icyyygirl01 - Tumblr blog

[icyyygirl01]

wednesday, october 23rd 2019

7:27 am: the next 36 hours of my life are so so important lol! woke up early, eating breakfast, gonna head to library and grind. no way i’m getting anything less than 90 on this exam

8:15 am: i luvvvvv being at the library early! i get to pick where want to sit and nobody else is bothering me.

12:38 pm: going pretty well. have really stayed focused. i’m wrapping up lecture 4 now.

[icyyygirl01]

tuesday, october 22nd 2019

12:33 pm: first of all, i just realised i wrote it was monday, october 20th yesterday lmao. second of all, i didn't update yesterday because i was pretty embarrassed about how my day went. i started the day late, studied a bit for my test, which went well, but then after my test i was so tired that all i did was read and watch tv.

but i'm going to be productive today. i'm at the library rn and i'm going to study until my class that's at 2:30. it's a lab class and i'm really hoping it doesn't last long because it's the first day of a new rotation, so it's mainly intro stuff. i hope.

12:41 pm: i have 16 lectures to get through for my midterm on thursday. it's at night, which sort of gives me more time i guess. and a meeting i had tonight got cancelled, so i'm happy about that too. i'm going to update every time i finish one lecture, for sake of ~accountability~.

1:32 pm: you know, i really enjoy studying. like i dread it and i hate tests and whatever, but when i was studying for my test yesterday i was like "wow this is so interesting." and even now... i'm always uncertain about how i feel about my degree, but then when i learn and i study i'm like, this is actually really cool, and i'm so glad i'm studying it because it's not something that i would do outside of school, i think, so i am glad that i'm learning it in school. anyway, i'm done the first lecture! onto the second.

[icyyygirl01]

monday, october 20th 2019

1:31 am: it’s 1:31!! haha it’s really 1:31!!! i really played myself lol :)))

[icyyygirl01]

sunday, october 20th 2019

9:30 am: idk why i slept for so long but i did and there's nothing i can do about that now i guess. good news is that since i deleted social media off my phone, there's nothing that interesting to do on my phone so i got out of bed pretty quickly.

i want to try establishing a habit every week, one at a time, and build up good habits that way. this week's will be running every day. ideally i'd like to run in the morning but because i'm not strong enough yet, i get really tired after running so i'm going to keep it to the evenings for now.

i have a test today that i'm going to study for. it's kind of hard to study for, but i'm going to do my best.

12:46 pm: i can't stop working because it's so hard for me to get back when i do. but i have to. so i'm going to set alarms to make sure my breaks are kept short.

3:14 pm: done studying for my test. it's at 4. nothing else i can do now but wait and just take it. going to do something else productive in the meantime!

5:59 pm: wrote my test! overall i think it went well. it's hard because i never get my score back LOLLL. anyway, i have a meeting now, after which i'm going to for a run, shower, then eat dinner, and study for my test tomorrow. so much to do, so little time...

10:02 pm: i did what i said i would do, except for studying for my test tomorrow... lol. instead i watched a movie with my roommates. hahahahaha. well i'm going to bed early to wake up early to study for said test lol.

oh also - an update on not having social media. honestly i can feel that it's good for me, but i'm also so bored without it. like i am itching to get on instagram, and that's how i know it's such a good thing that i deleted it. there were some occasions today where i wanted to take a pic and post it on my finsta story but i didn't/couldn't and i just felt so... like i was living for me, you know? not for anyone else. which is a good thing.

[icyyygirl01]

idk what i'm doing

but i want to figure it out. i know i can journal, and i do, but writing on a blog is different. it seems as though i have crumbled at the slight hint of stress, and that’s not a sustainable way to live my life. i don't want to be unhappy. i want to be fulfilled and satisfied. so i’m making a change, and you're coming with me.

i deleted instagram, twitter, and snapchat off my phone (thank u @babyphat05 for the help on that front). i went for a run today, which helped clear my head. i have a journal where i'm going to write down my goals so that i am clear on where i am going. i'm going to spend more time with myself than ever before, which makes me uncomfortable because i'm so needy and dependent, but the only way i can change that is by doing the thing that makes me uncomfortable until it becomes comfortable.

this is an anonymous blog where i can freely be myself. no judgment zone. i don’t want to become famous. i want to give myself a place where i give myself permission to be myself. not so performative. i want to be able to do the right thing. i want to stop self-sabotaging myself.

it’s 7:23 pm. it’s a saturday. it’s october 19th 2019. i'm going to change my life, and this blog is going to be the documentation of how i do it. i believe in myself. i can do it. there's no point in wallowing in misery. in creating this blog, i feel refreshed and like myself again. i am ready to tackle all the challenges that come in my life. i am capable and confident. i am breaking out of the madness.