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homeboy bringing the fucking thesis HOME

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if not for my cat in my lap i would flop onto my bed and scream into a pillow

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three more sections left

three more sections left

three more sections leeeeeeft

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section 17

stop getting longer

stop getting longer

stop getting longer

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I HAVE FOUND A WAY TO MAKE A SCENE WORSE

I am delighted

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I have forgotten how words work

I have no idea what I’m doing

I’ve been working on this chapter for four days straight now and have six sections left and it’s at a 85/15 split of connective tissue/EMOTIONAL THIGNS I WANT TO WRITE and I’m beating my head against the wall because if I’m not enjoying writing that 85 bit, why would my readers? so I have to rework it to mean something aodshfsdfasdfasd

dsfSFJSDFOSD

it’s gonna be fine

it’s gonna be fine

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amidst a truly dragged-over-coals mental health day, there is a one triumphant element: I stumbled into a perfect solution to a handful of problems where I didn’t even know the problems were more than blips but everything comes together so beautifully

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mmm I do like geometry

always hated square roots, though

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jfc it’s been a decade since I’ve written a fic that was so deeply intertwined with years-long-bone-and-soul-deep-anguish and I’m like

y i k e s

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yes, 911, I just c&p’d my Star Trek Canon Import Bible of all individual characters and dates and families and pasted it in a new journal entry, and edited it down to focus on coding for a tricky bit for a tricky character, and ended up doing that on BOTH. DOCUMENTS. and now I have to rebuild the Bible I’ve been working on for eight months and I’m about to set myself on fire

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me: ah yes, I have finally figured out a sensible timeline for how the bulk of STXI takes place in one day

me: ...

me: ...

me: ...

me: wait

me: no

me: it makes sense but there’s the scene where the drill drops and it’s still daylight??? right???

film: right!

film:

film: :))))))))))))))

me: :(((((((((((((((((

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me: *dressing for work*

me @ me: gary mitchell's favorite character is probably jean grey

me @ me: wHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THIS WHEN I NEED TO GO TO WORK AND CANNOT SIT AND IMMEDIATELY WRITE??????

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jupiter and saturn are not the same, allen

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yesterday I booked a study room in the library because I like being able to spread out all my papers and doodle on the white board, and it also had the benefit of me working on the post-STXI Amanda funeral fic and I was like wait I still need to properly understand jewish funeral customs even though my research online hasn’t always been thorough enough before remembering I WAS IN THE LIBRARY and then I was able to research it

it was great

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rules of the t’hy’la big bang:

“you can submit an existing WIP for this challenge as long as no part of it has been made public on any fic archive or social media”

soooooooooooo I could use the fic I’ve been working on...

(though there lies the question of “details of your fic should not be mad public until after art claims” and whether or not that means I can post other fic in the universe or not)

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ohhhhhhhhh

ohhhhhhhhhh

ohhhhhhhhhhh

but what if I made Harewood a nurse?

ohhhhmotherfuckerrrrr

1: makes his inability to help his daughter more tragic

2: makes Chapel's last-minute positioning something that I can add and have make sense

3: would explain how Harrison knew of him

4: removes tension with Davis

.

counter: having Harewood be a Chief Engineering Officer and First Officer makes sense; he takes a position of d'CEO due to his grief;;; it doesn't make as much sense for him to have been Head Nurse and First Officer

.

hmmmmmmm

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god I love terroir