather from it all instead of call it quits and going home.”

Legs crossed, the brunette now averted her attention to the woman, a gentle chuckle escaping her glossy lips. "Kind of sucks that we have to be the ones to avoid the mess by staying here instead of them being respectful enough to argue privately," she shrugged. Her comment was quite ironic considering how frequently the idol argued in public but she had hoped that guests would be able to stay on their best behavior for a few hours.

"Ah!" she looked down at her dress for a moment before smiling at the actress. "Thank you so much, you're so sweet! So do you! You look like a true Hollywood actress, seriously", she genuinely complimented. What she didn't tell her was that Wonyoung was a big fan of So Hee but feared she would sound like a fangirl. "My-" she paused, unable to find the right word to describe the man she spent most of her evening with. "My date...kind of? He's fighting over there. And I'm afraid I'm not in the mood to have fun anymore," she shrugged as she pressed her lips together. "What's your reason?"

[i94so]

ㅤ    she nods her head in understanding at his answer, settling herself to get a bit more comfortable — probably where she’ll be until she ultimately decides to leave. “did you want some ice for that?” so hee gestures to her own mouth, referring to his busted lip. “looks like it hurts.” she continued. the actress wanted to hit herself for saying that, because of course it does; she didn’t need to point that out. “i mean — sorry — seems like talking isn’t my forete tonight.” she sighs, placing her champagne glass down.

“'m trying to say that i’d find staff to get you some ice, if you needed it.” so hee gives an apologetic smile, mentally kicking herself for having sounded so insensitive.

“sort of? i still don't think i'm good at going to these sorts of things, so a breather was just . . . needed.” she gives her reasons in earnest with a shrug of her shoulder, leaving out the bits of her looming anxiety that festered amongst the discourse of the event.

“any ideas on how to survive the rest of the night?”

Johnny felt like he'd been at this gala for days, not hours. The night had begun so perfectly with Minnie, and somehow, it all fell apart so quickly. He just needed a little space to clear his head, and to stop himself from drinking away the heartbreak like he normally would.

His head snapped up, breaking him from his thoughts when Sohee came in. "What? Oh, no, it's okay. I don't mind, I just..." he paused, not wanting to unload his problems on someone he hardly knew. "Needed to sit down for a bit." He knew his busted lip hinted at a lot more than that, but given how everyone saw him get his ass beat earlier, he didn't think it warranted an explanation. "I'm guessing you've got a lot on your mind?"

[i94so]

ㅤ    so hee gives the idol a polite smile in return, thankful that she can stay, unsure of where she’d go if wonyoung didn’t want her here. she thinks back on the chaotic events that had begun to unfold earlier into the night and winces. “yeah, you have a point.” the woman agrees, taking a sip from her glass before placing it down on the table in front of her before leaning back into the loveseat. “i think it would be hard to beat that.” she quips, lightheartedly.

while watching everything unfold was entertaining to say the least, so hee felt sorry for everyone — those involved and bystanders. it was supposed to be a fun night, but ruined by . . . whatever the drama was. she didn’t know anything about it, other than the talks and whispers spreading as she made her way out. it was fruitless, but so hee still hoped everyone would somehow salvage their nights for a better one.

“you look stunning, by the way.” so hee compliments sincerely. “any reason why you’re here and not spending time with friends? the night’s still somewhat young.”

Elbow propped on the dark blue velvet arm of her chair, chin resting in the palm of her hand, Wonyoung let out a deep breath. Her face was expressionless, eyes aimlessly wandering on the luminous dots of the extravagant chandeliers above. She could barely remember how she got here but it was the closest and warmest place away from the chaos in the other ballroom. Her thoughts went round and round in her mind, trying to decide whether she should simply leave the fiasco of this lavish event or drink more and join her friends instead.

Head turned at the voice, only now realizing that she had company. "Oh no, it's fine. Of course, you can take a seat," she offered the actress a polite smile. "I'm sure you can't do worse than the rest over there."

[i94so]

✶ @seoulessrp

ㅤ    the further she walked, the quieter the gala ambiance became. the actress needed a breather, just a small one. her heels clack against the expensive tiled flooring as one hand holds the train of her dress and the other a glass of champagne she had nabbed from one of the servers' trays on the way out. a deep sigh of relief escapes her as she finds a small lounge.

perfect.

too focused on taking a seat, she hadn’t noticed the other person occupying the area. not until she had slipped out of her heels, ready to melt into the loveseat and — “oh, fuck.” she jumps, startled. “i’m so sorry - i was caught up in my own thoughts and didn’t realize someone else was here. do you mind a bit of company? or should i head out?” so hee points her thumb in the direction of the entrance. “i do promise i’m good company, i’ll keep quiet.”

[i94so]

✶ han so hee for winter gala 2023 ⸻ l'escape hotel, seoul

[i94so]

Han So Hee for Esquire Korea