ieatwalls404

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Trans women tend to favour Linux over other operating systems because it was developed as an alternative to eunuchs.

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people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

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how various 90s/2000s rock bands would react to you coming out as transfem (assuming the person talking is the lead singer):

Fall Out Boy: Hell yeah! Pete can show you how to put some eyeshadow on! #Centuries

Green Day: That's awesome! Tre Cool will take you out clothes shopping while me and Mike make out! #AmericanIdiot

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Cool man - Oops, sorry, i mean lady! Haha! *every member goes back to their weed bong*

Foo Fighters: That's awesome, hey, you don't mind that I cheated on my wife right? Cool, cool. #Everlong

Weezer: Oh thank god, now I don't feel weird about writing a song about how bad I want to fuck you

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i feel like high school/middle school sitcoms set the unrealistic expectation of being able to have lunch time outside

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why didnt you call the cops or cps?

how about this: when i was 9 and my stepdad beat me until i passed out and i told my friends at school, my teacher over heard and i was interviewed by cps. they also went to my house when i was at school. when i got home, my step father was waiting on the couch, and told me who visited him that day. he told me if i ever snitched again he would beat me to within an inch of my life.

how about this: my mother locked me out of the house when i was 14 and when i cried so loud the neighbors called the cops, the cop told me i should have been respectful of my mother who was trying to sleep.

how about this. the demon you know is less scary than the demon you don’t.

children in abused households are raised to fear the idea of being taken away. children in abusive households see that help makes things worse.

dont you ever blame an abuse victim for not going to the authorities.

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One puppy = 5 apples

Two Puppy = 7 apples

three puppy = 16 apples

Five Puppy = 30 apples

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i'm not actually mad i just like the comedic delivery of righteous but pointless anger

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This girl I grew up with told my sister I might be a woman even before I knew

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blowing up the egg prime directive with my beautiful missile launcher and saving every single woman i can

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Found this news article randomly and can i just say GIVE HER HER FUCKING MONEY BACK RIGHT NOW.

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I firmly believe that my (Chinese) mom is more Italian than my (Italian) dad. She earned multiple advanced degree in Italian history and studied abroad to learn how to speak the language fluently. She fought for it. The hell did he ever do? He grew up eating slightly more pasta than other kids in the United States. He was born into it. Fucking nepo Italian

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Underrated problem with growing up is that nobody gives you fun shift ciphers any more. When you were a kid you'd constantly get shift ciphers at the end of school worksheets or in magazines or on cereal boxes. Nobody gives you shift ciphers as an adult, and if they do, they expect you to solve them with a computer program (boring) instead of on a handful of old post-it notes with your friends.

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Its not safe to scroll on here alone. here. take this bug 🐛

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we should take autogynephilia back from transphobes actually. it's totally fine to be aroused when you feel desirable and it's totally normal to feel desirable when you're experiencing gender euphoria. go outside and touch some grass