icebearinacornfield

[icebearinacornfield]

Y'all.

[icebearinacornfield]

writing ian is easy, you just write older!alex except he's maybe 10% less reckless and filled with unfathomable amounts of grief

[icebearinacornfield]

Alex: you want me to chase down that car? Don't worries let me just get my helmet!

[icebearinacornfield]

the true wonder of the alex rider series is how anthony horowitz never ran out of generic white guy names

[icebearinacornfield]

- 5:00am, 4 year old Alex in a whisper-

Alex: Ian, don’t worry, you can sleep. I’m making my own breakfast. How do you turn on the stove?

Ian: I’m up

[icebearinacornfield]

alex rider is so awesome because I think too hard about it and get a nosebleed. like yeah it’s already a subversion of the child hero fantasy but it’s also a total narrative about avoiding grief. about being kept away from it. it’s about the support of denial as a reaction to death. Alex is never allowed to sit down and grieve for his uncle— he avoids having to think about Ian at all, and is never made to; he is proven right when he sticks to the belief that Jack is alive instead of having to deal with what it means if she isn’t. so what is alex rider but a story about grief? what is alex rider but a story about the incredible lengths a boy will go to to avoid having to grieve at all? what is alex rider but a boy who is unable to face reality and whose reality refuses to face him. all of the books and the paths alex travels are just metaphorical time loops, repetitive adventures where he cannot get back to reality. He can’t escape the cycle. He can’t help but return to it. The whole thing is just a testament to how far someone will go to avoid their grief. so like. how am I supposed to get past that.

[icebearinacornfield]

My Roman Empire for real!

The thing about Ian Rider is that he could go either way. Did Ian groom Alex Rider into a dangerous life of spying for MI6 from a young age, or was he encouraging Alex's natural talents and trying to give him the skills to survive in a world where very dangerous people were always going to have a grudge against him simply for who his father was? Who knows! Either is entirely plausible!!! MI6 executed an immediate and terrifying level of manipulation and coercion upon Ian's death to get Alex to put his life on the line for them. Is this something Ian could have expected? Did he want it? Was it planned with his input? Did he actually leave Alex's custody to MI6, or was that a lie? Who on earth has the answers now besides Alan Blunt? And we know we can't trust a word he says.

Alex is very motivated in the series by information on his parents, something both MI6 and Scorpia use against him. Did Ian set him up for this by withholding that information in his childhood, or was he struggling with his own grief over his brother and trying to keep Alex safe by staying quiet, since so much of John's story was classified? Who don't know. We can't know.

Ian is a ghost over the entire series. Helen and John Rider are too, each in different ways, but Ian is interesting in that you think you have more of him than you really do. Alex does not seek information on his uncle. Is it because he thinks he knows everything already? Or because he can't face the admission that he doesn't?

We don't even know Ian's real relationship with MI6. Did they blackmail him like they did Alex? Or was that treatment only for Alex, since hiring him is so shady to begin with? Did Ian Rider ever sit in a room with Alan Blunt and give a report on his nephew? Or is he spinning in his grave over everything that his employers did to his nephew once he was no longer there to stand in the way? We don't know! We can't! I'm going insane!!

[icebearinacornfield]

see we were all raised like 'dont make online friends!! theyll all be secretly 40yr old men who want to murder you!!!!' and like. yeah that has happened but thats not the real scurge i promise you

anyway i feel like if you really wanna scare kids from making poor decisions regarding online friendships you should just tell them about andy blake tbh

[icebearinacornfield]

Yes, quite. (OMG YOUR DOG IS ADORABLE!!!!!!)

Woof

I've already got a dog.

[icebearinacornfield]

Show us. Prove it. Prove that you have a dog.

Woof

I've already got a dog.

[icebearinacornfield]

Hey gang for those of you waiting for my return just letting you know that running the muppet joker account has put a very real strain on my real life marriage and I have decided to step away from the blog for the foreseeable future.

I have been talking to her and everone else in my personal life "in character" as the muppet joker so that my blog would be as true to life as possible. I have been wearing Joker makeup around the house, which at first she found funny, but now she can't even look at me. I started compulsively fantasizing about the muppets and it's ruining our sex life. I accidentally called her Kermit in the bedroom and she made me sleep on the couch for a week.

Our son turned one year old this year on July 5th, on the day of Dashcon 2. My wife begged and pleaded with me to stay home and celebrate his birthday, but I was stupid and selfish and had become completely taken over by the muppet joker persona at that point. I went. I returned home to an ultimatum. Its my family, or it's the muppet joker. I chose my family.

Sorry tumblr. I have failed you. I have failed my wife. I have failed my son. I have to go now, to be with them, and to watch my child grow up.

Goodbye, Homosapiens

[icebearinacornfield]

Now that the Muppet joker is gone,

does the US really have any tumblr relevance anymore?

[icebearinacornfield]

I got some bad news for you buddy….

just finished reading Catch-22 and i firmly believe if it were to ever become a movie it should be an old timey cartoon with colorful BANG!s and incredibly gruesome gore – any other way would be sacrilegious

[icebearinacornfield]

• On June 28, 1914, Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife are assassinated. This is the match in the powder keg that ignites World War I.

• Soldiers living and dying in horrific conditions and in close proximity to one another means that diseases spread very quickly.

• One German soldier in particular contracts jaundice and is removed from the battlefield. This soldier is Conrad Veidt.

• Veidt is permitted to act in the army theatre until his condition improves and he is fit to return to battle.

• In 1917 he is deemed unfit to serve and is discharged from the German army.

• Conrad Veidt returns to the theatre and goes on to have an illustrious career on both stage and screen, gaining stardom by playing major roles in pictures such as Different From the Others (1919), the first pro-gay film known to exist, with Veidt as the lead; and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920), widely regarded to be the first true horror film, with Veidt as a major antagonist under the villain’s control. He is one of few silent film stars whose careers last through the advent of sound.

• In the late 1920s, Veidt travels to the United States to star in a few films for Universal Pictures. One of these films is The Man Who Laughs (1928), in which he plays Gwynplaine, the titular Laughing Man, who was surgically disfigured as a child to set his mouth in a permanent grin. This film is adapted from Victor Hugo’s 1869 novel, L’Homme qui rit.

• On April 25, 1940, the Joker makes his first appearance in the debut issue of the comic book Batman. It is generally accepted that the visual design of the Joker is based directly on Conrad Veidt’s appearance as Gwynplaine in The Man Who Laughs (1928). This is supported by the Joker’s creators, although their accounts of the Joker’s creation differ.

• The Joker goes on to become one of the most popular characters of all time, joining the ranks of characters of myth, legend, literature, and modern media whose stories will likely be retold and remembered until the sands of time have buried the bones of humanity forever.

• Enter tumblr user @the-muppet-joker (aka Croaker), who not only kins (mainly) the Joker and Kermit the Frog, but is also in a relationship with both of them.

• Tumblr user and YouTuber @strange-aeons makes a video delving into the twisted mind (and blog) of the Croaker.

• Croaker is angered by this, and so they schedule a duel to the death at @dashcon-two.

• They duel. Strange emerges victorious and is knighted by the Ball Pit Queen. Croaker dies and the funeral process is speedrunned with a heartfelt rendition of “Man or Muppet” performed by The Musical InterDudes. The singers held signs with individual letters spelling “KUNG POW PENIS”.

TL,DR: The Croaker owes his existence to jaundice and the 1914 assassination of an Austro-Hungarian noble.

And also Victor Hugo.

[icebearinacornfield]

Finally posting all the random edits I made ages ago, enjoy😛😛

[icebearinacornfield]

[icebearinacornfield]