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idchaekyung-blog · 6 years

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autumn morning.

> synopsis: chaekyung in the process of writing / reflecting. > date: september 17th, 2018. / 05:56am. > word count: 1,222 words. > notes: mentions of death, nightmares, parental abuse, and ageism.

a ballpoint pen was pressed flush against a blank sheet of paper in a new journal; the scent of dust, book stores, and early morning americano tickling a button nose as legs folded into one another languidly. it was seldom that the chanteuse was awake bright and early to welcome in the sunrise, but a dream had awoken her from slumber, and luckily, this time, she was able to remember it well enough to transcribe it into words of purple prose, milk, and honey. for years, song chaekyung had been chronicling her life as an idol: the heartbreaks, the disappointments, the roadblocks, the illicit rendezvous, the loneliness, and the high experienced after rounds of uproarious, sweet applause — which just so happened to be her most coveted sound. praise, overall, was what she yearned for, and more often than not, it’s what she was given, especially as a respected senior in an industry that continued to mass-produce toys and dolls for boys, and girls, all over the world to ogle at: a lot of whom were prettier, and newer, than those that have been around for as long as heaven’s main vocalist, but there’s no denying the level of comfort one feels when hit in the face with nostalgia, when reminded of yesterday, and now, chaekyung hopes to not only bring newness with a fresh start, but also a reminder of halcyon days bathed in the harsh light of summer sunshine, of cut-off jean shorts, high heels, and tank tops. each song released by the female quartet she adored painting a new milestone for her; one that she’d treasure forever now with the thanks of her diaries, overloaded photo albums, and her heaps of individually penned lyrics.

however, in her heart of hearts, she knows that looking at the road ahead is what’s smart, and that preparing for a disbandment ( god forbid one happen anytime soon ) would be what’s wise. heaven could last forever for all she cared, but the odds of that blossoming into eternal fruition were slim to none, so management has urged her to, after eight years in the business, begin thinking about the next chapter; the next phase in a life so gilded. in all honesty, the thought of embarking on her own journey startles her, and once she’s reminded of past conversations had between she and 99 entertainment, she ceases her quill’s motions immediately; eyes dreary from having just awoken, limbs stiff from sleep, and goodness... she shouldn’t be thinking of such dire straits at daybreak. the last thing she wanted to do was get overwhelmed with the what-ifs, the could-be’s, and the layers upon layers of suppressed emotions. who will she be after the end of such a once-in-a-lifetime tale? will she find love and become a mother? will she continue on the path of red carpets and the neon flickers of cameras? there are so many questions, but so little answers... and she can’t help but fall prey to the hard-hitting queries she’d rather not think about. so, whenever whirlwinds of doubt swathe her, she puts it all on paper in stunning handwriting, and after all of it’s written out, she closes the cover, lets it breathe awhile, and allows herself a deep breath, too.

now, though, she gets back to what she started. her dream. one puzzling, but also reflective. in this land of make-believe, she stood before a mirror and watched her face shape-shift into a girl that looked like her, but also did not. wrinkles creased on her forehead, near her eyes, and on the corners of her lips, and her hair transformed into strands of platinum and chrome, then what really set her off was that, when she opened her mouth to sing, all that came out was glitter and dust... remnants of her glory days as she became older, and older, and older. it reminded her that she wasn’t going to be young forever, she wasn’t going to be in her twenties soon, and with how society works, she’d soon be discarded... tossed aside to be forgotten about. how unfair time was for a woman... or, really, how unfair life was to women. while she understands that her position isn’t at all how things were hundreds of years ago, and she’s happy for the progression, she loathes how she, and many others, are truly only idolized for their appearance. why is that? curious, she creates a narrative on how she begins to like different things, or take on different roles in her workplace, with maturity, but even though she evolves, she’s still, somehow, the same within. it’s almost as if she wakes up, and suddenly, knows even more about herself than she did the night before. experiences alter a person’s perception, and it’s safe to say that her’s has, indeed, been altered quite heavily over the last two decades. so, when she’s done with a few paragraphs, she decides to read back a little; adjusting herself to be more comfortable upon her velour chaise-lounge.

pupils dilated towards the cursive scrawled between the pages, and she couldn’t help but grow somewhat smitten as she recalled the events in her life that caused these to transpire. her first kiss shared backstage in a dressing room with a man she liked, the first time that learned the choreography for a dance in under a few hours, and many other reminiscences that brought her here. how on earth had she gotten so far? then, after a few more turns, she landed on a poem entitled ‘mother,’ and in that moment, she felt her stomach twist and turn; becoming more and more tense by the millisecond. “mmm...” she hummed, shaking her head back and forth as she fought to read it all; to make it to the end. this was pieced together a few days after the day that she learned of her elder’s worsening illness, and even now she has a difficult time formulating thoughts on the matter. how was she supposed to feel anyway? while many would feel upset, confused, or lost at the thought of losing the woman who birthed them, chaekyung couldn’t help but feel an almost selfish, monstrous sense of relief. did that make her abominable? there were so many frayed edges and burned bridges between her and mother, and she didn’t think going back to the ruins of their relationship would be good for either of them, but then again, what did she know? in her twenty-seven years, she’d never dealt with feelings like this before, and those uncharted lands frightened her. besides, even if she were to begin a relationship with her mom, it would be bittersweet being that the time on her clock is ticking away idly, and she would loathe finally experiencing parental love only to have it snatched away from her in a callous fashion.

needless to say, this was complicated, and without putting any extra strain on herself for the morning, she decided to stand from where she rested and amble her way back to her bedroom; completely forgetting about the americano she’d made, leaving it to become cold. once there, she toppled onto her mattress, allowed her lids to fall shut, and slowly, sweetly, fell back to sleep; hoping that no other nightmares would trouble her for the next few hours.

#filed under: solo prompt.#filed under: para.#filed under: self-love.#wc: 1222.

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idchaekyung-blog · 6 years

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hello, idolize ! after inspiration slapped me in the face late last night, and after writing my baby’s bio in only a few hours, i can happily say that i’m overjoyed to be accepted into this beautiful group with my one and only: song chaekyung, or bella. she’s a twenty-seven year vocal prodigy who’s sitting pretty as the main vocalist ( and lousiest dancer ) in 99′s heaven. she’s had a long career, and hopes to make it even longer by eventually going solo, but that all will come in time. for now, though, i’ve left some tl;dr information below the read-more, and if any of you lovelies would be interested in plotting with us, please feel free to like this post ! i’ll be making my way through welcome messages tonight / tomorrow, so i can’t wait to talk to all of you and get to know you better. let’s all have a good time, yeah? xx.

basics !

> chaekyung trained under 99 entertainment from ‘09 to ‘10, and was quick to début. > honestly, she thought it’d be a piece of cake in training, but surprise !!!! it wasn’t, lol > she has a strong opera background, so she had to unlearn some classical technique in order to better fit the mold that 99 was trying to shape for heaven. it was frustrating, and really, she probably contemplated quitting more than a few times, but she needed to prove to herself that she was good enough at her craft, and to show her mother that she could be successful, so she stayed the course, and now... well, let’s just say that she’s so, so, sooo glad that she did. > tw: parental abuse. speaking of her mother, she was abused by her for many, many years, and it stemmed from a very complicated background. see, chaekyung’s mom was also an opera singer / musical theatre actress, but it didn’t come as naturally to her as it did to her daughter. that being said, she turned resentful, jealous, and bitter. she’s still recovering from all of the slurs, and the negative comments, and the mental abuse, but with age, she’s gotten better about coping with all of that leftover baggage. she writes a lot of songs about it tbh. > truth be told, she’s one of the best singers in the industry, but she can’t have it all, of course. her pipes are pristine, but girl can’t dance... like, at all. she tries, and it’s sweet, but she seldom gets the desired effect. it’s what lands her in hot water the most, and has throughout her whole career, and it wasn’t until recently when she decided to swallow her pride and try to improve. > she’s kinda addicted to work, but has lots of fun little hobbies she loves to do, too. for ex, she loves to cook, and is damn good at it, too. it’s something that more-or-less came natural to her. additionally, she’s taken up writing poems and lyrics, and hopes to include most of what she’s penned in her solo efforts in the future. it’s become an all-out passion for her, tbh. > interested in learning more? feel free to read her profile or bio, or shoot me a message !

desired plots !

> first and foremost, i would love for her to have an absolute ride-or-die best friend around, preferably one that’s around her same age, ‘89 to ‘94 liner, or in her same group, that she truly relies on for everything. she would reciprocate, of course, but being that she’s kind of going through a lot at the moment, she would seriously need a shoulder to lean on every once in awhile. tw: death / cancer. she’s recently learned that her mom only has few months to live before succumbing to her ovarian cancer, so she really needs to vent things out and open up. > additionally, i’d love a good ol’ fashion rivalry plot-line, particularly one that explores your muse as a fantastic dancer, and mine as an amazing singer. mine has what yours doesn’t, and vice versa, and instead of teaming up to help each other out, they just live in bitterness and sit in it... refusing to swallow their prides to compliment each other, much less even talk, hah. for this, i think it’d make most sense if your muse were a female-identified person, but i’m open ! > while she’s a bit addicted to working, there are times, especially in heaven’s off-seasons, where she yearns for romance and sex, so i’d love for her to have a man that she can go to for either option, really. it can be a simple fwb situation, or something deeper, but i’d love for her to get a little possessive over someone, even if the feelings aren’t reciprocated. fun fact: she’s into younger men, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she only hooks up with / dates them in an exclusive fashion. if you’re handsome, and treat her well, she’s definitely interested, hah. for this, i’m going to require that the mun / muse are both 18 or older internationally. thanks ! > in a similar motion, she’s always been a little curious about the same-sex, so if any girl out there is interested in showing her the ropes with no-strings-attached, hit her up lol. like the plot above, i’m gonna require that the mun, and muse, are both over 18 internationally. thanks ! > really, i’d love any and all plots, and i’ll be adding a deeper plot page soon, but these are a few that i can think of right now, so if any of these intrigue you, please let me know !

#filed under: introduction.#filed under: plot call.#filed under: first post.#xoxox.

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