ifeelbetterer

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truly never getting over the greatest loss streaming services caused: the disappearance of DVD special features. behind the scenes, bloopers, deleted scenes, commentaries, I will never forget you, I will never stop missing you.

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I love Joan and Sherlock so much. A guy mockingly asked if a heroin addict could even be busy and Joan responded by asking him, "What's the hardest you've ever been hit?"

I think people should watch Elementary solely for Lucy Liu as a Joan Watson who is ready to throw down at any given moment.

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Midst: the beach episode

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I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

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I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”

the crowd murmurs uncertainly.

“If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.”

Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo.

“People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?”

“I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe.

“You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries.

“Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid

This is a metaphor

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IT FUCKIN YURI DAAAAAAAAAAAY

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The Twilight Zone, 1963, dir. David Lowell Rich

SE04E14 Of Late I Think of Cliffordville

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The animal shelter announces they are switching things up and letting the pets choose their humans. Your friends got cats and dogs. Your niece got a hamster. What arrived at your doorstep was a bit unconventional.

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“In a new interview with the New Yorker ahead of his 70th birthday on Monday, the comedian explained his theory about why there’s no “funny stuff” to watch on TV anymore. “Nothing really affects comedy,” he said, “People always need it. They need it so badly and they don’t get it.” Instead of getting sitcoms like M*A*S*H, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and All in the Family, audiences miss out, he said, as a “result of the extreme left and P.C. crap, and people worrying so much about offending other people.” […] A look back at some of his earlier comments on a similar subject adds some context, if not clarity. In 2015, Seinfeld sat down for an episode of The Herd with Colin Cowherd podcast, where he explained his aversion to performing stand-up on college campuses. “I don’t play colleges, but I hear a lot of people tell me, ‘Don’t go near colleges. They’re so PC,’” he said on the show. After giving an example of his teenage daughter using the word “sexist,” he concluded that young people “just want to use these words: ‘That’s racist’; ‘That’s sexist’; ‘That’s prejudice.’ They don’t know what they’re talking about.””

—

Jerry Seinfeld Draws Right-Wing Praise for Comments on ‘Extreme Left’

This is such a bummer. Tell me you’re a privileged, entitled, myopic Boomer without telling me you’re a privileged, entitled, myopic Boomer.

It’s interesting to me that he says these legendary sit-coms, none of which were cruel, punching down, or hurtful, but were actually satirizing power, celebrating women, changing societal norms through representation, and using comedy to do it all, wouldn’t exist if “the extreme left” had anything to do with it.

Umm. Who does he think created these shows? And is he really that ignorant? Has this guy never read a single interview with Norman Lear? Or literally anyone in the cast of Mary Tyler Moore? I mean. Come on, man!

Teenagers and college students don’t know what they’re talking about when they tell a privileged, entitled, multimillionaire Boomer that his “jokes” can be hurtful, and maybe he could use his tremendous talent to do comedy that is just as funny without being hurtful. Okay. Got it. Keep saying that, and see how far it gets you, buddy.

Hey, Jerry Seinfeld: when blue checks on Twitter are celebrating you being a dick, it’s not because you’re so funny and such a brilliant comic; it’s because they love how you’re validating what garbage they are. You can’t see that, or don’t care, and that’s such a huge bummer.

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Just saw a post that reminded me that when i was in the botanical gardens today there was a new sign with a photo of a cat and so clearly i was like oho? botanical garden mascot cat?? (mascat even) and went to see what the sign said and the sign said . See this cat? This cat is here all the time. she WILL beg you for pets. do not listen to her she is a fucking liar she will bite bite kill you. we do not own her. we do not know who owns her. if you know please fucking tell us. which is funny enough as like a sign purely because you know some botanical garden employees found this out the hard way but particularly funny because i MET THIS CAT WEEKS AGO. in the botanical gardens. she was sunning on a bench and very politely asked me for pets and was very nice for like ten minutes and then she bit me (not very hard, didn't break skin or anything) at which point i sternly told her well in that case i would not be petting her anymore and left and she followed me OUT of the gardens DOWN the street for a good bit, again shamelessly begging for pets. what an accomplished little criminal. neighborhood famous for lying and betrayal. god forbid women do anything

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STOP CENSORING YOURSELF ON THIS WEBSITE. FUCK SHIT SEX MURDER ALCOHOL DRUGS FAGGOT DYKE QUEER TRANS BITCH SLUT WHORE SEX SEX SEX SEX!!!!!!!!!!!

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they do it themselves

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we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?

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F.R.I.E.N.D.S (1994 –2004) - S07E11 « The One With All The Cheesecakes »

[ifeelbetterer]

people in books and tv shows are always getting so upset they throw an untouched meal in the trash. that would never be me. i'd receive the worst news of my life and still be like Let me put this in the fridge.