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[iamthepizzadragon]

Have I told y’all about my husband’s Fork Theory?  If I did already, pretend I didn’t, I’m an old.

So the Spoon Theory is a fundamental metaphor used often in the chronic pain/chronic illness communities to explain to non-spoonies why life is harder for them. It’s super useful and we use that all the time. But it has a corollary.  You know the phrase, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” right? Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.  A fork could range from being hungry or having to pee to getting a new bill or a new diagnosis of illness. There are lots of different sizes of forks, and volume vs. quantity means that the fork limit is not absolute. I might be able to deal with 20 tiny little escargot fork annoyances, such as a hangnail or slightly suboptimal pants, but not even one “you poked my trigger on purpose because you think it’s fun to see me melt down” pitchfork.

This is super relevant for neurodivergent folk. Like, you might be able to deal with your feet being cold or a tag, but not both. Hubby describes the situation as “It may seem weird that I just get up and leave the conversation to go to the bathroom, but you just dumped a new financial burden on me and I already had to pee, and going to the bathroom is the fork I can get rid of the fastest.”

[iamthepizzadragon]

Immortals, Long Cons, and the Building Fury of the Art History Department

I’ve mentioned my favorite art history professor to @systlin a few times, but there’s one story of him that stays with me. So for you, Plant Aunt, I’ve crafted a tale of one immortal spitefully making sure another immortal finally gets his:

The running joke among David’s students is that our beloved professor is clearly an immortal. How else could we explain his small office crammed with illuminated manuscripts, Scythian and Mongolian bows, 3rd cent. Roman gladii, near-Eastern rugs and ancient swords? The way he sighed wistfully in class and told us how beautiful the Parthenon was when it was new and, “not just a damn tourist attraction”? It wasn’t uncommon for us to see him hefting a sword over his shoulder, leather trench coat flapping in the wind, flipping off the head of security who really should have stopped trying by now.

It was also a running joke that our favorite immortal just did not get technology. I worked at our Help Desk for all four years of college, and David would always request one of his students to come and fix his computer.  “This computer isn’t fast enough,” he told me once, polishing an enameled chalice. Google maps was still loading on the page, trying to parse the coordinates he entered. It was likely looking ten centuries too late. “It needs more of that RAM. Really. I could be soaring over ancient Rome like a bird!”

After repeat requests, he got a brand-new Macbook Pro, which he promptly abandoned for his antique slide projector. 

“I just don’t get the new technology,” he shrugged. “You can’t get the feel of things.” 

That was the only sentiment he shared with his nemesis. 

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[iamthepizzadragon]

Find your REAL Angel name

• First two letters of your last name • First vowel of your first name • Third letter of your middle name (or parent’s first name if you don’t have a middle name • Last consonant of your last name • Add IEL or EL to the end!

[iamthepizzadragon]

old enough to remember when smut was called ‘lemons’ but young enough that i had absolutely no business knowing that smut was called ‘lemons’ at the time 

[iamthepizzadragon]

[iamthepizzadragon]

Me, finding Solas in dragon age 4:

[iamthepizzadragon]

the dread wolf rises 

[iamthepizzadragon]

[iamthepizzadragon]

In honor of Britney Spears’ birthday (December 2), I want to remind everyone that this woman was publically ostracized for struggling with the onset of mental illness, divorce, and losing custody of her children after years of media scrutiny and hypersexualization starting at the age of 17. No, she is not just a crazy woman who shaved her head. She’s the victim of an industry that loves to build a woman up before tearing her down.

[iamthepizzadragon]

[iamthepizzadragon]

[iamthepizzadragon]

My entire world has been shattered by the realization that Garfield is an entirely plausible warrior cats name. A gar is a fairly common species of fish, and the cats of course know what a field is. This knowledge is a great burden.

[iamthepizzadragon]

so i worked a 12 hour shift because someone didn’t show up yesterday, and then today i got in only to find out that i don’t have to be there for 3 and a half more hours to make up for the oververtime i worked so i dont get my hours cut

[iamthepizzadragon]

Auditory Processing Problems

• *someone says something* “what?” *repeats themselves* “sorry?” *repeats themselves again* “pardon?”

•"hey, y'see the red thing at the top of the shelf, will you get it?“ “Sorry, what?” “On the sh-” “oh yeah sure, I’ll get it.”

•*doesn’t hear teacher because someone’s pen is making a scratchy sound at the back of the room*

•*replays video 10 ten times to figure out what they’re saying*

•teachers asking, “why do you always stop writing in the middle of a sentence, just write down whatever I’m saying,” followed by the response, “I’m just processing it,” rebuked by, “we’ll stop processing it and just write.”

•*gets really focused on staring out the window and goes through four songs without hearing a single on*

[iamthepizzadragon]

An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.

[iamthepizzadragon]

YOUR DRAGON NAME

last two letters of your first name

middle two letters of your last name

first two letters of your mother’s name

last letter of your father’s name

mine would be Urlelan. Reblog and tag this with yours!

[iamthepizzadragon]

I’m a total sucker for fics where Harry is dark and gets sorted into Slytherin, but I’m also really disappointed with how Ron and Hermione are treated in them

So: dark au where the trio is sorted into Slytherin

Hermione, who wants to use knowledge to change the world

Ron, who wants to finally be free of his family’s shadow

Harry, who wants to be great, to be admired, to be free

The teachers adore quick, clever Granger, but Severus worries when he sees the way she eyes the restricted section, how her mind is filled with deadly recipes and the ways to use them

The purebloods learn not to badmouth the halfbloods, not to bully the muggleborns, because Hermione knows forbidden magic, Hermione knows the untraceable poisons and the painful curses-and Hermione knows how to avoid being caught

No one outside of Slytherin pays attention to Ronald Weasley, so quiet compared to his brothers, and that’s a mistake

Ron casts his first dark spell and the power takes his breath away, Ron sinks into the comfort of blood rituals and makes outlawed sacrifices to forgotten gods

Ron wonders how his family could abandon this happiness in favor of a flickering light

Harry, the chosen one, the special one, the abandoned one

Harry looks at the light, looks at the people that did nothing for him, and dives into the dark

Lockhart dies drinking poison, Snape finds the trio huddled around Peter’s body, the aurors that find Umbridge’s remains vomit, and the Wizarding World doesn’t notice

Voldemort rises and does not face an old man and a group of do gooders

Voldemort rises and faces a witch with a brilliant mind and no taste for mercy, a wizard that delights in bloodshed and manipulates people like he moves chess pieces, and the broken, bloody boy that’s won their loyalty

Voldemort falls