iamanimrod-blog-blog - Tumblr blog

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Real

I once dreamt of blue, sunny skies And thought about how reachable the stars are at night. It was a childish dream. Impossible. Yet in my heart, there was hope.

There were nights that everything died with me. The lights, aurora, love, pain... I remained nothing in the darkness. Yet hope stayed alive for me, holding onto my heart, telling it not to stop beating.

This night though, everything is alive around me. The stars are bright. Aurora is present. The light is warm. The darkness is here, but instead of trapping me, it's welcoming me home. Everything is alive. I should be happy.

Hope died.

I'm alone.

Right now I am nothing that you saw before. Nothing like that man you met. Now I'm just an empty shell, With an empty heart beating relentlessly, still, just for you Only for you And though this fist-sized muscle forces itself to beat, by and by, I lose myself

In your smiles In your memory In your laughter In your tears In your bitterness

If I die tonight Let the negativities die with me Let me take them away It's all I can do for you

After all, what man wouldn't want To die every morning Just to let his sun shine bright in the sky?

I am fragile. I am made of ink. I am no one. I am nothing.

I was made for you. It'll stay that way. My only regret is that I wasn't able to stay.

You made me real.

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Empty...

I feel empty. I have no idea why but... I just do.

And where my heart is supposed to be? It stings so badly. It hurts a lot.

I don't know...

Is this the feeling of "the love is gone" or something?

I've never felt this way before...

It hurts so much that I think I'm going to go crazy. I don't like the pain... But they say sometimes pain helps...

Sometimes...

I don't know if it will help me or whatever but... I hope it helps us.

I want to feel the butterflies. I want to feel the same way I did before. I want the old experiences back...

Right now, it feels so hard to hold on. Worrying about the future and everything isn't helping at all, too.

I just want the love to come back... If ever it's left her, left me, whomever it needs to come back to...

Please, just make the emptiness stop...

I feel like an empty shell. I don't feel any pain anymore. Just a weird throbbing in my chest. Piercing, pinching my heart. Just empty.

No feelings, just... Just empty.

And I don't understand why...

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I don't even know how...

I want to help out. I want to tell you that it will all be okay.

But it's not that way. Not even half of it.

I'll probably die in my little hole of depression...

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I want to post something emotional, a rant or something...

... But it won't even make a difference. Why bother?

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Incapable...

There are a lot of nights, usually when I'm alone, that I always think about us. This relationship. I mean I think there was not a single night that I didn't think about this... Thing. There wasn't a single night that I start wondering about it. It makes me lose sleep... And I hope sleep is the only thing I'll lose...

You see... I really think I'm incapable.

I always talk about burying your ex boyfriend alive, torturing him and dragging him to the gates of hell because of all the things that he has done to you. I've always been proud to be the man that you're with right now, and I've always loved you.

But see... If I always end up hurting you with my usual irrationalities (or maybe I'm being rational, it just isn't at the right timing) then how am I different from him?

I could be worse...

And there are nights when I always ask myself... Why am I doing these things to her?

Why am I hurting her if I love her?

You always do your best to cheer me up, please me, make me feel worthy, but what do I do? At the last minute, I hurt you. I ruin everything. I get blinded by frustration and anger and I let it control me. Some nights I don't even say "Goodnight" or  even "I love you"...

Who suffers in the end? You.

Why do you stay with me if it's always like this?

I feel kind of idiotic, crying like this in the middle of the night when I'm at fault. Why does my anger always have to be the problem? Why do I always have to get in the way of your happiness when at the start, I was your source of happiness in the first place?

When at the start I was the one who confessed, the one who wanted to be with you so badly that I was ready to give up everything just for you to love me back?

And now that you love me back, I end up hurting you. Always.

What a dick, right?

I call myself your man when I'm not even capable of loving you the right way...

I want to love you. I want to love you with everything I have. Everything I've got. Everything I will ever be.

But right now... The way I'm loving you isn't right...

I'm incapable...

And I don't think I'll ever be worthy...

-Taki

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I'm affected because I care.

... Is that enough?

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To the guys out there...

Hey... I'm so sorry I haven't had time to blog. You know... It's kind of hard to find time. I need to prioritize... And um... Sorry if I have typos... I'm using mobile so... Yeah... So um... I just want to rant about us guys. I think we really deserve equal respect when it comes to relationships... I think a lot of people are sexists. In a relationship, I think sexuality shouldn't be that much of a problem and I think people should look beyond that. I didn't say that it should be void, I'm just saying I hope people have equal um... I hope people look at each other with equality. I mean, don't respect her just because she's a female. Respect her because she's a fellow human being. That way of thinking? I think the world needs that right now. I myself I love treating females as princesses. They deserve to be treated like that but... I guess it's a bit rude to demand us guys "You should treat us girls like princesses" because we guys treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It's up to us. I mean, it sounds really mean but... If you don't deserve to be treated like a princess then why should I treat you like one? I guess it's just fair... Girls are clingy, so they say. It's kind of true... I'm gonna ask Sano to do a follow-up blog. He's more frank than me. Um anyway... Girls seem to... I dunno they always want their guy to be there. I mean they're always asking where the guy is or if the guy has eaten 5 times a day... Girls can't seem to live without their guy. I guess that's fine, but to get mad when the guy doesn't reply? It's just... Wow. Plus... I think girls need to be more independent. It's not their nature but I've met a girl who can take care of herself, and she's awesome. Guys... I hope we get equal rights soon. I mean reading stuff like "We girls do everything just to communicate with you and you guys don't do a damn thing" hurts me. When us guys don't reply it's kind of obvious that we want to be left alone. Or just text the girl "I'm sorry, can we talk later?". But then again she's gonna start asking about our problem and we don't want her to get involved. So we tend to "snob" her message... Which comes off as bad. As a guy, I seriously don't know what to do with my problems. Should I tell her or should I just keep it inside? Because either way, I get hurt... If I tell her about it, then she'll just get hurt and I'll get hurt. Whereas if I don't tell her about it I'm the only one who gets hurt. Eventually she'll get hurt because I'm hurting too so... Either way, we'll both get hurt anyway so... Yeah. Besides, I think girls should know that a personal problem will remain personal. Girls, if your guys don't tell you their problems, that doesn't mean they don't trust you. It means that they want to get through it alone, without dragging you into trouble. I guess I'll end it here for now... Maybe I can ask Sano to blog more about this topic later. Thanks for reading and I hope girls won't take offense... I'm just saying what I feel... Thanks again for reading... -Taki

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Rule number five: A great father must (at the first insinuation) organize the best Wedding Party a son could have.

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 30 Day Naruto Challenge

Day 10 » Favorite Villain:  Orochimaru (大蛇丸)

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“I want to live out here.” “What’s your reason?” “I find myself drawn to you.”

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Desolation of Smaug Empire Magazine Coverage

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Submitted by kyrahaspixelexia

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Submitted by pluralforce

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