ianandmax

[ianandmax]

lovesherhusband#heshowsnointerest#lost#lonely#dontnowhattodo

[ianandmax]

MRW I hear from a coworker I’m close with that even though I pretty much keep to myself people are still shit talking me. Like um…what?! http://rage-comics-base.tumblr.com

[ianandmax]

Funny Saying : F*ck her good, give her lots of attention, show her lots of affection, make her laugh and her a*ss ain’t going no where.

[ianandmax]

You lie to me once, I question everything else you say.

Funny Adults (via funny-adults)

[ianandmax]

Today, I fucked up... by attaching a suction cup dildo to my forehead

My fiancée and I have gotten a couple new things to try out in the bedroom lately. One of them is a dildo with a suction base. Her and I also have the mental age of 10 and were waving around the floppy pink fun rod within minutes of getting it.

The obvious next step was to try and stick it to things. The knee worked, chest didn’t, and she had a failed attempt on her forehead. Being the one-upper I am, I proceeded to slap that fucker onto my forehead and show her how it’s done. Suction was achieved.

After about three minutes of prancing around and slapping things with my dickhorn, I decided to remove it. As soon as I start pulling it off I can tell something is wrong. The rubber stick of love formed a special bond with my forehead, wanting to live out its life with its new best friend.

After some struggling I managed to pull it off with an audible pop. My fiancée immediately had an ‘oh shit’ look on her face.

“babe, your forehead is purple.”

I ran into the bathroom to look at it, and it actually wasn’t too bad. I figured it would fade quickly. I thought I had lucked out…

Fast forward one sex later, and my fiancée is again staring at my forehead. “Oh my God, it’s a lot darker.” I went back to the bathroom and yeah, that shit definitely bruised pretty badly. I now have a dildo-caused bruise on my forehead that I’m hoping goes away before I go back to work on Monday. At a bank.

Pictures!!!!!

Keep reading