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thinking about this excerpt from giovanni's room as i lay in bed staring at the ceiling endlessly

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art as a confession James Baldwin (The Precarious Vogue of Ingmar Bergman), Albert Camus (Notebooks, 1935-1942)

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James Baldwin talking about love

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Arches National Park, Utah photo: Elliot McGucken

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I’m sitting in a dark room looking at 7 year old me with all this sadness and child that felt and was abused and shamed as the elders did what they new best and hurt them back as they experienced as a child , she’s screaming crying and throwing everything around me , and I want to get better my the complex trauma of that little girl is looking me in the face and I’m sad and I’m 25 sitting in the darkroom as I can’t move as depression sucks me into a whole as I dream to create and be respected and loved just like i did at 7

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Everything comes to me easy thank you WAAQ

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I will make a album that changes sound and music it will be very healing and tranquil everything be very freeing like being lost in a beautiful beat and it will bring peace like a beach day hearing the waves touch the sand and a rain day inside , and everything will come together I see it and accept it

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𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐡 𝐒𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡  on 𝐒𝐕𝐓 𝐄𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝟑 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 1 “Funeral”

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The Devil Wrote Himself as Beauty” ( by Ifrah

The evil wrote himself as the beauty

Bleached the skin to look like me

Then taught me to hate how I look

So I bleach mine too

Until I can’t recognize my own mother’s face

In the mirror

He tans to burn golden

Wants the sun to kiss him

While I run from it,

Hide my melanin like shame

Wrap my hair in silence

So it don’t speak too loud,

So it don’t scare the room

He says love yourself

But sells me skin-lightening cream

He says be confident

While pushing lips, hips, and thick thighs

That look just like mine—

But not on me

He took our music

Made it a trend

Took our rhythm

Erased our pain

Took our gods

Called them devils

Then gave us his

And said worship or burn

He wrote himself as the light

And called my darkness a sin

He made war and called it peace

Made prisons and called it order

Made chains and called it law

But I remember

Before the bleach

Before the borderlines

Before the shame became tradition

I was golden under the sun

My curls danced like rivers

My skin held earth’s memory

And I walked with the sky in my bones

I’m not here to be rewritten

I’m the author now

And this story begins

With my truth

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My dream have come true I’m so beyond grateful I have my apartment in downtown Vancouver and it’s beautiful colourful and makes and brings me joy I have $500,000 of money in my account and all my finances are taken care of thank you creator I deeply appreciate you , I’m beyond blessed and feel so grateful this life

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𝐼 𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑒𝑒

𝑚𝑦 𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑞𝑢𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑦. 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙.

˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖

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But what if… things work out, nothing bad happens, your hard work pays off, you get through this and prove yourself

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the universe has a plan for you, even if you can't see it yet.

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you pretend to fall asleep, before you actually sleep. You claim ownership of an Item you purchased online, before it actually arrives. This is how the universe works. This is the law of assumption.

(Credits to @najonisade on tiktok!!)

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trust that everything will fall into place without you forcing it there.

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