iamjohntitan

[iamjohntitan]

Devotion - July 7, 2025

O Panginoon, dahil napakarami ng aking mga kaaway, gabayan nʼyo ako tungo sa inyong matuwid na daan. Gawin nʼyong madali para sa akin ang pagsunod ko sa inyong kagustuhan. - Psalm 5:8

Pinagpapala nʼyo Panginoon ang mga matuwid. Ang pag-ibig nʼyo ay parang kalasag na nag-iingat sa kanila. - Psalm 5:12

Akala koʼy may mabigat talaga silang akusasyon laban sa kanya, pero nang magkaharap-harap na sila, wala naman pala. - Acts 25:18

Mas madali pang sakupin ang isang napapaderang bayan kaysa sa makipagbati sa kapatid na nasaktan. Kung paanong mahirap wasakin ang mga kandado ng tarangkahan ng palasyo, mahirap din pigilin ang alitan ng dalawang tao. - Proverbs 18:19

Prayers: Asking for Guidance to follow God's words, Remind me that your love is enough to be a shield to protect me Lord, help me not to pass some judgement on others without any basis. Help me to reconcile myself to my family first before other people's feud.

[iamjohntitan]

Kamusta na nga pala ako.

So far em Goods. Not happy nor sad, pero yung totoo ngayon lang ako naging neutral sa nararamdaman ko. Siguro gawa ng stress, kasi lumipat nanaman ako ng bagong work, nagwowork pala ako as Call Center Agent. Nasa Telco nanaman ako. Sobrang stress, pero walang kasiguraduhan na mag stay ako. Kaya siguro ganito yung nararamdaman ko. (Photo: Ako pala ang camera man ng live stream namin sa church, ang pumitik nyan ay 12 years old. Solid ano?)

Actually so far masaya naman ako, kahit na hindi sapat yung sahod ko, nag iisip nga ako na whether take chances in Makati, or mag abroad na talaga ako. Medyo maraming problema lang kapag lumipad ako papuntang Dubai, pero kung gusto ko talaga magbago life ko ng very light, siguro need kong pumunta.

(Photo: With my friends. Tine & Imman, mga college friends ko yan, mga nag ti-thesis na sila at ako ay nag wowork, ang stop ako gawa nung pandemic hanggang sa hindi na ako nakabalik sa school sila 4th year na.)

Marami akong hindi sinasabi, kaya nagdecide akong bumalik sa pagsusulat even though I only have 16 Followers na lahat sila inactive (haha). Mga bagay na minsan gusto ko talagang ishare kaso di ko ginagawa sa facebook, kasi sabihin nila sobrang drama ko. Jusko ang kikitid ng mga utak talaga ng mga tao sa Facebook, well not all but of course for your peace of mind, di ba?

(Photo: I'm with Jafet sa SM Muntinlupa Starbucks, yan yung day 1 ng MAC BOOK ko.)

Hindi ko rin alam gagawin sa life ko, I'm already 35, still stuck with 19K per month, dami kong nakapending, hindi na ako nakabalik sa school, di ako makakuha ng mga matataas na sahod due to my educational background, gusto ko rin mag admin works kaso negats on the background. Nakakapagod rin mag calls, at mag "How are you today? (at sana di ka mag I-rate)

(Photo: Duty ako nyan, nasa FB live ako ng Church namin)

Pero syempre laban lang. No choice, eto na yung sinasabi sa atin na.. Wala tayong back up, kasi ako yung back up. Pero alam mo ba pangarap ko parin matapos yung Psychology na course ko. Lagi ko silang inisip palagi, kaso negats sa dami ng bills at bibilin dito sa bahay. Actually dalawa lang kami ng nanay ko dito sa bahay, kaso kulang na kulang parin yung sinasahod ko dahil sa mahal ng bilihin. I'm not negative but I'm just being practical.

Isa pala akong ISTJ-A (Logistician) I take the exam twice, and same parin sila ng result. Hindi naman ako negative, pero logistician talaga ako, hindi mo rin siguro ako masisisi kasi nga ako nalang mag-isa yung nalaban.

(Photo: This is our media team, actually mahal ko yung isa dyan kaso may jowa na, kaya pass nalang tayo)

Well anyways, I'm doing good, nakakakain parin naman ako, kaso bawal magreklamo kung hindi masarap yung ulam kasi wala na tayong pambili.

(Photo: Bikerist nga pala ako, pero old school lang yung bike ko, kay Daddy yan, nirevive ko lang, namimiss ko na kasi siya, patay na pala yung dad ko last 2016, kaya in his memory kahit manlang dito naririnig ko yung pagdating niya pag break ng bike, feeling ko nandyan lang siya umalis sandali.)

[iamjohntitan]

I really do have dilemma right now. Most of this are plans for next year, then what to do right now. Still in verge of no money. Can't plan on dates, can't plan on travels and I still can't plan to buy things.

I'm working for my self for almost 3 years and I'm in circles. Doesn't have attainments or career overview, I still in early stage and beginning. Hayyyy! Di manlang makapunta sa gitna puro nalang simula.

However it is for us adult. So, I'm trying my best to be sane, pero 90% of it, gusto ko ng sumuko. 🥹

[iamjohntitan]

[iamjohntitan]

[iamjohntitan]

[iamjohntitan]

This is what I'm saying. Hayyyyy

[iamjohntitan]

How am I feeling today?

June 1, 2022

RN I'm in GY shift, but as of today I should cater 12hours of duty due that my collegue's leave.

I'm not okay today, the irritation I felt is really high. But I'm trying not to acknowledge it and hoping that this thing would pass.

RN I'm faking it all. My smile, laugh and being enthusiast. I really don't want to go to work, I just wanted to lay down on bed, be lazy and just sleep. But of course bills are high stake we can't go lazy down there so we are forced to face reality and do what we need to do... WORK.

I hate it. I mean everything. I don't know why, I'm tired to move and I just want to watch netflix as much as I can. If it is okay not to sleep I would love too. But my body gets tired even thou having a nice bedtime sleep from yesterday's day off.

My emotions are mix right now.

But I feel more agitated. I just want to sleep and lay down in my bed.

[iamjohntitan]

After watching things on youtube, like, sleeping disorders, neurological effects, als, and stuffs, make me think if my dna contains good and match better dna?

There would always be a history of sickness, disease, and inherited things on your family. Even having a depression, illness and disorder may affect your well being.

Nakakatakot na talagang mabuhay ngayon, palagi nalang there is sufferings that you don’t need. It will be pass on or we are the one who created that kind of illness. It is really hard to position yourself to be better, there is always blocking you towards it.

Maybe negative things always bound to us, but even we fight, even we tired ourself out of answers we are always tend to stand up. Now that the most things hard to do, to stand on your own, walk on your own, and carry all of those burden and just keep quiet.

[iamjohntitan]

I’ll just use pictures of SANA. Pero wala namang siyang kinalaman sa mga post ko sa susunod.

Sabi ko kanina parang okay na ako. At hindi ko na need ng ano mang tulong mental. But yet here I am, feeling the same feeling. At sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na wait hindi pwede ito? Wala akong gamot, wala akong pera, wala akong pang cope up.

Hindi ko na papansin na nag oover ako sa tulog. 14 hours akong natulog. At pag ka gising ko sobrang naiirita ako. Ang dami kong iniisip gawin this day, read book, finished it, (Percy Jackson, The Titans Curse) I even downloaded comic books, like spiderman, spiderwoman, spider verse. Then all of a sudden I don’t like them.

Yung totoo, gusto ko kasing kumita ng pera. Kaso ECQ nga. May mga bagay na gusto kong bilin kaso wala.

I’m stuck. Noong nakaraang araw iniisip ko bakit kaya sila nagpopost ng mental health issues about covid, eh wala namang effect yon, ayun pala yung lockdown yung sinasabi niya. Which is totoo nga. May stress reliever talaga ako, at ngayon hindi ako nakakalabas, totoong nakakadagdag ng hindi magandang feelings ito.

Naasar ako, naiirita ako, at nasakit na ang ulo ko. Nasusuka ko, naluluha ako. At parang di ko na kakayanin. 🥺

[iamjohntitan]

read me deeper when i don't speak

[iamjohntitan]

[iamjohntitan]

Malapit lapit na

[iamjohntitan]

[iamjohntitan]

Just leave it. Here!

[iamjohntitan]

[iamjohntitan]

If she ever does give up on you, know that it took her a lot of courage to do that —it cost her everything to realize that this too much burden is not for her to carry.

She's the type who would give endless chances, still chooses to trust even after rejections and harsh-evaluations, always chooses to stay and accepts people regardless of their past and mistakes.

She's the type who would be there for you when everyone else thinks you're hopeless —she will be there for you even when she shouldn't be.

She's the type who believes that everyone has their goodness in their hearts. She would fight for you even when you don't deserve to be fought for.

She's the type who keeps on holding on even when she should have let you go a long time ago and chooses to love and understand you even when she has all the reason to leave you.

If she ever does give up on you, realize how much it took her to her to get to that point. She may seem strong but she can only allow herself to get hurt so many times until she's had enough.

—🥀j.a