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eraserhead baby

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the soda brothers

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This pun is hilarious, but Victor Frankenstein would absolutely not fucking say that.

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and i'm going to.

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there was backlash from homeschooling "parents rights" advocates in my area before because of a daycare teaching kids about consent...all they learned is that you don't have to accept unwanted physical intimacy. one scenario that happened is a parent told her toddler boy to kiss a toddler girl in class. toddler boy comes back and says that toddler girl didn't want a kiss. it turns out the kids were taught that you don't touch someone if they say "no". parents thought this was ridiculous. I felt crazy hearing them talk about it, why in the world would you be upset by kids respecting each others boundaries, and why are you asking your toddlers to kiss each other in the first place as if they're toys and not human beings?

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dmv: can i have you birth certificate

me: i dont have it but you can trust! 😁✌️

dmv: ok! 😁✌️here is your license

me: its so small and cute! 😳

dmv: just like you! ☺️

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hello my name is Very tiny flying insect i see you’ve got an uncovered beverage outdoors. Can i fall into it and kill myself please please please please please please please please please please

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promise me you'll stay on this site for 10 more years okay?

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it was joever before it even started

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phrases that would change the game if i was allowed to say them to customers:

- you should kill yourself

- i'm going to kill myself

- you should be really embarrassed about the way you're treating me right now

- do you get off to this or something

- i'm going to marry your mother so i can teach you how to behave in public

- bark like a dog. your below me moron

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SCIENCE CAT

(my latest cartoon for New Scientist)

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cats would be so fucking upset if they understood they were missing out on the ability to lie verbally

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pfffft that's rich I mean upper middle class

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nobody freak out but im about to start generating some large translucent red circles upon the floor to indicate an incoming AOE attack