ifonly4mynallas

[ifonly4mynallas]

FINDING THE BROTHERHOOD w/@warriorkhaia

KCaldwell wasn't much different than most other cities, but it was the home of the Brotherhood and the blind king.  Khaia had been searching for answers most of her life and now she was hoping she'd get some.  However, that was appearing to be easier said then done.  

She went to the clubs looking for them, but hadn't found any.  This evening she decided to walk the streets and see if she find one on patrol.  The moon was high in the sky this evening.  It lit the streets up almost as well as the sun did during the daytime. There was no real chance for surprise on either side. 

There was movement and the smell of baby powder coming from the alleyway.  It was a little darker than the street, but not by much. Khaia started to slow move between the warehouses.  She had her weapons pulled as she got closer to that horrid smell and that was when she heard the fighting.  

A male with a scar on his face was fighting two lessers.  The way he moved told her he was a Brother.  She knew he didn't need her help, but she kept her blades out and that was when she saw several.more lessers emerging from doorway across the alley.  The male had sent one back to the Omega, but hadn't noticed the new arrivals.  

Khaia didn't hesitate to move in on the ones approaching.  Each time she sent one back, got some justice for Khaos.  There was another pop of light behind her and the male was now helping her with these lessers. 

Z- 

My head was not in the game tonight. All I kept thinking about was Bella getting her ass handed to her by Xhex during a training session. Bruises on my beloved’s untainted body was all I could envision. That and the recoil she would inevitably have at the touch of my hands. How was I going to lie next to her and not be able to touch her for fear of hurting her more?

Bullets suddenly whizzed by my ear. Shit! Pay attention, Z! Or, you won’t be in that bed to touch Bella, at all!

“Fuck, Z! Where’s your head at?!” Shouted Phury from the other end of the alley.

I didn’t respond. I had not explained to him about cutting back in my hours, because it was none of his business. I sure as fuck wasn’t going to explain to him about Bella’s nightmares. That was between Bella, Mary, and me. No one else needed to know about it, unless Bella decided to enlighten them.

The lessers were particularly scrappy tonight. It was as if they were wearing their balls on their sleeves. Either that, or they were hopped up on something and had no sense of self-preservation. More than likely, it was the latter. 

One of the shitheads tried to bolt and Phury ran after him, while I continued to kick ass with the two that were left. Just as I sent one back to his maker, I heard a scuffle coming from behind me. Spinning around, I was just in time to see an unknown female take on a couple more lessers that had shown up behind me. Where the fuck did she come from and how did she learn to do that?! She definitely wasn’t a trainee, although, it was obvious that this was not the first time she had been out fighting.

As I was sizing up the female and her skill, a bullet plowed through my left bicep. “Shit! You doped up, mother fucker!” I growled, as I spun back around to face the remaining lesser. With my good arm, I raised up my glock and pulled the trigger once. It landed exactly where I wanted it to, between his eyes and grounded him. Phury appeared from around the corner and drove his dagger through the lesser’s heart, before pointing at the female down the alley.

In response, I shrugged, as if to say, “Not a clue,” then rushed down the alley to help with the one lesser that was about to get her from behind.

Khaia: As she turned around, Khaia saw two males there now.  The new one resembled the one with the scar, so she figured they were related.  Their build and look were what she had heard that the brothers looked like.  They had to be part of the elite warriors.  Now she needed to figure out how to introduce herself and see if she was right. They were both staring at her as if she were an alien as she walked over to them, she offered her hand. “I’m Khaia, blooded daughter of the Brother Khaos. May I inquire who you may be?”  She watched them as they seemed to be processing what she had just said.  There was still a bit of an accent from the old world left, but she was working on losing it.   It seemed like it had been a lifetime and she knew not to expect a warm welcome; that was when the one with the long hair spoke.  “I’m Phury and this is…”  He trailed off deciding to let the other male answer for himself she figured.  Her eyes fell upon.  His arm was bleeding a bit.  The bullet appeared to have grazed him or a little deeper than a graze, but it had gone through.  

Z - I watched, cautiously, curious as this female approached after the fight. Our procedure was normally to call for Butch when finished, but he had the night off, for which I was actually glad of seeing the situation in front of us. As I stabbed the second-to-last one home, the female introduced herself as the blooded daughter of a Brother. My eyes narrowed as I took in the whole of the female in front of me. She definitely fought like a warrior, a not quite sufficiently trained warrior, but she had combat in her veins. She wasn’t a wannabe fighter like some. She moved like she was born for it. With some real training, she could give Xhex and Payne a run for their money. 

All that being said, she was a complete stranger and while Phury was all happy and willing to dump his truths out on the table, I wasn’t. “You can ask.” I replied as I walked around her and over to the last remaining lesser that was struggling to mouth something seemingly important. I couldn’t make it out and I wasn’t incredibly interested, anyway. I rummaged around in his pants for his wallet, then slid my black dagger through his heart.

The Brother that this female claimed was her sire had been a champion among us and I didn’t believe for a second that she was of his blood. Ever since Wrath had come forward as king and opened up the Audience House to the masses, people were coming in from everywhere and anywhere, claiming to be the long lost blood of any of our past Brothers. It was easy to claim lineage to the dead.

I stood up and looked back at her. “You know, you could get killed, out here, fighting by yourself. Why don’t you leave this job to the big boys?”

Khaia: “I’ve been fighting lessers for almost three centuries.  Been by myself through it all.  Had no ‘Big Boys’ to help me.”  Her words were directed to the one with the scar.  She knew what he was thinking.  He acted like others she had come across in the old world.  - There was no way she was the young of a Brother.  She had to be lying. -  “If I die, I know that my family is waiting for me in the fade.  I don’t fear death.”   Khaia let his perceptions of her roll off.  “By the way, thank you for covering my covering my back, but I knew he was there.  You just got to him first.”  Ever since she was a small child she followed her gut and knew when someone was watching her or behind her no matter how quiet they were.  “I was hoping to find a Brother or two to help me see the king, but it appears that isn’t going to happen.  I’ve been trying to learn more about my father for a long time and thought he might be able to help, but that’s not your concern.  Sorry I bothered you.”  She looked back over at the one with the scar.  “Maybe you should make sure to keep the big boys around to help you fight.”  She knew her words were cocky and a bit over the top, but that was how she had managed to stay alive.  Never show fear and always be confident.  The words from her brother’s final post in his journals.  Was always telling her that and she knew he was right.  Before she started to turn and walk away from them, she smiled.  “Nice to meet you Phury and you too.”  She looked at Zsadist.  “Have a nice patrol.”  Then she started to walk down the alley.  

Zsadist:

This one had a set of steel fucking balls, and not one lick of a brain in sight. Anyone worth a damn gave a shit about going home at the end of the night. It’s one thing to be willing to die for a cause, it’s another to not care if you live or die, at all.

I coughed out a “Bullshit!” under my breath at her next comment. She hadn’t seen that lesser coming and if I hadn’t have stepped in, she just might have gotten her wish to meet her family in the Fade.

And… that’s when the truth came out. She had been looking for us Brothers. Looking for a handout, more likely. Well, I wasn’t as stupid as she sounded. I turned away and began to scour the alley, looking for anything the lessers might have left behind. I had wasted enough time on this fucking female. I didn’t need to hear any more of this, ‘I am so blatantly a groupie’ talk.

Just as I found a backpack behind a dumpster, she was telling Phury how nice it was to meet us. I waved without looking up, “Yeah, yeah,” and picked up the bag. Packets of black powder fell out of it onto the pavement. “What the…? Hey Phury, come here.”

Phury first made pleasantries with the female before heading my way. 

“Don’t feed into that groupie shit, brother.” I waved a hand at the pile of packets on the ground. “Motherload.”

“You could have been a little more civil to her. What if she actually is related to Khaos?” He leaned in. “Holy shit!” He picked up one of the packets. “That’s that shit that everyone has been talking about. Pack it up. We’ll have to bring it back to the manse.” He stopped for a second. “What the fuck is this?!” He grabbed my left arm, the one with the bullet hole in it.

“Fuck, man! That hurts.”

“I’m sure it does. Don’t you think you should have mentioned it before now?” He let go.

“It’s fine. Through-and-through. And, don’t even think about telling me I need to go back to the manse. We can wrap it up and move on. It’s good. I’m good.”

Phury fussed a bit, but he knew he wasn’t going to win. So, he grabbed something to wrap it with and went to work making sure it was bandaged up well.

Khaia:

Khaia knew they were Brothers and she had gotten a cold reception just as she thought she would.  Maybe she should have shown them her father's family ring.  It was one thing her mother had of his.  No doubt he thought her brother would end up becoming a Brother, but that had not been what happened. 

As she headed down the next dark alley way, she was still bashing herself and her attitude when she saw a few lessers huddled around the back end of a car.  They looked more like drug dealers then the evil minions of the Omega.  Silently she moved closer, so she could try and hear them better. 

The one with the whitest hair was telling the two where to go and sell the product he had in the backpacks he was giving them.  Before he could speak she knew there was someone behind her and her sixth sense knew they were a threat.  She turned quickly and plunged her dagger into his neck as she slight his throat and then pulled him behind a dumpster where she finished him.  

When she came back up she saw the lower level lessers were gone and the elder was driving away in his car.  She pulled out her phone and took a picture of the car with its plates.  Then she decided to finish clearing this area before heading to Zero Sum to see if she could find the sellers.  Just as she was about to start down the rest alley, the two brothers were coming toward her. 

Z:

Phury and I had moved on after doing another once over of the alley. We wanted to make sure we hadn’t missed anything else lying around the area. Satisfied we had scoured every inch, I slung the backpack over my shoulder and we began to move on.

The next hour or so was spent with Phury trying to keep my head in the game. I just wasn’t all there tonight. I still felt a lot of guilt for spending so much time away from Bella and Nalla and I was still convinced that I was to blame for all the nightmares that Bella had been having recently. We were about to call it a night when we caught whiff of more lessers.

Attack ready, we cornered the end of an alley, only to come across the same female we had run into before. What are the fucking chances? In a city like Caldwell, with all the people in it, how likely was it that we would run into the same female twice in one night, unless she was being an idiot and not taking my advice, the advice that attempted to tell her that this war on the lessers was ours to fight, the Brotherhood’s conflict. We didn’t need amateurs dying due to the fact that they were out there trying to fight our battles. It seemed to happen much too frequently.

At the sight of her, I threw up my hands in the air and began to turn to walk away, but Phury couldn’t help himself. He started after her. “You know, Z may not have come across in the best way, but he does have a point. These lessers are no joke, and we end up seeing untrained fighters killed all the time for going out and trying to take them on. You really should leave this war up to us.”

Khaia:

When she looked up there were the two Brothers.  Wait not confirmed Brothers.  The one with the longer hair was, Phury… Yes, that was his name was telling her the perils of hunting lessers.  She politely listened as she watched the other one acting like he was shocked. 

Khaia placed her dagger back into its place in leathers.  "I appreciate the concern, but I'm not an untrained novice."  She watched Phury abd Z's expressions.  "Or do believe the only training is in the Brotherhood?  If so, your wrong. "

She paused a moment,"I've been hunting and killing lessers for almost two centuries."  A slight accent from the old world coming through. "I started in the old world.  The Brotherhood was gone there, because most of the lessers were supposed to be eliminated. And I've never thought of protecting our race as a joke.  I lost my twin brother to lessers." 

The one with skull trim was watching her, but she had a feeling her words were falling on deaf ears.  "All I want is to speak to the leader of the Brotherhood or the Blind King."  She pulled her father's ring for under her shirt.  "Besides my mother's journals, this all I have of my father.  It was left for my brother.  It's his family crest."  

Phury moved closer to see it.  "I know you both think I'm a fake or delusional, but I know the truth.  I'm Khaos' daughter and I just want to find someone that knew him.  That can tell me about him."

She could see Phury empathized with her, but she couldn't read Z at all.  "If you had or have a young and something happened you or took you away from them, wouldn't you want your Brothers to at least hear them out?  To see if they could fill in the missing pieces?"

Z:

Shaking my head, I listened to Phury waste his breath, explaining things to this groupie that she wasn’t going to hear, anyway. The amateur fighters usually never did. They always thought that they knew it all. They had learned enough. Yeah… enough to get them killed most of the time.

That’s okay, half of what she said fell on deaf ears, as my thoughts drifted off to the things that mattered. Bella. Nalla. Bella getting the shit kicked out of her by Xhex and Payne. Fuck! I was never going to get through this all in one mental piece.

I noticed Phury closing in to get a look at something. Sweet Jesus, what now? Does she wear the ribbon of her Sire’s color? That shit’s common knowledge. Or, does she have paperwork declaring herself kin to Khaos? Forgeries. I’d seen it all before. The lengths these wannabes went through to pass themselves off as blood… it was pathetic, really.

I didn’t bother to look her way, just waited for Phury to have his fill of this fantasy she was peddling so we could get the hell out of here and back to the manse.

“Z!” Phury bounced me out of my thoughts, “She has his ring.”

“Sure she does.”

Then she said something that struck a chord. What if she were Nalla? A growl rumbled from deep in my gut. Fucking bitch! Trying to pull at my heartstrings like that! I wasn’t doing this! I stepped forward, into her space, “Don’t you fuck with me, female. I don’t care who you are, I will floor you right here for trying to use children for your own sympathy. Now, I’m walking away. If I see you out here again, turn around and go the other way. I won’t be as nice as I was this time.”

I turned on my heel and began to stalk off. I didn’t give two shits at this point if Phury was following. “I’ll see you at home, Brother mine.” I tossed over my shoulder before I dematted out of sight.

Phury turned toward the female, “I apologize for my brother. He’s not really the trusting type.” He pulled a card out of his pocket and held it out to her. There was nothing printed on it aside from a phone number. “This is the phone number to the Audience House. You can call it to make an appointment to see the King. It’s the best I can do for you.”

Khaia:

Over the past two centuries and then some she had tried to anything she could about her father, but had ran into more males like the scarred one then ones like Phury.  They all assumed she was a novice and lying, but you know what they say when assume things.  That you end up making an ass out you and me.  Whether the scarred one believed her not, she was Khaos daughter.  

She took the card and listened to Phury.  "I'll the number.  Thank you, for at least giving me the benefit of the doubt."  The one called Z was gone and Phury smiled at her then left.  

Khaia decided to head home or back to small place she was renting.  Once there she kicked off her boots, tossed her coat on the chair and dropped onto the bed before dialing the number.  It rang several times, before an answering machine picked up.  

She left a detailed message, but after her not so warm welcome she didn't expect a reply.  It appeared that the Brotherhood only believed what they wanted to and everything else be damned.  Until now,  she hadn't realized that the male's words had actually stung.  Zsadist had treated like dirt or actual less then dirt and part of her wanted to prove him wrong. Yet, another part of her after all this time was beginning to think it wasn't worth the verbal beatings she had taken fir the last 200 or so years.  

The Brotherhood was said to be an honorable group of males.  Males of worth that protected the race, but Khaia had very few that were honorable or of worth.  The stories seemed to be just that, stories with no real truth.  

She sighed and when to take a shower.  When she returned to her phone there was a text with a day and time to be at the Audience House.  At first she was excited, but that didn't last long.  Her thoughts immediately went back to the two brothers she met tonight and how no doubt when her audience came around, their opinions would have been aired.  She expected nothing from this except being told she was a fraud and so on.  If that happened, there was no reason to stay here.  

-End-

#SASBDB

#FindingtheBrotherhood

[ifonly4mynallas]

THE TALK w/@InsanelyHotAss

Z: Looking out over the crowd, I could feel the beat of the music resonate against my chest wall. It was a sensation that amped up many. For me, it calmed me, centered me, this was my element. Chaos. Over the years, I had evolved into a changed male, mostly due to my shellan and our young. But, this part of me would never change, the part of me that needed mayhem. I would always crave absolute anarchy in some part of my life. It made me a better warrior.

As the kid sat his ass back down, I could feel the tension flowing off him in waves. He wanted to kick my ass right there and he didn’t care that it would get him dragged out of the club. Most would never face off with a Brother, and out of all of us, I was the last one anyone wanted to go up against. Not that I wanted to brag about that, it’s just the way that it was. I may not have been as big as some of my other Brothers, but I was scrappier than every of them combined, and what I put out to the world was pretty much a fuck off to everyone. Most people gave me a wide berth. But, this kid, didn’t care about all that. He’d be right up in my business anyway, if the bouncers weren’t making it a point that he wasn’t going to get very far with it. I respected that drive in him. That was part of why I was here.

“I’ve got a proposition for you.” I tossed out, without even turning his way.

Zeke: {Seated I unclenched my fists and put them on my knees to stop myself from reaching out and touching someone on his face. Sitting here looking at him as I waited for him to speak or continue with his quietness. I looked between both him and the bouncer, my brows raised like they were stupid. Yeah, maybe I was playing with fire here, as I continued to be an ass. The second the big fucker spoke, my other brow rose in surprise}

What kind of proposition are you speaking about? Does it give me the chance to get back at the assholes who killed my parents?

{I shot the questions off without thought because he knew it he had to know that I was eager to get back at the fuckers.

I was a little ticked off at the fact he wasn't even looking towards me as he talked to me. Yet at the same time I was hoping that this proposition was something that would help me find these guys or whatever they were. The smell in the house back when I found my parents dead, was sickening but I ignored it.}

Z: My lip quirked up at the corner as I heard his question roll out. Yup. This kid had drive alright. Was it enough, though? I’d seen a number of males come into the training program that had washed out on day one. The desire for vengeance was not going to get this kid what he wanted. He had a purpose, to avenge his family’s death. That purpose would only get him so far, and if he wasn’t careful, it would get him killed. He also had attitude. Another thing that was good to have, but if not honed the right way, it could be a serious flaw. He also had the build of a fighter. However, there were things he was obviously lacking, restraint was a big one, discipline being another, proper training the most important. The Brotherhood had the tools to mold this kid into a warrior. The kid needed to show up and be willing to shed some of that pride he had in spades.

I continued to look out over the crowd as I began to speak again. I had respect in what this kid wanted to do, and his drive to do it. However, I didn’t respect the kid, yet. He had a long way to go to earn that from me and until he actually did, I wasn’t going to give him any reason to make him think I did. “I can put you in a position to learn how to slay those fuckers, and live through it to kill another day. I’m not talking about going out half-cocked and beating the fuck out of any that you find, hoping that you’ll kill them. I’m talking about becoming a warrior, fighting them on the daily for our race. Is that something that would interest you?”

I was pretty sure I pegged Zeke right. He had that drive, that need to avenge, but he also had no one left. We could offer him more than a way to satisfy his drive, we could give him a home, a place to feel that he belonged.

Zeke: {As I heard his words being said, I sat back and relaxed some and knew this was true. I didn't know who these bastards were that killed my parents. All I knew how to do was fight and figured there was more to it than throwing some punches at them.

As I sat back and thought about what he said, I too started looking out over the crowd in front of us and heard the music but not really listened to it. I felt the bass of it vibrate my body and focused on some that I knew were civilians as well, they wouldn't be able to defend themselves as well as myself, without real training. I've heard about this program before and didn't think I'd do it but with my situation now, I'd need it to avenge my parents and any other vamp killed by them.

I turned my head back and took a deep breath to speak to the big bastard} I'd like to go out and do this the way it's needed to be done. I want, no, I need to avenge my parent's death. They were all I had and now I have nothing left but myself left. I don't have any other relatives left as my friends I had, do. They no longer speak to me and I'm out here alone, which isn't really a big deal to me. {Giving a slight shrug as I was sitting back and noticed that the bouncer has back up some from us as we spoke but he stuck close by like I or more like the big bastard was going to do something}

Z: The kid was saying all the right words, but this wasn’t only about that. This was way more than speaking the words. This was about doing. I was not a male of many words, but where this issue was concerned, I had quite a bit to say.

This was the point where I turned to him. Not because I wanted to show him respect, but because this was no longer about what he said, but how he said it. It wasn’t about the words coming out of him mouth, but about the manner in which he would say them, the twitch around his mouth showing me the intensity of his will, the fight in his eye as the words tumbled from his mouth. I needed to know that if he answered these questions the way I thought he would, that he meant them down to his bones.

“This is not going to be easy. You are going to be learning things about yourself you never expected. You will be fighting every fiber of your being on the daily. You will be asked to do things you won’t want to do. You will be expected to take that chip on your shoulder and shove it up your ass. Respect for everyone around you will be demanded of you, whether you like the person or not, when in return you won’t get any. It will be the most grueling thing you have ever put yourself through. But, I promise you, in the end, if you succeed in making it through the program, you will be the best you, you could ever imagine. You will be able to go out and kill those foul-smelling fuckers without breaking a sweat, and you will earn the utmost respect of the whole race.”

Again, not one for words, really, but this was one of the most important parts of my job. Finding kids that are worth our time and making sure they know what they are getting themselves into. Some of them are all gung ho about it all, then they get in there and aren’t willing to put in the work. They expect it to be easier. Others think they already know it all and think they can skip past half of it. Still others, just don’t have what it takes. Part of my job is to get past all that bullshit before they hit the door. It’s up to the program to weed the rest out.

Zeke: {Giving the bastard a deadpan stare. Who did he think he was talking to. I grew up pushing against the grain in the glymera, especially after I transitioned. Sure I had the female they supplied for me but that wasn't all I wanted in those terms but she was what I like too. Hell, this was confusing as fuck to me in my own ways but I took another deep breath and replied to him}

I'm willing to do and go through anything to do what I need to, go avenge my parents. They did everything for me growing up and accepted me for who I am. Not once had they questioned me at all. I'll go through hell to do this. I'll do what it takes to kill all the fuckers I can, no matter what. Even if that means caring another on my damn back to get the job done. I don't give up on things just because I grew up with the Glymera. Them fuckers don't know their heads from their asses and want to run away while I want to run towards what is going on and fight for those who can't. My parents didn't deserve what happened to them and neither do the others that have had this happen. I've been listening to the things going on and how half of them are caught completely unaware of thing when it happens to them. I don't want to be that blind to what's going on. I want to be able to kill them fuckers.

{Leaning back and not even seeing his reaction to my words, if he didn't like me and thought I wasn't suitable for his club. So fucking be it. I'd do what I'd have to do to for my parents.  I held my hand up as I saw the waitress, signalling for another drink and looking out into the crowd. Now I was irritated again but this time at the fuckers who killed my parents and not the asshole next to me}

Z: As I listened to Zeke go on about the Glymera and him not being accepted with them for who he was, I yawned and almost got up right then. But, something in my gut told me this kid was for real, even if the words weren’t what I wanted to hear.

“Three things, kid. One: Your chip is flashing in neon. That’s the first thing that will get shoved up your ass. Bank on it.

“Two: this is not, ‘My parents didn’t accept me for who I was, so I had to fight their expectations of me.’ No one’s parents ever do in the Glymera, kid. This is, ‘I literally can’t move another inch, but if I don’t I’m cleaning this gymnasium floor with a toothbrush.’ This is learning to become the person you were always meant to be, but never knew you could be. This is learning respect in a way you’ve never known it, and earning that kind of respect for yourself. This is a life altering offer and it will only come around this once.

“And three: If you make this all about vengeance for your family, you’ll wash out on the first day.”

I slid a card across the table to him. All it had on it was a phone number. “Think about it before you dial that number. Do it, don’t do it. I think you’ve got it in you, but it’s up to you, now. Ball’s in your court.” I didn’t wait for an answer. I just stood up and walked off. I was pretty sure we’d be hearing from this kid.

#TheTalk #SASBDB #BDBRP

[ifonly4mynallas]

NIGHTMARES: PART 5 w/@BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I woke up from my nap with Nalla with a start. Nalla was snoring lightly beside me hugging her baby dragon Rhage had given her concentrating on her face as if she was trying really hard to grow.

I wiped the sweat from my brow and realized that these nightmares were getting out of control. Zsadist was worried about me. I he needed all his concentration out on the field. I’d never forgive myself if I ever became a distraction for him causing him to be hurt.

I picked up my phone and texted Mary to see if she wanted to have some coffee or hot chocolate with me in the library. It was time to talk to someone about these dreams. @IfOnly4MyNallas

Zsadist: Wrath had allowed me to cut back on my hours, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t have things to do. Tonight, I was on rotation, but I had nothing scheduled for after that, no training of, or driving the trainees home, no one-on-one sessions, and no sparring with any of the other males of the manse. Tonight I would actually be able to come home after fighting, put my young to bed, and see my shellan before she fell asleep. This was going to be a first in a very long time.

I took care in strapping on my gear. It was something I did almost every night, but I was methodical about it. Mary has said that my OCD tendencies spark from all the past trauma in my life. Now, my brain wants to control anything it can, right down to where and how all my weapons are strapped onto my body. A slight smile crossed my features as I thought about all that Mary had helped me with, over the years. She made me realize why I did a lot of the things I did, and it made me come to grips with who I was and who I wanted to be. She made me face things I didn’t want to, and head on. It took a while, but I was in such a better place now, then I had been for over two centuries. Well, recently I had been having some issues, but I was still better off than I had been a decade ago. I could only hope that once Bella spoke to Mary, Mary could do the same for her. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle, and it wouldn’t happen overnight, but if anyone could help Bella with what she was going through, it would be Mary.

Bella: *It was almost time for Last Meal by the time Mary and I were done talking. We spent hours in the library talking about those weeks I had been kidnapped those many years ago. Mary went down the hall and stairs and straight into the kitchen. She apparently wanted to see if could get away with baking cookies for Rhage before Fritz catches her.

I shook my head and the image of my head of Fritz keeping track of Mary will preparing the rest of Last Meal. For such an older doggen, he could still multitask like a young vampire. I head towards the playroom where Beth was watching the kids and see if Nalla needed to change clothing before Last Meal.

Walking into the playroom, I witness Nalla just as she flicked some blue paint at LW with Beth laughing at their antics. My head fell back in laughter as I pulled my phone out to take a picture. Nalla was covered in all sorts of colors. “Mama!!” she yells with a big grin. “How beautiful, baby.” I commented as she proudly showed me her artwork. Beth hands me a towel I could wrap around her so I wouldn't get paint on myself and we said our quick see you laters as we retreated to our suites to get the kids cleaned up for dinner.

As I gave Nalla a bath, I thought about Mary’s suggestion to perhaps start training with the trainees. At least in self defense. She thought that if I could defend myself that I would feel more powerful and more confident. Then perhaps in my dreams a different outcome would manifest. Nalla was singing and playing with the bubbles as my mind wondered about how Z would react.*

Zsadist: It had been one of the craziest nights I had experienced in a while. I had been paired with Phury and it was as if we had walked into a hive of lessers. We barely had time to call for backup before the action got rough. There were about twelve of them, and the two of us. Thankfully, Phury and I knew how to work as a team. We may not have been raised together, and may have lived a lifetime apart, but we were twins to our marrow. He zigged and I zagged. We were Yin and Yang when it came down to fighting. I was lean and fast. He had strength and power. Together we were virtually unstoppable. But, twelve were just a couple too many for the two of us to handle. We were warriors, we weren’t stupid. We knew when to call for backup and tonight was that night.

JM and Q were the two that showed up in an instant. As much of a hothead as Q was, I respected him. He was almost as scrappy as I used to be. And, JM was the one that saw the fight as a whole and plotted it out before he jumped in. Between the four of us, we had the situation under control in about 15 minutes.

It’s amazing how fast things can happen. A battle that seems almost insurmountable can be won in the blink of an eye. Yet, when it comes to battles of another nature, like the mind, they can take years, sometimes decades to barely gain a footing.

At the end of the fight, Phury called for Butch to run cleanup. As soon as Butch’s feet touched the ground, I was gone, dematted back to the manse. I could do my debrief tomorrow. Tonight, I was going to see my shellan and my young to bed.

*****

It took me all of ten minutes to scrub the lesser blood off my body down in the training center. I never took this shit to my quarters. I kept anything to do with the lessers as far away from my family as possible. It was kinda like church and state. There was work and there was life. It wasn’t so long ago that my life was encapsulated by fighting. Now, I had my life with Bella and Nalla. If it weren’t for them…

I quickly tossed my soiled clothes into the laundry room, on the way by, and raced up two sets of stairs to my bed chambers. As I slowly opened the door and walked in, I called out, “Bella?”

Bella: *I was still lost in my thoughts as Nalla said “Papa” and I realized that Zsadist had returned home. Relief washed through me as I could her his baritone voice echoed into the bathroom.* In here! *I responded as I finished rinsing Nalla’s hair from the shampoo as she continued to play with some bath toys. Z walked in and his beautiful citron eyes focused on me and he kissed my neck on both sides before giving me a kiss. Then he pulled a towel from the rack and opened it up for Nalla to snuggle in and dry off. I smiled as Nalla giggled as she shook her hair making all the water goes everywhere. Z teasingly scold her for the mess but smiles. I picked up another towel to dry off her hair as we both starting drying her off together and getting her ready for bed.

We had a routine, after a bath and brushing her teeth, Z and her laid in our mating bed to read a book until she fell asleep and he carried her to her nursery. I watched for a bit as I got myself for bed. I could hear their voices together, him reading and her babbling in baby talk with a few words here and there. Zsadist had come a long way since she was born and I’m forever grateful to the Virgin Scribe that our family was whole and healthy.

I wondered how to broach the subject that Mary had suggested. I wasn’t sure if Zsadist would take it as thought he could not protect me. Of course he could. Mary’s thought was that perhaps it would build my courage and confidence in myself. It was about me and my nightmares and what I needed to get rid of them.*

Zsadist: I can’t even tell you how good it felt to be able to do all this again. On nights that I actually made it home from work early enough to see my young to bed, this had been our routine. However, those nights had been few and far between for quite some time, so to be able to lie back, in my mated bed, and read to Nalla as she fought to stay awake, was like what I expect walking into The Fade must be like, pure fucking heaven. She cooed and babbled on, as if to respond to what I was reading, and every time I thought she was asleep, her eyes would pop back open and she would start all over. She didn’t realize that this wasn’t one of those rare nights that she would see her sire before bed. She had no way of knowing that tomorrow would be the same, and the night after that, and the night after that. She would take some time to get into this new routine.

Finally, after two books, both read twice, she finally knocked out hard. So, I quietly put the books down on the bedside table and slid my arms under her tiny frame. For a second, I thought she might wake up again, but she didn’t. She just rolled over in my arms, slinging one around my neck and started snoring again.

Gently, I walked her into the adjoining nursery and laid her down in her crib. I stole a few minutes to watch her sleep before heading back into Bella and my part of the suite.

“She’s out.” I let Bella know before walking over and wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her neck from behind. “So, how was your day, my Nalla?”

Bella: *I was just finishing up brushing my teeth when Zsadist came up behind me. I turned my head to kiss him sweetly as we greeted each other.* It was … productive.

Mary spent some time talking today. *I waited to see if he would respond. He stayed quiet as waited for me to continue. I turned around in his arms so I could look up at him and fully gage his reactions.*

She feels that perhaps the nightmares stem from my insecurities. Everyone has been so busy lately so it’s just been Nalla and me mostly. So we’re by ourselves most nights while your out in the field. *I shrugged, I didn’t want to make him feel guilty about doing his job. The Brothers were out there protecting the race … savings lives. They saved mine not too long ago. So I fully understood the importance of what he did each not personally.

I had no idea how Zsadist would take what she suggested next. I never wanted him to feel that he wasn’t enough to protect me or Nalla. I took a deep breath and quickly told him what we discussed.*

She thought perhaps I need to train in self defense. Learn how to protect myself.

Zsadist: Once she turned, I leaned in and began to kiss down Bella’s neck as she spoke. I loved the way her head would ever-so-slightly lean toward me when I did that. I don’t know if she was even aware of it, but it was just one of those endearing things. However, when she mentioned being home alone all the time, I pulled back. This was something I was working on. I had already gone to Wrath about it, I had cut back on my hours, I was here now, and I planned on being here most every night from here on out. Was this a guilt trip? I know I haven’t been around, I’ve made a point to correct that. Is she upset that it took her nightmares to make me realize. Well, maybe so, but she also could’ve mentioned them to me. She could have spoken up long before. She didn’t have to suffer through all the nights she did and not told me there was a problem.

I knew that my thoughts were flying off the handle, but I already felt guilty enough. It was bearing down on everything and wearing my patience thin. I took a deep breath as I waited for the other shoe to drop. I had no idea what it would be, but I was expecting some long, drawn out night of this to escalate into, “You just haven’t taken my feelings into consideration, lately.” or maybe, “What about your young? Doesn’t she matter to you, at all.” I certainly wasn’t expecting what did come out of her mouth.

Instinctively, images of another Brother’s arms wrapped around Bella, as she tried to get herself free of him, flashed across my mind and I began to see red, pacing the tiled, bathroom floor like a caged tiger. There was no way in fuck this was going to happen! Absolutely, fucking, not!

Then memories of my conversations with Mary creeped in. Talk about trusting in oneself. I had the utmost respect for that woman, and if this was what she was recommending… Shit! I stopped and scrubbed my face with my hands. If this was what Bella needed, I needed to stand behind her...but, the training she would be doing would be with Payne, or Xhex, or even with the other female trainees. She would not be training with any of the males. I loved most of my brothers, but they were not laying a finger on my shellan! “Nalla, if that is going to be what makes you feel comfortable, better, and stops these nightmares from happening, then I’m good with it. But, I will have conditions.”

Bella: *I looked up at him and watch his expression stay tight and all emotion gone unless you paid attention. His citron eyes giving him away. Imperceptible. Barely. If his eyes had been midnight black … you could only see darkness at the surface. You had to look deeply.

I could see curiosity, anger, guilt? He seemed relieved. Which was odd. Not an expression that I was expecting. Anger. Disappointment in me maybe. As I looked into his citron eyes all I could see was concern now.* Conditions? Wait, you’re not angry? Or offended?

*I was pleased that he knew that I never doubted his ability with protecting me. I knew he would lay his life for me. Mary and I spoke about my fears about his doubts. Zsadist and I have come a long way since we came into each other's lives. I thought back at those weeks I spent in this very manse after being rescued. I had felt so guilty that I could stop from being near him when I knew he didn’t want anything intimate with me. My need to feed … I could still feel my surprise with finding him scrubbing his wrists raw … cleansing himself of unseen contamination.

My memories were jarred from the past and back into the present, as Z’s voice penetrated through my woolgathering.*

Zsadist: Angry? Offended? More like anger and guilt… at the fact that as much as I wanted to be, I couldn’t be by hers or Nalla’s side 24/7. There would be times in their lives when it was going to be up someone else to put their lives in front of my Nallas. That thought gutted me to the core. It was my responsibility to keep them safe from any kind of harm, however, it was also my duty to keep the race safe. I couldn’t do both, 100% of the time. So, as much as it did anger me, and yeah, maybe it offended me in some small part, I understood why this subject had come up.

The other thing was, after all my years of treatment with Mary, I had to remind myself that none of this was about me. This was all about Bella and her sense of security, and as much as I would like to be the knight in shining armor in her dreams, she has to be that for herself. I wanted her to be that for herself. I wanted her to feel that no matter what, she had the ability to stand on her own two feet.

Reaching back out and pulling her close again, I looked into her eyes. “Nalla, as much as I want you to trust that I will always be there to put myself in harms way to keep you safe, I know that in all actuality, I can’t be there, with you 24/7.” I pulled back just a tad, “That kills me, by the way!” Offering up a soft smile, I continued, “Also, after all my time with Mary, I understand that this isn’t about me. It has nothing to do with me. This is all about you, you and your ability to trust in yourself. I know that in here...” I put one palm on her chest, right above her heart, “is a warrior’s heart, and if you doing a little bit of training is what you need to believe that truth, then I’m all for it.”

Bella: *I knew this would be hard for Z. I can also understand it may get harder for him. Especially after my first bruise … I remembered what it was like for the boys at the beginning with they were pre-trans and after. It made me happy though to see them now. I guess I needed to talk to Xhex and Payne about seeing if they could make some time for me in their schedule. Cause sure as Dhund … none of the Brothers would ever consider it.*

Are you sure? Are you ready to possible see bruises on me? *Dame watching those eyes go from citron to obsidian in a blink of an eye was something else.* Baby, you know it will happen when I start sparring. I have to engage to learn. *I said slowly as I watched the blackness slowly disappear into the yellow I love after a few moments of contemplation.* Just know that it just means that I’m growing stronger … hopefully. Unless you want to teach me? *I asked knowing that he would no doubt refuse. He would never be able to strike me. I could however see him instructing me with the punching bag or something.*

Zsadist: At the mention of bruises, every single muscle in my body went rigid and fire sparked in my soul. The very thought that my Nalla was going to be marred in any way, shape, or form made me think twice about my compliance in the whole idea. How was I going to lie next to my shellan every single night, seeing these wounds all over her body, and just be okay with it? How was I going to handle her flinching at my touch? A low rumble radiated from my gut at the thought. Then I saw the look in her eyes. She needed this so fucking much. How could I say, “No?”

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes to process everything that was running through my mind. I was going to have to make peace with this. Then she dropped the next bomb.

Me teach her?! Was she fucking mad?! I took a step back, held up my arms, and shook my head once. “Absolutely not! And don’t think of asking any of my Brothers. Training will be with Xhex, or better yet, Payne. You probably shouldn’t work with any of the female trainees. Most of them don’t know how to fight their way out of a wet paper bag yet, and you’d only get hurt.” I took a step back in and put my finger to Bella’s chin, “Can we agree on Xhex or Payne?”

Bella: *Smiles as I predicted his reaction correctly.* I was thinking of you teaching me techniques like a punching bag or something, Z. *Shakes my head knowing he would never be able to hit me in any form.*

But yes, I can agree with Xhex or Payne. I’m sure they both wouldn’t mind. *After a few moments of further contemplation his eyes finally returned to the beautiful citron. I knew it would be difficult for him to see me hurt in any way. I remembered once when he wouldn’t even let me dematerialize when I was pregnant before I was unable to. A bonded male always protects their mate regardless sometimes of the ridiculousness. I smile and give him a kiss.*

Try not to worry baby, ok? And let’s avoid watching any of my training sessions, shall we? *I suppressed an internal cringe at the thought of him watching me spar with Xhex or Payne. I highly doubt that he would ever strike a female but one was a symphath with her own set of hidden assets and the other was half deity also with her own special gifts.*

Zsadist: Leaning in, I returned her gentle kiss. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle all this. Saying I was okay with it and being okay with it was going to be two entirely different things. Right now, I could spit out the words. Living through it all was going to be next to impossible, though.

Throwing my head back, I let out a hefty groan. “Me, watch? Seriously?” There was no way in Dhund I was going to step foot in that gym while anyone was putting their hands on my shellan. Someone might end up hurt. The only female I ever dreamed of doing harm to was my mistress. However, I couldn’t promise that my instincts wouldn’t take over were I to witness any harm coming to Bella. I think I might just see red and lose all sense. “Bella, no need to worry about that. I won’t even be stepping foot downstairs on nights you are training.”

Reaching an arm around Bella’s waist, I pick her up and carry her off to our bed. “Now, less talk … “ I suggest as I drop her on the bed and lean in to indulge in my female.

#Nightmares #PartFive #SaintsNSinners #BDB  #SASBDB

[ifonly4mynallas]

ALLOWANCES

Self-flagellation: the act of hitting oneself with a whip... Excessive criticism of oneself… Yup. That pretty much summed up my life as of late. I had been beating myself up for one thing or another. Whether it be for not having enough time in the day, wanting to make sure that I pull my weight with the Brotherhood and then some, or not spending enough time with my family and finding out that things are falling apart without me. Not that I feel that Bella is not a strong female, because she has got to be one of the strongest I know. But, I’ve let her down when she needed me the most and she is suffering because of that. I have been so obsessed with being the best warrior, trainer, Brother I could be that somehow I forgot that I also need to be the best hellren and sire.

That’s why I was where I was today… Standing outside of Wrath’s office, waiting for him to have a spare minute. He told me that if I stopped by at the end of the night, tonight, he should have some time to talk. Although, his nights went about as well as mine and I wasn’t sure he was going to be able to fit me in.

I had been waiting for almost an hour and pacing for at least the last twenty minutes. I was about to give up and walk away when the door finally opened and V walked out, wafting his turkish cigar scent with him, “He’s got five for ya.”

Nodding, I waved the smoke out of my face, stepped inside, and closed the door behind me. Wrath was a beast of a male and he made that enormous throne and desk look small, even though in their own right, they were made extra large for his sire. I waited while he finished pushing around his paperwork. Our King may be blind, but that has never stopped him from doing anything. Paperwork… no problem. Learn Braille.

It was obvious Wrath was just about done for the night, especially once he opened his mouth, “No bullshit tonight, Z. It’s been a long night. Cut to the chase, so I can get out of here and spend some quality time with my Queen.”

If that didn’t hit the fucking nail on the head. “Actually Sire, that’s kinda why I’m here.”

“Because of my Queen?” He retorted, a little confused.

“No. Because of quality time with my Nallas. I need some. I’ve been working way too hard. Well, not too hard… “ Fuck! I wasn’t used to having to ask for things. I just did, or took. This was Bella’s influence. She had changed me in ways she never even saw. “I’ve been doing a lot of extra work and I need to cut back some. My family needs me to be around more.” I didn’t want to ruin Bella’s trust in me by explaining the whole sitch, and to be honest, no one needed to know that whole thing. I just needed more time. “I know we are short-staffed and I want to help out. You know I do. But, I need to be able to tuck in my Nalla, once in a while, as well as be able to lie my head down at the same time as Bella.” I watched closely to see what Wrath’s reaction would be. “Feel me, man?”

“You done?” Wrath responded with an arched brow.

“Yeah.” Shit! I rambled. Not like me. But again, asking for things is not really like me, either. I don’t know how to do this. I was trying to gauge how he would respond. Was he pissed because I was pretty much asking for special treatment? Not special treatment, exactly. I was only asking for what everyone else was getting. It was just that I had always been so gung-fucking-ho about my work ethic, that people expected that I would do all the extras.

“Good. Beth is planning something special for me tonight and I’d like to get there on time.” He paused, which killed me. Just bring down the hammer already. “Take whatever time you need. Just make sure to let me know what you won’t be able to, so I can redesignate the workload.”

An audible sigh escaped my lips. “Thank you, Sire. I’ll be sure to let you know. Go be with Beth. I won’t keep you any longer.” I turned and after opening the door, stepped back out, feeling slightly lighter than I went in.

#Allowances #SASBDB

[ifonly4mynallas]

NIGHTMARES PART 4 w/@BellaRAhgony

Zsadist: It had been a long morning and taken Bella quite some time to fall back asleep. The whole thing frustrated the hell out of me. Had I not been working so damn many hours lately, she would have me to curl up with. She would feel my body beside her, enveloping her, protecting her, even in her sleep. But, with the busy rotation schedule we’ve had lately, the new Audience House times, and the training schedule, I have barely had time to see Bella during the night, let alone be there to lay down to sleep with her. Too many nights she was going to bed alone. I was going to need to talk to someone about these hours. I didn’t know how because we were all being spread so thin these days, but somehow I needed to find a way to be there for Bella.

Bella had finally fallen back asleep around 2pm, so when I awoke this evening, I let her sleep in a little more. I snuck quietly over to Nalla’s room and poked my head through the crack in the door. Nalla was also still slumbering. Good. I needed a quick run through the shower before all hell broke loose for the day. @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *Laying against the cold examining table standing slightly upright so that I was at eye level with David inside this makeshift detainment center which look like a large homemade garden shed. I was able to turn my head and see the three large tubes where I was being held during the day. They looked like the large pipes that were buried underneath the ground … to protect us from the sun. When we were all alone, I could hear the others breathing and we spoke and gathered information. I knew there was another male and he told me there was another but … I swallowed my reflex to gag I imagine what may have happened to him. I was sure he was in the Fade. The stench of blood and death was prominent in certain areas of the large room.

David had yet subjected me to seeing anyone else with my own eyes. But I heard a few other lessers, none though apparently knew that I was there. It seems that David was keeping me a secret. What I was able to glean from our one-sided conversations was that he thought I was his wife, Jessica. I name he called me often or “wife” when wanted to particularly emphasize his control over me. All of which I learned to challenge when I could though it was a balancing act. Sometimes it seems to make him aroused as if he was still human. Sometime I could hurt him by ignoring him altogether.

My mind came back to the moment as I noticed that David had captured a male. A male apparently for me to feed off of. I could feel my fangs descend. He’s held me for weeks now. Months even. I wasn’t sure. As he made crude comments about my fangs, feeding and being obedient about not openly wanting to feed … we were interrupted by another lesser. His comment was accusatory and defiant and all be it juvenile but David’s face morphed into horror and understanding as he immediately ran after the lesser leaving my hands untied. I quickly freed the male and convince him to leave me as I was still partially shackled. To my relief he finally dematerialized I knew there would be hell to pay.* @IfOnly4MyNallas

Zsadist: As the hot water pounded against my body in the shower, I couldn’t help but wish that each individual spray was a dagger against my skin. I was feeling the need to be punished again, the way that Phury used to do. I was hoping this nightmare thing was a one-time thing, but something in my gut told me it wasn’t, if only because of the way Bella had been trying to brush it off… and if it wasn’t a one-time thing, it was definitely my fault. Like last night, we had meetings at the Audience House and after, I had a class at the training center. Usually, it was one or the other but, we were all taking on extra duties. After class, I had to deal with a few of the regular unruly crew. They were late finishing up and missed the bus back to their homes. So, instead of just forcing them to set up camp for the night in the training center, I piled them into one of the manse’s Escalades and took them all home. My concern was with the three of them being as disorderly as they always were, they would cause too much trouble being down there all day, and I wasn’t getting stuck being a babysitter. That was how I ended up getting home so late. Not that yesterday was much different than any other day. It seemed that no matter what I did lately, I never made it home to kiss my Nalla goodnight.

I shrugged off the thoughts as I stepped out of the shower, and tugging a towel off the wall, I wrapped it around my waist. I needed to stop thinking about all the ways I was failing Bella and Nalla, as a hellren, and a father. It was this kind of thinking that could land me in a very dark place. I’ve been there before. Nalla witnessed it and pulled me out. She didn’t need to see me back there again, and neither did my little girl.

Finishing up in the bathroom, I strode quietly back into our bedroom. Bella was still asleep. Moving into the walk-in closet, I began to pick out my clothes for the day. @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I waited in anticipation of what David would do as soon as he figured out I let that male prison go so he could dematerialize away from here. He entered back into the shed looking wild, breathing heavily and I knew that the other lesser was dead. His eyes widen and his voice thundered, “What the fuck happened? You dumb bitch!! Where is he, WIFE!” He quickly searched the area and realized that I must have set him free. And at that realization, all of a sudden I hear it, boom, like thunder, right inside my skull, and then, in the same instant, both my ears are ringing –almost as loudly as the impact. In a fraction of a second, I feel my whole head blooming with a giant throb of pain as if it has become inflated or pressurized, and I’ve lost all sense of balance. The table I was stabbed on the only thing holding me grounded.

Then another causing me to detach from the environment surrounding me, like suddenly finding myself ten feet under water for a few seconds. Then I felt blood vessels burst and my diaphragm collapse under the force the fist packed behind it. The fist continued to thrust upward until my liver and stomach stopped his knuckles from crashing into my spine. My breath instantly left me for dead as tried to I doubled over. My knees buckled from the force of the blow, fire ran through every fiber of my abdomen, and I tasted bile, adrenaline and a hint of blood. I gasped for air, but oxygen eluded my grasp. My head was swimming as my organs felt like re-inflating back to normal just as I tried to brace myself for another hit, my shoulders were being shaken roughly … and a voice telling me to wake up …* @IfOnly4MyNallas

Zsadist: Leathers slipped into place, I reached for my boots before hearing a whimpering sound in the other room. I stopped dead in my tracks, holding my breath and listening intently … nothing. Satisfied I was hearing things, I planted my ass on the chair in the walk-in and began pulling on my boots. Abruptly, I heard it again, louder this time, and more urgent. I jumped up, one boot on, one off, and rushed into the bedroom, only to find Bella seemingly struggling with her dreams, once again. Fuck! I flew to her side of the bed and gently reached a hand out to her shoulder. “Nalla … “ No response and no change in her behavior. It was as if she couldn’t even hear or feel me. “Nalla?” This time I wiggled her shoulder slightly, hoping the slight motion might break her free from her dream. Unfortunately, it only seemed to stir them up as she began to cry loudly in her sleep. Well, not exactly what I wanted to do, first thing in the evening but … I grabbed both of Bella’s shoulders and gave them a sturdy shake, “Bella, wake up … ” @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *Feeling David’s hands on my shoulders shaking me, I cry out in pain.*

“You fucking bitch, wake up!” *David’s voice yells but then starts to morph into a deeper resonance deep in the chest and sounds like my Zsadist.* “Wake up …”

“Nalla …” *Zsadist urgently convinces me.* “Wake up!!” *Immediately my eyes fly open and slightly unfocused look around at my surroundings trying to get my bearings. My breathing is chaotic as if I ran miles and finally I see the familiar obsidian black of my beloved eyes and start to calm and Z’s hands are on my face and I realize belatedly that I was crying. I knew I had to talk to him about it. There was no way I could hide it now since he caught me in the nightmare again. I hugged him tight to me so I could absorb his warmth and love into my shivering body.*

I’m sorry Z. I don’t know what happened. I’ve been having nightmares lately about … my time … with … Da … with /him/. I’m not sure why. I’m sorry. *I cried into his shoulder as I tried to calm myself down from hysterics and tried to breathe normally.* It’s only been going on for a few weeks, or maybe months, I don’t know how long really. *I was confused and still feeling the adrenaline coursing through my body as my body and mind decided it was in the real world instead of dream state.* @IfOnly4MyNallas

Zsadist: Months?! Fuck! There were so many days I had wished for David to still be alive, if only for the chance of killing that motherfucker, myself. This was one of those moments. I had always felt cheated by Bella of the opportunity to give that shithead exactly what he deserved, but I was comforted by the fact that it was her and not someone else that had done the deed. If anyone else had taken that away from either one of us, I would have been batshit pissed. But, at least it had been Bella. She deserved that kill every bit as much as I had, if not more. I wished, however, that it could have ended that chapter in her life for her. Unfortunately, that’s not how things work. I should have seen this coming. How long did I carry around that rotted out skull? Decades? Centuries? When someone takes something like that away from you, when they take away your freedom, it takes a part of your soul.

I wrapped my arms around her and tried to comfort her, “I’ve got you, Nalla.” Bella had hidden this well from me. I hadn’t realized how much it had bothered her until now. I should have. If I had been paying attention, I probably would have. Add it to the long list of things that I’ve fucked up in my life. Bella was not something I wanted to fuck up, though. Bella didn’t deserve this.

Pulling back, I questioned, “Why didn’t you say something?” My brows knit in tight looking for a reason in her eyes. “I thought we agreed, no bullshit, we face things together?” @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I looked into his black eyes in chagrin knowing he was not happy with me. The guilt weighed heavily on my heart. He was right … we had talked about it. No bullshit. I didn’t know what I could possibly say. I thought it was just a passing nightmare and he was preoccupied with the Brotherhood. He protected the race … my dreams paled in significance. He deserved the trust. He deserved so much more.*

I … I … didn’t think it would occur so often. You’re so busy with rotation to protect the Race, the #AudienceHall to protect Wrath, training the newbies to teach them to protect themselves and working out that helps keep you safe from all that. *I can’t look at him anymore and look at my hands in my lap between us.* My life in comparison? I take care of Nalla, assist Beth with household and volunteer at #SafePlace. Was is that compared to your schedule? *I shrugged and lowered my head. *Guilt was so heavy on my shoulders as I could feel myself cave in on myself. These issues are just so infinitesimal. His world was so dangerous that he needed to be focused on that life and not worry about me.* @IfOnly4MyNallas

Zsadist: … And there it was. The whole dirty truth. This was all my fault. My fault for spending so much goddamn time at work. If I hadn’t been putting in so much energy into making sure I kept up at work, I would’ve been here for Bella when she needed me and this wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand. But, no! I had to be fierce at my job, doing all the overtime I could fit in. I didn’t want people to say that I was the one slacking. Yet, what was it I was doing here? Slacking! Slacking at my job as hellren to Bella. I was supposed to protect her from these things, above all else, both her and Nalla. They were supposed to be my number one priority. Yes, I was a Brother, and I took that very seriously. Apparently, I had been taking it too seriously, as of late.

A low growl began to grow in my gut as Bella tried to describe her life as less important than mine. She was so far from ‘less than!’ “Are you kidding me?” I placed my hands on Bella’s shoulders and made sure she was looking me in the eye. “What could possibly be more important than caring for the young in this world? Without them, we have nothing.”

The irony of these words coming from my mouth was not lost on me. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about the importance of a young’s life. They would have meant jack shit to me. Now, however, was a different day. A different me. My life had done a complete 180* in the past few years, and it was all due to Bella. “Do you even know where my life would be right now without you? Shit! I’d probably be in The Fade by now, either at the hands of the lessers or by some other careless act of my own. You saved my life, Bella. You! You are not less than anything. If anything, I am the one that is less than. Not worthy. Call it what you will. I never deserved someone like you. Somehow, by the grace of the Scribe, you saw fit to love me anyway …”

My head dipped, “and look at how I repay you. By taking on every last job that is asked of me and more, leaving you to figure out everything for yourself, forcing you to feel the need to hide that which should be most important.” With renewed hope, I raise my gaze to meet Bella’s once again. “I’ll talk to Wrath. I’m gonna fix this. I’m gonna work it out so I’m home more. From now on, you won’t need to go to bed without my arms wrapped around you.” @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I reached up to Zsadist’s face and gave him a chaste kiss.* I have never worried about what you thought of me, Z. Never. I just meant … ugh .. I don’t know how to explain myself. But Zsadist, you cannot control everything. The world does not rest only on your shoulders. I know what I mean to you because you mean as much to me. This is something I just have to deal with as part of my past. You were the same with yours. If Wrath can spare you, then of course I would love to spend more time with you. I will also see if Mary can talk to me. She helped you so much that perhaps it’s time that I face my own demons.

*I twined my arms around Zsadist’s neck and gave him a tight hug and absorbed his strength. I hadn’t meant for him to feel guilty about the situation. It was so difficult to explain what was going on exactly when I wasn’t so sure myself. Which is why I kept it a secret for so long. Was my loneliness manifesting these nightmares as Z seem to think or was it more than that? I needed to get with Mary and see if talking it out would help alleviate the dreams. I hate that Zsadist was worried that it was all his fault.*

We can work on it together, but seriously don’t worry so much about me. They’re just dreams, they cannot hurt me. Whereas the demons you have outside the Manse, can and you have always protected me there. Never forget that, baby. @IfOnly4MyNallas

Zsadist: Digging my face into the side of Bella’s neck, I took a quiet sniff in. Dearest Scribe, I loved the way she smelled. Between her scent and Nalla’s, it was home to me. I would never feel more at home then I did with the two of them. For many years, I never knew what home meant. To me, it had just been a word. You know how if you say a word over and over and over again, it completely loses its meaning? That was how the word ‘home’ always felt for me. I never had one. I roamed and would find places to sleep, and I had rooms where Phury and I stayed, but nothing was ever a home to me, until I found Bella.

Pulling back to look back at Bella, “I will speak to Wrath. He will have no problem allowing me to cut back on my duties. I am doing more than anyone else, as it is.” Brushing a strand of hair from your face. I continue, “Also, I think it’s a great idea for you to talk to Mary. I never would have thought to talk to someone like her would have helped as much as it did, but Mary worked wonders for me, and I think she may be able to help you, too.”

I swallowed thinking about her comment about the demons outside the manse. I had always been so fearless when it came to fighting. Lately, however, that had all changed, and it took me some time to adjust to it all. Back then, it never really mattered to me if I made it through the night. I just wanted to take as many of those powderpuff bastards with me as I could. There were many nights I barely made it through. After I met Bella, it mattered to me if I made it home at the end of the night, though. I needed to make it home for her, and Nalla, after she was born. I suddenly had a reason to live. For over two hundred years, I didn’t worry about dying, in fact, most of the time, I actually would have welcomed it, embraced it with everything I had. After meeting Bella, my world changed. Suddenly, I wasn’t taking all those chances I used to take without thinking. I was being careful about how I approached each fight. There were some nights I would actually stray away from a fight because it was obvious we were severely outnumbered. My methods had shifted, and I made sure I made it home every night. “I will always protect you and our family from those that want to cause us harm, and I will do it smart.” I took Bella’s face in my hands and leaned in to press my lips firmly against hers. @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I never knew love could be so encompassing. Zsadist was my world and now Nalla was too. I knew we need to communicate better. Talk about calling the kettle black. I needed to stop being a hypocrite and work on my relationship with my hellren. It goes both ways.

Knowing my Z would try … lifted the weight off my shoulders and I knew that I did need to talk to Mary or someone who felt as I did and who had experienced the same trauma. Maybe #Luchas? Though he still was recovering from his injuries and continues to do rehab daily with #Ehlena and #Qhuinn. I would have to think about that … I didn’t want to cause nightmares for #Luchas either. I needed to feel reassurance and confidence … maybe I needed to train in some self-defense. Hmm …

Before I could contemplate that any further, Zsadist’s hands cupped my face and my body automatically responded by lifting up and meeting his soft lips in a kiss. The training quickly took a back seat in my mind as we finished our discussion with words and continued with our bodies.*

#Nightmares #PartFour #SaintsNSinners #SASBDB #BDB

[ifonly4mynallas]

INJURED IN TRAINING w/@Dhare_BDB

Dhare: The training program started a couple of nights after the initiation, arriving in the underground garage on the school bus was becoming my favorite journey. Walking through the steel double doors, to the right were two classrooms. The other trainees and myself had been taught about plastic explosives, different types of guns and the special type of bullets that were used to bring down Lessers. The Brothers who taught us were great, they always told us if we don't ask questions we’d never learn. That was the best piece of advice I've ever been given. After class we all headed to the common room to grab something to eat, have a drink and have a rest before heading to the changing rooms. Once changed we went into the gym where blue mats were laid out, this is where we practiced our fighting skills, usually the Brother who taught us was Zsadist, I had to admit he scared the living crap out of me. With the scar that ran from his forehead, across his nose and the s shape that made his upper lip distorted. The class was like any other, I was practicing with Parry aka Paradise. I had to admit my mind kept wandering away and not focusing on what was going on, I kept landing on the mat on my backside

Z: As I walked around the gym, I watched each and every one of the flunkies, trying to get a feel for who might actually have potential. We had weaned out quite a few in the first night, and only had a handful left. Maybe one or two out of this group would be worth it in the end. The program would help us figure out which one(s) that would be. The Brotherhood was no fucking joke. Not one of us had earned our place without a lot of hard work and respect. These trainees had it easy. Pick up an application off the website or at the Audience House, fill it out, send it in and get a chance of a lifetime. The rest of us hadn’t had the internet, or a homebase of sorts. We had to earn our chances by word-of-mouth. We had to be great enough to bend the ear of the right people. Some of us, like me, never actually went looking for it. Not that I didn’t think of it as an honor. I did. It just had taken me a long time to get there. For me, in the beginning, it was all about the fighting. I got off on that shit. As long as I got to do the only thing that made me feel alive, kill lessers, I was good.

What the fuck was this?! Scanning around the room, I came across Paradise. She had surprised us all on the first night by becoming Primus. No one saw that coming! But hey, more power to her. However, she wasn’t what caught my attention. It was the dipshit working with her. I checked my clipboard, before walking up to the two of them, leaning down, and screaming, “What the fuck, Dhare?!”

Dhare: Landing on the blue mat for the hundredth time, got to admit though Parry was better than I expected at the hand to hand combat. I was about to get up when Zsadist strolled over to us. That's all I need, humiliated in front of everyone. “What the fuck Dhare?” I honestly can understand his frustration, they invested their time and money on us all and here I was flat on my ass taking advantage of them all. “I didn't anticipated Parry’s move. I know I should’ve watched her to see which way her body was going, then I could of blocked her” Blabbering was what I was doing, stalling for the ass kicking I was about to get. Pushing up from the mat, I stood at my full height. I got into a fighting stance, watching Parry to see from which side she was going to attack from. There she was, the female I'd met at Zero Sum, she was in my mind once again. SNAP Holy fucking hell as I fell back onto the mat. Looking down at my leg it was at a funny angle, the pain was unbearable, but I deserved it, I should of been concentrating on what Parry was doing. Looking up I saw Zsadist stood over me, his eyes were black, a pissed off look on his face

Z: For about half a second I saw a flash of ire in Dhare’s eyes, unfortunately it didn’t last long. I wanted to see some life in him. I wanted to see him pissed off, I wanted to see some fight. Everything I had seen so far tonight was crap. His head was definitely not in the game. I don’t know where it was, but it sure as shit wasn’t here. “I don’t think you want this, Dhare! Do you fucking want this?! Tell me you want this!” I was screaming at him as he came up with lame ass excuses. He was going to have to toughen up if he was going to make it another week in here, shit make that another day. How the hell did he make it through the first night? I don’t remember him being this discombobulated. I was about to start screaming at him again when he went back down on the mat and cracked his shin wide open. Fuck me! Yup, that was definitely broken. I smacked him upside the back of his head. “Where the fuck is your head at, kid?” Looking up, I called out for assistance. “Somebody go get Manny!” The idiots just gathered round to get a looksie. “Hey! Manny! Now!”

Dhare: Zsadist shouted out of where my head was, if he knew he'd kill me. Literary. I kept my mouth shut, getting away with a clip at the back of the head, then there was the peanut gallery to contend with. Zsadist shouted for someone to get Manny, but they all stayed watching what was about to unfold. Yep it was better than any soap opera but Zsadist wasn't having any of it. “Hey! Manny! Now” Parry ran out of the gym, what seemed like forever, the gym doors opened, Manny walked in, he was wearing surgical scrubs. He said a quick hello to Zsadist, then got to his hunches looking at my leg. He prodded my broken shin with a latex gloved hand “OUCH” “Yep it’s broken” Well thanks for the diagnosis doc. Manny got up, walked a crossed the gym and out of the doors. He came back in with a gurney “All help Dhare up. After three. One. Two. Three” All hands lifted me up and onto the gurney, Manny was about to wheel me off when Zsadist stopped him “Where's your head at?” I had to come clean on what was happening, what was going on inside my head “I was thinking of a female” The words were nearly audible, I didn't want any of the other trainees to hear what I had said. I wouldn't live it down if it got out that I was daydreaming over a female

Z: What a bunch of numbnuts these trainees were. The only one worth half her salt so far was Paradise. While the rest of them ogled the bone and blood of Dhare’s leg, she was the one to rush off to get help. Once Manny arrived, he made a quick assessment of Dhare’s leg. It was pretty obvious it was broken by the angle and the tip of bone that was sticking out the the wound. Manny instructed for help getting him up on the gurney and as soon that was done, I swiftly ordered everyone back to the mats. “Back to work! Class ain’t over. Nothing left to see.”

Satisfied that training was back on track, I turned back to Manny and stopped him. Giving Dhare a hard stare, I questioned, “Where the fuck was your head at?” It turned out to be a stupid fucking question. A female. I shook my head at my own absurdity. Of course this was about a female. “And what good did that do you? You want to get laid, do it on your time. When you’re in here, it’s my time. Learn how to compartmentalize that shit or you’ll be out of the program before you can bat an eye. Feel me?”

Dhare: Zsadist was beyond angry when I told him where I was at, he even told me to get my shit together or I'm out of the training program. Easier said than done. Manny wheeled me off to the medical suite.

Once inside the medical suite, an x ray was taken of my leg, frankly I don't know why Manny had do me that, it was pretty obvious my leg was broken. But there again it was Manny’s way of humiliating me, to prolong my agony. After studying the x ray Manny came back over with a syringe. “Going to give you an injection so you won't feel a thing” Manny pierced my flesh with the needle, plunged the plunger and injected the clear liquid into my vein. Soon I felt drowsy, the pain faded away, I felt like I was floating out of my body. I didn't feel Manny putting my leg back together or stitch the flesh back up “You’ll need to feed” I was going to ask from which female when the door to the medical suite opened. She was there in the doorway. Surely this was but a dream. #InjuredInTraining #SASBDB

[ifonly4mynallas]

NIGHTMARES PT III

Zsadist: It had been a long ass night in the training center. The tension between the trainees ran high, due to the fact that most of them didn’t really know each other yet, which also meant there was no trust between them. Plus, the ones that did know each other, seemed to be having some sort of drama going on between them. They didn’t like each other, they weren’t getting along right now... There was no place for drama in the fighting world. You either had each other’s backs, or you didn’t. If there was drama there, you didn’t. Period. You didn’t have to like each other. You didn’t have to get along. You did have to respect each other and know you are all out there for the sole objective of protecting the race.

There were also still noses out of joint about Parry being Primus.

“She’s a female, they don’t belong in the training program.”

“She’s an aristocrat, they don’t belong in the training program.”

“I’m a way better fighter than she is.”

“She can barely keep her back off that mat.”

They were harsh on each other, which was good. It created a tough challenge. It was the whining I couldn’t put up with, though. Don’t bitch to me about your own inadequacies. Work on them and show me better. Actions, kids… always speak much clearer than words.

Bella: *I woken to the sound of metal scraping against metal from the opening above me and then the pungent smell of baby powder wafted down through the opening.*

“Hello, wife.” *Those words were like nails against a chalk board and I ignored his greeting.*

“I said hello, /wife/.” *He sneered as he pulled my up through the pipe using the harness around my torso. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw that he was too excited. Not good.*

Hello, David. *I responded and watched as he savored when I called by his name and then led me over to the stainless-steel table and handcuffed me. I tried to struggle but I hadn’t fed in many months so my strength was diminished greatly. He said something about having a gift for me and I watched in horror as he left and came back with a drugged civilian vampire. Shit.

I started backing away as David placed the other male on the table and looped his wrists and ankles in chains. When the male opened and saw all the tools hanging on the wall, he began to panic and pull at his binds. His eyes met mine and I knew he was petrified and then he started to scream when David took out a knife and started cutting up the civilian’s clothes. I tried my latches again to try and get free.*

Zsadist: As I climbed the stairs to Bella and my mated room, I wished I felt more used and abused. You know that feeling. The one when you got a massive, balls-to-the-wall, workout in, and every muscle in your body feels like it’s never going to work again. Ever since we started working on getting the training program ready, I hadn’t had as much time for my own workouts. The ones I had been getting in were not worthy of the title. I was definitely overdue.

Reaching out and twisting the doorknob, I opened the door just wide enough to slink through. I didn’t want to wake Bella with the light from the hall. Nor did I want to wake her with noise of me coming in so, I quietly closed the door behind me and made my way to the bathroom. Once safely inside the bathroom, door shut, I willed the lights on and began my evening ritual. It didn’t take me long to complete it. After all, I had showered down in the training center before coming up to the manse.

One more thing needed my attention before I would lie my head down on my pillow. Shutting the lights in the bathroom and leaving, I crossed the floor to the adjacent room, Nalla’s bedroom.

Bella: *I didn’t want to see him torture this civilian. Listening to the punishment he felt was bad enough inside my underground prison but seeing it in reality. I could feel my gag reflex tingle so I closed my eyes. Then I felt a slap to the face forcing me to open them and look into his sneering face.*

“Open your eyes wife, you’re being ungrateful. I brought you a gift. This creature here is for you to feed from … I know you’re hungry. Not sure how I feel about this. But you need this or you’re going to die.” *Then he took out the knife and took no effort to cut open his clothing exposing his throat and chest.

I tried to fight the blood lust but my fangs had their own thoughts and descended. The male stopped struggling and looked up at me.*

“You better bite and drink, woman. I went through a lot a trouble getting a fresh one for you. One way or another he’s going to bleed so either by your hand or mine.” *David seethed.*

I’m sorry. *I whispered hoping to buy some time but in the next moment I felt another slap yanking my upper body and felt a hard tug of my hair as it kept me from falling.*

“Don’t apologize to that. You worry about me only got it?! Tell me you love me.” *He insisted. I felt such anger in that moment. Never.*

“Tell me you love me.” *He demanded. I knew my eyes flashed and I hated my fangs. In that moment, I knew his excitement grew as I felt his body vibrate. He began to pant like he was poised for sex. Primed ready to fight me … this is what he wanted from me. He explained that his former girlfriend wasn’t strong enough and couldn’t last long before passing out.”

I. Despise. You. *I replied dropped in disdain. I braved myself for another hit as his eyes narrowed and his arm pulled back.*

Zsadist: Slowly, I pushed open the door and scanned the room to the bed. There was a Minnie Mouse night light turned on near the bed which shed just enough light for me to see that Bella had joined Nalla tonight. I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, looking at the two most important people in my life. I don’t know what I would ever do without them. I leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Nalla’s forehead.

One of these days, and soon, I was going to have a little more time to spend with them both. For now, it was all about getting the training program to run smooth. I hated that it was but, it was part of the sacrifice of being a Brother. There was a big picture, a greater good, and most of the time, it had nothing to do with our own personal lives.

As I peered down on my two sleeping angels, I almost didn’t want to wake Bella up. She looked so peaceful, and happy sleeping next to our young. But, I knew she would never be comfortable for a whole night, sleeping in the twin bed with Nalla. For a few hours, while she waited for me to finish up down in the training center was one thing but, for a whole night? Not Bella. She needed our California King to stretch out her legs.

I lightly brushed the back of my hand along her cheek and she got this angry look on her features that I passed off as annoyance at my trying to wake her up. But, when I rested my hand on her shoulder and she instinctively pulled away with a slight whimper, I knew something wasn’t right. “Bella.” I whispered lightly as I tried to nudge her awake.

Bella: *Just as I almost felt David’s fist in my face I suddenly woken to the gently nudge from Z. I opened my eyes to see the beautiful citron yellow eyes narrowed on my face.*

Z? *I whispered. I could feel my my heart beating a mile a minute but the small, relaxing snore of Nalla in my ears began to relax the tension I still felt from my nightmare. I could feel Z’s cool hands gently wiping away the sweat from my brow as he cupped my face. Concern etched his face clearly as he began to scoop me up into his arms and lift me from Nalla’s small bed. He didn’t say a word but I could feel his heart beating underneath my palm that rested against his chest as I relaxed into his powerful hold. I instantly felt safer. Calmer.

He has always made me feel safer. His protection was absolute … I knew that. Why I’m having these nightmares was a mystery to me. I’ve been having these nightmares lately, more and more as Z had been preoccupied with training, rotations and the #AudienceHouse. I knew the separation was just temporary … that this war was most important and the work Wrath was pioneering with the civilians. I’ve been keeping myself busy with #SafePlace and helping Beth with various tasks so having time with Z has been scarce. Perhaps I needed to speak with Mary.*

Zsadist: While Bella started to come to, my eyes narrowed as I wondered where this nightmare had come from. She hadn’t had one in ages and I couldn’t imagine what had suddenly set this one off. I leaned down and gently collected her in my arms. She immediately snuggled into my body as I carried her off to our mated bed.

Placing her down onto the bed, I wasn’t sure now was the time to discuss her dream, considering it was the middle of the day but, I wasn’t sure if I would sleep well knowing Bella was so unsettled. So, as I slid in beside her, wrapping one arm around her and pulling her close, I couldn’t help but ask, “Want to talk about it?”

I didn’t want to pressure. Yet, at the same time, I knew this would nag on my thoughts. I hated to see Bella agitated in any way, especially in her sleep. She was my world, and if she was disturbed by something, it was on me to take care of it. I needed her to feel safe. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for either of my Nallas, and I needed her to know that, conscious or not.

Bella: *Lying in our mated bed with my hellren this close to me, smelling his scent with every breath calmed me like nothing else. Feeling his strong arms around and feeling his heartbeat against my ear was a balm to my tormented mind.

This past year has been difficult with Z being occupied with all he’s responsible for that my dreams seem inconsequential in comparison. While he was out there defending the race and The King … I was at home with Nalla and helping with LW while working at #SafePlace and I didn’t want to add a concern to Zsadist’s already growing plate.*

It was just a weird dream, nothing. I’m glad you’re home. *I replied and hoped that would relieve him of any worry. I tilted my head up, found his lips and kissed him and hopefully convinced him.*

Zsadist: As much as I loved having my shellan’s lips pressed firmly against mine, the kiss did nothing to sway my belief that the dream Bella had had was much more than “just a weird dream.” I pulled back, cupping her face in my hands, “Nalla, we put all that pretense bullshit behind us, a long time ago. If you don’t want to talk about it tonight, that’s good with me. But, I know when you’re having a nightmare, and talk about it now, or talk about it later, I do want to talk about it.”

I was hoping to come across firm but, not an asshole. Most of my life I had spent being a grade-A asshole to one person or another. Bella has been the exception. Of course, it hadn’t started out that way but, once I got past my own crap, she became my rock. Fuck, who am I kidding? She had been my rock even before I came around. Point is, I still didn’t care much about who got the shit end of the stick when it came to me being an asshole… except when it came to Bella. I hated when I lashed out at her. It didn’t happen very often but, after years of being one way, things just sometimes came out a bit on the dickish side. She was usually pretty good about it. She knew just how to handle me when it happened. But, I still always tried to keep myself in check. This was one of those moments where I was hoping I hadn’t come across as a total douche.

Bella: *Damn ... my hellren knew me so well, as I looked into his citron eyes as I placed my hands over his on my face as I tried to draw strength from him.* Having you here has made me feel better already baby. It's nothing of consequence. *I could see the slight frown in his brow as he thought about my words. Over the years, Zsadist has been growing in leaps and bounds in regards to empathy and I knew he was making an effort to be more intune with me.

In that moment, I knew I couldn’t love this male anymore than I already did. It meant so much knowing the years of hard work for us to get to this moment. Lots of pain and tears but it was all worth it for this moment where a male was truly concerned for me that I almost told him about my dreams. But I also knew how much pressure he was dealing with and the dangerous world he went into each and every night and that the more issues that could distract him could be deadly.*

We can talk about it later, Z. I appreciate your concern, truly. *I replied and finally saw some of the tension leave Z’s body as held me closer in a hug. I laid my head on her chest and focused on his heartbeat and breathing in his bonding scent.

Zsadist: Nothing of consequence, my ass. I was sure Bella could read the disbelief in my eyes but, I had told her that if she didn’t want to talk about it tonight, that was all good, and it was. However, I didn’t want her to think that I was going to forget about it. If it caused this much distress to my female, that wasn’t going to happen. I was definitely going to be bringing it up at a later time.

Crawling in close to her and tugging her body up against my own, I buried my face in her neck and breathed deep. The dream could abso-fucking-lutely wait. A low growl erupted from the depths of my gut. “We’ll be talking about it later, for now…” I let the sentence hang there. She didn’t need a description for what I was about to do to her body. She was going to be experiencing it in 3 … 2 …

#Nightmares #Part3 #TBC #SaintsNSinners #BDB #SASBDB