idratherbefightingwithyou

[idratherbefightingwithyou]

"Im single btw."

What. You're single now? After all these years, you're single. Theres still no chance we'll be together. I don't want to believe that with any fiber in my being..but i doubt it will ever happen. I would drop anything and everything to be with you. I cant think of a better life. I've tried. I really i cant. You and i would be the absolute perfect thing and i KNOW this. I have a good feeling you do too. What we have is something different than what anyone else has. I've never felt the way i do when im with you and i truly believe you feel the same way. Like..nothing else exists. I could talk to you for literal days if we could. I get absorbed into the way you talk and how passionate you are about everything we talk about. You have the perfect mindset. You're independent as all hell and can manage on your own just fine. But, i want to be by your side. For the rest of time.

[idratherbefightingwithyou]

Its been years since ive been on here. This is still all true..and none of my feelings have changed. I still miss you. I still love you. So fucking much. I talked to you again tonight..and its the first time we spoke since you met him. You're still with him..and thats fine. Your happiness matters so much to me. I just..i know i could make you happier. I KNOW i could. I see the smile when we talk. Its STILL there.

[idratherbefightingwithyou]

Here i am

Here i am. Watching you fall in love with another. Wishing it was me. I can do nothing but sit..and watch. Be supportive or you and your decisions. Because your happiness is what matters most to me. I just..wish i could provide you with that happiness. But..i cant. I dont think ill ever get to try either. But damn..do i wish i could. I just..i wish you were mine, M.

[idratherbefightingwithyou]

Its over.

I finished my relationship. Not because of you. But because i needed my sanity back. To gain control or my life. Which is slowly coming back to me. I keep telling everyone "i dont want to hop into another relationship. I wont do it." But inside...All i want is you. Still. I see you on facebook. I see all the things that you post. Your son. My god. Your son. Hes so adorable and has such a wonderful mother to take care of him. I sit here and wonder how our kids would be, if they grew up together. And have two MORE than willing parents to care for them. I think about what it would be like having you next to me everyday, being there to talk and cuddle whenever we please. Thats all ive ever wanted with you. A life with you. At first it was growing old with you. Now its watching our kids get older together. Being together forever. I cant tell you this. Because your life. You're happy. Hes mistreated you. But, we all make mistakes. So being who you are. Another chance will be given. Because you care. I really hope that he can make you the happiest person you can be. Thats all i want for you. I just TRULY wish i could do it instead.

[idratherbefightingwithyou]

I got to talk to you.

I got to talk to you. It felt like it did then. Everything was still there. The happiness, the love, the connection. Nothings gone. Its all still there. Everything ive ever felt for you, remains inside. Yet, i still can do nothing about it. Except live my life..and watch you live yours. Well, M. Whether we get to be together or not. I will always be there for you. I managed to get you back into my life. Im going to keep it that way. Even if that means keeping my mouth shut. Ill deal with the pain. Just know. Id rather be fighting with you, than sleeping here next to her.

[idratherbefightingwithyou]

I hurt you

I hurt you. Youll never know how sorry i am. For hurting you and making the mistake that made me miss the chance i had. You're amazing. In every way. I knew that then. I still know that now. With the way our lives were i couldnt change how things ended. But i am so..so fucking sorry. I told you i loved you. I meant it. I do. I love you. Still. I cant tell you, but M. I love you. So much. Ive been watching your life go on and its so amazing the things you have accomplished. Im so proud. I wish i could tell you and show you how proud i am. But i will stay here. Watching.

[idratherbefightingwithyou]

We said things. I didnt know if those things were true or not. But here i am, forever later. Believing those things. No matter what i do. Youre there. In my head and in my heart. Things are crazy in our lives..so i cant tell you any of this. But god, do i wish i could. We talked not long ago..and i got scared. Because i could feel you. Even from the small 2 worded, 3 worded messages. I could feel how i felt before. Like i need you. Because i think i do. I think i need you. Im starting to lose it without you. You make my stomach toss and turn like there are literal butterflies in it. Yet, our lives make me unable to tell you this. Id give more than anything to tell you how i really feel. How ive felt this entire time. But..i cant.