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Physically okay but NOT with the other aspects of life...
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Because I Cannot Deny The Fact That...
...i still miss you ...i still hope to read "good morning" and "good night" messages from you ...i miss your voice ...i miss staying up late for calls ...i miss planning my future with you ...I STILL LOVE YOU
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In A Rush
As the song goes “it came over me in a rush, and a realized that i love you so much” hah! I couldn’t explain the feeling. I can’t explain how. But, one thing is for sure, i fell in love. People ask me how. Hell, i dunno! I just felt the feeling. You may say I’m gullible. So be it. But i can’t deny the fact that i fell for someone i barely know! Surprised? Well me too!
So, at this point i have all the reasons to hate him but i don’t know…i just cant. I just cant call him utter all the swearing words that i can possibly think of. I dunno but i just cant.
For 5 months I’ve been happy. I’ve dreamt of things with someone added to it. I felt incomplete without reading a message from him before i start and end my day (funny for some but yuuuppp). I miss the “good morning, baby” or “tulog ka na po, pahinga ka na pagod k na” (sleep now, rest well, you’re already exhausted)
For 5 months i felt oh so loved and i fell in love. 5 months i kept smiling, 5 months i had nothing in mind but the future…him included.
But then, we really can’t have it all. All of a sudden i found out something. Something that broke my heart into pieces. Something that changed me…again… and that something told me that we can’t be together..not now…not next month or year…never… He confirmed to me what I saw and i dunno but i admired him still for admitting the fact. I just wish he told me that from the start so i wont be feeling this bitter, sad feeling I’m feeling right now.
I’m not selfish so after a few weeks turned months of arguing with my feelings I decided that I really need to let go. Let go, move on and start anew.
I was broken… really… shattered. But I know I can’t be broken forever. Slowly, I took those small steps into “recovery”. Now, I’m writing this coz i know I’m fine. I know I have forgiven him. It’s not hust his fault. I think im partly to be blamed why i was hurting that much. I know I can manage to give you a smile when I see you and I know the happy bubble in me is back.
To the person i once loved, I wish you all the best. Thank you for the broken heart. Thank you for reminding me to love my self and for teaching me to love again.
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It wAs hard… really really hard… saying goodbye was the last thing i would like to happen. But then, we can’t have it all. This goodbye will be the start of a wonderful journey for me…
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QUANTITY vs QUALITY... this principle is also applicable in friendship. When I was young, I was soooo happy coz i have lots of friends. But then, as i become more mature, I realized that it's not about the number (quantity) of people you call friends that matters. Like who cares having hundreds of them if the moment you need someone, no one's there? Or what if you have a lot but no one even cares to listen? You listen to them but they don't listen to you? Quality really matters. Even though i'll only have a few with me for as long as they're TRUE, i'm happy. ☺️
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My Petronas :) feels like they're 2 people holding each other's hand...not letting go...
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