idsebin-blog

[idsebin-blog]

prompt 3 — detail whether being an idol is your end goal or if you see it as a stepping stone (to an acting career, a solo, etc.)

post idol careers that aren’t appropriate, according to her brother, include the following:

mafia boss

jung woo sung’s wife

mario kart coach

bubble tea taster 

( though he does begrudgingly admit that being married to jung woo sung wouldn’t be too terrible. who’d disagree? )

it’s not to say she hasn’t contemplated what her future will be like, without the fame and her association with heaven. careers have an expiry date—hers included, and with a slew of young, talented, pretty faces streaming in to take her place, it’s almost impossible to escape the pressure to think of something, plan for something. 

whatever the hell that “something” is. 

future goals currently remain blank. empty, save for the suggestions she hastily scribbles out a moment later due to the absurdity. nothing can quite capture her interest. no occupation she can imagine being stuck with for the rest of her life. the boredom, the monotony of it all overshadows the stability it might provide. 

they suggest singing. she says no, thanks. 

it isn’t a secret that her abilities are decent, at best. progress has admittedly been made since debut, but while her vocal range has improved, albeit slightly, even that fails to persuade her to venture along a different path. frightened, not so much. more reluctant to distance herself from the main dancer title she holds dear, a role she’s dedicated most of her life to perfecting. 

then they suggest acting. she, again, says no.

she’s a watcher of films, not a participant. appearing alongside her favourite actors and attempting to capture their charisma would be a difficult feat. not to mention an embarrassing one. she figures her presence would prove an unwanted distraction to viewers, fuel their hatred towards her status as an idol. give them another reason to bombard her with hate.

( as if she doesn’t get that already )

so they suggest work behind the scenes. she declines to answer. 

at some point, her future will fall into place. it has to. nights spent pouring over books and scouring the internet for inspiration won’t be for naught anymore. concern won’t overwhelm her upon reading about her members exploring other fields. the thought of the group disbanding won’t be such an issue when she’ll have something to fall back on. a source of income, but more importantly, a source of happiness. 

then again, maybe she’ll fade into obscurity, only to return to the limelight once her bank account begins gathering dust. the former idol crawling back, desperate to do anything so long as it means a tiny glimpse of fame. 

she’s seen it, heard about it, read about it.  and no way does she want to be it.  them, the celebrities way past their prime. 

for now she settles for heaven’s main dancer, another pretty face to grace the screen. twice, if she’s lucky. because the likes of oh sebin don’t panic just yet. at least when there’s still time to get her act together.

whenever that’ll be. 

[idsebin-blog]

rihanna would never let a man ruin her life and neither will I

[idsebin-blog]

prompt 2 — detail the moment(s) you wanted to quit.

truth be told, she fucked up—and she didn’t even have to get knocked up in the process.

bless.

it isn’t truancy that earns her mother’s ire. nor is it fraternising with troublemakers that prompts her father to finally lose his cool. 

wanting to become a star? an idol, no less? equivalent to committing the worst crimes imaginable. 

best course of action, she learns, is to say nothing at all. or in this case, pretend as though their disappointment doesn’t wear her down, threatening to cut short her trainee days. that, no, she isn’t bothered by the prospect of being disowned due to her defiance, left to endure these hardships alone. and nope, she isn’t envisioning her future crumbling in her hands and returning home with nothing. 

because this is her fault. 

this is the price she has to pay for her disobedience. this is what she has to suffer through for not listening.  this is what she gets for not being filial.

it’s what she deserves. 

ten hours without sleep. and then eleven, then twelve, then thir— it’s a goddamn miracle she’s still awake at this point. 

99 ent offers her a dream wrapped up in a pretty little package, but it doesn’t take long for reality to strip it away and reveal the ugliness within.

the realisation she was oblivious to the numerous issues festering beneath the surface is a bitter pill to swallow. how naive, how pathetic. relatives once lauded her for her keen observation skills, but if only they can see her now, desperately clambering for an escape. as if one exists when she so willingly signed her life away. 

this isn’t home. seoul isn’t home. bright lights and ongoing commotion simply reminds her of what she’s left behind—peace and quiet. family and friends. privacy. 

no sense of comfort is found in a place where she’s treated as nothing more than a pretty face. a kid attempting to make a living off performing along to generic pop songs, as if there aren’t hundreds of others not already doing the same. 

sounds horrible when she thinks of it like that. shame she didn’t notice it earlier. 

“i’ll take you out. it’ll be fun, i promise.”

“look, i’m not inte—“

“c’mon. aren’t you supposed to be nice to your sunbae?” 

no polite response springs to mind, not when she’s struggling to fully express her reluctance. which words can ensure her sweet, innocent image remains intact, but also reiterate the fact that she really isn’t interested, regardless of who he is, how old he is. he could suggest taking her back to gwangju and the answer would still be the same.

she isn’t in a position to decline his offer, at least not in the way she wants to. imagine the controversy if she was caught swearing to a senior. the career she’s worked hard for would come to a tragic end, while his career? remain affected, probably.

best to play it cool and dwell on the consequences behind closed doors. that’s all she can do. 

so she bites her tongue, watches him scribble down his number despite her insistence that it really, really isn’t necessary, before quietly muttering, 

“i— i guess i’ll think... about it.”

“good girl.” 

seniority can go fuck itself for all she cares. 

they don’t have her in mind in the creation of this outfit. either that or the stylist has a bias against her and intends on making her suffer. unlikely perhaps, but somehow, in her current discomfort, it doesn’t sound too farfetched. 

the dress embodies everything the company wants her to be: fresh, bubbly, fun. she can’t say there’s much to complain about when it’s proof she’s actually made it. then she notices how it happens to draw attention to how bloated she is today and her mood suddenly, kind of, just—

shit.

the material and design only accentuates the areas she’s long to keep hidden. parts of her that aren’t small enough, thin enough to abide by those impossible beauty standards. nothing about her screams delicate. alongside her members, she thinks she stands out for reasons that stress her out enough at night. 

too chunky

too heavy

too big overall

a sweater isn’t meant to go over the dress. the stylist isn’t pleased by her attempts to go into hiding, immediately swatting the piece of clothing away before she can get it over her head. 

she wonders if suggesting her next outfit could cover her head to toe will be met with the same response. 

multitasking at its finest. not that it involves much effort, searching up articles about herself on various platforms and scrolling through the comments left behind by fans and strangers alike. it’s an activity she indulges in, dedicating more time than necessary to scour the internet for anything and everything about her. 

five years in and the opinions affect her more than she lets on. it shouldn’t, though. knows she shouldn’t let complete strangers define her. their comments shouldn’t force her to change the aspects of her personality that she’s proud of. these anonymous keyboard warriors shouldn’t dictate how she carries herself. 

shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t.  although the industry teaches her that she should.  

apparently someone finds her annoying and her laughter even more so. 

( see: that recent variety show appearance.  )

apparently someone believes she has nothing to offer besides her dance abilities. 

( see: her short filmography. )

apparently someone thinks she shouldn’t be in the group in the first place. 

( see: heaven’s live stages. )

every snide comment and false assumption, and her already low self esteem sinks even lower. maybe if one person had chosen to be bitter, it wouldn’t be so bad. when others join in to tear her apart, she wonders whether it’s truly worth sticking around to see what else they have to say.

at least out of the spotlight, she’ll be spared from whatever grudge they have against her. no one will have anything to criticise her for if she disappears. no one’s going to pick apart her flaws for the fun of it. no one will wait for her to slip up before bombarding her with hate. 

then again, that’d require her to give up. throw her hands in the air and say after years of sacrifices, that she’s no longer interested in continuing forward. that she’s had enough, it’s over. that this life isn’t meant for her.  

but it is, isn’t it? because it isn’t over. not yet, anyway. 

[idsebin-blog]

ヽ(_ _ヽ)彡

[idsebin-blog]

idchanwoo

< a STARTER for @idsebin at the season’s change music festival >

chanwoo felt like he was floating on cloud nine as he was still on a high from the special stage that he had just finished with imperial’s jaehwa. while he had not originally planned on doing anything beyond the stage that atlas was performing, he was now glad that he had stepped out of his comfort zone and chosen to do something with the older male. whenever he did something that went above and beyond what was expected of him, he always left feeling satisfied. it was why he had ended up moving forward with such a decision because he knew he would otherwise regret it if he didn’t do it.

however, in the state that he was in, it meant that he wasn’t completely focused on what he was doing, and as he was trying to take the headset off, he ended up finding himself completely tangled in the wires. yes, park chanwoo could indeed be a mess at times, and his slight immaturity would sometimes show in those moments.

while trying to untangle himself, he suddenly caught sight of none other than heaven’s oh sebin. as someone close to him, he wanted to make sure that he said his hello’s before she disappeared off somewhere. he was fairly certain that their set was not until a little while later. as such, they had some time now to catch up, an opportunity of time that was extremely rare in this industry.

“sebin noona!” he cried, waving at her. the only problem with this was that it was causing him to tangle himself even more into the wires. “aish, this is a mess!” he exclaimed as he looked to her helplessly. the poor girl had to deal with this all the time. “can you help me?” it seemed that whenever he was around her, he was even more of a mess, though he wondered if it was because he knew that she would help him out of whatever mess he came upon. “i don’t meant to already cause trouble so early in the day,” he gave her a sheepish smile. “now, hurry up so i can give you a proper hug. i don’t want to cause you to be tangled up in these wires too.”

time brings with it change. and so does she. 

she isn’t the bright eyed debutant anymore, the naive girl unfamiliar with the taste of fame. eight years on and she’s a pro, a young woman now able to recognise the importance of working efficiently and effectively. people don’t tell her where to go, what to do, how to do it. there’s no point in wasting their breath when she’s one step, two step, three steps ahead, just like they expect her to be. and so she sits patiently, hands in her lap, back straight, allowing staff to transform her into every inch the star she’s supposed to be. 

out with the mundane, everyday, gwangju’s sebin. in with the polished, sensual, heaven’s sebin. perfect.

professionalism is rewarded with free time, albeit brief, and she’s one to take it. having being confined to 99 ent’s infamous dungeons for most of the year, no one can blame her desire to explore and finally greet those who’ve been out of reach for weeks, months. yet such a simple plan never comes to fruition when her attention falls elsewhere. or more specifically, when it’s snatched away by a certain individual.

none if it makes any sense. then again, none of it does when park chanwoo is involved. 

“yah,” is all she can muster at first, hands on hips, eyebrows raised at the predicament he’s found himself in. how he’s managed to become a victim once again remains unclear. what is clear, however, is that her assistance is required. without it, well— it’s not a thought she particularly wants to dwell on. not with him currently looking like that. 

it takes a minute for her faux unimpressed act to drop, before she breaks into a bright smile and immediately begins expertly untangling the wires, suppressing the urge to laugh at her friend’s somewhat minor mishap. “i don’t think you actively want to cause trouble, i think trouble finds you,” a pause, nose wrinkling in thought, “every single time i seem to see you actually. you should really address that. preferably before you get stuck in something worse.”  

like amongst a group of rabid fans, perhaps? but she doesn’t say it. it falls within the chastising zone, a place she’s unwilling to set foot into today. “listen, i’ll give you a hug if you promise me you won’t lose a battle against harmless things.” a step back is taken to check for any wires still lurking about, the corners of her lips quirking up at the sight of none. “pinky promise me and i’ll bear hug you. otherwise i hope those wires haunt you in your sleep.” 

tangled.

[idsebin-blog]

— prompt 1:  detail your SNS/social media style

instagram? annoying. twitter? boring. any form of social media? pain in her fucking ass.

it’s difficult to detect the bitterness amongst the images depicting the successful, glamorous life. 

trips abroad for a concert, posing alongside her members, encouraging fans to support her latest television appearance—nothing that screams original when it’s been replicated thousands of times before. it’s all safe, nothing that’ll cross any boundaries and draw criticism. but to be frank, she really couldn’t care less when the entire process is considered to be more of a chore than anything else. 

why bother putting in the effort when this isn’t what she wants to do?

she doesn’t feel obligated to turn her account into something more personal, the mere thought of sharing intimate details of her private life leaves a rather bitter taste in the back of her mouth. she doesn’t have any issue with being perceived as another self-obsessed idol, so long as it prevents anyone from knowing more about her. enough information has been spread regarding her life prior to heaven, not to mention the ongoing struggle to slip away from intrusive fans. 

on occasion, maybe, she’ll feel obliged to break away, choosing to share an incredibly vague image or quote. could be related to her current location, could be related to her current mood. explanations are very rarely given. when prompted, however, she’ll claim it’s simply her desire to maintain a certain “aesthetic” ( as evidenced by her current fascination with filters ). any suggestion the image holds a much deeper meaning is ignored, leaving fans to openly discuss the possibility of a hidden message— if it even exists in the first place.

photos aren’t posted until they’ve undergone various checks, which perhaps explains the delay in between uploads. never does she post in quick succession, especially when certain self-imposed rules are to be followed. if she isn’t cropping out family members, then she’s most likely ensuring her pictures can’t be misinterpreted as something scandal worthy. a shift in angle, zooming out than in. minor changes to reduce the potential of being swept up in controversy. 

it’s a miracle, she thinks, that she’s lasted this long without deactivating.

[idsebin-blog]

*drops dramatically to the floor* … anxiété 

[idsebin-blog]

alas, full time employment isn’t so fun, but i’m finally here. thank you so much for the messages btw!!!! i’ll answer them once i get everything done. this is sebin, heaven’s main dancer whose confidence levels could rival the queen park gyuri herself. below the cut is a basic rundown + plot ideas, although if you wanna plot with this dweeb, please like this post and i’ll slip into your dms! 

a gwangju gal, raised by two elitist parents who favoured traditional/high brow entertainment

opera, traditional dance > girls generation’s genie (yeah she was horrified too)

took up ballet since age 4 but quickly lost interest, wanted to combine modern elements into her dance which didn’t... go down well

eventually auditioned for 99 ent to escape the judgement and here she is, 8 yrs later and still going (hopefully)

used to struggle with the fame and read all the articles written about her, tried to change herself before eventually ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

heaven’s sexy concept though? hated it, now doesn’t really care bc it pays the bills so

aspires to be the “girl crush” of the group, couldn’t care less about male fans tbh

1 flustered female fan = +1 strength, +1 extra life

give her 2 mins and she can turn the most innocent song into a sexual one #TALENT

actually makes up for her lack of singing ability with her dance.... still gets criticised for that these days

not the worst person around, not the most innocent either 

fully aware of the attention her figure attracts, feel free to remind her though!

takes her private time vvvvvvvv seriously bc where is the goddamn privacy otherwise

life motto: a mix of “go hard or go home” and “here for a good time not a long time” 

let her live pls

PLOT IDEAS!!! for when i’m organised!!! for who knows when!!!

an F4 group who hang out and get drunk and ruin their images before returning to sweet mode

once close friends who drifted apart due to one too many fanfiction + instagram comments, you know how those can get

gwangju friends bc gdi sebin wants to slip back into her gwangju accent 

a younger idol for her to protect, alternatively a younger idol who needs a 101 on embracing their group’s sexy concept 

you two decide to explore the city incognito, only for a fan to recognise one of you and it goes downhill from there

annnd i’ll add more soon i swear

[idsebin-blog]