idbarbie - Tumblr blog

[idbarbie]

                                             180428      ╱      resting?                                   ↬   +5 exp   ♡   +5 skills ( dance )

leisure time is now a foreign concept. she’s used to the working mindset -- to the exhaustion that wears her down, to the burning muscles and aching heels, to the pals that are calloused from holding microphones too tightly and ears tingling from the earpiece stuck into it. she’s using to smile until her cheeks were hurting -- and above it all, she is used to always have them expecting more from them, always more and more like starving lions. 

and they were trained to deliver. 

but then, the concept of having time for herself is something odd to her; something that she doesn’t believe is quite real. when it was announced, she was taken aback, even though she had heard some mouth-to-mouth comments of a well deserved rest and the girls were getting more and more excited with the idea of being together doing something for them; talks full of wheres and whens and hows and whos -- the type of talks that really justifies the name that was given to them, sweet and hopeful and everything you would expect from overworked girls that didn’t live through their teens years. 

barbara asked herself, though, where would she go. home? when she thought of that the image of the dorms, with piece of clothes in impossible spaces, missing pair of shoes, giggling and laughter past midnight, and movies with caramel and popcorn; and without that she couldn’t even picture another place that she would rather call it home. 

family? she could only think of the girls to whom she watched grow up, to whom she helped raise while raising herself -- the maturity a thirteen years old girl wouldn’t have unless it had been deposited upon her shoulders. she could only think of the people who had helped her, and the people who have grounded her, the people who had shaped her -- as harsh as they were, those who taught her to be who she is now. 

she didn’t have a home nor a family other than her girls. 

what would she be doing, then, if not fussing over them all the time? 

a weird sort of anxiousness settled in her at the thought of it -- and he first day was spent waiting for something to happen. with biting words she announced to be simply resting -- it was well-deserved, wasn’t it? she spent the morning at the dorms, organizing things that didn’t need to be organized, checking her phone every three minutes to see if she was missing something. 

obviously, she wasn’t.

the afternoon was spent wandering, in anonymous. cap so low that she kept her head bent to look at where she was stepping, and the mask that concealed half of her face made her feel suffocated -- or maybe was the fact that she was walking among so many people, fearing to be recognized. 

at night was was worn out, once more; but she didn’t enjoy that particular feeling. 

seoul’s sky wasn’t much different from chicago’s -- barely any star could be seen up there. she didn’t miss her family, nor the place she grew up in. she didn’t miss anything, but the feeling of being there; something so frivolous and meaningless, but still, something that really occupied great part of her mind and she laid on her back to watch the starless sky. 

maybe she should suggest them to actually go and travel together; anywhere, really, as long as she could see the stars with the only family that ever loved her.

[idbarbie]

ft. ╱ idlina

she pressed the ice cream into barbie’s hand with a sympathetic smile.  “ let’s pay quickly, so we can get back to the dorm faster. ”

she felt stupid right after the ice cream was handed to her -- how could she note recognize her? barbie’s instance melted right way, giving way to a smile, washing over the wrinkle perpetually formed on her forehead when stressed. why couldn’t she be like lina? soft edges and warm smile, charisma oozing from her even when she didn’t intend to. 

“thank you.” her voice was small, and she reached to hold the girl’s hand, a silent apology, but her nerves were too wrecked and she was too ashamed of being so rude to her making her hand stop midway. “we can share the ice cream, okay? you know how much i love those but... ” she shrugged, looking at her friend. “ i don’t mind sharing it with you. ” she had always been sincere with the younger girl, but still, the words hurt, as if she was trying to mislead her into a trap. 

a sharp nod made her hair tickle her cheeks. “ i pay, just grab anything you want... ” barbie looked around, trying to find something of lina’s taste -- something to soothe her soul. “ what about that mocha can you love? ”

[idbarbie]

ft. ╱ idjihun

[OUTGOING] jjajangmyeon buddy } Are you awake? :) [OUTGOING] jjajangmyeon buddy } Miss you and wanna hang out if you’re not busy. :D [OUTGOING] jjajangmyeon buddy } P.S. I will pay for your noodles

her nerves were friend -- are attention, nonexistent. that was show barbie acted every time she interacted closely with her fans; every time she felt like they would find out she is not the perfect girl they expect her to be, every time she is sure they will leave her for good.

it was a consuming fear, really. something that didn’t let her sleep before and didn’t let her sleep after -- so, after two days of restless actions and lack of attention into very little thing she did, she sat in a corner of the practice room, claiming she would monitor the girls while they were rehearsing for the 100th time. 

but of course her mind wasn’t there -- she was set on overthinking every single detail, every single interaction. having her mind flooded by intruder thoughts; until she felt her phone buzzing right beside her. with a quick glance, her mind was wiped from everything -- his name flashing on her screen made her face tingly, and she could bet her face was the same color of her shirt -- pink.

“ miss you. ”

[ sent → jj noodles 🍜 ]: heyyyy :) [ sent → jj noodles 🍜 ]: miss you too haha i will be done in like 10 minutes [ sent → jj noodles 🍜 ]: oooh, noodles on you? i am in

jjajangmyeon.

[idbarbie]

                                         180418      ╱      honey fansing 

                                             ↬   +5 exp    ♡    +5 skills ( vocal )

she did this for them, and anyone else. 

alone in the world, barbie had the conscience that she had no one else but them -- her fans, her support, the ones that keep her going. the ones that have put her there in the first place. it was her fan’s smile, it was their words of encouragement, it was heir familiar faces -- they have became her family, and for them alone she kept trying day after day; she kept on yearning to improve, to become a better version of herself.

but every single wish of hers comes wrapped in fear.

they were at the common room when they got the news -- a bigger venue since the previous one wouldn’t be able to accommodate everyone; apparently their fandom gets bigger every week that passes, and like actual bumblebees, every one of them want to get a taste of the perfect honey girls. were they as sweet as they claim to be?

that same day she couldn’t sleep. her knuckles were white as held onto the sink to look closely at her on the mirror -- would they be able to crack her mask and see what’s underneath? to actually see that she wasn’t all that they expected -- she wasn’t someone they would love and adore immensely? every time was he same, and she lived with that repeating fear; even though it had passed four years, barbie still struggled. 

in the day of the fansign, her stomach was in knots -- more than a thousand butterflies flying inside of her, making it hard for her to even drink a simple glass of water. in the car, her hands twisted on her lap, and the girls glanced at her, knowing well of her fears -- knowing well that nothing could be done to soothe her wrecked nerves. the salon was its usual mess -- a cacophony that made her vicious thoughts drown for a brief moment, enough to make her breathe freely for once. 

she reminds why she’s there the moment her make-up artist touches the bags under her eyes, “ someone haven’t been sleeping these days, ” it was a harmless comment, kind-heatedly, even -- but the bitterness invades her mouth, her throat dries at the thought. “ nervous? ” and she remembers that every moment is a practice -- is a test. she is to lose bad habits, the ones she wasn’t able to in eight year, but still tried to. 

so she swallows the hidden razors that hides under her tongue in order to smile softly. she was nervous -- the anxiety ate her up at night and made her restless, the self-doubts, the fear. nervous? that word echoed in her head -- and she knew her act started there, and she had to keep it.

“ only excited. ”

at the end of the day, everything felt surreal. the hot water from the shower enveloped her body, and the steam also clouded her mind -- in that in-between world she musters about the entire day. it’s all blurry -- really. some faces are marked, her loyal fans that had always been there; some excited new ones, some foreign ones that have traveled across the globe to see her. being from america breaks barriers --any time that is necessary she steps forward and interacts with them in the language they are more comfortable with -- she makes this excahnge, she glows in front of their eyes. 

she feels good about it -- she likes to be important. 

but she can still hear one sentence -- something that was said to her, and she doesn’t remember in which language. something that not even the shower’s comforting noise could erase. 

“ why are you not smiling much today, barbie? ”

barbie feel like she was slipping for a fraction -- but quickly recovered from that. an act forever played, and she was not going to lose now, not now. her heart raced in her chest -- even at the memory of that happening. but she was honey’s barbie, she had to escape. leaning closer, she held their hands, gave them the smile they expected from her -- “ because i was saving it all for you.  ”

she was not to risk again -- not like this. in front of the mirror, once again, she smiled; and reminded herself of that simple fact that she had to be that girl -- or she would be anyone.

[idbarbie]

thread    ╱    open

― exhaustion wore her down, but still sleep didn’t come. it was her body reaction to stress, to anxiety, to anticipation -- years had passed since she first felt like that and she still could feel the side effects of that kind of event. fansigns were harder than anything, in her conception. showcases were easy, and stages, too -- like the name denotes, they were made for you to simply rehearse and perform it, and no one performed like the honey girls. 

but fansigns were completely different for the simple fact that she was going to directly interact with her fans -- the one that loves her, the ones that she suspect would not do the same if they knew the real her; so, she stood up late thinking on the hows and whys and having the thoughts slowly freeze her limbs. 

walking always cleared her mind, and ice cream always diverged her attention from that kind of toxicity only her own brain was capable of creating. under the starless sky, she made her from the dorms to the convenience store -- open twenty-four-seven and with the ice cream that she always ate when she felt lost. ( and she did eat it a lot. ) without paying attention, she made her way to the fridge, and reached inside to get her favorite, only to notice that there was only one left, and that someone else was also trying to get it. 

barbie didn’t see faces or names, her eyes were set on the pink and white package that she wanted to hold on to like a lifesaver. “ i think i need this more than you do. ”

[idbarbie]

hello! my name is vic & i am super excited for everything ( even though i am pretty behind and have nothing ready iuhieug ) under the cut you’ll find some information about barbie & her stats page / wanted plots is comings soon, i promise! feel free to hit me up throughh ims or if you want my discord @ for any kind of plot, and please, excuse my excessive writing ( i apologize in advance, if you read everything.... you’re the true mvp of my heart. )

barbara jang, 24, an aries. the stage name that she goes by is barbie.

honey’s main vocalist, please don’t ask her to rap because you’ll feel like crying afterwards. 

from chicago, she was raised in a pretty strick household and in a close-knit community. her parents were pastors and they tried to raise a good church girl. 

used to sing every day at the church, people adored her voice, she adored the attention she never got from her parents. 

she was getting handful and her parents had no time so she was shipped off at the age of twelve to spend some time with her aunt in makpo. 

well, her aunt saw the opportunity of cashing good $$$ and started filling her head with the idea of being an idol, telling her everyone would love her and she would be able to do whatever she wanted.

( her honest Dream. )

auditioned at MSG, got in. the first time she tried to be her bratty, sharp-tongue self they cut her and then she started to realize things probably wouldn’t be that easy...

basically broken and shaped into the perfect honey girl, even though her personality didn’t fit for their concept, they would make her fit. 

her parents were strongly against idol life so they acted as if they had never had a daughter, her aunt, after realizing the mountain of debt barbie was now in, also abandoned her, going back to makpo and never contacting again.

so the only way to be someone would be through debuting. so she bit her tongue and tried to be as good as possible, because she no longer had anyone.

trained for 8 years so she is pretty good at pretending performing, she basically has herself as two personas: barbara, her true self that basically no one would like to know, and barbie, the one everyone knows and loves. 

on stage she has that alluring, magnetizing aura -- the girl you either want to be or want to have. they call her tsundere sometimes since she always acts cool and composed, chic. in front of the cameas she’s the ever michevious girl, full of sassy comebacks that always entice you and many you want more of her refreshing ( and slightly acid ) persona. 

in real life she is prety different -- barbie is very stubborn and her personality can be seriously difficult. she is closed off and only those who had trained with her for a long time were able to break her shell; she was once a rebel, but had to tone down to not lose it all, but her fire still burns strong inside of her. she is snarky and kind of unpredictable, and has a really strong opinion on Things. 

see how good she is at pretending.

lowkey highkey serious abandonment issues. 

in her trainee days she managed to sneak out a couple times, found herself a big Bi.

he korean is amazingly good for someone who’s a foreinger that most people wouldn’t really say she is from the US. during variety she pretends to have a good relationship with her parents, it breaks her inside. 

learned how to play the piano and violin, but it’s not something the public knows.

she is a song-writer!!! this is something she is extremely proud of and she signs under BOMI ( that is her korean name ), she’s been recognized by her deep lyrics, and also bubbly and refreshing ones -- they say she’s very versatile in this area, being able to write for any concept. 

has a secret soundcloud account where she is experiment at producing, that’s her dream tbh. 

if you came this far.....i love you.

so it’s pretty much it!!! barbie is a rose full of torns and it’s pretty broken but being an idol is all she has left!!! expect a lot of drama and angsts and...rumors...and maybe scandals.

plot w me pls.

[idbarbie]

[idbarbie]

tag dump !