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[iamtheicetiger]

Yuri couldn’t control himself. (¬‿¬)

[iamtheicetiger]

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

Yeah, Otabek knew he’d avoided the question, just like he should’ve known Yuri would see straight through the obvious attempt at diversion. The blonde continued pushing, his arms across his chest almost petulantly, his gaze unyielding and demanding in its intensity. Otabek could barely force his own watery eyes to meet Yuri’s, and why was that?

Because you are a coward like he said. You are afraid. You can’t be the man he is looking for because it means putting your heart on the line. And if you fuck up again, he will be collateral in the fallout.

Then Yuri was saying his name - no, pleading it - and Otabek’s heart leapt, and his entire body broke out in goosebumps.

Because in the end you can’t live without him.

Gathering every meager bit of courage he could find, Otabek surged forward, closing the few extra inches between them and pressing his lips to Yuri’s. His hand settled on the back of the blonde’s neck, fingers tangling into his soft hair, and Otabek let loose a little moan; because this kiss was different than the angry kisses from inside the apartment, and he hoped Yuri could feel it too. He moved his mouth against Yuri’s briefly, only for a few seconds, then pulled away and brushed a thumb over the other’s cheek.

“Yura,” he murmured. “I’m sorry it’s taken all of this to get to where we are now, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, but I love you. And I wish I hadn’t fucked things up so badly. Just…I don’t want to be away from you.” He sniffed against the threatening onslaught of tears, then let out a brief chuckle. “It’s been a long time, but we’ll carry on just like we did before. I promise you.”

He really wasn't going to say it. Even if Otabek was lying and covering up his true feelings, it wasn't like Yuri could force him to admit it. But just when he had been ready to give up, Otabek was pressing forward, their lips meeting in a much more gentle kiss than before, the likes of which the Russian hadn't experienced in well over a year. 

 Yuri let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, his arms looping around Otabek's neck as they kissed. The kiss was much too short, Yuri blinking back up at his ex as the other pulled away. His breath caught as he felt the thumb against his cheek, and he pressed even closer as Otabek began to speak. 

Finally, finally Otabek was admitting it, admitting that he loved him too, and Yuri blinked against the tears forming in his eyes, pressing his face into Otabek's shirt. A smile formed on his face as his ex continued to talk, a giddy laugh falling from his lips as the lyrics fell from Otabek's mouth. 

 He finally pulled back and stared up at Otabek, a knowing smirk coming back to his face as he teased, "I thought that song wasn't about me?" His hands fell to grasp at Otabek's, and he tugged gently toward his apartment. "So don't be away from me. Come back inside and spend the night," he breathed, the words less of a suggestion and more of a demand. They could figure all of this out in the morning: right now, Yuri just wanted to live in the moment.

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

Their chests were practically touching by the time Yuri finished speaking, and he seemed perfectly in control except for the quiver in his normally steady voice. From this angle Otabek felt like he towered over the blonde, and it felt wrong, like he had the upper hand physically and emotionally. He gazed down at Yuri, his heart beating a rapid staccato, and sighed.

"What if this,” he said, gesturing between the two of them, “doesn’t work? I’m on the road. I-”

I won’t be able to leave you again.

“I’m not in one place for long.” It was an obvious backpedal in a shitty attempt not to spill his guts all over the floor. “What happens when I leave again? It’ll break both of us, Yuri.” Tears pricked at the backs of Otabek’s eyes as emotions welled up inside him, fear at the forefront of them all. “It’ll break me.”

“Well that’s a shitty reason for us not to be together!” Yuri snapped, his arms crossing over his chest again. He opened his mouth to speak again before deciding better of it. He would travel around with Otabek tomorrow if his ex would have him, but he wasn’t about to lay that  on the table when he still couldn’t even get him to admit that there might be feelings between the two of them.

“I didn’t ask you if you thought it would work,” he said instead after a moment, his voice quiet again. “I asked if you loved me.” Yuri wasn’t about to give that up before he got an answer and he steeled his ex’s watery gaze, his own eyes demanding an answer. Then, “Beka, please...”

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

If Otabek was held at gunpoint and forced to describe Yuri with only one word, in the very moment when the Russian stormed out of the apartment door and into the hallway, he would have said ‘brave.’

It wasn’t as if Yuri had managed some difficult feat of bravery coming from a conventional standpoint, but Otabek reckoned there had to be some level of courage in admitting your love to an ex only to be greeted with the person’s back as he departed wordlessly. Truly, though, it did not come as a shock when the door flew open and Yuri practically stomped into the hallway, eyes flashing as they lit upon Otabek. It was a last ditch effort, and they both knew it. All of Yuri’s hurt and anger spilled out of him in frantic words, and by the end of the rant his voice was quavering. He’d come so close Otabek could practically feel the nervous energy rolling off the Russian in electric waves.

“Yuri,” he started, unsure what to say. “Don’t do this to me.” The fact that Yuri had risked everything and effectively lost any and all leverage in the situation hadn’t escaped Otabek. All of the blonde’s cards were on the table.

So why is it so hard to tell him how I feel?

That wasn’t a proper answer, and Otabek knew it. Yuri’s arms crossed over his chest as his ex continued to dance around the issue, clearly wanting to get out of this situation without talking about it, but the Russian was determined.

He had already lost, already looked more desperate and pathetic than he ever had before in his life, so why give up now? Yuri had come too far not to see this through, regardless of what the outcome might be.

"Tell me you don’t love me,“ he breathed again, stepping impossibly closer to Otabek, glaring up at him. "Tell me to my fucking face, because I don’t think you can. Because it isn’t true.” His words were bold, and he was still well aware of the fact that the statement might be incorrect. Still, he continued on, his seemingly confident facade shattered slightly only by the way his voice still wavered. “That’s why you came to see me tonight. That’s why you wrote a fucking song about me, and that’s why you made your friend come with you to Russia. Why can’t you just admit that you love me?”

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

Otabek’s words had practically been an admission, a suggestion that he indeed loved Yuri, because who writes songs about people they don’t have feelings for? He could tell Yuri looked, on some level, a little taken aback: the blonde inhaled sharply and his cheeks reddened slightly, and he looked like he was unsure what to say. Otabek cringed internally; what if the knowledge that his first ever chart-topper being about Yuri had brought too much into the picture? Yuri always had some sort of response, some sort of wit or quip or reply, and now he was at a loss for words?

Eventually he found them, and Otabek almost physically could feel his heart stop. The words “I still do” reverberated throughout his entire body, giving him the fleeting feeling of a plucked bass string. All the guilt of the past year rose up inside him like a wave, and he realized with horror that he couldn’t give Yuri what he wanted. The words were stuck in his throat, and the desire was there, but if he said them now, he would effectively make both of them more vulnerable; and as much as he loved and needed Yuri in his life, he knew he wasn’t ready. Too much had happened.

I need time.

Finally, and with immense difficulty, Otabek spoke.

“I…I need a minute.”

Without waiting for Yuri’s response, Otabek picked up his shirt and walked out of the bedroom, grabbed his keys once he made it to the kitchen, and left the apartment.

Why had he just said that? Yuri flushed again as his eyes found the floor, and time seemed to stop as an uncomfortable silence took over the room, the weight of what he had just admitted practically stifling. Otabek clearly had no idea how to respond to the admission, and Yuri was kicking himself for speaking in the first place. He should have just kept his mouth shut: he officially didn’t have the upper hand anymore, and at this point he had no chance of regaining it.

When Otabek finally did respond, it wasn’t to return the sentiment, and it hurt more than Yuri had been expecting. The blow was crushing, but before he could respond again, Otabek was high-tailing it out of the bedroom, leaving Yuri behind. Shell-shocked, he stared at the doorway, silent as he heard the jingle of keys and the tell-tale sign of the front door shutting, and then Otabek was gone. Yuri had finally summoned up the courage to admit what he should have ages ago, and Otabek had walked out the door.

He felt frozen, and he ran a hand through his hair as he weighed his options. If Otabek didn’t want to talk, Yuri should just let him go. But one way or another, Yuri needed closure, and he would be damned if he wasn’t getting it tonight. He jumped off the bed, still clad in only his boxers as he rushed toward his front door, throwing it open to find that Otabek hadn’t left yet.

Red-rimmed, wild eyes landed on his ex, all pride thrown out the window as Yuri began to frantically speak. “You don’t get to just run away. You wanted to talk. You wanted to figure this out. Why are you being such a coward?”

Yuri couldn’t figure Otabek out, and that scared him. It was as though his ex couldn’t make up his mind, as if he didn’t know what he wanted. The back and forth was making Yuri crazy, and he stepped into Otabek’s space, voice shaking as he spoke again.

“Tell me you don’t love me and that you never did, and I’ll leave you alone. I swear, I will. I’ll let you go back to your life, and we can pretend this never happened, but I want to hear you say it.”

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

Otabek stiffened as soon as Yuri began speaking. He was half dressed, his pants up but not buttoned, shirt hanging from rapidly whitening knuckles, as he turned to face his ex.

Of course it’s not easy. I have never wanted to leave you. But that was too difficult to say. If he confessed the way he felt now, it would be like claiming it, because speaking it aloud would only make it truer, and if Yuri turned him down it would always haunt him. So he remained silent as he heard the note of desperation in Yuri’s tone, and he resolutely ignored the tears welling up in the blonde’s eyes: those eyes like twin oceans, clear and bright and wild. If they made eye contact, Otabek knew he would be lost. It was just easier to look a few inches off to the side, even despite the fact that he could feel the Russian’s angry glare.

When it came down to it, though, Yuri knew just how to press Otabek’s buttons, and he did a bang-up job of it.

The shirt clutched in Otabek’s hand dropped to the floor in his surprise, his face an open book of emotions, expression flitting from shocked to remorseful to furious.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he growled, striding forward so that he was looming over Yuri. “That’s your takeaway? Yuri, I came here to figure this out, whatever this is!” Angrily, Otabek raked a hand through his hair. “I mean, are we never going to talk? Did you just want to leave it here, just a couple of ex-lovers fucking for the fun of it, ignoring this cancer growing between them?”

Oh fuck, calm down, stop now before you say something you’ll regret.

Tears were leaving a wet track down Yuri’s cheeks when Otabek finally mustered up the courage to look him dead in the eyes.

Then, softly, “Who did you think that song was about?”

Furious eyes glared down at the floor for just a moment as Otabek stalked over to him, his mouth opening to argue before he immediately snapped it shut again. Was he kidding? Yuri had already tried to apologize, and he had been shut down. Otabek had deliberately hurt his feelings: he clearly didn’t come here just to fix things. Yuri had wanted to talk, but Otabek had been determined not to listen. Where did he get off pinning this all on Yuri?

When he looked up again a second later, eyes still wet, Yuri was surprised to find that Otabek was finally making eye contact with him. His breath caught at Otabek’s words, cheeks coloring as he sniffled, and he was momentarily at a loss for words. “I thought it was about me, asshole!” Yuri spat when he finally found his voice. “I knew it was about me, but you were trying to make me feel crazy for thinking that.” Fists clenched at his sides before he was using them to swipe at his eyes again, snarling, “We were never just fucking. You know we weren’t.”

His voice was accusatory, and he gathered his courage before he barreled on, blurting out, “I fucking loved you. I still do, and you don’t fucking care!”

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

“I hate you.”

It didn’t come as a shock to Otabek. He couldn’t expect Yuri to love him, after everything he’d done. It shouldn’t have even hurt so much, not at this point…

…but it did. Otabek’s heart lurched, his jaw tightening in anger and sorrow as he stared up at the ceiling and tried not to outwardly show his emotions.

They hadn’t talked. Desire, and need, and fucking hormones had pushed real life to the back burner, and they had never talked. That was the whole reason he had even come right? The delicate topic of where do we go from here had never felt more relevant than now, but they were too late. Otabek had made his bed, and he would have to sleep in it. Without Yuri.

Wordlessly, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, pausing for a few seconds to regain lost equilibrium, then stood. There was nothing he could think to say that would even begin to remedy the relationship he had fucked up, so he began to clothe himself quickly.

You’re a coward, he thought, and though it shamed him to think it, he knew it was true.

Otabek was silent as he got out of the bed and began to dress, and Yuri’s blood ran cold, his worst fears confirmed. His ex really had only come over here to have the last word, to get back at him one last time and ruin him even more. The Russian’s jaw fell, worry flitting through his expression, and he sat up again, scrambling as he tried to come up with the right words. Otabek wasn’t allowed to just use him and leave without a word. His ex may be acting like a coward, but Yuri had more spine than that.

“You’re just going to leave? Seriously? It’s really that easy for you?” Yuri asked, the fire gone from his voice, replaced instead with something bordering on desperation. For the first time, he was actually scared. What if this was the last time he ever saw Otabek, the man that he had been in love with for over a year? He glared over at the musician, green eyes starting to pool with tears as he continued. 

“Why did you come here, Otabek? Just to call me a whore and rub it in my face that I never meant anything to you?” His voice broke, and Yuri felt a fresh wave of anger at himself for letting the musician affect him like this. Lithe hands balled into fists and rubbed at the tears that were finally starting to fall, that he could no longer hold back, and he gave a frustrated, agitated sigh.

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

As Yuri pulled out of his body, Otabek groaned, finally able to let his weight collapse onto the bed. His muscles trembled with relief, body deliciously heavy, a telltale sign of a good fuck followed by an intense orgasm. He could feel Yuri laying next to him trying to catch his breath, and the thought finally caught up with Otabek that he had no idea where this was going to go next. He couldn’t even remember why he’d come here in the first place, and suddenly, he was scared.

He hates you. This didnt have any feelings behind it. It was just a good fuck.

Gingerly, Otabek rolled from his stomach onto his back, cringing at the feeling of come sticking to his belly, and dared a quick glance at Yuri. The blonde was silently staring up at the ceiling, looking just as thoroughly fucked as Otabek felt, and Otabek felt a pang in his chest.

I don’t want this to be the end.

Anxiety began to bubble up in Yuri’s stomach as he came down from his high, eyes still fixed on the ceiling as the reality of the their situation set in. Surely this was the part where Otabek left: he’d gotten what he’d come for, so why would he stick around? The Russian lay there for another moment before he reluctantly sat up to remove the condom, knotting it and tossing it in the wastebasket with trembling hands- the condom that they wouldn’t have needed if Otabek had just been able to keep it in his pants while they were apart. 

He slept with someone else because he never cared about you. You were never dating. You were delusional.

Yuri grabbed his boxers from the ground, sliding them back on before he was settling back on his bed, still carefully avoiding making eye contact with the man he had just fucked. He attempted to glare at the ceiling, but the anger didn’t quite reach his eyes like it had earlier.

Whore. Never exclusive. We were just fucking. Every insult that Otabek had slung at him earlier made its way back into Yuri’s head, and his heart lurched painfully in his chest. No matter how badly he wanted it, Otabek was never going to feel the same way about him. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks, and he sucked in a breath.

Anger was easy. He wanted to still be angry with Otabek, but he’d fucked away all of his anger. The reality was that he wasn’t angry anymore: he was just sad, and that was dangerous. That was going to be his downfall, how he lost and looked weak in front of Otabek. 

“I hate you,” Yuri breathed again, praying that if he repeated it enough, he might actually start to believe it.

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

[iamtheicetiger]

Otabek suit mod… Voilà quand il enfile le costard! :3

[iamtheicetiger]

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

It hadn’t been very long before Otabek could feel Yuri’s powerful, angry thrusts beginning to lose the rhythm they’d had just moments before, the predatory grace the Russian had started with morphing into inconsistent jabs that just managed to miss his prostate.  

Is he doing that on purpose?

At first it certainly seemed so, and the idea of Yuri toying with him made Otabek huff angrily and shift his hips a little, searching for the right angle; then the blonde’s hand was jerking him harder, faster, in time with the thrusts of his narrow hips, and Otabek let out an open-mouthed gasp against the sheets.  

“Hnnn, Yuriii.”  Vaguely, he could feel himself drooling amidst gulps and gasps for air, grunting with each hard pound of Yuri’s cock.  The noise of the bed frame jarring against the wall was a distant annoyance through the thick haze of arousal clouding his thoughts; his back was aching from the awkward position Yuri had forced him into and his cock throbbed as every nerve ending in his body screamed for release.  Desperate, he moved his hips over another half inch or so, and his entire body lit up in pleasure…

…just as Yuri said his name on an exhale.

With a strangled cry, Otabek came, spilling hot fluid onto the mattress below him.  He thrust into Yuri’s grip one, two, three more times before he was totally spent, his eyes fluttering closed as he moaned through the aftershocks.  

Yuri was content to be a selfish lover, not particularly caring about whether or not he was hitting Otabek’s prostate and more concerned solely with his own pleasure. He knew that he was driving his ex crazy, not missing the way the annoyed huff fell from his mouth or the way he shifted his hips in search of a better angle. 

Serves him right.

Still, he was clearly doing something right, his name falling from Otabek’s lips like a prayer, and he was certain that his ex was going to be the death of him. Yuri’s nails from his free hand raked down the musician’s back as his hips stuttered, and he was so fucking close. The loud cry that Otabek gave as he came was all it took for Yuri, his mouth open in a silent gasp as his orgasm hit him hard.

His hips slowed as he came down, chest heaving as he slowly pulled out. Yuri collapsed on the bed next to Otabek, staring up at his ceiling as he caught his breath.

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

In the end, Otabek got what he asked for.

Yuri did not hold back after that.  Gone were any vestiges of gentleness; the brief moment of caring from before, even if fake, was replaced by harsh thrusts and heavy breathing.  The hand stripping Otabek’s cock was rough to a point of hurting, but he couldn’t keep himself from thrusting into the touch.

The reality was, with each rough rut of Yuri’s cock into him, and with each stroke of his oversensitive cock, Otabek felt himself die a little more: because even if he did everything Yuri wanted, and even if he apologized over and over until he was hoarse, he would never get Yuri back.  Now was the time to enjoy what was likely the final time he would ever get to fuck the man he was in love with.

That’s what he meant when he said he’d wreck you.  He didn’t just mean your body.  He meant your mind too.

Yuri finally forced his brain to shut up, allowing himself to focus on nothing but getting lost in the feeling of Otabek. He’d channelled his anger into thrusts that were growing more and more erratic, the bed frame rattling against the wall as he rutted into his ex. He had been painfully hard for the duration of the time it had taken to prep the other, and he felt like a teenager again with how quickly he was approaching release. 

The hand on Otabek’s cock sped up, a string of Russian curses falling from Yuri’s mouth before he was breathing, “Beka.”

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

Yuri’s fingers around his cock were a welcome distraction from the persistent ache of his stretched hole, the blonde stroking his hard length a few times, causing Otabek to thrust into the touch eagerly.

It would have just been easier to be honest and ask for a reprieve. Otabek knew this was payback for the pain he’d caused Yuri, and he knew how lucky he was that his ex was even offering him a second to get his wits about him. If he were the one on top, he wouldn’t have, because he wanted payback too, and he wanted to leave Yuri sore and bruised; but this was not some casual fuck, and if he ever wanted to make things right with Yuri, this was the place to start.

“Harder,” Otabek lied through his teeth, letting go of Yuri’s wrist. He hoped it wasn’t as unconvincing as it sounded.

Harder.

It should have been all that Yuri needed, and yet he still gave pause for just a moment, hard eyes trained on his ex as he tried to figure out if he was telling the truth. Though he was pretty sure that Otabek was lying, he realized that he could no longer be sure. Otabek had lied to him one too many times now, and Yuri didn’t know what to believe. 

And so he scoffed and shrugged to himself, figuring that he would give Otabek what he wanted. He pulled back, hips snapping forward again, though not quite as hard as he had thrust in the first time. Yuri let out a harsh breath, hips starting up a rhythm, his hand sliding up and down Otabek’s cock in time with his thrusts.

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine

[iamtheicetiger]

theheroandthefairy‌:

Any retort Otabek may have had on the tip of his tongue was permanently silenced as Yuri’s hips snapped forward. The blonde bottomed out inside him almost violently, the force behind it causing him to slide over the mattress, tearing a shocked cry from his throat and bringing tears to his eyes. His hand left his cock to reach up and grasp Yuri’s wrist, the gesture simultaneously a plea for it to end but a need for it to continue.

“Yuri,” he gasped into the sheets, his own hips giving small movements as he seeked friction against his cock and freedom from the Russian’s hold on him.

As good as Otabek felt around him, Yuri didn’t miss the way that he cried out, saw the tears spring to his eyes. He breathed out harshly through his nose as fingers wrapped around his wrist, his eyes closing for a moment.

Don’t make this emotional, Yuri reminded himself. However, that was easier said than done, and his grip on Otabek’s hips loosened, one hand sliding gently up his ex’s side, and the other wrapping loosely around his cock in what he hoped was a distraction. “Do you want it hard, or do you need a minute?” Yuri murmured, pumping Otabek several times. “Don’t lie to me, Beka.” 

‘Cause I Broke Your Heart and You Buried Mine