ibmademedothis

[ibmademedothis]

The final reflection

So, CAS is coming to an end and this is an opportunity to look back at the last two years of my life and reflect. I gave it quite some thought and I found that it is really hard to differentiate which changes were caused by CAS and IB and which are just a part of growing up in general. I will try to do my best though.

My CAS activities

My CAS experience was a rather repetitive one I'd say. As my activity, I chose playing tennis which I have been doing regularly since I remember, and I will continue long after I leave high school. I did a few other things here and there, came back to swimming (when the pools were actually open), and did some general workouts, but those were strictly connected to improving my tennis skills.

As for creativity, I took French lessons every week. Other than that, I did a couple art projects like clay modeling, glass painting, or knitting but I never did them regularly.

Service was consisting mostly of my work as a part of the student board in DP1 and Open Dialogues project and GCT in DP2.

The IB Learner Profile

Inquirer

Well, I have definitely gained a deeper appreciation for research during my time in IB. CAS definitely played a part in encouraging me to seek out more opportunities that normally I would disregard due to the lack of time. Especially the creative part of CAS. I was never much of an 'artist' but I enjoyed expressing myself through different small projects. I also learned a lot about modeling with clay, painting glass, and even cooking! I would say that it helped me gain a new curiosity about my inner world and how I express myself.

Knowledgeable

My French lessons definitely helped me become more knowledgeable. I'm not only learning a language but I also get to know a different culture better. Working as a part of GTC also helped, as I closely cooperated with people from different cultures and we would also talk about our home countries and shared our views on different things, which definitely broaden my knowledge.

Thinker

This one is tough as I would always describe myself as an overthinker. That being said, all the different things I did for service helped me reflect more on my decisions and actions. Especially the year in the school board changed my outlook. It made me realize I need to be tougher, more confident in my decisions, and that I need to learn when to speak and when to remain silent.

Communicator

LCOY and GCT definitely helped in this regard. Working in a team taught me how to cooperate and compromise. Especially LCOY where there was quite some fighting. It was also one of my first projects so I wasn't a perfect team member. I definitely learned how to hold myself accountable and to a higher standard.

Principled

This one is also tough as I realize how many people and teachers see me since KatMUN went downhill and I left the team. That project gave me the biggest insight into my own principles and made me question my integrity. I learned that if I am given some authority in a project I have certain responsibility to speak up when my teammates are acting against basic human decency. It also taught me to give up in a way, which I believe is also important. I found myself in a position where my mental health was really damaged and I knew I couldn't bring anything else to the team.

Unfortunately, I also learned that to do that and to be principled I need to gain a lot more confidence. All in all, I would say KatMUN showed me what I need to work on and later projects helped me gain a deeper appreciation for taking responsibility and acting with integrity. However, it is important for me to highlight that reflecting on my relationships and the people I surround myself with played a key role in this aspect as well.

Open-minded

I'd like to say I've always been open-minded but that is not the case. It is really easy to get fixated on your own point of view and opinion. I feel like once again, all the social projects I've undertaken helped with that. It was rather a brutal process but I learned how to listen to others and consider a range of options while accepting that my ideas might not always be the best ones.

Caring

I feel like every 16-year-old coming into the IB program lacks this quality. Empathy is a trait that takes time to develop. Through CAS I gained this trait a bit subconsciously. I started doing service work because I had to, mostly. Either that or because I thought I would need it for university. However, with time I started to change my mindset and arrived at today when the work I do and take pride in comes from the bottom of my heart and not because I see it as a means to an end.

Risk-taker

This trait is a controversial one. I believe that most of the IB schools would actually advise taking risks but that is a whole another topic. For me personally, CAS and growing up, in general, helped tone down the risk-taker tendencies. I used to be really eager to take risks and very optimistic about every grandeur idea I had. Today, I learned to be a bit more realistic and cautious about them.

Balanced

Playing tennis every single week and other activities I did in between helped me stay sane while drowning in schoolwork. It is extremely important to reset every once in a while and that's what physical activity is to me. It is crucial to my mental and physical health. Even though I no longer love sport as much as I used to, I would say I appreciate it more. I also got to see how important balance in life is at times when I would miss the practice, mainly during quarantine. This is I believe the most important lesson I got from CAS and something that will forever stay with me.

Reflective

I am writing a really long reflection, I believe it speaks for itself;)

Final thoughts

I do pity that CAS is coming to an end. I didn't write a lot of reflections (since I don't like to force them) but I did enjoy them immensely. I am coming out of IB as a different person and CAS played a role in this. I think this section is a good part to answer some of the questions we were supposed to which didn't find a place in the Learner Profile section.

What had the largest impact on me?

I would say all the work revolving around people. KatMUN, LCOY, Open Dialogues, GCT, Leo Club - all those were groundbreaking to me and changed me as a person - mostly for the better. I think working with people does that to everyone.

What am I most proud of?

Hm. I pride myself in every single thing I've done for CAS. Everything showed some part of me that eventually was worth showing. If I had to pick one thing, it would be tennis. I worked on my skills for the last 13 years. I am an excellent player technique-wise, even if I'm not competing anymore. I am extremely proud of myself for all the endurance and persistence I showed. It was never easy and I think that is why it is so valuable for me. During all the time I've been practicing, I cried my heart out on the tennis court, I would get injured frequently, shouted at, and not to mention all the sweat and hard work. That is why I find it so important and why I am so proud of it.

What was the most challenging?

Also tennis. It was challenging my body's capacities as well as mental ones. I'm not even trying to pretend I was always excited and ready to go to practice. At times all I wanted to do is rest and crawl into my bed but I would always overcome that and just go and play.

What was most enjoyable?

I think the small art projects I did. They were always gifts for someone else and that's why they brought me so much joy. My absolute favorite was a hoodie I emboided for my friend. He cried of joy when he got it. That is the best and cutest part of making art - sharing with others:)

What was the most rewarding?

Both tennis and CGT. Sport, in general, is very rewarding since it gives measurable improvements to a person's body. GCT is just work on things I believe are important, like climate action. Putting something good out to the world is extremely fulfilling, especially when I could see the results of that.

Overall, I am grateful for the opportunity to do IB and CAS. Regardless of the things I don't agree with or disliked about it, it made a better, more mature and considerate person.

[ibmademedothis]

Swimming

I used to be a great swimmer as a child. I would go to competitions and even won some awards (which still hang above my TV to remind me of that time). Recently I noticed a trend in my behaviour (all throught lockdown to be fair) of coming back to things I used to love as a child or in middle school. I re-read the Lord of the Rings and became obsessed with it for some time, I wrote some short stories, reconnected with childhood friends and watched superhero movies every week. It was only natural swimming was next in line.

The first time I went was simply because I wanted to spend time with my dad who is obsessed with going to the pool, and since they just opened, he had to get there ASAP. So I went for a nice swim which reminded me why I used to love it so much. There is nothing like the tranquility that being under wated provides. On top of that, the physical exercise in such an empty, unstimulating environment really clears the mind and further eases anxiety. It was really refreshing to in a way rediscover this feeling, which is like nothing else.

From that time on I set a goal for myself to go swim at least one kilometer per week, which comes down to two visits at the pool. I managed to do that for two weeks before getting overwhelmed with schoolwork and being forced to take a break. I can already see the difference in my mood between swimming regularly and not swimming at all. The anxiety is back and I am definitely less happy than when I got more exercise. On a happier note, I was able to see some results during the time I was exercising regularly. My muscles got more toned and I was able to climb a flight of stairs much easier. I also finally mastered the ability to stand up for longer than a minute. All the sport I have done in my life has not prepared me for standing up which my friends make fun of me for. Swimming has helped me train those back muscles a bit and avoid bullying.

Sport in general is something I did regularly since I was five. My mom keeps telling me about the first time I insisted on going skiing when I was 3.5 years old. I cannot imagine my life without it, the mental and physical benefits are amazing and it is so fun. Moreover, it is just extermely sentimental. Being able to reconnect to those activities is great and reminds me of the perseverence needed to succeed. This applies not only to sport but to life in general. It is both a valueable and mildly annoying trait to have but overall I'd say it serves me well in life.

[ibmademedothis]

YOUNGO COP26 Side Event planning

Recently I came up with an idea for a COP26 side event and as the application opened, I proposed it to the GCT and the feedback was overwhelmingly possitive. We started working on it two weeks ago and sent out an e-mail to the 100,000+ YOUNGO members, looking for additional support and stories we could share with the stakeholders at COP26.

After that, we arranged a call to talk about the details and discuss an outline of the event I drafted before. I got to hear amazing success stories from all around the world and help those people organize and tell them to a wider public. We even got a partnership with UNICEF and CliMates. We will be sending the official application shortly and it is extremely exciting.

This side event is literally a dream come true for me. Every since I went to COY in Katowice and got to hear stories of how climate change affect indigenous Canadians I though that everyone, including the politicians, should be made aware of this. Two years later, that is exactly my initiative and it's happening! I cannot express how proud that makes me.

Truth be told, it's not all fun since it takes an INSANE amount of time, conversation with people at weird times due to timezone differences, document drafting etc, but I am glad I have this opportunity anyways. The environment I work in is super supportive and grateful for each act of service anyone does. Even simple actions cannot go unnoticed and this makes working in YOUNGO and GCT so satisfying. The wholesome atmosphere helps me thrive and be as productive as I possibly can.

All of this helped me realize I do love volunteering and service, just on my own terms. Before, I always had an awful time e.g. giving out leaflets at a conference wearing an angel costume, which made me less enthusiastic about helping people. It just felt pointless. I finally found a field which gives me a sense of real impact and I couldn't be happier about it.

[ibmademedothis]

New job!

I got an email that YOUNGO (short for Youth NGO - a youth constituency to the UN’s UNFCCC) that they have opened an application for their new Global Coordination Team, which is basically the board of the organisation. I applied immediately since I have been trying to get there for the past two years. It worked and soon I got an email that there’s going to be a meeting set up and I should choose my role. I ended up choosing coordination between YOUNGO and different UN agencies like the General Assembly, and with other NGOs. 

I took part in the first call yesterday and I got to know all the other people chosen for the team. I got overwhelmed very quickly since basically everyone was older than me and had a job in some sort of sustainable field. At the same time I felt even more honoured to be there, among such bright people. 

During the call I felt bold and came up with a proposal to organize a side event during COP26 since they have opened application three days prior. It got a green light and this week I’ll be discussing the details with the team. If all goes well, I’ll get to coordinate a huge event engaging the global youth and politicians into a discussion about climate action. I already made some arrangements, since I have been talking about it to a friend who’s going to COP26 with me for quite some time now. We tried to do it two years ago at COP25 but failed due to lack of experience and power. Now one of us is a GCT member and the other has a lot of politicians’ numbers in her phone so we should be good. I cannot express how excited I am to get to work! It is one of the most fulfilling things in the world for me, even though it’s complicated and hard and requires insane patience and stubornness. 

Though this whole thing made me very happy, it also had some negative sides to it. Mostly the fact that I have informed the school and asked if I can represent us in the literal UN and got left on read by two of the staff I asked. I know I should be bigger than that and just move on but it just doesn’t sit right with me. I even felt a little humilated. I just have to get over it and let my work speak for me, I learned my lesson about not being bitter in such situation while working as the headgirl.

[ibmademedothis]

Cooking

This is very frustrating. I wrote this reflection once already and it got deleted but here I go again (it won’t be as good though).

Becase all the restaurants (and borders) are closed I decided to cook my favorite meals for myself. So far I mostly did it with friends and it was always super fun. We managed to make all sort of things, including risotto, teriyaki chicken, cookies, a lot of different pastas and even a soup! I failed miserably at tempura calamari though. I find the activity itself very relaxing and it even boosted my self esteem a bit since my parents always told me I’d make a bad cook (no idea why). Well, jokes on them - I am a decent one.

One more reflection I had about cooking is somewhat an obvious one but I just became aware of this. Food gives you an ability to travel without leaving home. I found that to be a miracle in times when I literally cannot go anywhere (and had great plans to do so before the pandemic). So making the foods I tried in diffrenet countries at home brought a new level of peace into my life and made me a little less miserable. 

[ibmademedothis]

Prom

Recently I decided that since the “real” prom isn’t happening I will organize my own and invite a couple of friends. Everyone was really hyped about it and I had a huge responsibility of making the event as prom-ish as possible. I decided to prepare a meal (which was baked pasta with mushrooms and spinach, top notch) and prepare some home made snacks. I also borrowed a photo backdrop from my friend and set it up before people arrived. It was super challenging since it was basically me (160cm-ish, short arms) agains a 190x220cm backdrop. I managed though, which made me feel more empowered, even though it sounds silly. 

In the end the guests loved the party and it was exactly how I imagined a prom would be - exciting in the beginning and boring towards the end. 3/6 people fell asleep on the couches before their parents picked them up. I think I managed to prepare a very successful event which also felt fulflilling - as seeing your friends have fun always is.

[ibmademedothis]

Playing chess

Around a month ago I first learned the rules of chess. I got inspired by two of my friends whom I saw play. I asked them to explain how the pieces move and I instantly got super into it. The same night I came home I set up a chess.com account. I didn’t know any strategies so naturally I lost my ranking points and fell from the starting 800 to like 100 and started to build up from there. I looked up videos on chess openings an youtube and found a channel where an International Master does game analysis and teaches the openings. I started learning from that and gradually got better and better. I also played with friends a lot and it was very satisfying when I finally started winning. As of today my ranking is 414 which is not bad if you ask me, considering I’ve been playing for a month. 

I got very passionate about this game which surprised me a lot. I started to follow chess tournaments, look up players and basically became a chess nerd. It does feel nice to find and discover a new hobby though:)

[ibmademedothis]

Sledding

I went sledding with my friend last week.

It was a tiresome task to find a good place to do so. After we tried to make our own way through the snow a nice lady who saw us through her window said there is a great trail literally 20 meters away. Well, it was too white outside for us to see it earlier.

Sledding was fun but I hated the part where I had to go uphill. I also found my joints to no longer work like they used to due to the cold. They still hurt after spending time outside. This made me realize I need to take better care of my body if I want to function normally when I’m old.

We also built a snowman. It’s small but lovely. Making him (it’s a boy) taught me to trust the process and believe in my abilities as a designer I guess. I think he turned out amazing and cute (which was confirmed by an Instagram poll).

The activity also brought back some childhood memories of a snowman I built and become emotionally attached to. It was the only proper one I remember building, it was in my garden and when the spring came and he melted I cried a lot. Curious how random things can provoke the brain to recall such deeply repressed memories.

[ibmademedothis]

Ice skating with friends

I went ice skating with my friends the other day and I’m really glad I had the opportunity to spend time with them while doing some physical activity. I missed ice skating since the last time I did that was last winter and since I’m doing it only recreationally that’s the only season I can actually do that due to the accessibility. I also helped some of my friends to learn how to ice skate which was super fun and rewarding, especially when I saw them go on their own.

[ibmademedothis]

Being the head of the student board, still

I have been doing almost all the work nowadays, even though we have like 7 people on the team. It has been quite rewarding though. I have been taking to “Akcja Menstruacja” to arrange free hygiene products for our school and it ended up being very successful and the school will receive them this week. It brought me a lot of joy to do something to make the students’ life easier.

I also worked with another member of the student board to finalize the yearbook deal. We finally got a green light from the school to publish it and I’m increadibly excited. I think it will create a sense of community in everyone who reads it, at least it did for me. It also feels good to finish a project that has been going in for so long.

I also got to resolve tensions created due to the election to the student board. That was exhausting and annoying but the fact that the overall atmosphere is not ruined is somewhat rewarding.

[ibmademedothis]

Volunteering for “Dom Aniołów Stróżów”

I volunteered to walk around some economy-type-thingy and inform people that the charity’s stand is on a certain location and that they can donate there. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for this opportunity but I hated it. The people were not engaged at all and my back and my feet hurt from walking around so much. This was in contrast to Igor, who was walking around with me, all excited and talking about how rewarding that experience was. I just couldn’t get it. I think to get any fulfillment from volunteering work I would need a personal connection to the people I’m helping and at least some emotional connection, which just wasn’t present in this case.

We looked cute with the angel wings though:)

[ibmademedothis]

French lessons

I have been learning French for university since June. I find it increadibly entertaining. My teacher is this no-nonsense, a little bit awkward woman who puts her heart into teaching me while trying to get glimpses of my personality when we have very basic conversations in French. How do you like your coffee, do you like the cinema? Would you say the president of Poland is liked?

The lessons as well as learning the language on my own brings me a lot of joy. I think it’s because I can see the progress quite fast and my efforts are visibly rewarded. During those couple of months I went from knowing no French to being able to hold a basic conversation. I cannot wait to make more progress and see the results.

[ibmademedothis]

Working out at home

Due to the coronavirus situation I was forced to work out at home rather than at the tennis court. I put together a 50-minute routine that I do every other day and I jump the rope every day (700-1000 jumps). I can see the effects after doing so for the last 3 weeks; I have actual muscles on my arms and stomach and legs which I wanted to achieve for a long time but never had the motivation or time. It also helps me stay sane in these weird times. I think I’ll keep it as part of my routine after the quarantine is over and everything is back to normal because I feel so much better thanks to it.

[ibmademedothis]

Sightseeing (with friends! and alone)

I went to Madrid to go to COP25 which didn’t go according to plan at all. I left my passport at the airport becoming technically an illegal immigrant since I had no other ID. That did not stop me from having the time of my life. I love traveling as much as the next person but I was used to doing it alone. This time I got to do it with some of my favorite people in the world and it was a completely new experience. I don’t think I have ever laughed so much as I did during that week. At one point I even got to attend COP (that is after my dad shipped me my ID via DHL)

During that one day I spent there I could see how UNFCCC works and talk to actual delegates. It was a hilarious experience because it turns out they are equally lost and don’t really know what they’re doing as anyone else they just know how to present themselves better. It still made me want to become a politician because of the unique vibe of a UN event. Feeling like you make an impact when you really don’t. I even got to add something to the youth NGO’s speech from closing plenary. It was pretty cool.

Later I also got to visit a museum of modern art in Bolzano. This time I was traveling alone and I felt much more at peace. I liked having so much time just to myself and being able to spend it however want. In that case it was spending an hour inside that weird neon room from the photo. I just sat on the floor and listened to the music playing there (weird instrumental reminding me of an electric guitar out of tune) which was surprisingly relaxing. I am not good at making art myself but I do like to view it.

[ibmademedothis]

School merch

I hated every second of this. All the pieces were labeled by name and we had to count all of them, sort by color and then give out to people who were so not cooperating. I had never in my life inhaled so much dust as I did in my room. I was short on breath after all day of work. It was worth it when I saw so many students wearing those hoodies though.

[ibmademedothis]

My contribution to the school radio

Honestly, all I do there is put on music from time to time and have common sense (those boys need that in their team). It’s fun nonetheless.

[ibmademedothis]

Running the school, I guess

I have been working in the school student government for half a yeah now and I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed it all. Nothing in my life brought me more distress and sadness than this. I wanted to be the headgirl because over the course of the 1st grade I grew to love this school and especially the students. I wanted to give back and make their high school experience as enjoyable as possible. It is still what drives me the most, even after all the drama I went through.

This job was also the experience that taught me the most. First of all I had to take responsibility, sometimes not even for myself, for the first time in my life. I am not sure I’m handling it well but I know I am doing my best. It still hurts to make mistakes though as I expect myself to be ideal at this particular thing. I also learned how to work in a team which was challenging at times. It was the first time I got to experience sexism so painfully and straightforwardly. Even the people who were supposed to respect me as sort of superior member of the team would look down on me and question my competence. Handling that gracefully was an important lesson. The most important one however was that nobody cares about what you are doing. There are your friends who will see all the good but the majority will expect you to hand them things on a silver platter, not complain and not lecture them even when they do something stupid. What do you know after all. Then they will go off about you on their class group chat and how horrible you are for covering for them, how incopentent you are and have the job just because of popularity and in general you suck (yes, this is personal and I’m pissed off about it as you can tell). There’s nothing one can do about that. What I got to learn is how I respond to that and what one of my bestest friends in the entire world taught me, sometimes all you can do is keep on moving. Some days it feels unbearable to know what I will have to wake up in the morning and keep on living and doing my job but is is worth it after all. Even if someone can’t appreciate what I do, it’s fine, I don’t do it to be celebrated.

What I found through being the headgirl is that service and volunteering only works for me when there’s personal connection involved. I am willing to work my ass off to deliver what is best and expected. I also had the opportunity to prove to myself (so far at least) that no matter the circumstances I will stick to my values and beliefs. To me, that is priceless despite all the hardships. If anything, the struggle made me a stronger person and I am very grateful for that.