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(please unmute)

the way this shiba puppy yawns (please unmute)

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spin this list of all the pokemon. you have to eat whichever one you get

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grian getting smashed by a mallet

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spin this list of all of the pokemon. you are now that pokemon.

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From The New Anecdota Americana, 1944

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I wasn't planning on drawing more pokemon right now but ????? i tripped

alolan starters :) mostly just wanted to do incineroar but naturally I had to do the full trio

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"I want to live in a world in which teenagers can fulfil their natural purpose of being annoying" and "I do not always want to be annoyed by the teenagers" are compatible sentiments

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don’t kill yourself because the internet is going to be really funny when Elon gets assassinated

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I had a dream that the king and the queen of a small country had a daughter. They needed a son, a first-born son, so in secret, without telling anyone of their child’s gender, they travelled to the nearby woods that were rumoured to house a witch.

They made a deal with that witch. They wanted a son, and they got one. A son, one made out of clay and wood, flexible enough to grow but sturdy enough to withstand its destined path, enchanted to look like a human child. The witch asked for only one thing, and that was for their daughter.

They left the girl readily.

The witch raised her as her own, and called her Thyme. The princess grew up unknowing of her heritage, grew up calling the witch Mama, and the witch did her very best to earn that title.

She was taught magic, and how to forage in the woods, how to build sturdy wooden structures and how to make the most delicious stews. The girl had a good life, and the witch was pleased.

The girl grew into a woman, and learned more and more powerful magics, grew stronger from hauling wood and stones and animals to cook, grew smarter as the witch taught her more.

She learned to deal with the people in the villages nearby, learned how to brew remedies and medicines and how to treat illness and injury, and learned how to tell when someone was lying. 

Every time the pair went into town, the people would remark at just how similar Thyme was to her mother. 

(Thyme does not know who and what she is. She does not know that she was born a princess, that she was sold. She only knows that one night after her mother read her a story about princesses and dragons, her mother had asked her if she ever wanted to be a princess.)

((Thyme only knows that she very quickly answered no. She likes being a witch, thank you very much, she likes the power that comes with it and the way that she can look at things and know their true nature.))

The witch starts preparing the ritual early, starts collecting the necessities in the winter so they can be ready by the fall equinox. Her daughter helps, and does not ask what this is for, just knows that it is important.

The witch looks at Thyme, both their hands raised into the air over a complicated array of plants, tended carefully to grow into a circle, and says, sorry.

Keep reading

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My fake life series teams that no one wants to hear about but I’m posting about anyway

BigDoubleBs: (Bdubs, BigB)

They theme themselves entirely around the letter B. Their logo is a backwards B next to a regular B. They go around spreading lies and rumours and cause general confusion amongst all their peers. The B stands for Bullshit but they can’t explicitly say it and it gets censored multiple times. Bdubs is mostly just matching BigB’s casual chaotic energy but he’s not-so-secretly super stressed out all the time. BigB is oblivious to this and continues to unknowingly make Bdubs’ life hell. Bdubs is consistently loyal but every time he is left alone with someone who isn’t BigB he breaks down. People keep pointing out that he could just leave BigB but Bdubs is vehemently against this. BigB could not care less whether he stays or goes but is glad for the company.

GUESS AKA GESS: (Gem, Etho, Skizz, Scar)

A desperate attempt to make the team name an acronym (at Skizz’s request) themes them all around quiz masters. Everyone changes their skin to have a mask (except Etho) with a different comedy/tragedy-esque face on it. Several names are tried before they land on GESS (Gem immediately shot-down SEGS and EGSS). They run out of questions to ask very fast and Gem is the only competent member of their team because Etho makes it his personal mission to antagonise Skizz and Scar for no reason at all. Etho convinces Scar to kill Skizz and break his heart, Gem kills Etho for being annoying. (fun fact I wrote this one before the trivia bot episode lmaooo)

Team LIT: (Lizzie, Impulse, Tango)

They go all-out on the party theme, throw several parties (most of which end horrifically (“why do we keep coming back to these?! they never go well!” -Grian, probably)) and Lizzie claims to have trauma from her failed secret life party. Joel attends every party and doesn’t die at any of them. Impulse and Tango try to redstone their way into murdering people during the parties - they do, but they also murder themselves and Lizzie several times. They are consistently pathetic for most of the season, except Tango and Lizzie get eliminated very early on and Impulse snaps, kills so many people as a red and wins the season.

The Gentlemen: (Scott, Mumbo, Joel, Jimmy)

These four find themselves hanging out on the first session and make a bit of themselves doing posh English accents, which turns into a season-long ordeal. They all change into suits (except Mumbo who is already wearing a suit) and hate team LIT with a burning passion because they are “uncouth savages”. At some point it turns into Scott, Joel, and Mumbo all fighting over Jimmy’s attention. Mumbo doesn’t exactly know why they’re fighting over Jimmy but he’s too deep in the “yes, and” to back out now. Joel and Scott very amicably hate each other and keep making passive-aggressive jibes at each other. Jimmy quite honestly just enjoys the attention.

Nightstalkers: (Pearl, Martyn, Grian)

They keep to the shadows. They become one with the night. All three of them are shockingly good at sneaking and become thieves/ninjas. Martyn does a Batman voice until he can’t stand to do it anymore. Pearl just likes to giggle behind people. Grian mostly just likes to mess with Jimmy and Scar. The three of them start to do black market trading. They try to be allies with everyone but by the end of the season everyone kind of hates them. Grian is once again the last of his teammates standing.

God Help Us: (Cleo, Ren)

Cleo defends Ren from a horde of zombies night one and naturally Ren declares them bonded for life (“or at least until the season ends, I guess”). Ren feels he is indebted to Cleo and spends the whole season throwing himself in front of them as a meat shield. He dies first. Cleo joins up with the Nightstalkers. Everyone offers condolences to Cleo even before Ren dies because they spend the season just Going Through It. Murphy’s Law slaps Cleo in the face so hard. She, Tango, and Impulse spend almost an entire episode crying to each other about the fact that things are just Not Good.

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red flags!

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Tryna find some set base designs for the girls and Cleo, so I’m messing around rn :)

Here are some design notes (really poorly written I’m sorry it’s 3am and I wrote these really quickly on my phone so I’m not actually sorry)

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learning that people want you in their lives is a skill you can develop if it does not come naturally

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